Lost Testimony has anyone seen it?? :confused:

[GeoRioux]

Hello,

I am convert to the Church (almost 15 years ago) and have a wonderful wife and 4 lovely kids.

But for the past several years I have felt alone and scared. I have failed at doing what the Lord has asked me to do (i.e. prayers, scripture study) and I know that this is a major reason why I feel the way I do, but as I will explain more I hope that you will have an understanding of what I am going through.

I believe that I suffer from some sort of A.D.D. and my mind wanders often even at my work. It almost takes a lot for me to concentrate on what I am doing so that I can finish a certain task. At times my job has been at risk for the decisions that I have made or the lack of performance because of my concentration, but that is for another forum.

I just feel so alone in my life and my lovely wife has told me that I need to ask my Father in Heaven for His help and answers to my questions. She bore her testimony to me last night and tears ran down her face as she described her struggle when she was younger about her relationship with Heavenly Father.

She went on to say that after Conference this past weekend she felt that for many years that I have been riding on her testimony to get me through things. This brought me to tears in somewhat of a realization that it is probably true.

I want to be able to feel that I am loved and cared for not only by my family, but also by my Father in Heaven. But I need some input on where do I begin when my concentration is easily distracted.

I have attempted to get on my knees and pray but again my train of thought wanders off and I end my prayers short. My wife has said that it may take for me to be on my knees for hours in prayer for an answer or feelings to be felt that I am loved. That short prayers are good but if I am not having a conversation with my Heavenly Father on the questions I have them I just saying words.

With my scripture study (or lack of) again the concentration is not there, I lose interest I guess. I am not really sure and it is something that I have just really started to notice and weighs heavy on my shoulders.

As a family we struggle with "life's temporal things" as I am sure many others also do and I wish that things can be better, but we have made decisions that we have to live with now and we try to move on. But as a Father,Husband and Priesthood leader I feel ashamed and embarrassed when I almost can't take care of the bare necessities of life.

I just feel so alone and unwanted at times and I really do not know where to begin to either regain that testimony that I may have had when I first learned about the gospel, or actually gain my OWN testimony and stop living off my wife's.

Can anyone out there shed some light on someone who has an attention disorder in the simple things that we are asked to do: Prayer, Scripture Study gezzz even Home Teaching.

I am sorry that I have taking a lot of space on this and I hope that I have not just made people fall asleep with what I have asked, but I am looking for some help and this is one way that I enjoy communicating with people.

And yes I know that I can go to my bishop, in fact we got a call from him last week and he wants to meet with us. Now this can be either 2 things:

1. My wife is being released from her RS calling and called again.

2. Our RS President (not my wife) talked to him about the state of our lives (particularly mine) and he wants to talk to us.

Again sorry for the long post but there is tons of questions in my head.

Thanks!

[rameumptom]

Go get a check up with your doctor. Have a complete medical exam, including checking the levels of vitamin D and etc in your system. There are many things that can cause issues with our bodies, which then can keep us from focusing and feeling the Spirit. I know when I have the flu, I am not in a position to feel the Spirit.

It may be that some ADD medication or even vitamin supplement may be the thing to help you get your focus and testimony back.

I'd also suggest you read "Change your Brain, Change your Body" by Dr Amens. It gives lots of advice on how different things affect our brains, and what things can help.

You can also look in your library for books that teach on how to focus/concentrate, or how to deal with ADD in learning. There are different methods that actually help people with learning disabilities to adapt and accomplish much.

Finally, sometimes we just need to believe. Elder Packer explained this weekend that "forgiveness means forgiveness" which is something many Saints struggle with. They believe God can forgive, but struggle to believe they have actually been forgiven. You are not alone in the struggles. They are common to all mankind.

