Need help to keep believing

[disilluzioned]

I'm not writing this because I expect anyone to give me any magical answers, but because I'm hoping maybe some LDS can give me some perspective that might help me as I'm losing my faith not just in the church, but in the very existence of god.

What's brought me to this place is having known and worked with abused children for many years, and having been a victim myself as a child. I managed to find my way out of a sexually, physically and emotionally abusive background and create a productive and stable life, but many never do. Many, like baby Brianna Lopez, never have the opportunity to make it out of the situation alive or knowing any semblance of love and compassion in their short existences. How can a god of love allow this to happen?

I know that my own experiences mean that I personalize the suffering of children who are abuse victims, and while I make a conscious effort not to read or dwell too much on what's in the news or our community, when I do meet or read about a murdered or sexually assaulted or beaten child, I literally cry and mourn every night when I am alone. I rarely share my thoughts on this with anyone but the occasional counsellor I have met with, and they are at a loss because my questions are the 'big ones' that most have no answer for unless they can find some kind of higher understanding of god's purposes for us.

Having children myself, it's even harder to understand how anyone could do such unspeakable acts to innocent children. It just defies any understanding.

We are taught as members of the church that all are children of god, that we each chose the side of Jesus in the pre-existence, that each of us is divine in nature. Yet how can this be when there are so many evil people in the world? Take away the fear of detection, and there seems to be so many who will abuse, rape and torture a child or anyone else if given the opportunity. It happens everywhere, even in our own church.

The more I think on these things, the more I consider that if god were real, if he really does love his children, then he would not allow such things to happen, especially to innocent children. If he is in control, then why does he leave a baby like Brianna Lopez (in just one tragic example) in the hands of people who must be completely consumed by evil to commit the acts they do. These abusers had no feeling, compassion, nothing at all in the way of humanity for that baby. And they are not the exception, as there are so many out there who seem ready and waiting for the opportunity to be predators.

So where is god in all this? Sitting in the CK (is that where he is? I don't know) saying to himself "oh well, I gave them agency, so if others suffer I can't do much about it till after the child suffers the final blow of death and then their suffering will be over." or "mortal probation is short, their suffering will be nothing compared to the joys awaiting them in the eternities". It just doesn't make any sense to me, that a god of compassion would allow heinous acts to occur because he doesn't want to "violate" the laws of agency he created on earth. If god is a supreme being, then surely HE gets to intercede in the affairs of men (and women), if he so chooses - otherwise, why do we bother praying to him in the first place?

I'm sorry if I am upsetting anyone, but I am very close to losing what thread there is of my testimony that god exists and I desperately need some perspective that may help me. I want to believe that god is in control, that evil does not run rampant on the earth unchecked, but the state of the world leads me to believe otherwise. I know the scriptures tell us about the hearts of men turning cold in the last days, but I can read that anywhere...writers of all persuasions have lamented the hardness of human hearts for millenia, so it's not exactly an unusual or inspired observation of humanity.

Can anyone offer any perspective that might help me to not feel such despair and disillusion that I feel? How can I believe god is in control when the experiences of so many children who may cry out to him for help in desperation seem to go unheard? There is just no logic, no reason, no sanity in believing that god 'allows' such things to happen because of 'laws' he's put in place that govern agency on the earth.

Sorry to make my entrance on such a negative subject, and if this kind of questioning has no place here, I'll understand and move on. Thanks if anyone can help.

Edited August 8, 2009 by disilluzioned
missed a word...

[Maxel]

disilluzioned-

I am so sorry for your past. I can't imagine what it's like to be physically or sexually abused, so I won't pretend. I do want to congratulate you for overcoming your past and moving onwards- it's extremely difficult, I know. I watch my mom, who was abused as you were, and how hard she struggles wih her inner pain and torment.

Have you ever gone to counseling consistently for a regular period of time? Living a normal life after being abused in childhood requires a lot of strength and, just as important, support and knowledge about how one can heal.

Working with abused children seems like a natural line of work for someone who's overcome an abusive childhood and wants to make a change in the world. Are you still working with them?

