positive affirmations on sexuality?

[MrShorty]

Eleven, I am married (approaching 2 decades). And the reason I started this post 2 years ago was to explore what positives people have found in sex/sexuality after looking for them.

[C_T_R]

First off, if the mods/admins find this inappropriate, I'll understand. I'm not out to offend or anything.

Without going into great detail, I have found myself with a real negative view of sexuality lately. At the low points, I've found myself staring at the stars wishing G-d could have found a way to cleanse me and the world of all sexuality (For the record, I consider myself a normal, healthy heterosexual male). I would look at all the negative ways that sexuality impacts me. There are so many temptations and difficulties (pornography, infedility/adultery, sexless marriages, sexual differences, and so on) that are difficult. So many societal evils the spring out of our sexuality (rape, pornography, sexual abuse, sex trades, prostitution, and so on). Honestly, there are days when I can't find any positives in our sexuality.

I've seen some who opine that Satan has done very well at making our sexuality into something dark and evil, and removing any hint of goodness/Godliness from our sexuality. If God created sex/sexuality, then it must be good, they will say. They will say that we should maybe figure out how to reclaim our sexuality from Satan and make it something spiritual and uplifting. This morning it occurred to me that maybe a community like this one would like to take on a challenging question (all the better if you don't find the question challenging). What positives have you seen from your sexuality? How does being a sexual person uplift you? How do you "rejoice" in your sexuality rather than being shamed by it? Or however you want to phrase it.

Satan's trademark is that he operates in extremes.. but also in very sly ways. If you want to know what's true and sacred in the world look at the things we have serious problems with: sex, drugs, violence. The body is clearly very sacred. Sex is of God. I know there was a time in my life when I thought that was a turn off.. that it had to be "naughty" to put it mildly to be hot. Now? Well, I've grown up a bit in my thinking. The stuff I thought was "naughty" isn't "naughty" .. it's something I can experience with my husband foreeeeverrr, and not feel any guilt or have any problems psychologically or spiritually from it. That sounds pretty good to me.

I'm a single woman, never married, and I have been very grateful for my sexuality throughout my life so far.

I know what it's like to experience depression. I know what it's like to have that desire totally gone. It feels unhealthy to me. While I choose to live the Law of Chastity and not act on my desires, which can be unbelievably strong at times, just having that drive blesses my life! There's a drive that goes along with it. In all seriousness it has the ability to help me accomplish more. It helps me feel balanced.

But when those urges are strong? It's difficult. And if you've ever given way to some of your desires, you can easily feel the guilt that goes along with it. It's unfortunate that that can be residual when you've repented. And of course, Satan wants to take away your happiness and healthy desires.. always.. by any means he can. Remember that it isn't all or nothing as Satan would have you believe. That's not to say a single adult can experience a whole lot with it but I don't agree with the mindset of sitting there and saying, "I can't think about this. I can't think about this." Yuck! What is that? I related a story in one of my posts about brown monkeys.. anyway the point is that if you're thinking you can't do it, or you shouldn't be thinking about it, guess what's on your mind?

My opinion? Everybody needs to take a chill pill about it. If a thought enters your head that is arousing, then it's arousing and move on. Easier said than done sometimes but the point is not to get overwhelmed by it every time it happens. D&C 20:22 He suffered temptations but gave no heed unto them. The sun is shining, and there's a nice breeze, and I'm horny, and there's the neighbor walking her cute dog. Yanno what I mean?

It's been uplifting in my life because I choose to associate those feelings with love.. with my future husband whoever he may be and whenever I may get to marry him. In that way it's a sweet feeling, and if I don't indulge in it, a pure feeling. One that I look forward to expressing when the time is right.

But if I hang around temptation or put myself in its way, I'm messing with fire. I don't like that because it is such a beautiful thing. I don't want to associate negative with it. There have been times in my past when, because of my actions, I have. But through repentence it can be transformed again. It's never too late for someone who truly wants that. But it's a choice I have to make multiple times a day and one I don't always make perfectly. I'm trying though.

I feel like in a sense getting in control and bridling these passions are like learning to ride a bicycle. God, your Heavenly Father, is right there with you as you try it out on your own and if you fall off the bike, he's right there to make it better and help you get back on. And more and more it's easier to ride longer. But I just feel an overwhelming sense of God's love and His patience with those who sincerely want to do what's right. Sometimes you just shake it off and get back on the bike. ... I think I've gone off on a tangent here.