If in prayer or scripture study your mind wanders, that is okay. When you notice it, just gently bring your mind back. Don't be angry or upset with yourself. Congratulate yourself for staying with it. But be believing. I am not convinced we always need to spend hours on our knees to get answers. I am convinced we need to learn to ponder, even if for just a few moments at a time, the things we are learning. We also need to learn gratitude. Start each morning thinking of 5 things to be grateful for, and within a month you will see big changes in your attitude. We can change our brain by using positive thoughts consistently. Many of these things, btw, were mentioned in Conference this weekend.

Think back on when you first gained your own testimony. Feel it within you. Let it live again, even for a few moments. Let it fill you with hope, peace, and joy. Then think on it for a couple moment each day. It will make a difference.

Edited October 4, 2010 by rameumptom

[skippy740]

How long did it take you to write your post?

It is purely my opinion that those with A.D.D. simply now have their own excuses for not doing the things they don't like to do. When it feels like it takes a while to do them, and that it's not a "natural" task for them to do... the mind wanders. BTW, I have been "diagnosed" with A.D.D.

Start by paying your tithing. You will be blessed with faith AND it's pretty quick to do. 10% of your pay (whatever it is). Even if you have no income or don't feel that you can pay 10%... pay SOMETHING. Put your faith in the Lord to bless you and see what happens!

[Gwen]

do you have a daily caffeine habit?

everyone talks to heavenly father differently. yes the formal prayers are important. but it's also ok to have an ongoing dialog at other times, formal or otherwise. i do believe god knows when we are talking to him. for a long time my greatest revelation came while in the shower. no formal prayer, would just start talking to him, working though questions in my mind, the answers came.

for keeping track of everything i suggest a decent electronic calendar (google has a decent free one), something you can set timers to remind you of important stuff. you can set it to remind you on the 15th to check and see if ht etc are done. you can also use it to track if you actually did your scripture reading and where you stopped. i find when i track myself i do better at keeping on things. (may also have to note things like time of day, etc. might find you do better at some times over others.)

it's also acceptable for your wife to help you establish a habit. don't try to read scriptures alone, the two of you sit down at the same time and read together. it doesn't have to be a long discussion or ss lesson. just take turns saying a prayer and reading. let the lord work on your mind later, it doesn't all have to come at once.

your testimony doesn't have to be the same as your wife's. even god says it's not wrong to sometimes ride on another's testimony. (emphasis mine)

D&C 46

13 To some it is given by the aHoly Ghost to know that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, and that he was crucified for the sins of the world. 14 To others it is given to abelieve on their words, that they also might have eternal life if they continue faithful.

she may have a gift to know and yours may be to believe on her words.... both might have eternal life if they continue faithful.

[Maya]

Hi Geo! You are on the right path. Feeling sorry for not doing what you should is a good way up! Just dont let it put you down when you again fail to read or such. good looks in our heats, just like in praying a short prayer can be better than a loooooong one!

Reading scriptures daily is also difficult to me that is why I started putting on line some scripturestudy... helps me often to do something. Or start reading just a few verses maybe with kids too. I loved sister Wixoms speach wher she told that a family started to read scriptures with only some 2 verses a day which they all repeated... I liked that.

I can understand the feeling of dullness when reading scriptures... after all I already read them once... I dont like to read books over and over again... I needed to find an other way to get in to the scriptures. My way was questions by someone who did not know of LDS faith too much, so I could use scriptures to answer.

Write a blog with short everyday toughts of what you read or try to prove something with the scriptures or just make a "speach" using the Scriptures. My awoke was to try to find out the MoB lands by reading the scriptures... I find the BoM geography facinating.

Lawrence Poulsen's Book of Mormon Geography

[GeoRioux]

How long did it take you to write your post?

It is purely my opinion that those with A.D.D. simply now have their own excuses for not doing the things they don't like to do. When it feels like it takes a while to do them, and that it's not a "natural" task for them to do... the mind wanders. BTW, I have been "diagnosed" with A.D.D.

Start by paying your tithing. You will be blessed with faith AND it's pretty quick to do. 10% of your pay (whatever it is). Even if you have no income or don't feel that you can pay 10%... pay SOMETHING. Put your faith in the Lord to bless you and see what happens!

