positive affirmations on sexuality?

[MrShorty]

First off, if the mods/admins find this inappropriate, I'll understand. I'm not out to offend or anything.

Without going into great detail, I have found myself with a real negative view of sexuality lately. At the low points, I've found myself staring at the stars wishing G-d could have found a way to cleanse me and the world of all sexuality (For the record, I consider myself a normal, healthy heterosexual male). I would look at all the negative ways that sexuality impacts me. There are so many temptations and difficulties (pornography, infedility/adultery, sexless marriages, sexual differences, and so on) that are difficult. So many societal evils the spring out of our sexuality (rape, pornography, sexual abuse, sex trades, prostitution, and so on). Honestly, there are days when I can't find any positives in our sexuality.

I've seen some who opine that Satan has done very well at making our sexuality into something dark and evil, and removing any hint of goodness/Godliness from our sexuality. If God created sex/sexuality, then it must be good, they will say. They will say that we should maybe figure out how to reclaim our sexuality from Satan and make it something spiritual and uplifting. This morning it occurred to me that maybe a community like this one would like to take on a challenging question (all the better if you don't find the question challenging). What positives have you seen from your sexuality? How does being a sexual person uplift you? How do you "rejoice" in your sexuality rather than being shamed by it? Or however you want to phrase it.

[Traveler]

I believe sexuality is divinely inspired and designed. Why? Simply because men and women are so different. So different that it is impossible for agreement and real harmony when following “natural” urges. For the whole sexuality thing to work there must be concessions by both the male and the female. There must become giving and giving up. And none of this is static but dynamic as families grow and the aging process takes place.

My last point is that a couple cannot work out their differences in a forum such as this. The differences must be worked out in private under the umbrella of love and respect for each other and more regards for the other than for self. It is the perfect trial that can unite a couple as one and cement an eternal bond.

The Traveler

[rameumptom]

I think it goes back to key premises in Abraham 3. We were sent, as divine children of God, to this earth to be tested and tried. Part of the issue was to overcome the flesh, or natural man. God gave us holy gifts and talents, then watches to see how we use them.

The parable of the Talents also comes into play here. We are each given a variety of gifts and talents, some more than others. Now we see what we'll do with those talents. Are we using them for the Lord, or for ourselves? Are we seeking to multiply God's loaned gifts? Or are we burying or selfishly abusing them?

God's greatest gifts are Christ-like Love, and Pro-creation. Our flesh and natural man seeks to use these in selfish ways. As it is, some people may very well have genetic tendency towards the natural man in one way or the other (sexual or drug addiction, for example). Regardless of our tendencies and/or temptations, we must seek to overcome the flesh, put off the natural man, and become the spiritual Christ-like being.

These are difficult things for many to hear. Nephi agreed that the words of God are difficult for the natural man to hear. But there is a law that corresponds to every kingdom of heaven (D&C 88), and we will achieve according to our obedience and faith to that law. The only issue then is, how willing are we as individuals to humble ourselves enough so that God can show us the way to follow him? Easy? No. Overcoming the flesh is very difficult, and is not just a one time thing.

But that is why we are also given a Savior. When we sin, which is giving in to bad behavior, we can repent and be cleansed in the blood of our Redeemer. And then we can be made holy through the Gift of the Holy Ghost. This is the reason we are commanded to "receive the Holy Ghost." There is no other way to cast off the natural man and be truly reborn.

Once we are in tune with the Spirit, then sexual activity is placed in its proper spot. Sex is not the end-all thing, as the world teaches us on every television show out there. Sex is but a small, yet important, part of true intimacy. We learn to become one with God by becoming one with our spouse. Then God shares his powers of creation with man and woman, so that they may multiply and replenish the earth.

The problem it seems, is that the world is screaming its wicked ways so much into your ears, that you can no longer sense God's quiet and reassuring Spirit whispering to you about the profound beauty of celestial love in its fullness.

Turn off the television. Quit listening to the world's focus on sex. Focus on creating the home as a heaven/temple on earth, where within its walls resides pure and wonderful love, kindness, purity, charity, and selflessness. THEN you will see what the plan of salvation truly means.

[MarginOfError]

This morning it occurred to me that maybe a community like this one would like to take on a challenging question (all the better if you don't find the question challenging). What positives have you seen from your sexuality?

Um, sex.

How does being a sexual person uplift you?

Um, I enjoy having sex.

How do you "rejoice" in your sexuality rather than being shamed by it? Or however you want to phrase it.

Um, by having sex.