Have you ever had a strong testimony of God's existence? The simple answer is that to gain and stngthen a testimoy, we need to pray with a desire to know the truth, whatever it is, then act upon what knowledge we are given. Also, we need to be living our lives in accordance with whatever light and truth we have already been given. If we are not living a life that reflects the best of our ability to live up to the truths that we have been taught, our testimonies will suffer (there are other reasons- such as yours- that testimony suffers. Your current predicament is no fault of your own, but the fault of those who abused you).

To create a world in which His children would be truly free to choose who they would serve- Him or another master- the Lord placed a veil over our minds and allowed each of us a time to be tested. In the preexistence, there were spirits of differing degrees of faithfulness and obedince to our Heavenly Father. There were the valiant ones that Abraham saw whom the Lord foreordaied to be His leaders on the earth- there must have been not-so-valiant ones as well who still chose Jehovah over Lucifer. When those spirits come to earth, they lose their way and choose all manner of evil.

When a child under the age of accountability dies, he or she is saved in the Celestial Kingdom, with Heavenly Father. Any pain or suffering endured in this earthly life is swallowed up in the joy of being once again in the presence of the Father. Our Father feels the pain of every one of His children, and His capacity for feeling sadness and a longing for the end of suffering far exceeds our own. Enoch saw the Lord of heaven and earth weeping because of the wickedness of His children (Moses 7:28); the Lord is well aware of the pain endured by each child. He knows when a sparrow falls from the sky, and he feels the anguish of every abused child. The reward He has pepared for those who love Him- including the little children- and the punishment He has prepared for those who would dare abuse another are more than enough to satisfy every demand of mercy and judgment that He has declared- a mercy and justice more absolute and eternal than any human can imagine.

LDS.org has a section about abuse, and I feel that the following two talks might be of some help:

Save the Children, by Gordon B. Hinckley

Healing the Tragic Scars of Abuse, by Richard G. Scott

I am so sorry you have to endure the pains of an abused past. I'll be praying for you- don't give up the fight! You can do it!

Edited August 8, 2009 by Maxel

[Moksha]

When bad things happen, religion is there to provide solace for your pain and to sustain meaning for our human existence.

May you find peace

[Dr T]

I'm not LDS, I'm a Christian and this is my view on the OP. I'm sorry to hear you experienced that in your life and that so many peopl do too. I do not want this to sound trite but I will say that it is not God but the perps that did those bad things.

[Guest JoshDwellington]

First, thank you for having the strength to hold on after a difficult past.

And thx for being brave enough to share this, know it's not easy.

I asked a similar question to my former bishop and he said :

-" God doesn't want his children to suffer and it harms him so much to see us endure all the useless pain. He wants us to be happy. He wants us to feel good.

However, Satan is there and he's much more powerful than some may think.

A lot of people have unfortunately yielded, and with their own fall they take away other's chance to fulfill their happiness.

That's why the more people work for God, the less power Satan will have.

It's not God's plan to let the children get raped, tortured or die. "

I know it may sound childish, the world is not just black and white, and even among the saints corruption is present. Nevertheless, the more we work for others and for Him, the better the world will be.

hope other members could give you a deeper answer than mine

[Misshalfway]

I don't think your post is negative. I think your post is real. I think your concerns are valid and I think the cries of the victims and the outraged go up to heaven.

D&C 121....

"OH God! Where art thou? .... How long shall thy hand by stayed, and thine eye, yea thy pure eye, behold from the eternal heavens the wrongs of thy people and of thy servants, and thine ear be penetrated with their cries? Yea oh Lord, how long shall they suffer these wrongs and unlawful oppressions before thine heart shall be softened toward then and they bowels be moved with compassion towards them?"

And God answers....

"My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversary and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment......And because their hearts are corrupted, and the things which they are willing to bring upon others, and love to have others suffer, may come upon themselves to the very uttermost; ....cursed are all those that shall life up the heel against mine anointed, saith the Lord.......Wo unto them; because they have offended my little ones.....Wo unto them that discomfort my people, and drice and murder....a generation of vipers shall not escape the damnation of hell. Behold mine eyes see and know all their works, and I have in reserve a swift judgment in the season thereof, for them all; For there is a time appointed...."

