Dealing with Depression

[yenni]

I have been feeling extremely depressed for some time. I knew that part of it was grievous sinning on my part. I sought out my Branch President and have long since made restitution. I felt fantastic... for a while. While it's still not as bad as it was, it's still to the point where I'm having suicidal thoughts. I have talked to my Branch President & Relief Society President (who's also a doctor) about this. All the both really did was give me pamphlets for places I can't afford. Which brings me to the fact that I have had no medical help. I'd like to have some, I think it'd be beneficial for me. But as far as I know there's no place I can go for free or low cost.

I know that part of it is chemical. I have PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), which basically is a hormonal imbalance. There's depression caused by the chemical imbalance of it, and there's the depression caused from the other symptons of it i.e. infertility, hair loss, weight gain, hirsutism, etc. I've been able to cope with most of that pretty well. And instead of seeking meds and counseling I can't afford, I've just decided to try and tough it out on my own. In my mind I think I'd be weak for giving into meds, and that I should be strong enough to handle this. I have my good days. But lately I've been having extreme mood swings. I get depressed at absolutely nothing. My life is good, it really is, I really shouldn't have anything to be depressed over.

I think well maybe I'm too self-absorbed. So I busy myself with church work; magnifying my calling just in general serving others. Of course I feel warm and fuzzy from that, but the depression is still there. So I try surrounding myself with girls from Relief Society more because they're amazing and loving and up lifting. I have an awesome time with them but the depression just won't leave me alone. And then when I do get in these states, I tend to dwell on things that aren't really that bad and they become worse in my mind. I then feel embarrassed for allowing myself to feel this way, thinking I should just get over it already.

And then when it gets bad as it is now, I feel I really have no one to talk to. All the people I thought were friends really aren't, least that's how it seems lately. If I tell anyone else that might care they'd tell me to get over it and I'd partly agree with them only I know it's not that easy. It seems all I really can do is cuddle with my kitten who loves me no matter what, and pray to my Heavenly Father who loves me even more. But at the end of the day I'm finding it really hard to hang on.

It's affecting me really bad. I tend to turn people away all while thinking, convincing myself even that they would turn me away eventually. I also haven't had a job in over a year. Granted I'm a full time student but I kind of keep prolonging school because with the exception of one job work always made depression worse. Let's just say with my last job I was finding it hard to get out of bed some daysl Not to mention I loose interest in things I normally love, and my already semi-anti social behavour worsens. I'll go to church but avoid people like the plague, etc.

What I'd really like to know, is there anyone who understands any of where I'm coming from? And how to you deal with depression so deep? Those of you who aren't depressed, how do you help those around you who are, if you know of any?

Thanks in advance.

[mightynancy]

Depression is a terrible thief...it robs you, and the people who love you.

Ask your RS president/Branch president for help getting the medical treatment you need. If you can treat the depression and the PCOS, you'll be in a better frame of mind for cognitive therapy (for the depression) and you may be able to reduce or eliminate depression meds. Some people, though, must be on them long-term, and that's okay.

Does your school have a health center? They may be a good resource for you as well.

[wisegurl84]

I went through depression very recently and also had suicidal thoughts the only thing i have to say is get help. there is nothing weak about having to take meds. I had to take meds. And actually there are meds. that are on the 4 dollar list at walmart/ walgreens. The dr. visit was only 50 bucks. If it is part chemical please consider going to your family physician and getting it treated. It is a losing battle to just tough it out. believe me I know from experience.

[Elphaba]

The county you live in should have a mental health facility of some sort that you could go to for your depression. It's usually on a sliding fee.

However, your depression is not going to lift until you get your PCOS taken care of. I agree with Nancy that you need to go back to RS President and ask for her help as to what direction you should take in getting this taken care of.

I'm not saying this is for sure, but given your symptoms, you may be eligible for Medicaid. If you haven't already done so, you should look into it.

I know how virtually impossible it is to move when you're physically and emotionally ill. I do have one suggestion if you get into a doctor: take someone with you that you trust so that she will help you remember everything.

This will also keep the doctor more on his/her toes. I don't mean to dismiss the work doctors do, but I went through years of hell trying to get find a doctor who would listen to, and treat me. I finally started taking my sister with me to the moron who did my hysterectomy, and first, she confimed I wasn't crazy, and second, she was able to make the doctor focus (this one went on tangents about how BYU was ruining the Church. aauugghg).

Please call your county's mental health services. They may also have some ideas as to how to get you to a doctor.

