Conversation with teenage daughter

[cofchristcousin]

If I knew one well enough, I would listen. But at the moment, I don't know of any. Truth is that many of these people disappear off into the world of inactivity and the gay community long before we even know they are gay. If they aren't willing to stick around and give the members a chance to love them and include them, how are we supposed to listen to them. The only people I've known are gay never let on till they had already left the church and moved on with their lives. I never heard a word about WHY they left until many years later. I wouldn't be surprised if it were the same for many other members who are puzzled by the complaints of gays and lesbians that they are being bullied by church members. How can we be bullying them if they aren't around to bully?

This is how it has happened in the past. I'm not LDS, but my denomination currently has a similar policy regarding gays. I listened to conversations like the ones here for 17 years before coming out. The scriptures and the policies can be respected as the church's faithful following of God's will, but the casual conjectures much like what is found in these threads about the causes and character and biology of gays that a person might hear for a decade before coming out can be trust-breaking. Trust breaking between the person and the fellowship, the leaders, and breaks their trust of an understanding and merciful God, and worse, breaks their trust that they themselves are worth having around.

Most gay people in Christianity do just drift away, but those days seem to be ending. The culture has changed some, and gays are asking to be listened to, to share the damage the rhetoric has in their lives, even if they respect the Church is striving to be faithful to God's commands. Even if the policies are absolutely God's commands, the rhetoric and explanations are often not based in love and true understanding of the nature of Gay people, but come instead from misinformation rather than knowlege or experience or friendships. That too is changing, but sloowly.

[HoosierGuy]

I recently met a man who has two teen children, a boy and girl. He told me he's very open with his kids about s*x. He said his kids can ask him any questions about s*x. He also said when his teenage daughter reached sexually age, she said she had bisexually feelings. Her dad told her to be following her feelings and be herself.

Now compare that to religious parents who suppress their children who are gay or bisexual. The children will feel awkward, backward, depressed, wrong, and sad.

Life is very hard, why make life harder? Why not accept the kids inner self? Sure, some kids may not really be homosexual or bisexual, it may just be a phase. But other kids are real homosexual or bisexual.

Why make your kids miserable? It's torture. I recently learned life is hard. People have lots of problems, why create more problems? Let the teens be teens. They already have enough stupid problems to worry about -weight, looks, friends, money, other things. Why make life harder on them?

[Guest]

I recently met a man who has two teen children, a boy and girl. He told me he's very open with his kids about s*x. He said his kids can ask him any questions about s*x. He also said when his teenage daughter reached sexually age, she said she had bisexually feelings. Her dad told her to be following her feelings and be herself.

Now compare that to religious parents who suppress their children who are gay or bisexual. The children will feel awkward, backward, depressed, wrong, and sad.

Life is very hard, why make life harder? Why not accept the kids inner self? Sure, some kids may not really be homosexual or bisexual, it may just be a phase. But other kids are real homosexual or bisexual.

Why make your kids miserable? It's torture. I recently learned life is hard. People have lots of problems, why create more problems? Let the teens be teens. They already have enough stupid problems to worry about -weight, looks, friends, money, other things. Why make life harder on them?

This is wrong on so many levels.

#1 - Following feelings and be yourself? What is that? Hey, my kid wants to dig big metal spikes on his forehead running down the back of his head. That's how he feels, that's how he wants to express himself... You go right ahead dear???

#2 - Life is very hard, yes. We don't open up the Bible/Book of Mormon/what-have-you because we have a penchant for torture. What, you can't drink coffee? Are you nuts, when 5 million other people around you are regulars at Starbucks??? WHY MAKE IT SO MUCH HARDER ON YOURSELF? It's torture!

#3 - Weight, looks, friends, money, other things are stupid problems to worry about and sexuality is... not something to worry about? WHAT???

We religious folks try to teach our kids the divine purpose of sexuality. That is why we teach children to master their physical selves and ABSTAIN until after marriage. You can call it REPRESS, it doesn't matter to me. And I don't care what gender you think you are...

[zippy_do46]

We as Latter day saints need also to balance "being in the world but not of the world".

There are some topics that will never have the answer. At least the answer that people want to hear. No one "wins" everyone "loses" because we have created more bad feelings then good. I have decided not to take part in these threads that can only go to that area. I do not see "good" in pulling down another on either side of this topic.

Edited October 13, 2010 by zippy_do46

[Soulsearcher]

We as Latter day saints need also to balance "being in the world but not of the world".

There are some topics that will never have the answer. At least the answer that people want to hear. No one "wins" everyone "looses" because we have created more bad feelings then good. I have decided not to take part in these threads that can only go to that area. I do not see "good" in pulling down another on either side of this topic.

How is listening to kids pulling anyone down. I think you've displayed the crucial misunderstanding that people are trying to stop. What is being said to members isn't " throw a party and celebrate a teen admitting they are gay". Inside or out side of the church people are smart enough to know that will never go over well. What's being said is listen to the kids and give them an atmosphere of hope. The news release yesterday made it very clear how members are supposed to handle things, now as members people need to make sure that is the only way they handle it. Instead of fire and brimstone lectures of off hand comments, preach love. You can still preach the activities are a sin, can still preach celibacy, leave the rest of the conjecture where it belongs, in your head. Not sure how on earth this does anything but lift both sides. The side hurting now see "wow, the church and god doesn't hate or blame me for not being able to change no matter how hard i try" and members get the reputation as amazing christ like believers that actually love the sinner and make it knows that the sin doesn't change the person, just means that between them and god(possibly bishops and stake president) they might have some repenting to do, and those should be the only people saying anything. I see it quite easily lifting both sides to amazing wins, so how can it be viewed as pulling anyone down. Love, hope, charity, trust....all seem things the gospel portrays as good?

Unless I'm completely missing the point of your post, which is possible.

Edited October 13, 2010 by Soulsearcher

[ADoyle90815]

As I tend to think that people are born gay, I think that in conservative, religious homes and communities, someone who is born that way is less likely to admit their sexuality. Suicide has always been an epidemic in those who are born gay, especially if they were raised in a church (LDS or other Christian denomination) that teaches that homosexuality is a sin. If people want to believe that homosexuality is a sin, that's within their rights, but they should still treat people born homosexual with compassion and Christ-like love.

[Guest]

As I tend to think that people are born gay, I think that in conservative, religious homes and communities, someone who is born that way is less likely to admit their sexuality. Suicide has always been an epidemic in those who are born gay, especially if they were raised in a church (LDS or other Christian denomination) that teaches that homosexuality is a sin. If people want to believe that homosexuality is a sin, that's within their rights, but they should still treat people born homosexual with compassion and Christ-like love.

Not a single person in this entire forum is saying otherwise. The few trolls who did not get with that program got banned loooonnnggg time ago.