I know a little of the pain you feel and the pain you see. I don't know all the reasons why God allows the horrific to happen here on earth. But I do know that there must be some wisdom in allowing it.....some importance to all kinds of experience that work together for the benefit of the individual and the whole of God's children.

I think ..... that God understands more about the power and vast ability of healing than we do. I think because He does understand how the deepest of wounds and the most searing of pain can be wiped away.....and not only that, but made into some great powerful force for good! We don't see as He sees or know as he knows. We only know what we feel and experience and sometimes we get stuck in the pain and we can't find the healing as easily. But the healing is there is enough to encompass all the destruction and disabling and harm that Satan and those who follow him can construct. Do you understand that? There is more love than hate.....more healing than abuse....more truth than fear.

I think sometimes God lets this happen because then He can move forward with swift justice in punishing the ones with wicked hearts. Without the act.....there can be no punishment. He must let men act as they will. Not even God can interfere with this eternal law.

I know a little of what it is like to wonder where God was......to be so angry that God didn't interfer and stop the awful things. Was I not loved enough? Did God pick favorites that he did protect? Was my plight not important enough for Him? Would He not see the wickedness and intervene in outrage just because he loved me?

He didn't do what I wanted Him to. But I did learn that He understood more than I did about my wounds AND about my capacities to withstand them. He did cry with me and hold me in his arms and mourn my losses with me. And He is healing me! He absolutely is!!

You must fight thru the outrage. You must put your doubt aside and remember the messages and truth of HOPE! Hope in healing! Hope in Christ! Hope in justice! Hope in the power of an eternal being who loves in a way we can't comprehend.

Let Him do with your pain as He will. Let Him make your pain into some wonderful and powerful force for good! And then help others know what you know about hope and healing and love.

There must be opposites in all things. And some become very intimately familiar with those opposites. But in that experience is something of wisdom and power and Godlike nature. And perhaps it is us that He is making into the very best kind of opposite to shine light in all of the darkness.

And until the promise happens, we can stand together and lift the hands the hang low and strengthen the feeble knees in hope and gentleness and understanding!.....even if our hope flags are covered in bullet holes and we bearly have strength to lift the pole.

Lay your anger and outrage and doubt and brokenness at the feet of the Savior. Open your heart and mind and soul to what He would teach you about the depths of pain and the triumph of survival.

Blessings.

Edited August 8, 2009 by Misshalfway

[Misshalfway]

Hi Changed. While I am not so sure about the doctrinal accuracy of the "three groups/three philosophies" thing (i feel more comfortable with two groups), but I was touched by your remarks.

There is hope for healing on both sides of abuse and evil acts. I think this is SO important! There is justice and there are natural consequences.....but God is merciful and when there is repentance then His power can work for the benefit and love of all. And forgiveness is definitely a powerful piece to all of this, even if the forgiveness has to come as a gift from God.

Blessings to you Changed.

[disilluzioned]

Maxel, thank you for the time you took to answer me. I'll answer your post in parts...so please bear with me. Firstly, yes, I have had counselling in the past. I am an exceptionally strong person, and each therapist I've seen has been amazed at how I have coped and moved out of a childhood that was about as dysfunctional and impoverished as anyone can imagine.

The pain I feel is not for myself because I am one of the lucky ones who survived, but for so many children who suffer abuse and don't have the inner strength to overcome as I did. My pain is also for those who have no-one to protect them, who never make it out alive, and if they do, they too often end up as wrecks of humanity who may go on to repeat the abusive cycle with their own children. It seems that not a week goes by when my spirit is assaulted by yet another report of a baby or child who has been tortured, abused, sexually assaulted or murdered - and most child abuse cases never even make it to the news.

What I'm trying to understand is, if god is in control of the earth, and if he has the power to intercede in the affairs of men and women, then why doesn't he use his intercessory power to protect vulnerable and innocent children?

If he is a loving and just god, and if he loves children so much, then why does he not protect them in THIS life?