I was up late last night and searching for answers and ran across this web site looking for someone to talk to. The house was dark and quite, it took me almost an hour to write my posting, but I also had other things that I was doing also, such as searching other sites and listening/watching Jeff Becks conversion story.

So are you saying that I just don't want to do things like reading my scriptures and saying my prayers? Now don't get me wrong there are times that I don't but that is natural.

But most times I feel that I need to do these things then I find myself doing something else that comes to my mind. My wife believes that I have some sort of A.D.D. for she has a brother and sister that both suffer from it so she has a good understanding of the 'signs'.

I agree with the paying of tithing and do so each week. It is a huge struggle for us but we push through and pay it.

I appreciate your input but looking for why you think the way you think.

[GeoRioux]

Go get a check up with your doctor. Have a complete medical exam, including checking the levels of vitamin D and etc in your system. There are many things that can cause issues with our bodies, which then can keep us from focusing and feeling the Spirit. I know when I have the flu, I am not in a position to feel the Spirit.

It may be that some ADD medication or even vitamin supplement may be the thing to help you get your focus and testimony back.

I'd also suggest you read "Change your Brain, Change your Body" by Dr Amens. It gives lots of advice on how different things affect our brains, and what things can help.

You can also look in your library for books that teach on how to focus/concentrate, or how to deal with ADD in learning. There are different methods that actually help people with learning disabilities to adapt and accomplish much.

Finally, sometimes we just need to believe. Elder Packer explained this weekend that "forgiveness means forgiveness" which is something many Saints struggle with. They believe God can forgive, but struggle to believe they have actually been forgiven. You are not alone in the struggles. They are common to all mankind.

If in prayer or scripture study your mind wanders, that is okay. When you notice it, just gently bring your mind back. Don't be angry or upset with yourself. Congratulate yourself for staying with it. But be believing. I am not convinced we always need to spend hours on our knees to get answers. I am convinced we need to learn to ponder, even if for just a few moments at a time, the things we are learning. We also need to learn gratitude. Start each morning thinking of 5 things to be grateful for, and within a month you will see big changes in your attitude. We can change our brain by using positive thoughts consistently. Many of these things, btw, were mentioned in Conference this weekend.

Think back on when you first gained your own testimony. Feel it within you. Let it live again, even for a few moments. Let it fill you with hope, peace, and joy. Then think on it for a couple moment each day. It will make a difference.

You have provided a lot of great things for me to think about.

As for the check up with a doctor, we have no health insurance for myself (costs way to much at my work) so at this time that is very difficult.

I love the 5 things I am grateful for, helps me to see that things around me are good.

Thanks for you input.

[Therauh]

I don't think you or your wife need cry tears the way you both have over this.If I found someone in this life who shared my testimony or whose testimony was so close to mine I couldn't distinguish it from my own....I'd be crying tears of joy.

[Faded]

I'm 35 and have dealt with severe ADHD all my life, though it was not recognized as such until my senior year of High School. What I got up to that point was psychologist after psychologist after psychologist that my parents took me to. I didn't do terribly well in school, and this didn't bother them until an IQ test was run on me and they realized that their mediocre-to-poor achieving son was absolutely brilliant. My parents knowing their son was a genius (by IQ score) was a curse for me rather than a blessing. I went from 5th grade to 12th knowing with absolute certainty that I was just habitually unbelievably lazy. It also comes with a great deal of social awkwardness -- something almost anyone else easily recognizes as inappropriate to say or do, folks with ADHD will quite often impulsively do anyway. The inappropriate things even makes logical sense -- to them. High School is filled with embarrassing and awkward memories from those sorts of things.

