During your mission, were you able to

[StallionMcBeastly]

stay close with your family and friends?

I'm leaving soon, and this has been on my mind a lot lately. I've never written letters back and forth to someone on a consistent basis, so I don't know what kind of closeness or relationship can be maintained. I talked to my Stake President about it, and he said that through letters he believes a close relationship can be maintained and even strengthened. He thinks there is something intimate about writing a letter which can foster a closeness and connection that other forms of communication don't have.

I believe my Stake President. He actually shared some wonderful stories about the effects of strictly letter writing between two people.

What are your thoughts? And if you had other methods while on your mission to stay close to family and friends, what were they?

Thanks:)

[StallionMcBeastly]

This question is also to those who have written to a missionary.

[Dravin]

I was able to keep close with my family, I had the advantage of not having to use letters (though when one appartment had a typewritter I did go that route). Lots of people in this world stay close with family and each other with a lot less than weekly contact.

[applepansy]

Yes, I believe you can maintain close relationships with friends and family through letters. One of my closest friends and I sent letters frequently for over two years. Its was wonderful. Sometimes its easier to communicate through written words than face-to-face.

[Maya]

I have a son on mission... I write e-mail. I dont think I can write a letter... I dont expect one from him either... but that is jut the way we do it.

I keep putting a plate for him on the table.... I miss his hugs ..... but I still feel he has just taken a trip to a friend or something and is coming back pretty soon. In other words he is in my heart all the time.... just like always. :)

He is my big bear and my little boy he could be fysically gone a long time but he would never be gone from me... read from my heart.... longet than just a few hours.

Just a peace of advice... dont ever give up! Dont ever allow anyone else to give up! No matter how difficult things turn out or how little you feel that you have been able to accomplish. Her ein northern Europe just to get an appointment is a winn. Someplace you babtize many just to see them march out of Chuurch in the next swing! Not quontity but quality! Giving up is more complicated at the end.

I wish you many good moments in your mission!:)

[sulli]

This is a tough question because it depends on a lot of variables.

I would say that the family members that wrote to me on a regular basis were ones that I felt I was still close to while on my mission. Ones who did not write to me as often I did grow apart from them. Truly though, you are going to be out there on your own. The close, and supportive environment that family often provides is not available. When you are having a crappy day, week or month while on your mission you are not going to be able to go talk to your family or your friends. To be really honest you have your companion and other missionaries, but if you don't get along with your comp or are simply not close to them you will/do go through periods where you feel really, really alone.

The other thing that is challenging is that when you get home you will have changed and your family will have changed, and you may not even feel close to them anymore upon returning. In reality relationships change. It would not matter if you went on a mission or not the relationships you have today with people in your life would not be the same in two years anyway.

THIS IS A BRUTALLY honest answer, but I want to STRESS that I would not change a thing. I am not one of those RMs that says the mission was the best two years of my life, but I will say that it was a critical year and half where I learned a lot about myself, a lot about my relationship with God, and a lot about the world.

[pam]

I've never gone on a mission but I do have brother and a sister that did.

Receiving letters are important. From friends and family. There is no rule against that. However as far as emails, my understanding is that you can correspond with your immediate family on your P-day but is limited to them.

Even just a card from a friend saying.."heyyyyy" is always nice to get. But friends and family need to understand that the letters need to be supportive. Not a run down of every little bad thing that is going on at home. Nothing you can do about it being in the mission field and that would take away from the reason you are out there.

[Dravin]

Not a run down of every little bad thing that is going on at home. Nothing you can do about it being in the mission field and that would take away from the reason you are out there.

I can agree with that, my sister's truancy or my sister's latest difficulties with her husband were something I could do little about. Some things though do need to be shared, my cat died, it would have been akward to come home and learn he'd been dead for 14 months and nobody told me.

As always, use judgement.

[Wingnut]

I don't remember where you're headed, but many missionaries use email these days, which facilitates communication with family and friends much better.

I am close with my family, but I'm also very glad that there's physical distance between me and then. As such, I was okay with not having really close contact with them while in the mission field. As for friends, well, I didn't even attempt to keep in touch with many of them. I had moved cross-country six months before my mission, and about 2 weeks after my move, I went through something that made me kind-of cut off contact from a lot of my friends.