The more you try to do this on your own, even to the point of not willing to take medication, the worse you are going to get. There are some situations where we simply cannot do it alone, and it would be a good thing if you took advantage of those who can help.

Elphaba

[StallionMcBeastly]

I've never dealt with depression, or had to deal with someone who has.. so all I can say is that' I'll pray for you.

Get better!

[ryanh]

Oh yenni, I so feel for you. My dear sister, I hope that somehow you can understand that seeking help via medication is not weakness. I've been there, I've felt those concerns. From my current perspective, it is the adversary that plants these thoughts in our minds, hoping to keep us down and miserable like he is, and prevent us from being who we truly are and blessing our fellow brothers and sisters.

Seeking out the blessings and advancements in medical science that have been made possible by the Spirit being poured out on the earth is not weakness. Ponder your feelings towards someone that has diabetes, or someone else that has PCOS. Do you think of them as weak for seeking out medicine to make their lives more peaceable and successful? When pondering upon your mercy for others, contemplate why you don’t apply that same mercy to yourself. Chemical depression’s root is in physical imperfections in the brain. It’s not about strong or weak spirits or mental strength. It’s a physical flaw, like so many others, that limits our ability to function to our full capacity.

By chance did you see the article on Bipolar in the January Ensign? It’s a worthwhile read. Bipolar Disorder: My Lessons in Love, Hope, and Peace You might also seek out some of Alexander B. Morrison’s talks/books.

Wisegurl points out something quite helpful – many meds have generics available now, and they cost very little for a month’s supply. Oh how I wish they were so inexpensive back when I was so poor. Take advantage of it. I also really like Elphaba’s point that most county’s have mental health clinics that can be very helpful. Please seek out these resources!

[Bini]

I feel for you. Know that seeking help is not weakness but strength.

A friend of mine has PCOS and struggles with the same challenges that you are. Don't lose hope and know that you aren't alone in this. Maybe consult your pdoc and see how you can start managing this depression.

[FairChild]

Please get the help you need. I've been there, done that, own the TeeShirt. I know it is hard to do anything when the depression gets so bad, but it really will make a difference when you get the proper help. Take care and please update us so we all won't worry so much.

[ferretrunner]

Does your community/ county have a state or county funded mental health clinic? If so, see if you're eligible for services there. You can also check into community health clinics.

The National Suicide Hotline is also a resource referral source- not to mention, there are good people to talk to if you're feeling suicidal. 1-800-273-TALK

Remember, depression is a liar. Challenge the thoughts that lead toward hopelessness. Depression makes everything seem worse than it really is.

Hang in there. People care about you.

[SMG]

My opinion: I would look into the student health center at your school for some help. If they lack the resources, I would contact your county's health department and ask if there are any clinics that offer services on a sliding scale fee in your area or nearby. My county has one and the doctors/practitioners there are very kind and helpful. They were able to help me get my hypothyroidism and the depression it caused under control.

Please do not consider what I say to you as being pushy or mean, I am just concerned and mean well, even if it does not seem like it.

Sheer willpower alone will NOT get you over this depression. You need to get your PCOS treated, as it will not disappear on its own. Taking medication is not a sign of weakness. Taking properly prescribed medications is a mature action to take to get your health into a more balanced state!

It may feel like things are hopeless and there may be this little feeling or voice that tries to convince you that it's not worth your time to get help.... that feeling/voice is dead wrong! You are a person of great worth and there are people who care about you so very very much, even if you don't know it or remember it right now. There ARE people who are more than willing to help you, all you have to do is ask!

Keep talking, keep looking, I promise you that there is help and that things don't have to feel this awful forever.

[daenvgiell]

I have a close friend who was diagnosed with depression, she got to the stage of suicidal thoughts too, I would suggest to try and surround yourself with true friends, ones who really do care (I'm not saying that people don't care, they do). When you go to church instead of avoiding people try and get to know some of the sisters more, it will be harder for you I understand to do this as it's something you've been trying to deal with for a long time, the most that I could do was to be around my friend as much as possible and helping her in any way that I can, she came to me and told me that she didn't want to be on her own anymore because she didn't trust herself, and that was when I told her I would stay up with her all night if I had to (she was also stuggling with insomnia) I would rather be dead tired than find out she had sone something to herself. (I was also living in the same house as her so I was able to watch over her).

I don't know if this had helped, but my thoughts are with you and I hope that you can get through this and get the help that you need.

[ladykemma2]

are you on glucophage?