Coping with Gospel Frustration

[Guest mormonmusic]

I have a question about how you, as non-LDS or even LDS people who frequent this particular forum, cope with the frustrations associated with living the word of God, helping others repent, or even with counseling people in gospel settings.

For example, if you're a leader in your church, there will always be issues such as people who lack commitment, and therefore won't help you achieve your organization's goals. There will be people who have bad and destructive habits they need to change, but who refuse to take your advice after they seek you out for it. Also, if your organization is involved in disbursing funds to needy families, you find they refuse to make changes that will help them become self-sufficient, and they continually line up for financial assistance. Perhaps you find you spend a lot of time trying to live the gospel, and further the aims of Christ, but find successes are few and far between.

You might also be involved in outreach activities to increase your membership, or to help others come to Christ, but find they are not interested, and not responsive. In general, you might find you invest a lot of time in trying to further the aims of the gospel, but find you meet up with a lot of opposition and frustration.

How do you sustain your energy to continue preaching the gospel, or administering the affairs in your church/congregation in the face of constant frustration, with only infrequent flashes of progress?

I've yet to hear a satisfactory answer to this when I posted a similar question in another forum some time ago, and the question burns within me. I honestly see it as the current stumbling block in my spiritual progress, and I'd like to overcome it -- it got to the point the frustration started disturbing my inner peace to the point I had to scale back the level of my service for a while, focusing on things, like teaching on Sunday, which don't pose the same frustrations, and produce a fairly high return on time invested.

And I think I can learn from anyone, regardless of their chosen faith. That's why I posted here and not the advice forum, or the LDS gospel discussion forum etcetera.

I have tried attitude conditioners such as gratitude for the Savior's atonement, focusing on the few flashes of progress, having faith my efforts will bring favor from God, or at least make him pleased with me etcetera, but about 8 months ago, that wore thin and I wasn't able to sustain my energy any longer. They weren't enough. Call me ungrateful if you wish, but that was the state of mind I fell into. Also, I have a high Nach (need for achievement) which means I NEED to see results as part of my overall personality.

Looking forward to your responses....and any spiritual principles, personal attitudes or other things you do to maintain your inner peace and enthusiasm in the face of repeated rejection or frustration would be appreciated.

Edited April 20, 2010 by mormonmusic

[prisonchaplain]

Perhaps the crucial sustaining power in my gospel work is the certainty (call it a personal testimony from the Spirit) that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. Why do LDS generally involve themselves more in the gospel work than most churches? I'd largely credit your system of church callings. Members are generally convinced that when they receive a calling, the Holy Spirit has directed the process. Thus, they generally comply. And, when it gets hard, the plow through it, because, after all, God, through his restored church leadership, has seen fit to call them to it.

For Protestant clergy, that system is inverted. God spoke to me personally about the call to ordination as a minister. Our leadership then went about the business of confirming what God had already done in my life. The same happened with chaplaincy. On that second matter I received an immediate test, in that my application with the Bureau was initially delayed. It turned out that much of my ministry experience was deemed unofficial, and could not be credited. So, what God called me to became unavailable. How does that work? So, I went to fasting and prayer. God clearly spoke to me after 13 days--telling me to stay with what I was doing for one more year, and then re-apply. The long and short of it is that I did so, and had no problems the second time around. In fact, the timing proved to be God-ordained, in that my placement and subsequent promotion to Seattle only worked out because of the delay.

Bottom line: I knew that I knew that I knew that God had called me to what I was doing. So, literally, failure was not an option. Even a seeming failure was simply something God orchestrated for his purposes. Another truth--we are not responsible for others success--only for our obedience to God. As you LDS say, people have their agency, and we are responsible only for our own covenants with God.

[applepansy]

Bottom line: I knew that I knew that I knew that God had called me to what I was doing. So, literally, failure was not an option. Even a seeming failure was simply something God orchestrated for his purposes. Another truth--we are not responsible for others success--only for our obedience to God. As you LDS say, people have their agency, and we are responsible only for our own covenants with God.

Very well said PC.

Mormonmusic, sometimes when we get into situations where we feel like we're spinning our wheels it requires more sacrifice. (Gene R Cook has a good talk on CD about answers to prayer that talks about this principle.) Sometimes that sacrifice is just letting go of the responsibility and letting God take over. After all, as PC said, we are not responsible for others' success.

In my personal experience it was when I changed my prayers to "whatever you want from or for me" regardless of the specific circumstances, then I saw progress. Sometimes not progress in helping someone else (they have to choose to be helped) and sometimes not progress in people willing to listen (again they have to choose to listen), but progress in the peace I found through living the gospel. What I was doing, because of the change of my heart, became more significant.

[rameumptom]

It is an issue of separating out your part from God's part. It only gets frustrating when we wish to control more than our own part. It took me time on my mission to realize that it wasn't my responsibility to convert anyone. My job was to be the voice of warning. Instead, the Spirit would testify and convert. I learned not to track my success based upon the number of baptisms, although I did baptize almost monthly on my mission, and was involved in preparing dozens of others for baptism.

