Need some advice please

[Wishing_For_Hope]

Well first off, let me explain about myself. I am 25, single, I have been a member of the church since I was born. I have been inactive for 8 years and I have only gone to church for certain occasions (missionary farewells/homecomings, baby blessings, etc.). There are things that I have done that I already feel bad enough for and have spent plenty of time making myself feel bad for them. I have recently thought about getting back into the church, but I know its going to take some time and A LOT of repenting. So I am hoping to get some advice on what I can do and where I might stand with the church.

Anyway, so onto the good part (actually bad, lol).. So at the point that I stopped going to church was when I was 17 and at that time I lost my virginity to my girlfriend. I then after awhile got into alcohol. It wasnt bad, it was more like an occasional thing and I still do it occasionaly, its not an addiction and it wont be a problem to get off of. I have had numerous partners with relations and some I have actually apologized to because they were only one night stands. But only a few of them. I have never done drugs, or cigarettes and I obviously have never murdered anyone or stolen anything.

There is one thing that has been eating inside and I just cannot stop thinking about it. I am a very good and respectful person. I only mean the best, but like everyone else, I am not perfect. I make mistakes. I just want to live knowing that I am going to a good place when I die. But I just don't know where this will put me. There is this girl that I dated for a little while, she was married about a year or so ago. I had gotten back from a business trip and she had told me that her and her husband were getting a divorce. She asked me to meet up with her to have a talk so I met up with her. We ended up having sex and she spent the night at my place. I didnt think about it, because she said that it was official that they were getting a divorce, but technically they werent divorced.

I feel terrible even thinking about it right now and don't know why I am even putting this on here. I dont know where else to go. They are separated and working through the divorce now. I have even thought about telling the guy and apologizing to him in hopes him and God can forgive me. I have nothing to do with their divorce either. Please give me advice on what I can do. Please do not judge me for my mistake. I want help and I want to be accepted into the church. What do I do?

Any help will be appreciated! Thank you so much and god bless.

- Anonymous -

[FairChild]

Well, you took the first step and it was difficult to be sure. I give you credit for doing that. These forums are a great place for getting advice, comfort from friends, education and oh so much more. Perhaps it is time to start thinking about returning to church. You don't need to be perfect to come, just come. You are wanted at church because you are a very important child of our Heavenly Father. You have much to contribute and learn. Personally, I have lots left to learn myself. And if I haven't mentioned it, Welcome to LDS.Net. Take care until we talk some more. FC

[Wishing_For_Hope]

Hello FairChild, thank you so much for the reply. It is very nice to know there are still some good people out there and to feel welcomed by a member. I have been wanting to talk with a bishop, but I am nervous. I moved out of state and do not know anyone here. So I am trying to find a local church. What do you recommend I do?

[WmLee]

Welcome to the site! It’s nice that you feel comfortable posting your question here and you need to remember that everyone who gives and opinion, it’s simply their opinion, not church policy nor is it coming from Salt Lake! LOL.

I too went inactive but mine was at 19. I made my share of mistakes and it would be safe to say we have made many of the same. On the day I knew I had been a complete smuck and needed to get my act together I started on my knees. I will never forget that night, it started in the late afternoon. I had been at work and the thought of what I had been doing had been tormenting me for a few days. That afternoon, when I got home, I knelt next to my bed and started to pray. I spoke of everything I had been doing and the more I spoke the more I cried. I was so ashamed of myself.

When I was done I waited for something, so sort of an answer. Had I been forgiven, what was I to do next? I felt nothing. I started to get up and knew that I was on my knees for a reason and that reason hadn’t been met. I got back down and started all over. This time through it all I remembered even more of what I had done, (we tend to overlook what we are embarrassed about). This continued for a while. Every time I thought, “that’s everything” and started to get up, I felt like it wasn’t over. I had no answer, no change inside. So I got back on my knees and started over.

It was late in the evening before I received my answer. By that time I had run out of tears and physical strength and was lying on the floor in my room exhausted. But, I stuck with it and I got my answer. I felt so much love form my Father in Heaven. I saw the bishop after that and felt his love as well.