Before my mission, when I had a lot of male friends who were out serving, I would write to them, but it was always kind-of awkward, because I had always been taught not to talk about goings-on because it would distract or tempt them (tempt, I don't know how). I had also been taught to talk about Gospel-related things, bear my testimony, or share my own missionary experiences, and that that was what constituted an appropriate letter to a missionary. Well, even though I wasn't in Utah, Idaho, or Arizona, most of my friends were still LDS, and those that weren't knew I was but weren't interested. So I didn't have missionary experiences to share, I felt weird (scripted? rehearsed?) writing out my testimony in a letter, and I didn't want to just re-hash my Sunday School lesson either. As such, my letters became less frequent, unfortunately.

Honestly, once you're out there a few months, you probably won't be very focused on what the letters say. It'll be nice to hear from home, and know that they're thinking of you and praying for you, but hopefully your focus will be on your here and now, and not on theirs.

[Wingnut]

Some things though do need to be shared, my cat died, it would have been akward to come home and learn he'd been dead for 14 months and nobody told me.

Yeah, that would definitely be awkward. Or like in the movie The R.M., where he comes home, his family gets confused about the day, so he gets a ride home from the airport, only to find that home has moved.

[Guest mormonmusic]

I had a really serious LDS girlfriend on my mission, and we stayed really close over the full two years. She wrote to me a lot, and I also wrote to her every Preparation Day. I think we were just as close when I got home as when I left. She wanted me to propose after I got home. Lots of pressure from staying so close!

I think it helped that she was well-connected to my mother and father the whole time I was in the mission field, so she was able to share information about my family too. But I don't think this is absolutely necessary. Sharing the details of your life experiences during the period will definitely help you stay close to whoever is important to you.

[StallionMcBeastly]

I want to thank you all for the great responses. I don't have time now, but later I will return with replies to some of you.

Again, THANKS! Helps a lot.

[StallionMcBeastly]

I had a really serious LDS girlfriend on my mission, and we stayed really close over the full two years. She wrote to me a lot, and I also wrote to her every Preparation Day. I think we were just as close when I got home as when I left. She wanted me to propose after I got home. Lots of pressure from staying so close!

I think it helped that she was well-connected to my mother and father the whole time I was in the mission field, so she was able to share information about my family too. But I don't think this is absolutely necessary. Sharing the details of your life experiences during the period will definitely help you stay close to whoever is important to you.

And did you propose? haha.

I find it awesome that you were able to feel as close to your friend when you returned as you did when you left.

It seems to me from what I've been told and from what I've read on here is that it is very much possible to maintain a close and connected relationship with those you are apart from. That's a comforting thing to know. Although my focus is going to be where I am, I know it's going to be a huge help to have a close family and friend back home supporting me.

I realize that it's possible relationships with some will drift apart, but with effort on both parts that can be prevented.

Thanks

[Guest mormonmusic]

Nope, I didn't propose. And my name was mud among all her friends for a very long time. She waited for me my whole mission, and then I pulled the plug on the thing after getting a really strong negative answer in prayer that I shouldn't marry her.

I gotta admit though, with no one else writing me on my mission, getting letters from her really sustained me in many ways. I looked forward to them and they kept me full in touch with what was happening in our Ward at home, without distracting me too much.

Now, one of my companions had a girfriend and a daughter at home -- now that was distracting for him.

[Maya]

If some of you guys KNEW how much it hurts a young girl when you dont even write back even though you tell them you`ll come back for them... maybe it is a game for you but not to the girls!

We been having one case on a finnish netside. She was so sure her prins will come and get her... he never even wrote ... she was 14 (probably) at the time... and now she is a bitter opponent of the Church. It was around those times she drifted away. She really wiated for him to come and all the tears she shed....

Funny thing is that the guy came back as a leader and boy did we hear about what he did to her on that netside (a discusition without moderation, many anties around her as one). After some 20 years+ and still so hurt. For a defender it was very uncomfortable. I think she almost got sued by writting so badly about him.

So guys DONT give any false hopes to ANY girls on the mission... not any over 10.