I guess I don't get it. I don't see anything evil in sexuality. Perhaps in the way some people choose to approach their sexuality. But that has very little to do with me, and I'm quite content to focus on my own sexual issues.

[Dravin]

Without going into great detail, I have found myself with a real negative view of sexuality lately. At the low points, I've found myself staring at the stars wishing G-d could have found a way to cleanse me and the world of all sexuality (For the record, I consider myself a normal, healthy heterosexual male). I would look at all the negative ways that sexuality impacts me. There are so many temptations and difficulties (pornography, infedility/adultery, sexless marriages, sexual differences, and so on) that are difficult. So many societal evils the spring out of our sexuality (rape, pornography, sexual abuse, sex trades, prostitution, and so on). Honestly, there are days when I can't find any positives in our sexuality.

Isn't that kinda like wishing God hadn't made food because you are tempted by (literal) coffee cake? Now I can understand the attraction, I like to blame baked goods on my tendency to over indulge, but when you step back and try to view things from a more logical and neutral perspective it doesn't play out as well I think.

As far as not being ashamed by my sexuality, it is the same as why I do not curse wheat because it can be turned into donuts. I also have no problem thinking, "Wheat bread, both healthy and delicious." If one bogs down in thinking all the ways wheat can be used to make unhealthy foods of course one will develop a dim view of wheat.

How's that for an analogy that probably only makes a lick of sense to myself?

Edited November 19, 2010 by Dravin

[Last_Daze]

There is the old Latin adage abusus non tollit usum, which basically suggests that abuse is not an argument against proper use. Just because something can be (and often is) horrifically misused does not mean that it should not be used properly and in the proper context.

Sexuality is a gift from God and part of the beauty of creation; like all of God's gifts, it is meant to be used properly. Scripture and the teachings of the church lay out very clearly what the proper use is, at least for those who are part of the church. That's what the Law of Chastity is all about.

[Guest wolfey]

Mr.Shorty all your questions about the merits of sexuality will be answered when you finally have sex

its AWESOME

[Gwen]

Um, sex.

Um, I enjoy having sex.

Um, by having sex.

lol spoken like a man.

[Guest]

I'm woman. Hear me roar.

[MrShorty]

So different that it is impossible for agreement and real harmony when following “natural” urges. For the whole sexuality thing to work there must be concessions by both the male and the female. There must become giving and giving up. And none of this is static but dynamic as families grow and the aging process takes place.

Regardless of our tendencies and/or temptations, we must seek to overcome the flesh, put off the natural man, and become the spiritual Christ-like being.

Kind of sounds like, "sex is a necessary evil to be tolerated and endured and someday we will transcend (if that's conveys the right meaning) our sexuality." While I can certainly appreciate the importance of overcoming our fallen natures, I guess, in terms of natural vs. spiritual man, I might ask if there is room for sexual urges on the spiritual man side of the coin? I guess that's somewhat rhetorical because I know that the answer to that question is, "yes." I think part of my intent was to get ideas/testimonials on how sexuality fits on the spiritual man/woman side of the coin.

It is the perfect trial that can unite a couple as one and cement an eternal bond.

This is certainly in my mind one of the great positives of sex -- the way it can help "cement that eternal bond" between husband and wife.

Dravin: I like the food analogy. It suggests that sexuality by itself is a neutral thing -- the positive and negative elements are in the use/implementation. So, if you feel so inclined, how do you make it a positive?

Sexuality is a gift from God and part of the beauty of creation; like all of God's gifts, it is meant to be used properly. Scripture and the teachings of the church lay out very clearly what the proper use is, at least for those who are part of the church. That's what the Law of Chastity is all about.

And, yet, it seems that whenever we talk about the law of chastity, all we talk about are the "thou shalt nots" (pornography, adultery/fornication) and the many evils associated with breaking the law of chastity. If you had to put a positive spin on the law of chastity, what would you say those positives are?

Um, sex.

Um, I enjoy having sex.

Um, by having sex.

lol spoken like a man.

Gwen, I know your response is lighthearted and joking, but I'm going to ask a serious question, anyway. Are you implying that only men can find enjoyment in sex? Are women incapable of enjoying sex? As has been said, the world's attitude towards sexuality has little bearing on my sexuality. However, my spouse's attitude will have a significant impact. As Traveler said, one of the great trials of marriage is working together as husband and wife to overcome those sexual differences and find common ground. I guess I want to address these questions to those of the female persuasion, too. What positives do you see in your sexuality?