When I finally got diagnosed and medicated as a senior in High School, the world transformed night to day. I had to do a significant amount of adjusting and modifying of behavior certainly, but the world was less chaotic and more calm. If you do have ADHD or some variant of it, by all means get medicated. But I do agree with the principal of what Skippy is saying. ADD is quite possibly the most over-diagnosed mental disability out there today. Doesn't help that doctors in the USA get kickbacks from pharmaceutical companies when the prescribe a lot of medication, necessary or not. If you get diagnosed but the medication doesn't seem to make a difference, then you've likely been falsely diagnosed. At that point, stop taking it. A word of caution there: Give it a year or so to make a difference. It doesn't transform you overnight. It compensates for a neural-transmitter imbalance in your brain. You'll still have all the same habits and tendencies, but you'll have greater will power with which to make yourself a better you.

With the ADD thing in mind, the best way to pray is to be actively doing something else at the time. Personal favorite for me during my childhood was taking long walks by myself at night. The world was calm and I could speak to my Heavenly Father out loud, with the backdrop of the stars and the universe above me. While driving from place to place also works. The thing that helped for me was to be able to pray out loud rather than silently. Helped focus my thoughts on the prayer. Makes it feel more like an actual conversation. Also just having something else going on other than the prayer itself helped -- the driving, the walking, etc. Kneeling and praying even to this day is not a very effective way for me to pray. The mind wanders to easily.

To gain a testimony, you need to have a solid idea of what you're actually praying about in the back of your mind. wouldn't hurt to copy the Book of Mormon audio files from the Church website onto an IPOD or something like that. Start with a prayer to know if it is true, then take a walk while listening. Pay attention to the words and try to really visualize what is going on. Imagine yourself in the shoes of the Book of Mormon characters. How would you have acted in their place? Stop the audio when you want to pray and think some more about it to test and see how it is making you feel.

That's just one approach among many possible approaches. I can't know what is going to work for you, but it should give you some idea.s Good luck!

Edited October 5, 2010 by Faded

[Gwen]

i had asked about caffeine before, if you are ADD sometimes you can effectively self medicate with it. unless you already consume it habitually then it may be the problem.

[ryanh]

ADD is quite possibly the most over-diagnosed mental disability out there today.

As that thought relates to adults, I vehemently disagree. And GeoRioux is a classic example. Only within the last decade and a half has there been any popular awareness that ADHD may persist into adulthood in 60-70% of cases. Prior to that time, it was only believed to be a childhood condition. So, it is clearly more plausible to be underdiagnosed in adults than overdiagnosed.

GeoRioux, you can't mentally overcome this any more than a diabetic can level their insulin by thinking about it. Get to a Dr. What is better - visiting a Dr at a heavy cost of $ you don't have, or continuing to struggle at work and put yourself at risk of being unemployed - with cause?

[Faded]

As that thought relates to adults, I vehemently disagree. And GeoRioux is a classic example. Only within the last decade and a half has there been any popular awareness that ADHD may persist into adulthood in 60-70% of cases. Prior to that time, it was only believed to be a childhood condition. So, it is clearly more plausible to be underdiagnosed in adults than overdiagnosed.

100% true. I do think it became a bit of a fad diagnosis with children who were struggling in school -- which is unfortunate because this led many to disregard many of the legitimate children with the problem for real.

In adults, it absolutely is under-diagnosed because only the most extreme cases ever seemed to merit any action -- those cases bordering on needing institutionalization. I would be the perfect example of a person who got overlooked as a child, and was right on the verge of adulthood when I got diagnosed -- mainly because the general recognition of ADD was just becoming widespread, and frankly my mother was desperate to figure out what was wrong. She had long had the spiritual insight telling her something was wrong and that there was more to it than just "you son is an unbelievably lazy genius."

Incidentally, I have a friend who used to be medicated for ADD. Let me say, he really needs to get re-medicated. He's not fully functional as an adult and now untreated ADD is creating a lot of problems for him that he doesn't have to have. He copes and he compensates, but I can tell he needs the chemical imbalance to be compensated for. It's not doing his life many favors staying off of the meds.

Sometimes I just worry that we tend to go overboard on medicating everybody on God's green earth for something. Something about that doesn't seem quite right.

