what do dreams mean?

[simple]

I have a big problem and I can't figure it out. I don't think I got an answer yet and I'm going crazy. This is not like me to be out loud, but this is just bursting inside me. Somebody tell me what to do or what is wrong with me. Maybe I need psychological help.

It all started almost five months ago. I'm a single mother of three....every once in a while I'd be at my ex-husbands house dropping of the kids, picking up the kids, doing something with the kids. I ran into my ex's missionaries a few times...(missionaries never meant much to me, I respected them, but didn't give them a second glance or too much attention, I know my bad, they were just too young and unavailable so why even bother), it never really sparked much attention, they were just doing their job and I just happened to show up when they were around. I didn't meet up with them that often anyway.

One night I had a dream, just like another dream I had had about being in love with a man that to my knowledge doesn't exist. When I'd wake up I'd just brush it off as something my mind put together out of depression, loneliness. One particular time I had that dream, the man I dreamt of resembled one the missionaries I met, and I saw his face plain as day. When I woke up I just brushed it off as an awkward dream and didn't give it a second thought. One night when I was stopping by to pick up the kids, the missionaries showed up at the same time. I didn't think anything of it. As I walked towards this certain missionary, I felt something I never had before. I'd seen him before, talked with him before and had no problem, but now all the sudden I'm really nervous around him and kind of flirty with out even noticing, all my attention was on him, I listened intently to everything he said, then when he left, I was heartbroken. I actually cried. I spent that night just trying to figure out what just went on there. I'm still not sure. As the days went on, I couldn't help, but think of him more and more, and I tried to get it out of my head, face reality, why would I be so obsessed over someone 6 years younger than me? I don't even like younger guys. He didn't quite fit the criteria on my mental list of things I would expect about a guy. And he's a missionary, what's wrong with me? Have I finally gone loco? Anyway, it just got worse everyday. When I'd see him again, I'd be all excited to see him, but then I'd be all nervous like that kid on South Park that thru up every time he saw the girl he liked, that's how I felt around him.

I had never really SEEN him before that night, if you know what I mean. I started going to his ward just to see him again. I actually tried to look nice just for him. Maybe that was a little much, but I feel like I can't even control what I do around him. I've never been so crazy about anyone in all my life, never thought that these feelings I have exsisted. After some part of my brain woke up and discovered him, for the first time in my life I understand why people really want to get married in the temple. I wouldn't have seen that if I hadn't of met him, just like I wouldn't have noticed him if I didn't have that dream.

My ex told him I had a mad crush on him, trying to embarrass me, but I was happy he did. I wanted him to notice me, know that I liked him, maybe he would remember me when he went home. But then, he got moved and I didn't see him anymore. My ex said maybe it was my fault, but I never considered myself that important. By the way, I hounded my ex for any information I could get about HIM. All I had was his last name, where he was from, and when he goes home. I've been counting the days, and it's been almost four months since I last saw him. My heart hurts and I am in agony. Every single night since November 21st I haven't been able to sleep with out him in my head and every morning when I wake up he is there still in my head. I feel like I am being haunted or cursed. The pain used to be so much I'd scream at night, but it's become numb and I just cry. I knew I had to get on with my life regardless these feelings I had, it seems so unreal to me. So around the time he moved somewhere else, I moved somewhere else, out of the same city. His home is so far away, and he wouldn't want an old, used chic like me. I know I needed to just let this go, but I started a new job, and things are working out for me, still he's in my head night and day. I don't know what else to do. I've written a notebook and a half about him, so I can remember him, that he was real. I have a picture of him on my phone that I hunted down. I have a picture of him with me and my kids in a frame and I keep it close to me. Those pieces I have to remember him are among my most prized possession. I think about throwing them away, hoping it will let me loose from this curse I've been plagued with, but my heart won't let me. I know that would kill me if I got rid of those. Recently, my son told me his first name, which he found out from another missionary in his dad's ward. That name echos in my head all day and all night. I can hear it in my head when I'm still sleeping. Supposedly he's off his mission this week. I don't know how to feel. I'm anxious, but what can I do? Before I even had any of these feelings for him, I gave him my # for my kids' sake. It's now that I hope he remembers it. All those things that mattered to me on my list of mental criteria is blank now. I feel like my whole world has changed, that I see things differently. I pay more attention to missionaries and am more empathetic towards them, which I haven't been before.

