positive affirmations on sexuality?

[pam]

Gotcha...I took it as with a spouse or alone. Thanks for the clarification. :)

[rameumptom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by rameumptom

Regardless of our tendencies and/or temptations, we must seek to overcome the flesh, put off the natural man, and become the spiritual Christ-like being.

Mr Shorty:

Kind of sounds like, "sex is a necessary evil to be tolerated and endured and someday we will transcend (if that's conveys the right meaning) our sexuality." While I can certainly appreciate the importance of overcoming our fallen natures, I guess, in terms of natural vs. spiritual man, I might ask if there is room for sexual urges on the spiritual man side of the coin? I guess that's somewhat rhetorical because I know that the answer to that question is, "yes." I think part of my intent was to get ideas/testimonials on how sexuality fits on the spiritual man/woman side of the coin.

There is a spiritual side to it. Sex is not a necessary evil. It is a necessary God given gift for procreation and intimacy between husband and wife.

Everything else, however, is UNnecessary evil.

[Bensalem]

First off, if the mods/admins find this inappropriate, I'll understand. I'm not out to offend or anything.

Without going into great detail, I have found myself with a real negative view of sexuality lately. At the low points, I've found myself staring at the stars wishing G-d could have found a way to cleanse me and the world of all sexuality (For the record, I consider myself a normal, healthy heterosexual male). I would look at all the negative ways that sexuality impacts me. There are so many temptations and difficulties (pornography, infedility/adultery, sexless marriages, sexual differences, and so on) that are difficult. So many societal evils the spring out of our sexuality (rape, pornography, sexual abuse, sex trades, prostitution, and so on). Honestly, there are days when I can't find any positives in our sexuality.

I've seen some who opine that Satan has done very well at making our sexuality into something dark and evil, and removing any hint of goodness/Godliness from our sexuality. If God created sex/sexuality, then it must be good, they will say. They will say that we should maybe figure out how to reclaim our sexuality from Satan and make it something spiritual and uplifting. This morning it occurred to me that maybe a community like this one would like to take on a challenging question (all the better if you don't find the question challenging). What positives have you seen from your sexuality? How does being a sexual person uplift you? How do you "rejoice" in your sexuality rather than being shamed by it? Or however you want to phrase it.

In the context of marriage, sexuality is fulfilling. Human touch and intimacy is a gift from God. Procreation allows us to partake of God's creation. Genesis tells us, "Let us make man in our image." The LDS "Proclamation to the Family" states that our sexuality (gender) predates our mortal life. God is a pair of beings; we can be as He is.

Before there was Adam and Eve, there was Michael who helped Christ in the creation. Eve came out of his being; marriage allows the two to be one again. We are not complete with out the other.

Where does your apparent shame derive from? In holy matrimony there should be no shame. In paired commitment there should be joy. The model for a consecrated union has been laid out by God in Christ.

Sexuality gone wrong is modeled according to Babylon, not Israel.

[MrShorty]

In holy matrimony there should be no shame. In paired commitment there should be joy.

I can certainly believe that this should be true. And, yet, sex and sexuality are significant contributors to what drives couples apart. While president Kimball didn't publish data, his fairly well-known statement about divorces being caused by sexual incompatibility (without specifying what sexual incompatibility is) is echoed by others. There are so many couples driven apart by pornography and infidelity and other violations of the law of chastity. Perhaps the "shame" (if that's the right word) derives from that fact that when we discuss sexuality, all we talk about are all these ways that sex drives couples apart. It is estimated that 20% (1 iin 5) of marriages is clinically "sexless" (meaning they make love less than 10 times per year) and this also drives couples apart (Involuntary Celibacy - Laura's Strengthening Marriage Blog - Official Blog of Author and Intimacy Expert Laura M. Brotherson). We don't really talke to couples (and singles before they get marrieda) about how their sexuality contributes to their joy as a couple. How does sexuality help bring you joy, Bensalem? Sexuality gone wrong is probably modeled after Babylon as you say, but there are many who get it wrong (more than get it right??).

The model for a consecrated union has been laid out by God in Christ.

I'm never quite sure how I feel about this as a model or the model of Christ and the church as outlined in Ephesians. While I can see how these models describe how we are to love each other, these models are so "sterile" and "asexual" and I have a hard time in my own mind putting a sexual component to them. How do you see the model of God and Christ or Christ and the church as a model for improving the sexual relationship between a couple? How does this model help someone struggling with pornography or other sexual incompatibilities?

