Mirium Posted September 2, 2009 Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 I am a convert to the church and have a non member husband. My adult daughter who is less active would like her boyfriend to stay overnight or at least be allowed to be with her in her bedroom in the daytime / evening. At present my husband agrees that this is not to be allowed but the other day he said that now she is an adult he feels maybe things should change. He knows I do not want this, although very tolerant of my church membership he does think some of the standards are over the top. What do I do if he decides to let her have him stay or allows him in the bedroom in our home in the day. It says in my patrirchal blessing that I should respect my husband as the head of our home but I'm not comfortable with this but feel I am going to reach a point where I will have to let it happen. Anyone else had this problem or can advice me on what I should do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ryanh Posted September 2, 2009 Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 There is a thread that deals with at least a portion of the questions you have. See http://www.lds.net/forums/parenting/15995-should-we-take-away-our-19-year-olds-phone-car.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mason Posted September 2, 2009 Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 First may I remind you of what St Paul said: "For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband..." (1 Cor. 7:14.) That said, there will always be situations where you two will not agree. Know that the Lord understands this, and will bless you for following the Gospel to the best of your ability, even if you are "over-ruled". As for the particular situation, your "adult" daughter is under your roof, therefore under your rules. If you are not comfortable with the idea that your daughter may be engaging in sexual activity under your roof, let her know that it is off limits. Your husband should agree that if you are not comfortable, it is not permissible. Work together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BenRaines Posted September 2, 2009 Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 This is more of an issue of your, you and your husband's, household. This is more about what you and your husband decide. I had to tell both my parents, after they divorced, that they were welcome to my house and could bring boyfriend or girlfriend but there was no overnight stays at my house unless married. When my children became adults that has been our rule for them too. They go on trips and a bunch of kids, male and female, stay in the same motel room. I would not do that but they do and they are adults. I only rule in my own house, with my wife's permission Ben Raines Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mirium Posted September 2, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 Thankyou for your responses. At present he is agreeing with me and I think he will continue to agree with me on the no overnight stay thing but his standards are not my standards. I was not a member when we were married and we lived together before we were married and although my views on chastity have changed his havent and I do think that eventually I will be over ruled as my husband doesn't understand why my views are the way they are now. We do have the rule in our home of while under our roof you obey our rules and she understands that but where do I stand if he decides its ok for her boyfriend to be alone with her in the day with the door closed in her bedroom. My husband doesn't understand why it makes me so uncomfortable and thinks sometimes I can be prudish. I can see this starting to become a problem and need to start preparing how to respond. We work as a team on most things but when its church standards we have problems because we now have different beliefs. What mason said about the Lord understanding that I am being overruled and doing the best I can brought me some comfort. Do others agree with his comment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cullenh Posted September 2, 2009 Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 I agree with all the comments made and say amen to the the fact that it is YOU and your husband's house and You and your husband's rule so daughter needs to repect and adhere to that and husband I would say even though he does not live by the same standards he needs to support you in how you feel about the situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mirium Posted September 2, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 and husband I would say even though he does not live by the same standards he needs to support you in how you feel about the situation.But what if it gets to the point where he won't, bearing in mind it says in my PB that I should respect him as the head of our home? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ryanh Posted September 2, 2009 Report Share Posted September 2, 2009 Mirium, it sounds like too much worry about something that may never come to pass. Do something about it rather than just wondering "what-if?". Discuss it with him. Make your wishes known, and ask for his help and support. If he doesn't cooperate, then deal with that issue at that time, but don't waste your energy on it now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moksha Posted September 3, 2009 Report Share Posted September 3, 2009 I don't feel especially comfortable imposing my values on other adults. I suppose your own house is where you could do such a thing with impunity, but any long term adverse affects to your relationship would need to be considered as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
talisyn Posted September 3, 2009 Report Share Posted September 3, 2009 Your daughter should have enough respect for your house that if she wants to engage in some behaviors you object to they should take place in her own residence. If she's old enough to be independent then she should not be denied that opportunity Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mirium Posted September 3, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 3, 2009 Mirium, it sounds like too much worry about something that may never come to pass. Do something about it rather than just wondering "what-if?". Discuss it with him. Make your wishes known, and ask for his help and support. If he doesn't cooperate, then deal with that issue at that time, but don't waste your energy on it now.Yes I am a bit of a worrier lol, its just some things he has been saying lately about it has triggered a concern. I do worry that I have to do everything correctly and perfectly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mirium Posted September 3, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 3, 2009 I don't feel especially comfortable imposing my values on other adults. I suppose your own house is where you could do such a thing with impunity, but any long term adverse affects to your relationship would need to be considered as well.This is what concerns me. I will be imposing my views on a houshold that doesn't hold the same values as I do. Also, the last thing I want to do is cause contention in the household especially in my relationship with my husband. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mirium Posted September 3, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 3, 2009 Your daughter should have enough respect for your house that if she wants to engage in some behaviors you object to they should take place in her own residence. If she's old enough to be independent then she should not be denied that opportunity Moving out, that I know would be a fantastic solution and probably the best. I know she has thought about it, but she has a disability that prevents her doing that at present. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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