Thanks for your explanation of the pre-existence, I suppose that is what in part has me wondering why there are so many evil people in the world if we 'valiant' ones chose to come to earth and follow Jesus.

When a child under the age of accountability dies, he or she is saved in the Celestial Kingdom, with Heavenly Father. Any pain or suffering endured in this earthly life is swallowed up in the joy of being once again in the presence of the Father. Our Father feels the pain of every one of His children, and His capacity for feeling sadness and a longing for the end of suffering far exceeds our own....the punishment He has prepared for those who would dare abuse another are more than enough to satisfy every demand of mercy and judgment that He has declared- a mercy and justice more absolute and eternal than any human can imagine.

Ok, I understand what you are saying but even if there is punishment for abusers of children, how does that alleviate in any way the pain the child has suffered in this life? What an abused child wants is to not suffer in THIS life or in THIS moment - they could care less about the next life when they are being abused by an evil monster. I wonder how many little children have prayed to Jesus to be saved from an abuser, to be taken home to their mommy or someone who cares for them. Why doesn't god hear their pleas and answer their prayer by protecting them? My question more importantly is, how could he NOT answer their prayer, regardless of what 'agency' the abuser might have to exert his power over an innnocent victim.

I believe that if god wanted to, he could protect little babies and children from the monstrous evils that adults force on them. So if god can intercede, and he doesn't, then what kind of god does that make him?

Which brings me back to the point of desperation, does god even exist at all, because if he did then surely he wouldn't allow these things to happen.

Thanks too, for the links to the talks by Pres. Hinckley and Elder Scott. The former I found deeply moving, although he told us to care for children but didn't elaborate on why they are allowed to suffer. The latter...started out well, but lost me when he said that "victims must take responsibility for their role in the abuse". I don't even know what to do with that section of the talk because I found it to be so outrageous, and this probably isn't the place to discuss my feelings on it.

I'm sorry if this comes across as too negative, I do appreciate your insights on the pre-existence and will continue to pray for understanding.

Edited August 9, 2009 by disilluzioned
typo

[disilluzioned]

Misshalfway, I am sorry for your experiences, and thank you for the time you've taken to reply and for your words of comfort. I will definitely think on them deeply, as I will with the other comments in this thread (thank you so much everyone who took time to reply!). I'm sorry if I might seem ungrateful in my responses...but I'm just trying to be honest with myself so I can sort out my feelings about god at this time. I am so close to becoming something akin to an agnostic or atheist that it's actually scaring me. I want to believe there is wisdom in allowing evil to run rampant in the world, but I absolutely cannot make that leap when it comes to allowing evil to run rampant on children. It's just not a place I can go to no matter how I try and rationalize it.

I don't know all the reasons why God allows the horrific to happen here on earth. But I do know that there must be some wisdom in allowing it.....some importance to all kinds of experience that work together for the benefit of the individual and the whole of God's children.

I think sometimes God lets this happen because then He can move forward with swift justice in punishing the ones with wicked hearts. Without the act.....there can be no punishment. He must let men act as they will. Not even God can interfere with this eternal law.

Now this 'god can't interfere with his law' reasoning is what I have a big problem with. He surely must be able to interfere because he allows us to pray to him and ask for his help with any number of situations. When we receive our answer to prayer in one form or another, we thank and acknowledge him for interceding for us. If he has the power to answer prayer, he has the power to interfere with what might otherwise be the natural consequence of things. I'm no philosopher, but if god can intercede on these occasions, then why not when a child is being abused, beaten, sexually assualted, murdered?

I know a little of what it is like to wonder where God was......to be so angry that God didn't interfer and stop the awful things. Was I not loved enough? Did God pick favorites that he did protect? Was my plight not important enough for Him? Would He not see the wickedness and intervene in outrage just because he loved me?

Well, quite honestly it has occurred to me on more than one occasion that maybe god does pick favorites, since one child will be raised in a loving and nurturing environment, and another in hatred and abuse. And I don't think we are necessarily born into situations that will help us to progress spiritually, since so many end up unable to progress at all because they are so physically and emotionally crippled from their experiences with abuse.