I'm glad you seem to enjoy your sexuality, Margin of Error. There's no question I enjoy it, too. Dravin's food analogy reminded me of the alleged "better-than-sex-cake" that some have claimed to make (usually involving lots of chocolate). I love chocolate/sweets as much as anyone, but "better-than-sex"??? I can't see it. And, just as it can be difficult to put into words how wonderful doughnuts taste (mmmmmmm..... doughnuts......where's a pic of Homer?:) ), it is probably difficult to put into words just how enjoyable sex is. I hate to be a stick in the mud, but this is a little nerve that Gwen's joke hits in me. Underlying is the implication (or perceived implication) that, if you and I had sufficiently overcome the natural man, we wouldn't enjoy sex as much.

[MarginOfError]

Gwen, I know your response is lighthearted and joking, but I'm going to ask a serious question, anyway. Are you implying that only men can find enjoyment in sex? Are women incapable of enjoying sex?

Based on the number of kids Gwen has, I'm quite certain she knows that women are very capable of enjoying sex.

I'm glad you seem to enjoy your sexuality, Margin of Error. There's no question I enjoy it, too. Dravin's food analogy reminded me of the alleged "better-than-sex-cake" that some have claimed to make (usually involving lots of chocolate). I love chocolate/sweets as much as anyone, but "better-than-sex"??? I can't see it. And, just as it can be difficult to put into words how wonderful doughnuts taste (mmmmmmm..... doughnuts......where's a pic of Homer?:) ), it is probably difficult to put into words just how enjoyable sex is. I hate to be a stick in the mud, but this is a little nerve that Gwen's joke hits in me.

Well if you can't laugh at outdated stereotypes, what can you laugh at?

Underlying is the implication (or perceived implication) that, if you and I had sufficiently overcome the natural man, we wouldn't enjoy sex as much.

Nonsense. In fact, I dare say that those who overcome the natural man enjoy sex more than those who don't.

[pam]

Based on the number of kids Gwen has, I'm quite certain she knows that women are very capable of enjoying sex.

The number of kids that a woman has doesn't always mean that there is an enjoyment of sex.

[MarginOfError]

Pam, this is a discussion about sexuality. You of all people here should know that logic does not factor in to any discussion about sexuality here.

[pam]

Pam, this is a discussion about sexuality. You of all people here should know that logic does not factor in to any discussion about sexuality here.

Oops I forgot. Carry on.

[pam]

If you had to put a positive spin on the law of chastity, what would you say those positives are?

The positive side on the law of chastity is the blessings you receive in following this law. The step closer to exaltation. The happiness you can feel as well as what your Heavenly Father feels towards you in following it. I also can see how those that follow it have a much better feeling towards sexuality than those that throw it around and then it does become degrading or abused.

There are can nots in many things. It doesn't always make it a negative thing. To me those that find it mainly in the negative or express negativity are those that choose not to follow.

Which might come across that I'm stating you choose not to follow MrShorty. That's hardly my intent. I'm talking in generalities and not YOU specifically.

[Dravin]

Dravin: I like the food analogy. It suggests that sexuality by itself is a neutral thing -- the positive and negative elements are in the use/implementation. So, if you feel so inclined, how do you make it a positive?

By remembering the sex between husband and wife is not just a way to bring pleasure to the other (which shouldn't be discounted, helping one you love feel good is a positive thing). It is also a way for husband and wife to connect to cleave unto the other. Additionally such an act places you in a vulnerable position. You have exposed your self in both literal and figurative senses and been accepted by the one you love. How could that not be an uplifting experience? There is also that potential to create precious and sacred life.

Now is all sex like that (and I'm including between married couples)? No, but the potential is there. I think if one looks upon sex as simply a means of satisfying lust one misses a lot of its potential. In the interest of full disclosure I'm single and so the married people may point fingers and laugh but I honestly see sex as ultimately (though once again not always, sometimes it's a itch scratching exercise) a sacred and intimate act that can express love in a unique way (despite jokes like cake) and bring man and wife together.

Edited November 19, 2010 by Dravin

[martybess]

First off, if the mods/admins find this inappropriate, I'll understand. I'm not out to offend or anything.

Without going into great detail, I have found myself with a real negative view of sexuality lately. At the low points, I've found myself staring at the stars wishing G-d could have found a way to cleanse me and the world of all sexuality (For the record, I consider myself a normal, healthy heterosexual male). I would look at all the negative ways that sexuality impacts me. There are so many temptations and difficulties (pornography, infedility/adultery, sexless marriages, sexual differences, and so on) that are difficult. So many societal evils the spring out of our sexuality (rape, pornography, sexual abuse, sex trades, prostitution, and so on). Honestly, there are days when I can't find any positives in our sexuality.