It is a necessary God given gift for procreation and intimacy between husband and wife.

I can certainly agree with this. One observation: it seems that all the positives that go with our sexuality are within a married context. Do singles find any positives in their sexuality? One of my frustrations with the model for sexuality that we seem to teach is that any positives only apply to married people. I remember when I was single feeling so much frustration with my sexuality, never seeing anything good in it, except to do everything I could to be asexual. Then, when I got married, I could, within the context of a 20 minute ceremony, suddenly become sexual. Only to find out that that 20 minute ceremony did not make it easy. As Traveler said, that 20 minute ceremony is just the beginning of a lifelong quest as a couple to find the good in sexual relations. As one single person put it on another blog (and I paraphrase). She was "taught" that, "sex is dirty, wicked, evil, gross, sinful, terrible, awful, ... so save it for someone you really love." Expecially since our society encourages singles to delay marriage longer and longer, how do we help singles see the positive in sexuality, when it seems that all the positives are denied them?

[Dravin]

Expecially since our society encourages singles to delay marriage longer and longer, how do we help singles see the positive in sexuality, when it seems that all the positives are denied them?

If we define sexuality as having sex then there are no positives for a single person in 'sexuality'. That said, if we don't use such a narrow definition, being able to be attracted to someone is certainly not a curse. I'm attracted to my girlfriend, I rejoice in the fact that I find her attractive. My desire to do intimate things with her is not shameful, dirty or sinful unless I do not bridle those desires. They are an outgrowth of my deep feelings for her (and biology, that can't be discounted), now is just not the time to express those aspects of those feelings but I am not ashamed of them. I do not find them negative even if sometimes trying to control. It'd be like thinking of your children as negative because they can be a trial at times.

How do we prepare non-members or children for the blessings of baptism? Or young men for the priesthood they will hold? By teaching them its proper nature and the good contained therein (and the duties but those are quite arguably part of the good). Now that said, people teaching sex is dirty as a shortcut for properly teaching that sex is sacred are doing immeasurable harm to their charges. Do we teach investigators that tithing is a horrible nasty thing to be avoided but that when they are baptized they will be able to partake of it? The sacrament? The priesthood?

A lot of this problem is a failure of the topic to be taught at home. The onus is on the parents to properly teach about sex and sexuality. If that was done when it is explained at Church, the harms of the misuse of sex, then people would understand the topic is the misuse of sex and not sex period and have a balance on the subject.

Edited November 27, 2010 by Dravin

[Last_Daze]

With respect, Shorty, I understand that you find the Law of Chastity and the teachings of (lets face it) virtually every major religion with respect to sexuality negative. I wonder if you would tell us what, in your mind, would constitute a 'positive' teaching vis a vis unmarried persons and sexuality. That might go a good way to making your point a bit clearer.

As a general matter, I have to agree with Dravin; if the only way to put a positive spin on sexuality means actually having sex (irrespective of marital status), then it is just not going to happen. It is not a question of sexuality being positive or negative; it is unequivocally positive in the proper context, and unequivocally negative when divorced from that context. It is a gift from our Creator; like all such gifts, it is meant to be used properly. The scriptures and the teaching of the church are quite clear in this regard: keep your pants on until you are married.

[Dravin]

I wonder if you would tell us what, in your mind, would constitute a 'positive' teaching vis a vis unmarried persons and sexuality. That might go a good way to making your point a bit clearer.

To be fair that is a question he's asking. I don't think he's trying to get some sort of capitulation that sex outside of marriage is good. He's just feeling that the "don't use your sexuality in this context because it's bad in that context" far outweighs the public teaching by the Church of "but do use your sexuality in this context because it is good, and this other context isn't sinful but you need to keep an eye on it."

So its not a question of doctrine but of perception. And the overwhelming amount of stuff taught about sexuality is the don'ts. Don't lust, don't look at pornography, don't masturbate, don't pet, don't have pre-marital sex is the majority (in my experience) of what is heard over the pulpit. While there are talks and topics about the sacred nature of sex and the blessings and positive aspects of it they are dwarfed by the negative examples given.