You must fight thru the outrage. You must put your doubt aside and remember the messages and truth of HOPE! Hope in healing! Hope in Christ! Hope in justice! Hope in the power of an eternal being who loves in a way we can't comprehend.

I will try, I am trying.

Lay your anger and outrage and doubt and brokenness at the feet of the Savior. Open your heart and mind and soul to what He would teach you about the depths of pain and the triumph of survival.

I've done that in the past, and it works for me when I think only of myself. But it doesn't work when I think of all the pain that children experience as victims of abuse. So many don't even get to survive, or triumph, or even have the opportunity or strength to feel anything that resembles healing.

[Guest Believer_1829]

I look at it this way...

How much more tragic it is to believe that God does not exist, this life means nothing, and the last thing you experience is some horrible act of abuse... then it is to believe that though I may suffer here I have a hope that someday I will be wrapped in the arms of the loving Heavenly Father and all my suffering will end and be forgotten for all eternity.

[disilluzioned]

I am a person you would probably hate if you really knew me. You would hate me because of my past. Before I was a member of the LDS church, I was a really really horrible person. I will not make excuses for myself as to why I was the way I was, but know this. I have never met another who had more to repent of than I have. People who know me know have no clue who I am, who I was.

Thanks Changed, for your thoughts on the pre-existence. I just want to say that too often we judge ourselves far more harshly than anyone else would, even god. I am in no position to hate you and wish you nothing but happiness in your life.

[disilluzioned]

I look at it this way...

How much more tragic it is to believe that God does not exist, this life means nothing, and the last thing you experience is some horrible act of abuse... then it is to believe that though I may suffer here I have a hope that someday I will be wrapped in the arms of the loving Heavenly Father and all my suffering will end and be forgotten for all eternity.

I understand what you are saying, but a child old enough to verbalise thoughts will only be wondering why god has abandoned them in their last moments. I actually know children who have said this. If you are a little baby or toddler who is in the midst of abuse, you do not even have the small comfort of a plea for help because you are pre-verbal and living on an instinctive need for survival. All you will know in that moment is pain and suffering and wanting it to stop. That is what's tragic - children alone in pain while god looks on and says 'oh well, those are my laws, I can't break them because the abuser is exerting his or her agency'. God could prevent this, but he doesn't. What I'm trying to understand is why.

[Guest Believer_1829]

I know you don't like it but, unfortunately, the answer is agency. And I don't believe Heavenly Father sits around saying "Oh well <shrug>..." when something tragic is happening, I'm sure He wants to put some hurt on some people, but that is reserved for the Judgement. The those who have worked wickedness will receive the recompense of their works. They will suffer for eternity, while the victims will live in eternal happiness with the Father and Son for eternity. You have to try to look at the bigger picture.

[Snow]

So where is god in all this? Sitting in the CK (is that where he is? I don't know) saying to himself "oh well, I gave them agency, so if others suffer I can't do much about it till after the child suffers the final blow of death and then their suffering will be over." or "mortal probation is short, their suffering will be nothing compared to the joys awaiting them in the eternities". It just doesn't make any sense to me, that a god of compassion would allow heinous acts to occur because he doesn't want to "violate" the laws of agency he created on earth. If god is a supreme being, then surely HE gets to intercede in the affairs of men (and women), if he so chooses - otherwise, why do we bother praying to him in the first place?

I'm sorry if I am upsetting anyone, but I am very close to losing what thread there is of my testimony that god exists and I desperately need some perspective that may help me. I want to believe that god is in control, that evil does not run rampant on the earth unchecked, but the state of the world leads me to believe otherwise. I know the scriptures tell us about the hearts of men turning cold in the last days, but I can read that anywhere...writers of all persuasions have lamented the hardness of human hearts for millenia, so it's not exactly an unusual or inspired observation of humanity.

Can anyone offer any perspective that might help me to not feel such despair and disillusion that I feel? How can I believe god is in control when the experiences of so many children who may cry out to him for help in desperation seem to go unheard? There is just no logic, no reason, no sanity in believing that god 'allows' such things to happen because of 'laws' he's put in place that govern agency on the earth.

