feeling down... love love stuff

[glow_inthe_dark_girl]

Hi, Im 21 y/o,,,I had been in a relationship with my bf for more than two years, we had our ups and downs, Im a life long memeber of the church, xcept that I wasnt living according to the gospel teachings for some time (actually it happens to be the time I ve been going out with him), my bf wasnt a member till a month ago that he baptised, we had made some big mistakes in the past, but I talked to my bishop and changed that.. so now that he is a memeber and a priesthood holder we are having more problems, we dont fight but I notice he is acting odd, like one day he tells me he wants to go on a mission and after that marry me, and the other day he tells me he´s not sure about his feelings, he´s not sure if he loves me, next day he says he really loves me but he was stressed... this emotional roller coaster is making me emotionally tired, I feel so bad that things are turning this way, sometimes

I think is a punishment for our past mistakes,...

I try to read the scriptures and pray daily , but still feel emptiness...

today he just told me he needs to reconsider everything and we are going to talk soon about this, but when this time comes may be he would have changed his mind again and will tell me that he loves me.. so its so confusing. I care a lot about him and breaking up will tear me apart, I really wanted to be sealed with him, we even talked about it. I dont know what Im gonna do, specially cause the members of my ward are making me "an example" for the younger girls telling them what a nice couple we are,if we split Im gonna feel awkward in church... Im on this dilemma, he doesnt break up but I dont see his commitment to this relationship, I feel its taking me nowhere, in the other hand I dont know if I break up , what if his baptism meant something, that we have to put our energy and everything to make things work... its so difficult for me..

my mom told me to give it some time, not tell him anything just act casually not pushing things but not getting involved that much that in the end I will be more hurt ..

as I said before this is making me tired .. I feel down all the time... Im usually an outgoing person who tries to smile all the time, but I just cant do it anymore... Im scared of the future... might sound silly.. but I am.. feeling old and hopeless

[jameslentz]

love is hard no matter what age you are or how long the relationship. There are pressures from everywhere. It is hard to think eternally when all your heart and soul seem to do is stick in this moment. Your Heavenly Father loves you and I can assure you that you are not being "punished', that's just not the way He works. There may be a different plan for you than what you think. The hardest thing I've ever gone through is still occuring in my life. I am separated from my wife. She is a non-member and I was inactive for our entire marriage. This event in my life brought me to a point where I knew I could not get through it alone and so I got back on my knees and came back to church. I have had a lot of the same emotions that you have explained. My wife even talked to me about coming back and going to church with me and a lot of other things, but now she has withdrawn again and says we are definitely going to divorce. I have asked if this is punishment for my past and I know that it is not, but it is part of the proving of this life. I cannot control her and her decisions, just like you cannot control him. If it is the Lords will it will happen, for both of us. That has been the hardest for me to accept, but I know now that I am willing to accept the Lords plan for me.

I know each day, right now, seems to be endless and like you will never be able to survive without him. And each time you think about him not being with you it hurts, but i also know that we are not here to only have pain. Yes, there is an opposition in all things but that is so when we do experience the joy we can really feel it. Look at my signature "...men are that they might have joy", that is what HF wants for us, but we have to know the pain to know the joy.

I'm not trying to make you feel better now, because that will not happen, you must go through this. Your bf must figure out his path, if that is a mission, if that is with or w/o you. HF loves you and He will provide for you if you put your trust and faith in Him.

[ryanh]

{{{HUGS}}} So sorry you're dealing with the difficulties. I'll second James' thoughts that this is not punishment. I don't think HF would interfere with our free agency in such ways.

He really needs to figure out his feelings, and what direction he is going. It's really not fair to you that he's bouncing around like this and dragging you along for the rollercoaster ride.

Advice that I have read over and over from married people, and experienced in my own life is: if there is something that bothers you about a prospective spouse now, it will only get worse later when you are actually spouses. Try thinking ahead to being married and "committed", but having a spouse that was seemingly not committed. Getting married won't 'make' him committed. He is who he is, and while marriage can change a person for the better, it’s no guarantee that will happen.