I am a high priest group leader. I do not pretend that all of my high priests are going to be active, or faithful in their callings. One would think high priests would be faithful in their home teaching. Well, many are, but then many are not. I still give home teaching assignments to those who I expect to not fulfill the calling. Why? Because they still need the responsibility and to be held responsible.

As PC noted, we need to focus on what WE are doing that is within our control. Those who fail to perform will have to answer for it someday.

[Guest]

I see it like going to Vegas... if you go to Vegas to win money, you will be very discouraged and disappointed and depressed when you come home in the hole for 200 dollars. But, if you go to Vegas to have FUN, then you will be very happy when you come home even in the hole for 200 dollars.

A missionary, for example, can start a mission with the goal to baptize somebody. 2 years and 0 baptisms later, he might feel he just wasted his time. But that's NOT what he is in the mission field for. He is in the mission field to talk about the restored gospel. If he opened his mouth and talked about the restored gospel, then he has fulfilled his mission and he should feel satisfaction for it.

So, if you start feeling discouraged, stop and think about what your PURPOSE TRULY IS and see if you have accomplished it. Because, I will guarantee you, that the true purpose of your calling is not to make other people more committed.

[Guest mormonmusic]

I see the wisdom of all you have said.

In fact, I think that PC's logic is sound. I persisted in my mission because I had sought revelation before I applied that it was the right thing to do. I had that silver lining throughout my whole mission when things got tough. In fact, I think we could all have such assurance after we are called to something even though we didn't initiate the call initially and personally -- we can ask for a confirmation after the fact.

This is something I never did when I was called to be HPGL, or when my frustration level hit its upper threshold.

However, let's add another factor into this, as I've analyzed my every-heightening frustration with not getting results -- leading to my quitting the calling.

This frustration was punctuated with pressure from the people I reported to, to do better, and to get those results in spite of trying everything under the sun.

So, separating the agency of others from my own efforts wasn't an option when I sat in on various follow-up meetings. There was constant analysis of our results, sometimes impractical and insistent "suggestions" on how to do better, and also being perceived as the weak sister in the whole stake because we weren't getting the results we needed, in spite of sound organization and appropriate persuasion.

I hope you don't take this as beating up on the leaders above me -- but it was a definite variable in my overall frustration -- the same issues, the same deficiencies in performance coming up over and over again, and feeling responsible for it by the leaders above us. Their attitude was that if we weren't getting the necessary results, then we were doing something wrong.

How do you separate your own performance from the agency of others when there is this constant reminding and pressure to achieve the results required from above?

MOE said to assert yourself to the leaders above a while ago, which I see as one oossible answer -- as this experience wasn't typical of other callings I had, but let's say you do so, and the pressure continues, then what -- how do you deal with the frustration on that count? Simply reflect on the spiritual confirmation you had that you were in the right place and simply take the pressure from above with tolerance?

Edited April 20, 2010 by mormonmusic

[Guest]

how do you deal with the frustration on that count? Simply reflect on the spiritual confirmation you had that you were in the right place and simply take the pressure from above with tolerance?

You got it.

Just remember, the leaders above you may be at their wits end too and doesn't know any other way to make things better.

I follow my mother's favorite motto: Do your best and God will do the rest. If it is His will, it will be done.

[NeuroTypical]

It ain't your job to succeed, it's just your job to try. (And to be brutally honest, sometimes it ain't even your job to try - sometimes you should just mind your own business.)

[applepansy]

Last year we had three months without missionaries in our Stake. They were pulled because "there was nothing for them to do." We are a rural mountain farming community. We're growing in population as farms are turned into subdivisions but even then because of our proximity to ski resorts many of the homes are non-member vacation homes.

Our stake has worked hard to bring the gospel to non-members in our area. Our ward in particular has done an outstanding job. Yet we didn't have enough investigators to justify keeping full time missionaries with us. The bar was set and there was no way to reach it. If we pushed harder with our non-member neighbors who were beginning to be friendly, then we risked alienating them to all contact with the church. We couldn't do more and so the missionaries we reassigned to another area.

The people in our Stake and Ward continued doing what we had been doing all along. Fast, Pray, Befriend, Teach, Service, Invite people to Scouting and other community events, etc. After three months we were suddenly blessed with missionaries again. And after just that short three months, there were investigators to teach. Not new move-ins. Neighbors who had expressed a desire to never have the missionaries in their home were asking to be taught.

It didn't matter how much pressure came from the Mission or the Stake we weren't going to make anyone "choose" faster. It wasn't in our hands. Living through it was frustrating. Looking back I can see the Lord's hand at work.

[rameumptom]

MM, as an HPGL myself, I understand the frustrations. Essentially what you have to do is first go to God and see if what you are doing is everything he wants you to do. If it isn't, then make the course correction.

However, if the Lord tells you you are doing fine, then return to your leaders and explain that you are doing your best. If it isn't good enough for them, then place the monkey on their back by having them prayerfully determine what it is you are supposed to be doing. If they won't, then tell them kindly to let you fulfill your position to the best of your ability. If they don't like it, let them release you.