So, I know this is a lot to read, but if you survived, help me out here. I'm lost, I don't know what's wrong with me, I don't understand. I thought I had my head on pretty good, now I feel stupid. I want to be free of this pain in my chest and go on with my life like before, but I don't know how. Sometimes I think maybe it would have been better if I never would have met him. I feel like I'm one of those crazy chicks on those obsessed tv shows.

[baver3]

I cant answer why you are having such intense feelings or why you had those dreams that seemed to trigger it but seeing how it seems to be taking over your thoughts I would say that this doesnt sound healthy.

My advice would be to LET IT GO. If something is meant to be with this guy then Heavenly Father will provide a way.

You have to understand that this young man JUST GOT OFF HIS MISSION. He is trying to readjust to normal life. He is getting reacquainted with his family and his old connections.

It sounds strange to have such a fascination with someone, especially a missionary who is 100 percent off the market as far as dating is concerned. Beyond that, he is 20, 21 years old; totally young. He probably has a whole career of school ahead of him. You seem to be in a completely different stage in your life right now. Try to move on. Get rid of those pictures and refocus on something that is real. You dont even know how he feels about you. You've got to try to move on, for your own sanity.

[beefche]

Get counseling. Seriously. You are describing stalker traits.

[MarginOfError]

Get counseling. Seriously. You are describing stalker traits.

I agree. This sounds just like the beginning of a case on Law and Order. Get some help before you completely lose your sanity.

[simple]

I feel a little insulted, but thanks for the critisizm (Dang it I can't spell that word). I don't want to be a nut ball, and I think you're right. I let this go on in my head too much. I just needed to hear it from an outside source. I think my problem was I didn't talk to anyone about it. I seriously think you all helped by letting me know I'm acting psycho. (:

[Guest mormonmusic]

I've done some work with intepretation of dreams, back when I studied psychology. I'm not an expert therapist or anything, but people come to me with dreams and I've shared what I know, it's often helped them. I hope this brief "analysis" of your dream that follows actually helps.

Why Dreams Happen

First, some background -- one theory is that every dream is the fulfillment of a wish of some kind. (I also believe it can be the result of a deep fear of some kind, too). However, wishes are often based on things that produce extreme anxiety, especially when they are offensive to our conscience. Sometimes dreams become so real that the anxiety wakes us up, and we feel that we've had a nightmare. Our subconcious mind also tries to prevent this anxiety, so we can continue sleeping. Our mind does this by disguising our objectionable wishes so we can fulfil our unmet needs, while continuing to sleep. Our subconscious mind will also make us forget objectionable dreams shortly after waking to protect our spirits from anxiety. However, some dreams are based on needs that are so intense that we remember them long after waking.

My Interpretation of Your Dream

Therefore, if I was to interpret this dream you had, I would postulate that you have feelings for someone it is not acceptable to have feelings for -- someone you met or knew before you ever met this real life missionary. I don't know whom, or why they are inappropriate to have feelings for this person (could be anything, from a relative, to a best friend's husband, you ex, or some other person). The first time you had the dream, your mind (called the dream work) disguised that person as someone you didn't know. That way you could play out your dream, but not feel anxious, and therefore keep on sleeping.

That wasn't good enough the next time you dreamt, so your dream work (mind) disguised that person as a missionary -- someone pure, clean, single, acceptable -- after they get their mission finished up.

Then, you attached a lot of importance to the missionary figure in your dream. Because these feelings of love you have for Mr X -- the unacceptable person that is disguised in your dream -- are SO powerful, you've gotten some very intense thoughts and desire for a real missionary you met afterwards. But these feelings are really for someone else.

According to my understanding of dreams, if you can identify who this non-missionary person that you have such strong feelings for, and make these feelings conscious, you might be able to relieve yourself of this yearning you have for the real life missionary. If this started with a dream, then it's not him you're having these subconscious feelings for, it's someone else.

Now, in real life, we'd talk more about the details of your dream, and you'd relate it to parts of your life, and construct your own meaning from it, and in the end, it would probably help. But that is my first assessment.