The thing is I don't think it is any systematic attempt, its just teachings about the proper use of sexuality, about the dual nature of sexuality how it can both be a great source or joy or pain depending on how it is used, is something to be taught at home. I know some may object to this concept but some subjects are too sacred to be taught at Church, to be left up to primary teachers. I think if someone's kid came home from church and told their parents that today they learned about the joys and beauties of sexuality and having sex with their future spouse quite a few parents would flip their tops because that topic is properly something (when talking about minors) to be taught by the parents.

The thing is by the time people are adults, if their parents weren't on the ball, pretty much all they've heard is, "Sex now will bring you pain and misery" with tons of exposition on why and how with usually a short line thrown in at the end of "but with your spouse it is wonderful and appropriate." And outside of of childhood the problem is the topic is generally taboo so if you are relying on conference talks to form your perceptions then you are still working against a ratio that favors the potential downsides of sexuality with just a smattering of, "It's wonderful and ordained of God to bring Husband and Wife together."

So I personally feel his premise is valid. He's just not going, "Oh, okay. Your explanation of why it is good completely negates a lifetime of predominate teachings about the negative aspects of sexuality due to misuse." Which feels like he's not accepting what we are saying, as if he's holding out for something more. I think it's just a case of deep seated views are hard to excise.

Edited November 27, 2010 by Dravin

[Last_Daze]

Dravin, you helped me understand a little better what we are getting at here; I can get on board with almost everything you said.

The problem, as I see it, is that it is difficult to make teaching about chastity and sexuality all rainbows and unicorns because, frankly, the Law of Chastity is more about 'don'ts' than it is about 'dos'. Quite simply, the positive commandments inherent in the LoC are outweighed by the negative commandments, especially in its application to the prevailing secular ethic of our time regarding sexuality. I don't know that it is itself positive or negative; it simply "is."

One way to make it more positive, I guess, is to encourage marriage at a younger age (assuming the couple are ready for marriage). Average age at first marriage is somewhere in the neighborhood of 26 yrs these days.

[Bensalem]

…sex and sexuality are significant contributors to what drives couples apart. Sexuality gone wrong is probably modeled after Babylon as you say, but there are many who get it wrong (more than get it right??).

How does sexuality help bring you joy, Bensalem?

Granted, there are many ways sex and sexuality become obstacles to the joy that should be felt between a man and a woman. Getting it right requires the participation of both parties. Practice makes perfect, communication is essential, listening is critical, and patience a must. Each person must place the other first, yet be in focus of their own bodies. Exploration and curiosity play a role; the hands are wonderful tools. The eyes should lead the way; the neck is a man’s seductress; the shoulders a woman’s anchor. Enjoyment is best when shared with another who is equally committed to the relationship. Otherwise, it is just fun for one.

Edited November 30, 2010 by Bensalem

[MrShorty]

My desire to do intimate things with her is not shameful, dirty or sinful unless I do not bridle those desires. They are an outgrowth of my deep feelings for her (and biology, that can't be discounted), now is just not the time to express those aspects of those feelings but I am not ashamed of them. I do not find them negative even if sometimes trying to control.

Thank you for this.

A lot of this problem is a failure of the topic to be taught at home. The onus is on the parents to properly teach about sex and sexuality.

Isn't that the truth! Like you said, I'm not even sure I want all of this taught in church. One of the great challenges as a parent is facing a topic like this that gets so lost in taboo and discomfort.

For example, in What a Difference a Daddy Makes, Kevin Lehman made an interesting observation. Do children know that their parents have sex? He observed that children kind of know when it happens with single parents because the boyfriend/girlfriend is there having breakfast with them. What about more traditional married couples? That's certainly not to say that our children need a "play-by-play," but it might help them to at least vaguely understand that it happens and that mom and dad enjoy it. Maybe as part of this whole thread was to see who could go from "sex can be enjoyable" to the more personal "I enjoy sex."

The problem, as I see it, is that it is difficult to make teaching about chastity and sexuality all rainbows and unicorns because, frankly, the Law of Chastity is more about 'don'ts' than it is about 'dos'. Quite simply, the positive commandments inherent in the LoC are outweighed by the negative commandments, especially in its application to the prevailing secular ethic of our time regarding sexuality. I don't know that it is itself positive or negative; it simply "is."

