Hi from a sinner

[Diorvivi]

I need God in my life.....I am a big time sinner I was so good for 5 years then I kinda started drinking again and I have went back to some old habits not good not fun not very ladylike.

The missionarys have came over so much and I always have a excuse for them on why I cant study.

I want to go to church but have no dresses and really who wants to go alone..

There is a guy I truly care about but I try and sabatoge it by stupid stuff I do.He is mormon and we have sinned together.He kinda went on a mission at one point but didnt stay for so long do to medical stuff.

I am liking the attention I am getting when I go out to bars (so gross) and went and kissed another guy behind the lds guys back but I am not commeted to anyone but still feel so bad.We came close but didnt go there....

I just feel I am hurting God,myself and really hurting a innocent person with our sinning togther.

I stayed free of going out and being crazy for a good 5 years.

I just want some good lady friends and god so much crying as I type this.I pray and feel God never hears me.....Please someone any advice or prayers would be kindly appresiated.

Thank You

[Diorvivi]

I hope I didnt post anything bad and I didnt even read the rules so I am off to read them right now....

[Roseslipper]

Dear Diorvivi, Are you Lds? not that it makes a difference here, just wondering. It doesnt matter what you to wear to church, Ive seen some thru out the years come in pants, the most important thing is to go to church and dont let anyone who might say something about your dress hurt you, remember your not there for the people, but for you and your growth and your relationship with God. Just a thought here if it makes a difference to u what your wearing u might want to look at consignment shops. I dont know what state your in, but I know that there are good will stores. faith farm stores, etc. where u can get something in expensilly. Now I want you to know that were all sinners to one degree or another. Take baby steps in getting back on track If u have a drinking program go to the aa programs and do the 10 step or is it the 12 step program again. Take one day at a time. Remember God loves you, even if you are a big sinner, He wants to help you. We sometimes forget this. Talk to him like your talking to us. I hope that you will go to church this sunday sit with the missionaries and have them introduce you to the Relief Society Pres. and others. You can always email me if you want to talk. We all need people and theres nothing wrong with that. Thats part of Heavenly Fathers plan. Keep on speaking with the missionaries. take that as a sign from God, that He does love you, not everyone is blessed to have the missionaries in their lives. See you are special. God Bless you sister. you can do it..You can do it again....xo

[Diorvivi]

Thank You......No I am not LDS but I do feel when I have prayed or been very sad the mormon misssionarys show up.That does mean something to me.....Thank You again for your kind comments

[Dr T]

I'm sorry you don't feel like God hears you. I can tell you that He does. I'm sorry you are SO deep that you cannot see it. He does care, hear you and he loves you. God is that powerful. He carries you even though you do not notice. :)

[Therauh]

Welcome!

You sound alot like my last gf except she hates computers tho so.....

It sounds like you've come to a point where your realizing that somethings missing and your searching for it and in part your trying to repent of the things you've done cause in your heart you know it wasn't right.It's a step...I'm not a member yet either.Still taking baby steps.I'd jump but I have to be sure I've repented instead of just saying I have.I want to so badly.The world seems at times like it gives ya opportunities and that it's ok to do those things but eventually it breaks your heart.

I remember some words from the BoM that struck me really hard and I try to remember them often.They just seem so true and I find them helpful.

Alma 41:10 Do not suppose, because it has been spoken concerning restoration, that ye shall be restored from sin to happiness. Behold, I say unto you, wickedness never was happiness.

Alma 41

Happiness will eventually come tho

Don't worry about your cloths.

God looks at hearts and draws close to the broken hearted.

It's hard at times to deal with ourselves but

Keep taking those babysteps

/hug

Edited September 17, 2010 by Therauh

[Maya]

Hi Di. Welcome to the forum. You are right about your feeling. Only way to get rid of it is to stop hurting yourself, your boyfriend, your God. Roselipper had a very good answer for you. And I like all here can testify to you that God loves you even though you are sinner, but to know that and not to sin any more is even a better feeling!

Go for it girl! Get out of the bars adn go to church... after a while you start liking the attention you get there... especially if you are "good".

You are in the right place for backup, here are many people with very good thoughts.

[NeuroTypical]

Hi Diorvivi,

Wanting to come closer to God is a wonderful thing. Don't look at everyone else and then get discouraged by the gap between them and you. Look at yourself yesterday, and try to do a little better today.

Many people on this board (myself included) have been very, very far from God, sinning away with the best of 'em. You're in good company.

LM

[Roseslipper]

Thank You......No I am not LDS but I do feel when I have prayed or been very sad the mormon misssionarys show up.That does mean something to me.....Thank You again for your kind comments

yw.

[TheActualLiz]

Hello and welcome!

I am glad you are here and reaching out to your brothers and sisters! I understand how painful sin can be and it sounds like you are at a point where self harm has started to show its true nature. I know this because if there was a sin I missed it was purely by accident. I am far from perfect but I can offer two small ideas that have helped me in recent months.

1. Keep a copy of the scriptures in your bathroom. I know this sounds ridiculous but since I have started doing this I have been reading the scriptures every day for the first time in my life! It has been a tremendous blessing in my life and I hope it will bless you as well.

2. Program the missionaries phone number into your phone. If I have a question or a problem I can call and leave a message spontaneously rather than being intimidated by formal appointments and scheduled visits. It has really helped me reduce the procrastination factor.

I wish you the best in your spiritual journey

Liz