[Guest mirancs8]

If you are not able to pay for the medical expenses I would suggest when meeting with your Bishop discuss this with him. He might be able to help you.

Also, have to agree with people being over medicated. Though I am very pro-get help/get medicated I do think that some doctors medicate based on what you think is wrong with you rather than actually diagnosing you. This of course doesn't happen all the time but it does happen. There are people I know that I have seen this happen. I feel sad... here's a pill for that. I feel anxious... here's a pill for that. I can't focus... here you go take this. So on and so forth.

Sometimes our mental state can vary based on what is going on in our lives at that time. There has to be a way for one to determine and identify the difference from "I couldn't keep my focus this past month" to "boy I never seem to be able to keep at task and focused." I'm sure we all have our periods of feeling sad, depressed, or even lacking focus. Live circumstances can greatly influence how we respond in our day to day lives and our mental stability.

It take a great doctor to be able to dive deep enough to identify the differences from this is just a phase to this is an ongoing issue that needs long term treatment (medications, therapy etc.)

I know you said you are going to be meeting with the Bishop which is great. I encourage you to discuss this with him and see if they could help you in this time of need. If in fact you are suffering from a mental illness such as ADHD it is best you get the help you need so that you can move forward.

Good luck to you.

[GeoRioux]

i had asked about caffeine before, if you are ADD sometimes you can effectively self medicate with it. unless you already consume it habitually then it may be the problem.

I do not drink any caffeine and have not since I joined the Church. I do love my root beer though :)

[Gwen]

I do not drink any caffeine and have not since I joined the Church. I do love my root beer though :)

out of curiosity what was your caffeine intake like before you joined the church? how long ago was that? and was your life much different then (specifically in regards to the symptoms that frustrate you, the focus and whatnot)?

might try an experiment. treat it like you would an aspirin, it's medication. on your bad days or the time of the day that is worst for you to focus drink one barqs (?sp) root beer (that's actually my preferred access to caffeine). they don't have near as much caffeine as other sodas and if you don't consume it often it should have a rather quick effect. don't chug it, just a few drinks here and there. see if it helps.

my cautions with this is pay close attention, if it's not helping don't consume it. it also absolutely must be treated like a medication. like an aspirin if you take it all the time it stops working and you need more and more. you still have to use other compensating methods on the "normal" days. it's something you use for the really bad days or that 2 hours you just can't function. keep it to the lowest amt possible to get an effect, barqs root beer is not the same as a mountain dew.

another natural thing you could try (especially if you are wanting to avoid the caffeine).... good vitamin b supplement, you may have to do a sub-lingual to feel it. i couldn't get through a day without my b's. and i just remembered something i tried awhile back and found it wasn't as fast acting as the caffeine but had a better all day effect that was better (and probably healthier), magnesium. i used this guy's Natural Calm Magnesium Citrate Supplements by Peter Gillham natural Vitality bought it from my chiropractor. lol now that i'm thinking about it i think i'm gonna pick some up next chance i get, been getting off track myself lately.

[Gemma]

I have no experience of ADD, but I do know that my thoughts sometimes wander when I'm praying or reading, especially when I'm stressed. I think its a normal part of how our brains work, and the challenge is to overcome that and refocus.

I like the suggestion changed made about writing things down, but I'd use it in a different way - I'd have a notebook nearby, and every time a distracting thought came into my mind I'd write it down. That way its recorded for when I'm done with whats important right then (in this case praying) and I don't need to file 'don't forget to feed the dog' or 'I wonder what the football results are' in my subconscious and can fully concentrate.

Heavenly Father loves you and understands the efforts you are making, so I think he'd be ok with you saying 'just a second while I right this down' every now and then while you retrain yourself to concentrate better.

