My Court Experience Yesterday with the Ex... enough drama to write a book

[MisterT]

Nah, I'll pass. Big targets aren't fun at all...

[Guest mirancs8]

I was going to answer baver3's question, but bl8tant did such an outstanding job saying what I was thinking that all I can say now is that i agree 100%.

I have shuddered at the thought of bringing into the courtroom copies of pages from my wife's journals in which she writes about wanting to beat me to death (or nearly there) and abandon our oldest child in order to run off with an old boyfriend (and of course, from her perspective, it's all perfectly reasonable). I have shuddered at the thought of saying in court that my wife is just a child who is not ready to raise children herself, especially as a single mom.

But after the horrible things she has accused me of, I have stopped shuddering, and have realized that I'm in the fight of my life. When she takes off the gloves, I overwhelmingly feel like I have to do the same, to defend myself.

I've been reading this book called, "When Forever Doesn't Last: A Healing Journey Through Divorce" by Guy M. Galli, and David C. Pruden (you can find it at Deseret Books) if you haven't read it might be a good thing to read. It definitely tells you to NOT approach the divorce like you are going to battle taking your gloves off. It never works in the end. I'm not saying you don't fight but you don't want to get that revenge attitude. You are only stooping to her level and you don't want to go there.

I've been learning a bit on how to behave during a divorce. It's easier said then done but much of what is said in this book makes lots of sense. Revenge never wins in divorce it only makes you look like one miserable person to everyone else.

BUT I do know it's not that easy. We all get a little loopy going through something so traumatic.

[bl8tant]

Nah, I'll pass. Big targets aren't fun at all...

Wait! How'd you know I'd been gobbling M&Ms? Are you spying on me too?

[MisterT]

Wee bit paranoid there, aren't we...

But just because you're paranoid doesn't mean I'm not spying on you...

[bl8tant]

Good thing I just put tinfoil over all my windows. That way neither MisterT nor the orbiting mind-control lasers can get me

[MisterT]

you were a little slow in covering the windows; I was able to snap this photo this morning...

[bl8tant]

You win the internets for that one!

[its_Chet]

I've been reading this book called, "When Forever Doesn't Last: A Healing Journey Through Divorce" by Guy M. Galli, and David C. Pruden (you can find it at Deseret Books) if you haven't read it might be a good thing to read. It definitely tells you to NOT approach the divorce like you are going to battle taking your gloves off. It never works in the end. I'm not saying you don't fight but you don't want to get that revenge attitude. You are only stooping to her level and you don't want to go there.

I've been learning a bit on how to behave during a divorce. It's easier said then done but much of what is said in this book makes lots of sense. Revenge never wins in divorce it only makes you look like one miserable person to everyone else.

BUT I do know it's not that easy. We all get a little loopy going through something so traumatic.

I should probably clarify. I am not feeling vengeful. It's just that when your so called spouse accuses you of abusing her verbally, emotionally, physically , as well as, um, in other ways, and physically abusing the kids, you can't just ignore it. I honestly can't deny that we never got physical with each other when fighting. I'm not proud of it, but I shouldn't have to accept being blamed in court as the only one who did it. I told my lawyer that I'm very scared about her accusations, and he has requested that she give a deposition to back up her reckless claims. Now, this is the physical abuse portion. The rest of her allegations are simply lies or outrageous, ludicrous exagerations.

I'm not out to get her. I gave her almost $3k from our income tax refund. I give her $270 every paycheck, twice a month. This is voluntary, even though my friends disagree that I should do it. If she was willing to move back within driving distance, I'd prefer to split custody 50/50, even though I think it might be bad for the kids to spend that much time with her.

But the fact remains that she is bad for the kids (for example, she has called them "G.D. retards", and one time in public and in a very loud voice), and she has, without justification, accused me of some very serious things. I have to defend myself.

I can't say I'm not bitter, but I'm doing my best to keep a lid on it. I know I'm being nicer than she is, and I know that I have to take her allegations very seriously. She and her mom already bamboozled me into signing over guardianship of my oldest son, even though I very, very strongly didn't want to, because they convinced me that it was what my wife needed, for her mental health. They are bringing the pain, under the cloak of a smile. I'm trying to be as nice as I can be, but I truly do have to defend myself. Them having the oldest child (my lawyer said I will not be able to get him back, period), that makes it less likely that a judge will let me have the younger two. The deck is stacked against me and I can't just approach this like Marquis de Roxbury.

She will not leave the greater Phoenix area. Probably won't even leave Gilbert. There's no getting around the reality that 50/50 custody is not possible in this case. One of us will get the younger kids (at least the middle one, as the youngest is not in school yet) for the whole school year. If I lose, I lose everything. And then I get to pay for it in child support. I hope that doesn't sound shallow, but it's adding insult to injury to take a man's children away from him and then take 25-50% of his income away from him on top of that. I don't know how guys that have been through that make ends meet.

It's not that I want it to be this way. It's the situation I've been forced into. I wish I didn't have to defend myself.

[MisterT]

How do you make ends meet? By living like a hobo; eating what a hobo wouldn't, driving what a hobo would turn his nose up at, and generally scraping to get by.

[its_Chet]

My wife done "R-U-N-N O-F-T", as they say.