Thank you for this comment, Last_Daze. You are probably correct that there is a greater need for a warning voice about the misuse of our sexuality than encouraging proper use. I don't think the church needs to put forth less of a warning voice. I'm not sure it's even the church's fault. Maybe it's a natural consequence as the gulf between the world and the church widens. It just seems that, as that gulf widens, the world is taking sexuality with them and not leaving anything good/wholesome behind for the righteous. Laura Brotherson blogged, "Satan has made sex his realm. He’s usurped the whole thing as if sex has nothing to do with God and goodness at all." Good Girls Do! - Laura's Strengthening Marriage Blog - Official Blog of Author and Intimacy Expert Laura M. Brotherson I wasn't really trying to get less air/screen time for the warnings -- just wanted to have a little air/screen time for people to say that sexuality is "good and Godly."

[HEthePrimate]

My Daily Affirmations:

It's ok to like girls. It's ok to like girls. It's ok to like girls....

[Last_Daze]

My Daily Affirmations:

It's ok to like girls. It's ok to like girls. It's ok to like girls....

A positive affirmation if I ever heard one.

[MrShorty]

I thought I was going to let this "fade into the sunset", but I came across an interesting positive "anecdote" that I wanted to share. Natasha Helfer Parker interviewed Dr. Jennifer Findlayson-Fife about her dissertation on sexuality and Mormon women. 214-216: LDS Female Sexuality with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife | Mormon Stories Podcast Part of the interview that tood out to me regarding the thread topic was Dr. Findlayson-Fife's description during the first ~5 minutes of the second installment of a woman she interviewed who, in her estimation, seemed to have it all together sexually. As she described it, this woman seemed to

1) Accept her sexuality as a good, wholesome, positive thing.

2) The law of chastity, rather than overly restrictive or making sex shameful, was a commandment from a loving Father in Heaven which she accepted as an important part of her relationship with Him and her future husband.

3) Because she could see the positives both in sexual self-restraint and sexual expression within marriage, she could actively make solid decisions about her sexuality before and after marriage. I was impressed with the example of her being able to tell a young man she would not kiss him because in her judgment, it was not part of God's and her plan for her sexuality. A decision that wasn't made because kissing/sex is dirty/ugly.

She brings this woman up again later in the 2nd podcast, too, if you want to listen further. I'm about halfway through the three podcasts, but looking through the comments made, it appears that some find some of what is said during the podcasts offensive. Be careful listening if you are easily offended by some of these things.

[MrShorty]

Here's another article that I read this morning. Think about sex in a positive light | Mormon Times I enjoyed the article, but this seemed a good summary of the attitude Mormons have (or should have).

As mentioned in last week's column, Mormons have the most positive and awesome view in the world of sex and of the role it can and should play in our lives. We literally think it is the gift of God to become one and to procreate eternally. We believe that gender is a part of an eternal plan in which everlasting families are formed.

Our greatest motivation and incentive for waiting and for avoiding early, promiscuous, recreational sex are not fear of STDs or emotional scars or even the punishment of God; it is the knowledge of how wonderful and beautiful intimacy can be when it is exclusive and committed and practiced with full fidelity.

[MrShorty]

After 1.5 years, here's another addition to this thread. Over the last several weeks, several among the Christian marriage bloggers have been putting up their reasons for liking sex. Paul at themarriagebed has compiled most if not all of them together into one place here: 50 confessions from wives who enjoy sex

[annewandering]

After 1.5 years, here's another addition to this thread. Over the last several weeks, several among the Christian marriage bloggers have been putting up their reasons for liking sex. Paul at themarriagebed has compiled most if not all of them together into one place here: 50 confessions from wives who enjoy sex

We Confess if we like sex? lol sorry but that cracks me up.

[Guest]

We are told to bridle our passions, that we may be filled with love. What purpose does a bridle have? Is it to kill or cripple or mame the horse? No, it's to control the horse. To lead the horse where we want it to be. It's the same with our passions. When we enjoy sex within the bonds of marriage, cleave only to our spouses, and keep our eyes and minds on the one we're married to, we're bridling our passion. When we wait until we have that spouse to whom we are legally and lawfully married, we are bridling our passion. The feelings and desires are good, but what we do with them is what counts.

[Backroads]

We Confess if we like sex? lol sorry but that cracks me up.

Who are these wild women? They must be hushed!

We are told to bridle our passions, that we may be filled with love. What purpose does a bridle have? Is it to kill or cripple or mame the horse? No, it's to control the horse. To lead the horse where we want it to be. It's the same with our passions. When we enjoy sex within the bonds of marriage, cleave only to our spouses, and keep our eyes and minds on the one we're married to, we're bridling our passion. When we wait until we have that spouse to whom we are legally and lawfully married, we are bridling our passion. The feelings and desires are good, but what we do with them is what counts.