[Gwen]

so i realize i'm focused on the ADD aspect and though getting that out of the way could make a huge difference for you i think it's probably off topic a bit from the point of your post. so i went back and re-read your op.

putting myself in a wife's shoes (cause that's easiest for me lol) here is something that stood out to me that i missed before. i may be totally off and i know i'm taking a shot in the dark here with what little info i have but.... another thought to consider.

her instance for you to "find your own testimony" may really be her expressing the fear of "i'm worried my testimony isn't enough".

if i read you right your wife has always been the spiritual pillar for your home. (church stigma suggests that's supposed to be the man, to which i disagree.) things have gotten hard financially in the last couple yrs (has for everyone). you feel the stress and pressure of that. your wife realizes the only way through this is with the lord's help. she's scared, she's feeling pressure to being the spiritual pillar of the home. she wants the reassurance that you are with her on those things. you can't gain a testimony the way she does and it will never be just like hers. that's something she needs to understand. but it's also something you can reassure her with.

when was the last time you were on a date?

the last time you went to the temple together?

had an over night (1-3 nights) without the kids?

i know that can cost money but she may be crying out to you that she needs some reassurance that it's all going to be ok. you sound very worried about the future, i bet she is too. are you talking about that, not just the concerns but your hope and the good you see in the yrs to come.

when was the last time she got to recharge?

one thing i end up having to fuss at my husband about is my getting some time to "train" for my work. his company sends him off at least twice a yr for 3 days or more for training classes. these are important and keep him employable. but i have a career too. i'm raising our children which is also a difficult task and requires knowledge to be gained. it's not "natural" like many think it ought to be. i consider things like going to a time out for women (Time Out for Women), or going to spend the weekend with my mom and sister to be my "training". i get the chance to get away, recharge, look at my life without the distractions of daily demands, to get enthused and excited about my career. it's my "training". does your wife ever get to do something that will refill her as a woman and refill her spiritually?

if none of this applies to you and you are doing good with those things then please forgive me. just throwing it out there.

[Faded]

i had asked about caffeine before, if you are ADD sometimes you can effectively self medicate with it. unless you already consume it habitually then it may be the problem.

It's a very poor substitute for the more targeted prescription drug. And like the OP, I very seldom touched any caffeine at all in the many years prior to diagnosis.

[Gwen]

It's a very poor substitute for the more targeted prescription drug. And like the OP, I very seldom touched any caffeine at all in the many years prior to diagnosis.

it doesn't always replace a proper prescription. but in some cases it's better. my ADD is mild in comparison, the traditional prescriptions are to much. caffeine works great. i know ppl that have been on almost every prescription out there and they get just as good results on the right dosage of caffeine without some of the horrid side effects. i'm not for self diagnosing or self medicating... but i'm not for blindly following dr's either. put all the info out there and let ppl make their own choice. i'm a firm believer that ppl should participate in finding their own answers, medical and otherwise.

[ryanh]

GeoRioux, it may seem that this thread itself has become "distracted" from the original intent, but I think there is a reason for that. From my perspective (as one that does not have ADHD, but is intimately familiar with it and many who do have it), the treatment of the ADHD will go a long ways in addressing the various topics in your posts. From marriage issues, to work issues, to wondering about your testimony. I hope you listen to the small chorus suggesting you find ways to address what may be the root of the various symptoms you pointed out. And I think that is what many of the responses are trying to do - get to the root of it, rather than individually treat the multiple symptoms that likely have a common denominator.

[ryanh]

100% true. I do think it became a bit of a fad diagnosis with children who were struggling in school -- which is unfortunate because this led many to disregard many of the legitimate children with the problem for real.

In adults, it absolutely is under-diagnosed because only the most extreme cases ever seemed to merit any action -- those cases bordering on needing institutionalization. I would be the perfect example of a person who got overlooked as a child, and was right on the verge of adulthood when I got diagnosed -- mainly because the general recognition of ADD was just becoming widespread, and frankly my mother was desperate to figure out what was wrong. She had long had the spiritual insight telling her something was wrong and that there was more to it than just "you son is an unbelievably lazy genius."

Here is some information to bring legitimacy to the assertion of over or under diagnosis. Source is Is It You, Me, or Adult ADD? by Gina Pera.