A few years later I spoke with an instructor at the institute. I asked why, having felt that inner warmth of forgiveness and having my priesthood again, having been on the right track for a number of years, why did I still feel so terrible about what I had done. What happened to that peace I wanted? He told me that once I had repented, He remembered no more. I was left with those memories and that feeling as a reminder so I would never repeat what I had so shamefully done.

So, start on your knees and work your way up!

[Wishing_For_Hope]

WmLee, thank you for your reply. It's nice to know that I am not the only one who makes mistakes. The other day I was at work and so many thoughts were running through my head and I finally decided that I was ready. I want to start again and be forgiven of these mistakes. I know I need to start off on my knees and I will do that soon. Thank you again for your thoughts and words. I really appreciate it.

[lydlou]

To find your local ward go to lds.org and click on woship with us, then enter your adress. Simple as that. you dont hafta be perfect to attend, everyone will just be glad you came.

[lydlou]

wmlee's advice is very good. when you are done praying for forgivenes, pray for strenght. pray for strenght every day.it is nessacary to commit onsself to a path leading away from past sins. you have identified in yourself a major weekness that many have. even before speaking to you bishop (wich will need to be done) commit yourself to avoiding situations where you know you may be tempted. (in other words avoid finding yourself alone with a girl)

but dont forget to speak with the bishop. be honest with yourself, and with him. then decide where to go from here.

[Gwen]

i suggest you talk to the bishop before talking to anyone else. i understand the wanting to apologize and try to make things right but in this case you could make things worse. this woman is in the middle of a divorce, a lot of places still take adultery into account when the judge makes the final decision. you go telling the soon to be ex husband that you slept with his soon to be ex wife and odds are he won't care on the emotional level that one would if they were not in the divorce process but it's a good bet he will use it against her to hurt her in the divorce.

take care of your own business first.

[Guest mormonmusic]

First off, it sounds like you've been through the first "R" of repentence -- recognition. That's good to hear.

I think you need to continue praying, and meet with your Bishop. Go to your meeting with the Bishop having this feeling that you'll do whatever it takes to get this burden off your shoulders, with humility to "submit" to whatever Heavenly Father wants you to do going forward.

Tell the Bishop you want to come back and give a full confession about you've done over the years. So many times people feel a burden lifted after they express their desire to repent and also share their wrongs with the Bishop.

Regarding making restitution by telling this woman's husband -- I say don't do it. It's her relationship and it's up to her to decide how to handle her escapade with you. You could end up doing more harm than good if you get involved there. I say leave that one alone; it will come to its own resolution.

Also, break off all contact with her.

I'm glad you took the time to make a post here -- I want to echo what everyone else said about your being welcome here, and it's a good place to get advice about things anonymously.

Edited December 14, 2009 by mormonmusic

[NeuroTypical]

Hi Wishing!

Christ's atonement is for you specifically. This church can help you be a better person. Additionally, you'd be surprised how chock full of past sins all us suit-wearing active mormons are. You really will be in good company. I can guarantee that in talking to a bishop, you will not be the first person who has told him what you have to tell him (assuming he's held the office for a month or two).

It's very obvious that you are a good person who wants to do what is right. Bad people who want to do wrong, never bother with guilt or remorse. And you, my friend, are oozing guilt and remorse from every pore. Go find a Bishop. Get this all off your chest. His job is to help you cast these sins away forever.

LM

[Bomcara]

Hi Wishing_For_Hope!

Everyone's responses here have been wonderful! You are on the right track.....just don't give up! Don't be afraid of repentance, and don't be afraid to talk to your Bishop. Growing up in the church we can often associate repentance with such a negative stigma, but repentance is so AMAZING! The Atonement is so very real! Trust me, with time the Atonement will bring you the peace and healing you seek! Don’t give up!

[FairChild]

Go to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and they have a meeting house locator. It will tell you where the closet meeting house is. It will show the locations of the closet Chapels and times the meetings start. It will even give you a map on how to get there. Just go. If you feel shy or bashful, show up a few minutes late and if you need to, leave a few minutes early. Next time try and start at the regular time. After that, you can go a few minutes early and meet people. Just go. Many of us have been in your shoes. We just want to welcome you back. Start there. FC