Being an example may not always be the way you are thinking it might be. You can also be "an example" to the younger girls by making hard choices, and getting married to the right person, for the right reasons, not because of social pressures.

You're mom's advice is spot on IMO.

[its_Chet]

I'm having deja vú. Let me tell you about my own situation and you may glean from it what you will.

My wife, before I met her, was one of the world's biggest flirts. She craved attention from guys, but would get tired of them and move on. That in and of itself caused only minor problems for her before we met, but after we got engaged, she got tired of me just like all the other guys. We went ahead and got married anyway, and have been married for about 13 years now.

She has bipolar disorder, or some other emotional handicap, and it's severe. I don't think it necessary to expound but there are other issues as well. Living with her has always been hard. I used to wonder if God was punishing me because although I was a virgin when I got married, we had overstepped a boundary or two that we ought not to have. I've come to realize that when I'm getting yelled or screamed at by my wife, it's not my fault, and to a point, it's not hers either. I'm slowly learning after all these years to take her mood swings with a grain of salt, even though they are very extreme, and I can be easily provoked. She's the only person I've ever known that had mood swings, and learning how to deal with them is extremely difficult. It is a slow and remarkably painful process. I have had to get to know her all over again repeatedly. I have had to find other reasons to love her besides the one for which I fell in love with her in the first place, as that reason vanished long ago and only makes brief and infrequent appearances during an upward mood swing.

The mood swings are the epitome of chaos. There's no rhyme or reason. No control I have. Sometimes she's up when I'm being a selfish jerk. Sometimes she's down when I'm experiencing a moment of spiritual perfection. What I do, what I say, all seem to have no effect. Before I met my wife, I was in love with a different girl who took medication for depression, and I told her I wanted to make her so happy that she wouldn't need it. She told me that was not possible. I thought it meant she didn't have any confidence in me. I have come to understand that was not the point at all.

I submit that your boyfriend has an emotional disorder. You can try to stick it out. You may even get him to commit to doing the same if you get him to propose to you. If you two are as stubborn as my wife and me, you'll continue to be married after all the pain, tears, wailing, and suffering. The question you have to ask yourself is "Is it worth it?" You will not change him. That's not pessimism; I'm not a pessimistic person. It's reality. You will not change him and you won't be able to control his mood swings. If it's worth it to you, be warned that you are in for an extremely bumpy ride, so it had better be worth it. Proceed with caution. Marriage ought to be permanent. Don't write a check you can't cash. And think long and carefully, with your head and not your heart, about whether or not you want to cash this one.

Ultimately, I suggest finding a compromise for your heart and your head. Your head should be telling you to cut this guy lose and run for the hills. Your heart is obviously telling you that you can't live without him. There's got to be a middle ground somewhere. I suggest looking for it, because listening to just your heart or your head only will most likely cause you regrets.

[glow_inthe_dark_girl]

I submit that your boyfriend has an emotional disorder. .

almost a year ago he was being treated for generalized anxiety disorder, but I haven't thought about it since then , I thought it was left behind, but now that you tell me, his behavior its getting similar to last year,,,

Ultimately, I suggest finding a compromise for your heart and your head. Your head should be telling you to cut this guy lose and run for the hills. Your heart is obviously telling you that you can't live without him. There's got to be a middle ground somewhere. I suggest looking for it, because listening to just your heart or your head only will most likely cause you regrets.

. I will look for this middle ground, but Im not sure how.. may be time will do

[dazed-and-confused]

Hey, amiga, i agree with chet about middle-ground and that you can't change him. I am also concerned about something else. How long have these feelings of "being old" and "tired" been with you? We all go through phases of sadness or feeling low, but depression is something else. Have you ever considered that you may be clinically depressed? Is there someone you can talk to about this on a professional level? I went undiagnosed for depression for most of my life, although, lol, when i was younger it wasn't even called depression. Point is, it might be something for you to find out about.