One comprehensive survey concluded that about 4.4 percent of the U.S. adult population age 18-44 has ADHD; yet, only 10 percent of that 4.4 percent are being treated for it.3 As it turns out, that treatment rate is far less than that for anxiety, substance use disorders, and mood disorders such as depression and bipolar.4

Clearly, ADHD is underdiagnosed, say top experts, including that survey's lead researcher, psychologist Ronald C. Kessler, professor in the Department of Health Care Policy at Harvard Medical School and codirector of the World Health Organization's surveys on mental health in 28 countries.

Psychiatrist and ADHD expert Daniel Amen echoes this medical consensus in saying, "The idea that ADHD is a minor psychiatric disorder is dangerous and leads to undertreatment; the consequences of untreated ADHD are highly concerning." Kessler agrees, pointing out the enormous impairment associated with untreated adult ADHD and, furthermore, the effectiveness of treatment in reversing this impairment.

The dangers become even more apparent when you consider that 4.4 percent is a very conservative estimate. Many researchers suspect the true adult population with ADHD lies closer to 10 percent - and possibly as high as 16.4 percent.5 It all depends on how broadly the diagnostic criteria are applied. The bottom line: Anywhere from 9 to 35 million U.S. adults age 18 and older likely suffer some degree of impairment from undetected or untreated ADHD.6

. . . .

As for the parallel myth, that ADHD in children is overdiagnosed, one recent study confirms the general scientific literature in showing that, in fact, the opposite is true.7 Researchers found that of the 8.7 percent of U.S. children who met the criteria for ADHD, only about half had been diagnosed and one-third were consistently treated with medications.

Unfortunately, children without health insurance and children from poor families (thought to have the highest rates of ADHD) were the least likely to have been treated consistently, thus creating the misperception that ADHD is a white middle-class condition or, worse, a yuppie make-believe disease.

It's also noteworthy that the conditions listed above (and more) commonly co-exist with Adult ADHD. "Strikingly," Kessler says, "epidemiological data show that many adults with ADHD obtain treatment for related emotional problems like depression, anxiety, and substance use disorder, but that their underlying ADHD is generally not recognized or treated."

[Endnotes:]

3

R. C. Kessler, L. Adler, R. A. Barkley et al., "The Prevalence and Correlates of Adult

ADHD in the United States: Results from the National Comorbidity Survey Replication,"

The AmericanJournal of Psychiatry 163 (4) (2006): 716-23.

4

E S. Wang, M. Lane, M. Olfson et al., "Twelve-Month Use of Mental Health Services in

the United States: Results from the National Comorbidity Survey Replication," Archives of

General Psychiat~y 62 (2005): 629-40.

5

S. Faraone and J. Biederman, "What Is the Prevalence of Adult ADHD? Results of a

Population Screen of 966 Adults,"]ournal of Attention Disorders 9 (20) (2005): 384-91.

6

U.S. Bureau of the Census estimates there were 217.8 million persons age 18 years or

older as of July 1, 2003.

7

T. E. Froehlich, B. E Lanphear, J. N. Epstein et al., "Prevalence, Recognition, and

Treatment of Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder in a National Sample of US

Children," Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine 161 (9) (2007): 857-64.

[Whynot]

I"m new here and was reading your post and the replies. At first the issue seems to be adequate Scripture study and prayer? I believe the testimony we gain through our faith in Jesus by doing what He said and commanded is one of the greatest testimonies of gospel truth that is possible. Jesus promised many things, and one was that the Father and Son will make their home with us when we abide in His words. As such, I'd invite you to grow in your knowledge and belief in Him through discipleship to the Lord and that if you just spend some time with His word every day that in time it will help you as much as it has me. I just started with Matthews' account and went on from there, and I believe He will be as true to you as He is to anyone who loves Him. As the Father said, "Hear Him!"