[Guest mormonmusic]

I was careful not to give false hopes -- in fact, it frustrated her I wouldn't commit to marry her before I left. But she made the decision to be loyal and to keep writing. She was the only one who wrote to me my whole mission, so she met some powerful needs that kept me writing back. I wrote every single week....but looking back, I think it's best to break it off before you leave on a mission. By the time I returned she was in her late 20's and could've been seeing other guys if I hadn't left on the mission boyfriend and girlfriend.

On the flip side, a lot of girls let their boyfriend go on a mission still thinking she's their girl. Then they get a dear John letter....it cuts both ways.

[Maya]

I was careful not to give false hopes --

On the flip side, a lot of girls let their boyfriend go on a mission still thinking she's their girl. Then they get a dear John letter....it cuts both ways.

Yep best to keep it clare there isnother possibilities....

Yes even some girls can be a drag sometimes.... That is why it is best NOT to get incolved with anyone specially but after mision. My sosn mission is so close taht IF he would find someone... she would come rushing after him in just a few hours if needed to take him by the ear!

[StallionMcBeastly]

Nope, I didn't propose. And my name was mud among all her friends for a very long time. She waited for me my whole mission, and then I pulled the plug on the thing after getting a really strong negative answer in prayer that I shouldn't marry her.

I gotta admit though, with no one else writing me on my mission, getting letters from her really sustained me in many ways. I looked forward to them and they kept me full in touch with what was happening in our Ward at home, without distracting me too much.

Now, one of my companions had a girfriend and a daughter at home -- now that was distracting for him.

I'm glad you had that support system there for you. Sounds like it helped a lot. I'm pretty confident that the people who have promised to write me regularly will.... but we shall see!

[StallionMcBeastly]

If some of you guys KNEW how much it hurts a young girl when you dont even write back even though you tell them you`ll come back for them... maybe it is a game for you but not to the girls!

We been having one case on a finnish netside. She was so sure her prins will come and get her... he never even wrote ... she was 14 (probably) at the time... and now she is a bitter opponent of the Church. It was around those times she drifted away. She really wiated for him to come and all the tears she shed....

Funny thing is that the guy came back as a leader and boy did we hear about what he did to her on that netside (a discusition without moderation, many anties around her as one). After some 20 years+ and still so hurt. For a defender it was very uncomfortable. I think she almost got sued by writting so badly about him.

So guys DONT give any false hopes to ANY girls on the mission... not any over 10.

Maybe I'm confused, but she was 14 when he left for the mission? And she expected a 21 year old to return to a 16 year old? That's odd. Although, if he promised he'd keep in touch then he should have. It also seems like she had unreasonable expectations.

Anyways, I'm going to write to all those who I have said I would... I will not be destroying any hearts lol

[Guest]

Our ward is great with our kids in the mission. Usually, the mother keeps email correspondence and the missionary writes to her about things he'd like to share - and usually, if the missionary okay's it, the mother forwards parts of the email to the ward. We can send email to the missionary but I don't think they can send emails back (or maybe they just don't have time to do so) because I haven't gotten a personal email back from a missionary. I just know the missionary has read it because sometimes he would mention, "Tell Sister so-and-so that I wish I could have been there for that ward activity..." or something like that.

It can be a long 2 years for these boys and for the ward that have seen them grow up through primary and young men/young women they miss them too. So much for their close family and friends!

Oh, the cool thing about the forwarded emails is sometimes it would include things like, "Ma, thank you so much for the socks you sent me, unfortunately, I already wore half of them out..." or something like that and a lot of times some ward member hands the mother a pack of new socks so the family gets a lot of support too.

[joel99]

My wife sent me a card my first Christmas and that was it. Obviously in the end we got married so it all worked out. The reality is that you won't be able to have a very close relationship with your friends or family back home - at least not how you have it now. That's simply because you can't communicate at the same level via a weekly letter versus face to face contact.

But in the end you only have two years on your mission and the rest of your life for everything else. Those two years will just fly by and you'll pick up where you left off with the people from home. Meanwhile, in the limited time you have to contact them while serving, do your best to pass along the great experiences you are having and the affect that the gospel is bringing to those who you are serving.

j.