Sorry to make my entrance on such a negative subject, and if this kind of questioning has no place here, I'll understand and move on. Thanks if anyone can help.

Uh huh. you've hit, of course, on the oldest philosophical quandary or all time - theodicy (divine justice) or the problem of evil.

How can a powerful and good God, cause or allow so much evil (natural suffering, and moral evil) by innocent people? Theologians and philosophers have failed miserably trying to solve the dilemma. You've already offered up some of the proposed solutions:

1. The suffering is relatively short - a drop in the bucket - in the eternal scheme of things.

2. The suffering is somehow educative and ultimately beneficial for the sufferer.

3. It's not really suffering, it just appears that way.

4. There is no such thing are "innocent" suffering. We are all evil and deserve what we get.

One of the primary, if not THE primary reason that people lose their faith or walk away from religion is that none of those answers are satisfactory. They are merely "pieties" that don't ring true with their experience, ie, the standard answers, like "free agency" are merely platitudes that ring hollow. So, some people turn to what they think is the best solution to the dilemma:

6. God is not good.

or

7. God is not powerful (enough)

or

God does not exist.

It would be nice if we could rely on the scriptures that if we lack wisdom, ask God and he’ll answer or whatever we ask of God in faith, we’ll get but frankly, we know that is simply not the case for many people. People pray all the time and their prayers are not answered. They pray for knowledge, for safety, for jobs, for health... and their prayers go unanswered and seemingly unheard. So then the praying people often concludes that the fault must be theirs - they don’t have enough faith, they aren’t worthy, whatever - but that’s another unhelpful piety that doesn’t make sense.

Frankly - I don’t think there is any great solution to your problem except to tell you that your problem or difficulty is real, others struggle with the same thing. At some point, people make a choice to believe or to not believe. Is life better with or without faith? I’d argue that those that have made a choice to believe find that their lives are made fuller and richer with more hope, more peace, more meaning and comfort. Mine is. Plus, I think that God does speak to us - just not in the obvious ways that some would have you believe.

[Snow]

Oh - and btw disilluzioned,

The problem of evil is much easier to resolve in LDS theology. It's it not a matter that God allows free will/agency.

Man, Satan, agency, are all co-eternal along with God. He didn't create them. They are all self-existent and he is not responsible for the consequences.

[Misshalfway]

]

I want to believe there is wisdom in allowing evil to run rampant in the world, but I absolutely cannot make that leap when it comes to allowing evil to run rampant on children. It's just not a place I can go to no matter how I try and rationalize it.

It's ok. We want it to be fair! We want life experience to match some sense of what people deserve. No one wants anything to happen to the innocent. The scriptures assure us that the rain happens to everyone.. on the wicked and on the righteous and in this case the innocent.

I know it feels like God is just letting evil run rampant. But God really is in control of this whole sphere of existence. Not one hair off our heads goes unnoticed. And God weeps over the wickedness of this world! If you think your views are disturbing, consider His.

Don't try to rationalize it. This kind of stuff doesn't make sense and won't feel right because now we can't exact the justice and we can't see how it all will be resolved. Again, take your concerns to the Lord. Search the scriptures. He will give you peace in your heart if not comforts to your understanding. Trust Him, even if He doesn't explain it all to you or if He explains it all over time. And place your faith there until the answers come.

Now this 'god can't interfere with his law' reasoning is what I have a big problem with. He surely must be able to interfere because he allows us to pray to him and ask for his help with any number of situations. When we receive our answer to prayer in one form or another, we thank and acknowledge him for interceding for us. If he has the power to answer prayer, he has the power to interfere with what might otherwise be the natural consequence of things. I'm no philosopher, but if god can intercede on these occasions, then why not when a child is being abused, beaten, sexually assualted, murdered?

We are in the middle of a war.....a war that started before any of us set a foot on this planet and one that won't end until all the objectives of God are accomplished. And with any war there are innocent casualties. It isn't right and it isn't fair. But that is the reality we live in. This life is, in so many ways, a veil of tears. Satan is waging this war and attacking in the meanest, most evil and depraved ways. He will do that to shed doubt in our hearts about God's love and power and then he will laugh.