I've seen some who opine that Satan has done very well at making our sexuality into something dark and evil, and removing any hint of goodness/Godliness from our sexuality. If God created sex/sexuality, then it must be good, they will say. They will say that we should maybe figure out how to reclaim our sexuality from Satan and make it something spiritual and uplifting. This morning it occurred to me that maybe a community like this one would like to take on a challenging question (all the better if you don't find the question challenging). What positives have you seen from your sexuality? How does being a sexual person uplift you? How do you "rejoice" in your sexuality rather than being shamed by it? Or however you want to phrase it.

Hard to read between the lines here.

I wonder how many ppl have asked this question? How can something that I suffer with more than any other thing I have encountered be a good thing?

I don't think this temptation can be lumped into the "Pride/Selfish" category that most sin falls in. Some have actual differences physically to others. It's not just my own greed to satisfy the natural man.

[Dravin]

You may find this talk given by Elder Holland while when he was President of BYU of interest. I'm thinking most particularly the sections titled "A symbol of Total Union" and "A Holy Sacrament." Linky: Of Souls, Symbols, and Sacraments

[beefche]

The law of chastity is not just thou shalt not. Look at it again. It is to have sexual relations--but keep it within the bounds the Lord has set. We are promised that if we do so, then we can receive many blessings.

I am one who believes that sex can be a very spiritual experience. Obviously, not each and every single time, with or without a spouse--but, because it is so sacred, it makes sense to me that we can feel the Spirit while engaging in this very intimate experience with our spouse.

[Gwen]

i didn't read every word of every post, just the stuff that seemed to be about me. lol

i'm not implying that women like sex less. just that it's all men think about. women enjoy sex but not to the extent we would starve to death given the opportunity to have sex or eat. men on the other hand..... i think it's an indication of intelligence not ability to enjoy sex.

and before anyone gets upset i'm mostly kidding, i was joking on a stereotype (which are often created for a reason). lol take a deep breath, i'm not being that philosophical here. and yes i have had days where it's the only thing on my mind and i can turn innocent comments into sex jokes with the best of them. and then i had kids. lol sorry for not being serious and striking any nerves.

[Bini]

I like Beefche's points.

I'm not sure if I personally would describe intimacy with my husband as a spiritual experience where I feel the Spirit. Do I feel safe? Yes. Do I feel loved? Yes. Do I feel like a million bucks? Yes. Maybe this is the Spirit that I'm feeling? I guess I've just never thought of it that way. I've always felt it as a special moment of bonding with my spouse but not necessarily in a spiritual manner. But like I said, maybe what I'm feeling IS the Spirit. Just never thought of it like that.

[pam]

Obviously, not each and every single time, with or without a spouse

I'm confused by this. You are speaking about sex..but with or without a spouse?

[MrShorty]

In fact, I dare say that those who overcome the natural man enjoy sex more than those who don't.

I appreciate your responses, Margin of Error. I believe this is true. Someone who overcomes selfishness and has a proper understanding of what God intended will learn how to enjoy sex like Bini described (thank you for you post bini). I also find it to an interesting contrast to those "righteous" people who will claim that sex is only for procreative purposes or who use religious arguments to say that there should be minimal enjoyment of sex.

There are can nots in many things. It doesn't always make it a negative thing. To me those that find it mainly in the negative or express negativity are those that choose not to follow.

Thank you for your thoughts, Pam. I've found that this can actually be a good filter to apply to my attitude. I can't think of the reference right now, but it seems like Alma in talking to his son Corianton talked about trying to gain joy from wickedness which is contrary to the laws of God, because "Wickedness never was happiness" As noted above, it seems that some well-intentioned righteous people, in focusing only on the negatives, can turn sex into a necessary evil without fully understanding God's real intentions.

Dravin, I didn't realize you were single. I appreciate your comments on this thread all the more by representing that demographic. I have heard of that talk by Elder Holland, but hadn't yet read it.

Thanks to alll who have shared their insights.

[Dravin]

I'm confused by this. You are speaking about sex..but with or without a spouse?

I think she was trying to create a disclaimer like mine, that it isn't always a spiritual experience even if one is married, but it came out kinda funny.

[beefche]

I'm confused by this. You are speaking about sex..but with or without a spouse?

Yes, pam, there are some people who have sex with someone beside their spouse.

I meant that not every time someone has sex, whether the person has a marriage partner or a partner to whom they are not married, it is not always an intimate, spiritual experience. Even married people have sex that isn't about being intimate/spiritual. But, I do believe that sex between a married couple can be very intimate and spiritual.