I'm grateful for sexuality. I believe it's the closest thing we have to being like God when used in the right context. It's a huge gift.. and one I'll thoroughly enjoy with my hubby, Whenever he wants to show up is ok. Anytime now.

[bluedreams]

I will probably cause ire with this post – but it would seem that your “fascination” with sex is a characteristic more common among men. Thus it would also seem that if you follow the template condition of most marriages that your husband would be one of the few that does not share your enthusiasm – in order that all things be balanced – and that you learn to control your passions like the rest of us – or maybe not!

You take this post as serious or sarcasms – as relevant or obtuse – whatever. But it was not intended just for you.

I'll take it relatively serious but not super seriously . Actually I'd read a stat sometime ago that women are more likely to find a husband that is sexually compatible than men are...especially when they rate high. So I statistically have a promising future . And bridling (wouldn't say controlling) one's passion has nothing to do with who your partner is...it should start long before you have any partner at all, ideally.

And though I definitely have a facsination with sex and sexuality in general, that part isn't characteristic for either men or women. The way that I'm fascinated is heavily on a therapy/knowledge based inquiry as opposed to some form of experiential. So though I'm fascinated about what makes a healthy sexual relationship, I'm equally facsinated by the various expressions of sexuality and sexual dysfunction as well. If by "facsination" you mean drive....I'm pretty sure I beat out a good number of men as well. At least that's what a number of my guy friends have told me. But honestly I see Male and Female sexuality are on similar bell curves, but are expressed differently. We more readily recognize male sexual expression than we do women.

End of random thoughts

With luv,

BD

Edited August 17, 2012 by bluedreams

[MrShorty]

After another year and a half, I'm opening this back up (I never know if it is better to resurrect an old thread or start new). Anyway, I was reading through Elder Bednar's most recent conference talk We Believe in Being Chaste - general-conference and a couple of things really stood out to me.

1)

The power of procreation is spiritually significant. --- How we feel about and use that supernal power will determine in large measure our happiness in mortality and our destiny in eternity.

This is perhaps the section of the talk that really hit me. I knew that somehow, sexuality was "spiritually significant" I'm just not sure I understand very well how it is spiritually significant.

In the context of a talk like this, I expect Elder Bednar was thinking of the permissive and casual attitudes of the broader culture towards sex and promiscuity. The "if it feels good, do it" kind of thinking. Because of this, I might be reading more into it than he wants, but I feel like a statement like this can also mean those who develop overly "puritanical" views on sex -- sex is a necessary evil, to be engaged in solely for the purpose of having children, and, even then, try not to enjoy it." Or perhaps those, husbands and wives, who decide that sex is not for them- they are going to take their marriage to a "higher" plane where sex is shunned. Could those who refuse to develop and nurture their sexuality in marriage also be included in a statement like this?

2)

The means by which mortal life is created is divinely appointed. - Elder Bednar

The power to create mortal life is the most exalted power God has given his children. -Elder Oaks

they [sexual relations] are in mortality one of the ultimate expressions of our divine nature.... -Elder Bednar

I often have a hard time believing superlatives like Elder Oaks used here, but do we really believe this? Do we teach this to ourselves and to our children? As short, simple, positive statements about sexuality, these statements really struck me. In part because I believe and want to believe that they are true (even if it is difficult to accept that it could be the most exalted power). And in part because I wonder if we are teaching this to ourselves and our young people as effectively as we should. Would our youth be more or less inclined to abstain from sexual behaviors if they really understood and believed that sexuality is an "exalted power" and "the ultimate expression of our divine nature?" When young women talk about "divine nature," is it appropriate to help them understand that their sexuality is a part of that divine nature? Do we understand and accept, as parents and leaders, how sexuality is part of our divine nature so that we can help them understand? We usually associate sexuality with the "carnal and sensual" natural man -- how can we make the leap to associating our sexuality with our divine nature?

Again, I hope it's alright to resurrect this old thread to add some new thoughts to it. If nothing else, I found it useful for myself to try to put these thoughts into words.

Edited May 7, 2013 by MrShorty