Similar Examples

I've seen this tendency to substitute acceptable figures for unacceptable figures in the past, many times. For example, my mother had a dream her 40 year old friend, a short, attractive blonde woman was pregnant. After having her explore her feelings and associations with this, it came out she was afraid my sister, a short attractive, blonde teenager would get pregnant. This was an intense fear on my mother's mind disguised my sister as my mother's friend in the dream. Her friend was a married, stable person who already had children and who was "acceptable" for pregnancy, unlike my teenage sister. My mother left our informal "therapy" session satisfied she understood what the dream meant, and then we talked about her fear my teenage sister would get pregnant so she could deal with it.

And so....

And I don't see you as a stalker like the others; I know how intense these feelings can be for others when we have deep unmet needs. At one time, I had these feelings for a married woman -- not the desire to know her whereabouts, but when I got around her, I felt like I was 18 years old -- couldn barely control myself, all sweaty, my heart pumping, adrenalin gushing, you name it. I never expressed those feelings, however, and to this day, the whole thing is a faded experience in my memory.....but I partly understand what you're talking about, and I'm glad you had the courage to seek a solution here....write again if you have more to share...and if seeing someone professional you can share your thoughts with is in the cards, I'd encourage it just so you can get your inner peace back.

Edited April 5, 2010 by mormonmusic

[simple]

Wow, thank you. That was interesting to know and I feel a little relief to know I'm not crazy. I know this guy and me is a ridiculous thought, it just doesn't make sense. I've tried for a long time to figure myself out, thinking I finally lost it. He's home now, and I actually met up with him online, and it occurred to me that I am being irrational an unrealistic. He has a whole other life and I don't want to disrupt any of that, I have a whole other life that doesn't match up at all. I still feel like he's something special, I don't have any love interests so I don't know who I'd be substituting him for. I was thinking that maybe I misinterpreted my dream. Maybe what I saw in my dream is not what it meant. I could live with the fact that I can't have him( in theory), but for someone to mess me up so much, he's interesting to me and I just want to know him. Is that bad? I've never been so confused, I'd like to know why.

[Guest mormonmusic]

You'll be surprised at how wrong we can be about the suitability of a person. I was engaged to someone after only 3 days of intense togetherness, and felt sky high in love. Then when I got to know her I couldn't see WHAT I liked in her anymore. She was totally different.

I suggest you either write to him and express your feelings, and let him comment one way or the other, or start looking for love elsewhere.

If there is no other love interest in your life right now, then I think this is simply a case of infatuation -- anyone who is honest with themself has probably experienced it. If he rejects you, then I would start looking elsewhere for eligible single people. But remember the maxim about the butterfly -- if you chase it, you never catch it. But it you sit quietly and enjoy the world, the butterfly often lands on you.

Regarding not having any other love interest to substitute this missionary for, then possibly you simply have a strong need for a loving relationship now, and your dream concocted the unknown person, and then a missionary. You then attached a lot of importance to that "fill-in" love interest, when really, all that exists is a strong need for someone, and not anyone in particular -- the dream was just an invention to allow you to fulfill that needs while sleeping. So, don't attach too much importance to it........

Edited April 6, 2010 by mormonmusic

[simple]

Thanks for being so understanding, I appreciate that. I wrote to him and I can see he's not on the same level. I kinda suspected that in the beginning, but couldn't get over myself until I heard it staight from the mouth. Now I feel like I must have lost my mind. Perhaps I'm going through some female midlife thing because I don't want to be alone? But then I started talking to this one guy who I've kind of been avoiding (I'm not sure why), and I feel like I've been relieved of this curse. However, I still feel like I've lost my mind. I don't understand myself. I don't know why I experienced this, but I know that because I experienced this, I am more empathetic. Maybe that is something I needed to learn.

[Guest mormonmusic]

Again, I think you were just infatuated with him. I'm glad that you realize he's not into this -- that was my hope in encouraging you to talk to him. Nothing like hearing him say "no" (in so many words) to help you adjust your own thinking.

I think you also need to learn to control your thoughts better -- you were very obsessed with the thought of this missionary, and fed it with the pictures, the phone number, the hoping and visualization about him.

Rather than give advice here, I'm going to start a new thread in the LDS Gospel Discussion category about thought control -- I think it might be good for you to learn how others control their thoughts when something traumatic or disturbing happens -- will you go there and read their comments? I'm going to start the thread now.