I have trouble hearing about bridling our passions after college. My temple marriage professor said the following "Just because we are married does not mean we can put on the bridle and ride like Gandalf."

[annewandering]

Who are these wild women? They must be hushed!

I have trouble hearing about bridling our passions after college. My temple marriage professor said the following "Just because we are married does not mean we can put on the bridle and ride like Gandalf."

oh gosh. lol.

[MrShorty]

We Confess if we like sex? lol sorry but that cracks me up.

When you put it that way, it is funny.

[Anddenex]

What positives have you seen from your sexuality? How does being a sexual person uplift you? How do you "rejoice" in your sexuality rather than being shamed by it? Or however you want to phrase it.

1. Unfortunately, it appears anything good can be used for evil purposes, or have evil results. Without temptation, we as a people, would never discover truly who we are, and what actually motivates us.

2. Positives? My children. The intimacy shared between my companion and I, a union unlike any other union, which is a combination of conversation (mental) and physical joy.

Well, my single brothers tell me part of the reason why they are so upset all the time, is because they don't receive any release of testosterone like their married counterparts, but I think this is and excuse

According to most intimacy experts, they say, the most important organ during sexual intimacy is your brain.

3. Shamed? The only time a person should be shamed by sexual intimacy is if that intimacy occurs out of the bonds of marriage. If a person is ashamed by their intimate relationship with their companion, spouse, then they have some unlearning to do, and relearn there is nothing to be ashamed of. Unlearn it is dirty.

This is Anddenex's two cents, well, I think there were 3 cents, with a couple of half-pennies to go along with it.

[bluedreams]

So here are my thoughts on your questions. First some background: I’m single, I have an extremely high sex drive, I want to become a therapist focusing on sex because I think it’s an important topic that needs better understanding. And when I say I have an extremely high sex drive, I’m not exaggerating. This is from observation of other women compared to myself.

What positives have you seen from your sexuality?

At first glance, being single would make you believe that my sexuality would not be that much of a positive. I believe in the Law of Chastity. This is not easily lived. There is a nice part of me that would really enjoy to let go and have at it. But I largely digress from momentary rash thought. The positives include that I know I’m a healthy human being. That’s reassuring. There’s a high potential for a healthy functioning sexual relationship. It is, in my mind, like looking forward to going to the temple (before I was endowed). In fact I think of sex as a sacrament of sorts. It is a symbolic ordinance done physically of complete union with your partner in life and eternity. This union is so powerful that it has the potential to create. That’s beautiful to me. I look forward to the day I can take part in such things. I want a further knowledge and understanding of my partner in such a manner, to share that with him. So for me a lot of the positives are linked to hope in the future for me. But in the present there are benefits. It is a tool to teach me control, it’s a means for me to still sincerely express desire for my current interest (appropriately), and it’s taught me a lot about my body and mind. I believe it’s important to have something that has meant I’ve often had to wrestle with my sexuality in order to be able to grow into a better individual.

How does being a sexual person uplift you?

I want to share a story for you from my mission. My mission pushed me sexually. It’s how I realized that my desire for sex was a lot higher than most. None of my companions came close to it. It was so bad that especially during a certain time of the month, I couldn’t not think about sex. It took all of my energy to focus on anything. I remember my saving grace at times was the ensign stories, prayer so that I could focus in lessons (my focus would last as long as the lesson did), and unconsciousness. That’s it. And no matter how hard I tried to reign it in, I couldn’t, not even a little. It litterally exhausted me from trying. At this time sexuality seemed more like a burden than uplifting.

So one day my companion and I are teach the law of chastity to a great unmarried couple. We loved them and had a wonderful lesson on chastity. At the very end we asked them what they thought. The man looked at us and said “I’m not going to lie, I’m not a fan.” I told him that I could understand that and then went to testify of the LoC stating that no other law has taught me more about Jesus Christ. I was shocked what came out of my mouth. I didn’t even know that I believes that. But I knew it was true. Here was something I had struggled with and had as a constant weight around my neck….and it had inherently made my understanding and relationship with Christ so much stronger. I had to consciously choose him above all else daily, sometimes hourly. I had to constantly come to Him earnestly for any form of relief. I realized that this one struggle that was above and beyond my control. All of these things had brought me closer to Christ and none of it could have been possible without my heightened sense of sexuality.