But remember that Satan's bounds are set! He will be bound one day and sent where he can no longer hurt or make afraid. Do not doubt that God is in control! Do not doubt that He holds all of this in his wise and powerful and all knowing hands. And don't forget those words of that hymn Come Come Ye Saints. "And should we die, before our journeys through, happy day. All is well."

Now, this doesn't mean he doesn't interfere! He does! Sometimes his influence comes after the fact. Sometimes he is in the details of the suffering. I don't believe any of us our alone when these terrible things happen to us. I know God has intervened in my life! But it wasn't always how I wanted it to look! Instead of taking pain away or preventing it, he taught me what to do with it and he let the pain carve out space for blessings. And while this process was in motion, He wept with me and carried me and stopped other stressors so I had space to deal.

Well, quite honestly it has occurred to me on more than one occasion that maybe god does pick favorites, since one child will be raised in a loving and nurturing environment, and another in hatred and abuse. And I don't think we are necessarily born into situations that will help us to progress spiritually, since so many end up unable to progress at all because they are so physically and emotionally crippled from their experiences with abuse.

I know. There are inequities. Accept them. We each must deal with our own set of topsy-turvy circumstances. Perhaps that is the challenge. I believe we are all given sorrows that help us grow. Even ones that seem to break us for a time and test our strengths. I don't know all the answers, but I see wisdom in this process. My own situation is not the worst situation by any stretch. But it was enough to teach me many things over time and in the end I am grateful for my experience. Didn't want it to happen. So angry that I was left alone to take the hit. But I understand better now as I see the value in my strugglings. And God has used them to expand my capacities and to teach many lessons about trust.

've done that in the past, and it works for me when I think only of myself. But it doesn't work when I think of all the pain that children experience as victims of abuse. So many don't even get to survive, or triumph, or even have the opportunity or strength to feel anything that resembles healing.

This one made me smile. You feel this way because you are a survivor! Because you have deep compassion and I wish more of society felt the outrage you do. But I see that maybe you are underestimating the resilience of the human spirit of these others, even the babies! And perhaps even failing to understand the broadness and deepness of Jesus. You don't have to hold all your pain in strength. Nor do you have to hold the pain for the others either. Those burden's are for the Savior to carry for us. Let Him carry it! He has more compassion and more understanding of suffering that any of us. He knows the depth and breadth of it and there is absolutely healing in his wings as his capacites exceed our imaginations.

Don't underestimate what God is doing inside each individual. He gave you strength and great capacity for love. What is He doing inside the lives of the others you observe? Don't let their apparent struggles take your eye off the purposes of the Lord. It is ok to have seasons of darkness and struggle and brokeness. We learn such understanding by going to those places. And we learn how to conquer things like fear and violation and victimhood! And we learn how to choose how we will feel and what we will do with our pain. It is all part of the test. All part of a system of learnings that stretch and qualify and turn us to our potentials.

Sweetie, don't forget all the things you can't see. Yes, maybe some didn't survive. Maybe their deaths were horrific. But you don't see their joy and peace and healing now or the possibilities of their lives in the hereafter. Life doesn't end here. Nor does growth or experience or potential or joy. If bodies were broken, new bodies will be given. Perfect ones that don't hurt and can't be harmed again. You must know and trust that these pains are a short moment and that God will heal every wound, make right every inequity, and solve every unsolvable problem.

Our job now is to learn, not to make everything fair. And you know as well as I do the lessons of any recovery attempt. You know there is no sense in living in bitterness or in thinking as a victim or in being angry too long.

It is all about the Atonement. For you, for me, and for all the children everywhere! Keep your eye, your understanding, your faith and trust on that one encompassing truth. All your doubt and rage will be swallowed up there. It won't take away experience.....we must learn to deal with that from day to day, but it does help us with how we deal.

Edited August 10, 2009 by Misshalfway

[Maxel]

Disilluzioned-

At present, there is a movie playing loudly in the other room and I can't give the proper attention to your post. As soon as I can, I will respond to your post.