Sister Missionaries

[thejolleyman]

So... just wondering. kind of confused right now. I was dating this girl for a while and then last night she said we couldn't date anymore because she didn't want to get too attached. I said, "why", and she said because she was going on a mission. Obviously I am happy that she is choosing to go on a mission and I support it so much, but it just kind of hurts. I asked if she wanted me to keep asking her on dates and she said no, and she started to cry. I am just really confused. Maybe I am just too dense to realize that she didn't want to be with me anymore, but shouldn't it be a happy decision? I want to keep dating her, but I don't know what to do. She doesn't have her mission papers yet but she said she plans on getting them soon. We are both in our early 20s. Please give me any advice you have. Thanks

[thejolleyman]

So... just wondering. kind of confused right now. I was dating this girl for a while and then last night she said we couldn't date anymore because she didn't want to get too attached. I said, "why", and she said because she was going on a mission. Obviously I am happy that she is choosing to go on a mission and I support it so much, but it just kind of hurts. I asked if she wanted me to keep asking her on dates and she said no, and she started to cry. I am just really confused. Maybe I am just too dense to realize that she didn't want to be with me anymore, but shouldn't it be a happy decision? I want to keep dating her, but I don't know what to do. She doesn't have her mission papers yet but she said she plans on getting them soon. We are both in our early 20s. Please give me any advice you have. Thanks

[Dravin]

She may fear that if she continues going out she'll reconsider her mission, basically you are a temptation not to go and she's distancing herself from that temptation. Another possible factor might be if you date until the night she gets set apart she may be distracted by thoughts of you while on the mission and she wants to avoid that. If she's crying about it then obviously it isn't an easy thing for her to do, you can take it as a compliment, if she just wanted to be rid of you she'd probably not be shedding any tears.

Edit: No need to post your thread in multiple forums. I merged them into this one as Advice is the forum with more traffic.

Edited September 26, 2009 by Dravin

[thejolleyman]

Thanks, I guess I am just kind of lost about it all. I thought she could have been the one. I guess if I had to lose her to someone I am glad it is to the Lord.

[john doe]

Who says she is not the one? Maybe she really feels the desire to serve the Lord, and you can put off your relationship until she comes back. Or has she told you that you can't have any contact at all?

[thejolleyman]

Last night I asked her if she wanted me to keep asking her out. She didn't say anything and just shook her head no. I want to keep in contact with her but I don't want to make things hard for her/us. We were going to general conference together but I don't know if that is still on or not. I totally would wait for her in a heartbeat but, I am moving in a year to go to grad school which would make things hard when she returns.

[john doe]

If she wants to serve the Lord, the best thing you can do is support her in that decision. You need to remove any kind of relationship pressure from her. If you wish to maintain contact with her, let her know that you want to at least remain a friend and possibly resume your relationship after her service. If she wants to break it off completely, then there's not much you can do but comply with her wishes.

[thejolleyman]

I'll support her in her decision and see what role in her life she wants me to play. Whether it be friend, or nothing, I guess it is up to her.

[StallionMcBeastly]

I'm sure it's hard for you to let go, but isn't it awesome that shes willing to sacrifice her social life, boyfriend, and many other things to serve the Lord? That's rare in today's world.

I know you want to be with her, but right now that's not going to be easy for her. She obviously doesn't want it to hurt anymore when she has to leave you... that's why she wants to cut it off now. It'll make it easier.

Write her while she's out and show support and, if she's willing, when she's off her mission go visit her and see where things go.

Good luck!

[thejolleyman]

I think it is great that she wants to go. And I give her my full support. I understand that she doesn't want to be in a relationship because that just makes things hard. I just don't understand why she wouldn't want to still be friends. She is just willing to go cold turkey and throw our friendship down the drain... maybe i am just analyzing things too much. I feel like I need to talk to her again but I don't know when. I mean last night she didn't really say much, and I feel like there really wasn't closure or a decision made about what happens next. What or when or how do you think I should... if i should... bring it up.

[Bini]

You should leave it be at this point.

If she is taking a step back away from you - that is your answer :] To fully support her, you have to let go and allow her to do what she knows and feels right. Be a support to her as you've expressed you want to be. Don't be a burden to her by pressing on this relationship issue.

[Moksha]

Jolleyman, she might be going on a mission because you failed to pop the question.

On the other hand, she may truly desire to serve on a mission and feels a need to escape relationship entanglements which may hinder her efforts to be a good missionary.

[thejolleyman]

Yeah you guys are right. I'll support her in any decision she makes about it, and I definitely won't force the issue of relationships . thanks for your help