The amazing thing was that after that, for a month I didn’t have one sexual thought. Not one. And afterward, though there might have been a fleeting though, I was in control. It was like someone had given me the reigns to a very powerful horse and now it no longer had the capability to trample around me heart and mind. And all I had to do was recognize/testify God’s hand in my struggles.

How do you "rejoice" in your sexuality rather than being shamed by it?

Today it is still a challenge. But I welcome it. I know that I have the reign to something that is best left controlled but not destroyed. If God had just gotten rid of it, I would have never learned and I would never have the opportunity to enjoy it later. I understand that it is a gift that I must come to understand.

I’m honest with people about how I feel. I recognize what strength it gives me and I prepare myself to be able to enjoy it more later. Again, I equate it to temple prep. I can’t participate in the temple beforehand, but there is plenty that I can learn and understand to help me better appreciate the experience when it comes. That’s what I do.

With luv,

BD

[Misshalfway]

First off, if the mods/admins find this inappropriate, I'll understand. I'm not out to offend or anything.

Without going into great detail, I have found myself with a real negative view of sexuality lately. At the low points, I've found myself staring at the stars wishing G-d could have found a way to cleanse me and the world of all sexuality (For the record, I consider myself a normal, healthy heterosexual male). I would look at all the negative ways that sexuality impacts me. There are so many temptations and difficulties (pornography, infedility/adultery, sexless marriages, sexual differences, and so on) that are difficult. So many societal evils the spring out of our sexuality (rape, pornography, sexual abuse, sex trades, prostitution, and so on). Honestly, there are days when I can't find any positives in our sexuality.

I've seen some who opine that Satan has done very well at making our sexuality into something dark and evil, and removing any hint of goodness/Godliness from our sexuality. If God created sex/sexuality, then it must be good, they will say. They will say that we should maybe figure out how to reclaim our sexuality from Satan and make it something spiritual and uplifting. This morning it occurred to me that maybe a community like this one would like to take on a challenging question (all the better if you don't find the question challenging). What positives have you seen from your sexuality? How does being a sexual person uplift you? How do you "rejoice" in your sexuality rather than being shamed by it? Or however you want to phrase it.

I like ponderings like this. I like them because the angst of it pushes us towards better understandings!!

Satan tries to corrupt everything that is good. It's just what he does. So, I spose we should expect it. But where he targets is also a big gigantamundo testimony of the goodness of that thing! Satan's beef is with God and all that is Godly. So where else would he target but to the things that are good and godly.

In addition to corrupting behavior, I think Satan is trying to get into our heads! He does that in many ways like getting us to believe lies, or look at only half the picture, or dwindle in ignorance, or by making things more or less important than they really are, or just by getting us to lose hope. I think we need to fight him on this too. Truth helps. Truth that comes from others, truth that comes from our guts, and truth that comes from those precious tutorials from God. When was the last time you got a tutorial from God about sex? :)

I think, like other posters, that sometimes we focus too much on the "thou shalt nots". This method is great at warning, but not so great at educating. We don't live in a generation of innocence any more. We can't afford to teach like we do. Knowledge is power and we do better when we know better.

I appreciate your concerns about "so many temptations and difficulties" with regards to sex. Sex is a challenge no matter what way you look at it. And I think it's suppose to be. I think our battle with sex and all that comes with it brings incredible growth for individuals and marriages a like. We need the strength that only comes from these effectual strugglings!! We won't be sitting down with Abraham and Sarah without them.

But I think we get confused. I think we mistake suppressing with bridling. Bridling (like an earlier poster taught so well) brings control, balance, and mastery. Suppression brings frustration, false appearance, and painful imbalance. Mastery is not white knuckling. Mastery is not a whited sepulchre. Mastery is something much better and a lot more peace-filled than all that! Something that unlocks the doors to wisdom, higher forms of love, and way better experiencing.

And you might think this is weird, but I think we need shame to do this work. Not the yucky toxic shame that leads people into emotional straight-jackets. I'm talking about the god-given kind that tells us when we are out of bounds. We need this kind of shame. It keeps us safe and it keeps us protected. And it teaches very effectively about sexual missteps.

Sex isn't the most important thing in the world. But it really can be a wonderful & spiritual thing....even when it's hard.