[GeoRioux]

so i realize i'm focused on the ADD aspect and though getting that out of the way could make a huge difference for you i think it's probably off topic a bit from the point of your post. so i went back and re-read your op.

putting myself in a wife's shoes (cause that's easiest for me lol) here is something that stood out to me that i missed before. i may be totally off and i know i'm taking a shot in the dark here with what little info i have but.... another thought to consider.

her instance for you to "find your own testimony" may really be her expressing the fear of "i'm worried my testimony isn't enough".

if i read you right your wife has always been the spiritual pillar for your home. (church stigma suggests that's supposed to be the man, to which i disagree.) things have gotten hard financially in the last couple yrs (has for everyone). you feel the stress and pressure of that. your wife realizes the only way through this is with the lord's help. she's scared, she's feeling pressure to being the spiritual pillar of the home. she wants the reassurance that you are with her on those things. you can't gain a testimony the way she does and it will never be just like hers. that's something she needs to understand. but it's also something you can reassure her with.

when was the last time you were on a date?

the last time you went to the temple together?

had an over night (1-3 nights) without the kids?

i know that can cost money but she may be crying out to you that she needs some reassurance that it's all going to be ok. you sound very worried about the future, i bet she is too. are you talking about that, not just the concerns but your hope and the good you see in the yrs to come.

when was the last time she got to recharge?

one thing i end up having to fuss at my husband about is my getting some time to "train" for my work. his company sends him off at least twice a yr for 3 days or more for training classes. these are important and keep him employable. but i have a career too. i'm raising our children which is also a difficult task and requires knowledge to be gained. it's not "natural" like many think it ought to be. i consider things like going to a time out for women (Time Out for Women), or going to spend the weekend with my mom and sister to be my "training". i get the chance to get away, recharge, look at my life without the distractions of daily demands, to get enthused and excited about my career. it's my "training". does your wife ever get to do something that will refill her as a woman and refill her spiritually?

if none of this applies to you and you are doing good with those things then please forgive me. just throwing it out there.

I know you are probably reading this right now and thinking wow that was almost 2 years ago that I posted that...this is how bad my ADD is...after a few days I fogot about this site and never came back.

I get so hyperfocused and this is something that I learned that ADD people do.

As for you post now:

We just started late last year to make sure that we go on at least 2 dates a month. I know that we should do this reguarly, but we take what we can.

As for the temple, right now we both have issues with the temple. We just do not understand it at all. It is very confusing for us and for me at least it is boring. I have heard that we need to go prepared to the temple, meaning we should have a more spiritual resoning why we need to go..not just to go because we have been told to.

Right now until we can resolve some more simpilar issues, the temple is going to have to be a bit down the line.

A 2-3 day get away.....well since our romance and our relationship took a major bump last year, right now I dont know if that would be a good idea. If you read my latest post dated today (4-23) you will see why. Not only that with me working a job that pay min wage there is no way we could do that.

For her getting away I have at times when she is studying for school which lately is a lot, and I have been off, I have taking the kids out of the house for a few hours and just let her study.

I do like your idea of her just getting away for the night or weekend, but that is going to take planing and it is something I would like to talk to her about and see what she thinks. I am game for it :).

She does go and talk to her mother and sister almost once a week, but I think it is more of souding board of the issues we are going through rather than just having "fun". She does not really have I guess you would call it friends that she can go hang out with and that is because she is a closed off person. She likes her privacy and does not convey many things to I think any of her friends.

I wish that she could find a friend that she could go out and spend the day with. Will have to see where we can work on that.

I think I too need something like that. I work very hard now for little pay, then I come home and try to do my best to help around that house (not perfect yet but working on it), I also have to take time to study for school which is all on line.

So there is not "me" time either, unless you call late night sitting up watching TV, but I have no energy for that also.

You make some wonderful points and I am sorry that it took me this long to respond, I have to find a way to get on here more often. I think I will ignore FB and use this as my sounding board.

[MoonSkin]

Welcome to the forum, hope things turn out to be ok with you.