Word of wisdom & other advice

[phoenix_girl]

Hello! I need some advice on this one.

first I give you a little background, Im 22 y/o, being LDS almost all my life, but since some 5 years I havent been what you call active, I mean i go to church or at least try to go every sunday, but I had a lot of issues specially with the law of chastity. I tried to overcome this but then it happened again... My bf was not LDS, he converted (partially) a 1 1/2 year ago, and we are getting married in the temple on august.

But there's a problem: my fiance has a very hard time keeping the law of chastity we dont even have a year of doing so, I do the best i can , is not that hard for me i try to help him.

The problem is I drink socially, and Ive tried to stop but for some reason i cant, i dont drink too much, but whenever there`s a party or i will just have a drink at home. no one knows this, my family is LDS too and they wouldnt accept it obviously, my bishop doesnt seem to help me , he didnt help my bf when he asked about some questions , he rather looked kind of confused, so what i do? I am trying i know is bad, i know i have to keep the wow in order to have a temple recomend. i dont have a problem keeping the law of chastity , not anymore, tithing, etc. is just this drinking habit ! i havent find any articles of websites that help they only say drink with moderation and i dont want that. I know this church is true, but i dont feel the spirit with me!

sorry i vent here... but i need some advice.

[Suzie]

Hello! I need some advice on this one.

first I give you a little background, Im 22 y/o, being LDS almost all my life, but since some 5 years I havent been what you call active, I mean i go to church or at least try to go every sunday, but I had a lot of issues specially with the law of chastity. I tried to overcome this but then it happened again... My bf was not LDS, he converted (partially) a 1 1/2 year ago, and we are getting married in the temple on august.

I don't understand this part. If you had problems with the law of chastity, your boyfriend also has problems, you also drink alcohol then how exactly are you going to get married in August in the Temple? I didn't understand also the part about your Bishop not helping and looking confused. So your Bishop knows ALL these issues? What did he say?

[Dravin]

The problem is I drink socially, and Ive tried to stop but for some reason i cant, i dont drink too much, but whenever there`s a party or i will just have a drink at home. no one knows this, my family is LDS too and they wouldnt accept it obviously, my bishop doesnt seem to help me , he didnt help my bf when he asked about some questions , he rather looked kind of confused, so what i do?

Stop going to parties and stop purchasing alcohol. If you really can't stop drinking you are an alcoholic. As far as resources go the Church has a 12 step program and there are probably other programs available in your community such as AA.

[phoenix_girl]

I don't understand this part. If you had problems with the law of chastity, your boyfriend also has problems, you also drink alcohol then how exactly are you going to get married in August in the Temple? I didn't understand also the part about your Bishop not helping and looking confused. So your Bishop knows ALL these issues? What did he say?

ok, let me explain myself, i used to have problems with law of chastity but my bf is the one that struggles the most to obey it, but we are not doing anything together.

And yes i drink, not too much i mean like 2 drinks per week , i can be for one month or two without drinking but then i go out (restaurant, store) and i see the ads and i feel like having one and i start the cycle again. :S , yeah we confess to the bishop because we really want a temple marriage this was like a year ago and he wasnt really helpful, he seemed uncomfortable , and the stake president told us we had to see the bishop not him. I even have a temple recomend for baptism , havent had an interview for like 2 years and i asked for it, but i'd like to be worthy of the temple

[mightynancy]

On a practical note, find something to replace the drinking. When we give up a habit, it leaves an empty spot where it used to be. If you fill it with something else, it's easier to keep from going back to the habit.

What's the drinking do for you?

[blackknight5k]

up until July of 2009 I was borderline alcoholic - I drank nearly daily and 2 or 3 times a week I would get completely utterly drunk. I was going to work hungover, I'd go see my LDS family hungover, etc. etc. hungover.

In July of 2009 I quit cold turkey, I have not had a drop since then. It isn't easy to quit cold turkey, but you have to keep your goal in mind. What's better, eternal life, marriage, and happiness or a little bit of tipsy tonight? Ignore the ads, don't look at them. Don't walk through the wine, beer, whatever isle. Don't go into the liquor store PERIOD. I can honestly tell you I'm tempted every single time I go into the grocery store, but my willpower overcomes the craving. Put these things out of your mind and find something else to think about.

Lastly, I'm going to be frank here. If you can't quit drinking and your boyfriend can't keep "breaking the law of chastity by himself" then you two do not need to get married in the temple in august. My wife and I have been working long and hard for us to be able to get sealed in the temple and we still can't go until March of 2011 at the earliest and the fact that the two of you have told your bishop of these issues and he's going to sign off on this makes me more than a little uncomfortable.

[Blocky]

I understand how it is to have that urge to drink pop up. Just because you'll just drink a little, or socially doesn't mean it isn't a problem. It is. So, why are you not serious about giving this thing up? Why when you get the urge (which can be months in between) do you give in? It's quite possible that you don't understand what you're giving up when you drink, even occasionally.

Alcohol kills your ability to feel the spirit. When alcohol is part of your life, it makes it a lot harder to progress than without it. Perhaps because you have a recommend for baptisms and you have a goal of a temple marriage you're having a hard time seeing the consequences of you're actions. You're still able to coast along. I don't know what you need to do to get serious about this. but this is seriously stalling your progress I would bet. I don't see how it could not be.

I remember praying a lot for the desire. I prayed a lot for understanding the seriousness of my sins. Having a bishop that wasn't squeamish about restricting my church privileges (public prayer, partaking of the sacrament etc) helped also. You not being able to feel the spirit is HUGE. Being worthy and feeling the spirit is so awesome and wonderful and makes life so much more peaceful (not always easier though lol). Perhaps ponder on this. Can you remember times when you have felt the spirit, how it felt to have that in your life?