Edited August 14, 2012 by Misshalfway

[Eleven]

Mr Shorty, are you married?

If youre single, Honestly whether I'm right or wrong, Im glad you have this opinion of sex because it could keep you away from making a bad decision. More single people should have this opinion, even though sex isnt evil its just timing.

Married, i still understand where youre coming from, but honestly its a beautiful thing if you view your glass half full. Yes there are many evils about sex out there, but there are very righteous things too if you look for them.

[Traveler]

So here are my thoughts on your questions. First some background: I’m single, I have an extremely high sex drive, I want to become a therapist focusing on sex because I think it’s an important topic that needs better understanding. And when I say I have an extremely high sex drive, I’m not exaggerating. This is from observation of other women compared to myself.

At first glance, being single would make you believe that my sexuality would not be that much of a positive. I believe in the Law of Chastity. This is not easily lived. There is a nice part of me that would really enjoy to let go and have at it. But I largely digress from momentary rash thought. The positives include that I know I’m a healthy human being. That’s reassuring. There’s a high potential for a healthy functioning sexual relationship. It is, in my mind, like looking forward to going to the temple (before I was endowed). In fact I think of sex as a sacrament of sorts. It is a symbolic ordinance done physically of complete union with your partner in life and eternity. This union is so powerful that it has the potential to create. That’s beautiful to me. I look forward to the day I can take part in such things. I want a further knowledge and understanding of my partner in such a manner, to share that with him. So for me a lot of the positives are linked to hope in the future for me. But in the present there are benefits. It is a tool to teach me control, it’s a means for me to still sincerely express desire for my current interest (appropriately), and it’s taught me a lot about my body and mind. I believe it’s important to have something that has meant I’ve often had to wrestle with my sexuality in order to be able to grow into a better individual.

I want to share a story for you from my mission. My mission pushed me sexually. It’s how I realized that my desire for sex was a lot higher than most. None of my companions came close to it. It was so bad that especially during a certain time of the month, I couldn’t not think about sex. It took all of my energy to focus on anything. I remember my saving grace at times was the ensign stories, prayer so that I could focus in lessons (my focus would last as long as the lesson did), and unconsciousness. That’s it. And no matter how hard I tried to reign it in, I couldn’t, not even a little. It litterally exhausted me from trying. At this time sexuality seemed more like a burden than uplifting.

So one day my companion and I are teach the law of chastity to a great unmarried couple. We loved them and had a wonderful lesson on chastity. At the very end we asked them what they thought. The man looked at us and said “I’m not going to lie, I’m not a fan.” I told him that I could understand that and then went to testify of the LoC stating that no other law has taught me more about Jesus Christ. I was shocked what came out of my mouth. I didn’t even know that I believes that. But I knew it was true. Here was something I had struggled with and had as a constant weight around my neck….and it had inherently made my understanding and relationship with Christ so much stronger. I had to consciously choose him above all else daily, sometimes hourly. I had to constantly come to Him earnestly for any form of relief. I realized that this one struggle that was above and beyond my control. All of these things had brought me closer to Christ and none of it could have been possible without my heightened sense of sexuality.

The amazing thing was that after that, for a month I didn’t have one sexual thought. Not one. And afterward, though there might have been a fleeting though, I was in control. It was like someone had given me the reigns to a very powerful horse and now it no longer had the capability to trample around me heart and mind. And all I had to do was recognize/testify God’s hand in my struggles.

Today it is still a challenge. But I welcome it. I know that I have the reign to something that is best left controlled but not destroyed. If God had just gotten rid of it, I would have never learned and I would never have the opportunity to enjoy it later. I understand that it is a gift that I must come to understand.

I’m honest with people about how I feel. I recognize what strength it gives me and I prepare myself to be able to enjoy it more later. Again, I equate it to temple prep. I can’t participate in the temple beforehand, but there is plenty that I can learn and understand to help me better appreciate the experience when it comes. That’s what I do.

With luv,

BD

I will probably cause ire with this post – but it would seem that your “fascination” with sex is a characteristic more common among men. Thus it would also seem that if you follow the template condition of most marriages that your husband would be one of the few that does not share your enthusiasm – in order that all things be balanced – and that you learn to control your passions like the rest of us – or maybe not!

You take this post as serious or sarcasms – as relevant or obtuse – whatever. But it was not intended just for you.

The Traveler