Best of luck. Keep at it. Keep praying. Do you pray regularly? Do you read the scriptures? Those are easy things to put off, but they make a world of difference. If you usually pray, that's a lot different than having the habit down and seeking your Heavenly Father out continually. Maybe that can be a goal to help you along with the drinking?

[rameumptom]

Sounds like you are trying to serve two Masters. Time to seriously choose which you will follow. A temple marriage is meaningless if you have not truly repented of your sins and forsaken them.

So, stop having sex with your BF. Stop drinking. If necessary, marry your bf now outside the temple, and then get sealed in a year. You still need to stop drinking and start living the Word of Wisdom. Perhaps you need to spend time gaining a testimony of these two commandments. Try fasting and praying regarding them and God's will for you.

[The_Phoenix]

Hello! I need some advice on this one.

first I give you a little background, Im 22 y/o, being LDS almost all my life, but since some 5 years I havent been what you call active, I mean i go to church or at least try to go every sunday, but I had a lot of issues specially with the law of chastity. I tried to overcome this but then it happened again... My bf was not LDS, he converted (partially) a 1 1/2 year ago, and we are getting married in the temple on august.

But there's a problem: my fiance has a very hard time keeping the law of chastity we dont even have a year of doing so, I do the best i can , is not that hard for me i try to help him.

The problem is I drink socially, and Ive tried to stop but for some reason i cant, i dont drink too much, but whenever there`s a party or i will just have a drink at home. no one knows this, my family is LDS too and they wouldnt accept it obviously, my bishop doesnt seem to help me , he didnt help my bf when he asked about some questions , he rather looked kind of confused, so what i do? I am trying i know is bad, i know i have to keep the wow in order to have a temple recomend. i dont have a problem keeping the law of chastity , not anymore, tithing, etc. is just this drinking habit ! i havent find any articles of websites that help they only say drink with moderation and i dont want that. I know this church is true, but i dont feel the spirit with me!

sorry i vent here... but i need some advice.

With your screen name, The_Phoenix must answer.

Two things:

First,

Don’t go to the Temple if you are not spiritually prepared.

Second,

The Apostle Paul addressed this very thing in 1 Corinthians 7: 9

But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

If you are sure about this marriage why are you waiting until August?

[Backroads]

It would be great to get married in the temple in August, but it seems you both have some things to overcome. It's good you went to the bishop and stake president, but have you told your stake president the bishop hasn't been helpful in helping you solve this? However, on that note, the bishop is not meant to be the sole solver for any sins or problems. He can help and advise, but you can't sit around whining that the the bishop's discomfort is your reason for drinking.

If he isn't helpful, let the stake president know. Maybe he can offer alternatives. At the same time, find other resources, in and out of the church.

The bishop isn't the one wanting to go through the temple for you. The bishop isn't the one wanting to stop drinking for you. This is completely up to you.

[phoenix_girl]

On a practical note, find something to replace the drinking. When we give up a habit, it leaves an empty spot where it used to be. If you fill it with something else, it's easier to keep from going back to the habit.

What's the drinking do for you?

Um.. I dont really like the alcohol taste like beer but i really enjoy cocktails, liquor mixed with juice stuff like that. and when i dont drink i miss the feeling , im usually very stressed out, work and im studying a master degree, so when i drink i feel very relaxed and laid back, after that i feel really bad, like never doing it again, but then it happens again.

Sounds like you are trying to serve two Masters. Time to seriously choose which you will follow. A temple marriage is meaningless if you have not truly repented of your sins and forsaken them.

So, stop having sex with your BF. Stop drinking. If necessary, marry your bf now outside the temple, and then get sealed in a year. You still need to stop drinking and start living the Word of Wisdom. Perhaps you need to spend time gaining a testimony of these two commandments. Try fasting and praying regarding them and God's will for you.

I stopped the sex, my bf stills tempted but i've been firm on this, because of the temple marriage , every time i feel tempted I remember the scriptures. I recognize is bad as is the drinking, but i guess it became a habit and now is kind of hard to break it. I wanna fast but and ive done it, i feel better for a few days and then the temptation is stronger! and i feel confused why this happens when im trying the most? why everyone invites me to a party or stuff like that.. I told my fiance I wont marry if is not in the temple, that was my dream and i feel bad about it.

There's no one that can help me besides my fiance (yeah its kind of ironic he helps becaus he doesnt drink, thats not a problem for him)

i feel lonely!

[Suzie]

Don't feel lonely! But based on your last post, it seems to me that you have an addiction and it isn't just something that you can stop on your own. The Church has a wonderful program to help those who fight addictions. Please contact your Bishop about this issue and let him know this isn't something that you are able to stop on your own or talk with the Stake President. Get help!

[phoenix_girl]

Don't feel lonely! But based on your last post, it seems to me that you have an addiction and it isn't just something that you can stop on your own. The Church has a wonderful program to help those who fight addictions. Please contact your Bishop about this issue and let him know this isn't something that you are able to stop on your own or talk with the Stake President. Get help!

I never looked at it as an addiction since is a recent problem, it has been on and off for a year. The first time i seriously drank was in a party in college, it was so bad i didnt wake up till the next day, I ended up inthe hospital for 4 days got a pretty bad gastritis, I still suffer the consequences, since that time i promise not to drink and i kept the promise for almost 6 months, after that i started again, but what bothers me is that about two months ago I feel the urge to drink a lot every weekend and i dont know how to overcome it.

I started reading the 12 step program even thoug i dont think im addicted or like alcoholic, I must say that my patriarchal blessing warns me about the WoW, it actually says something very specific , that the WOW plays a mayor role on my life. at the time I received it i didnt understand why, i hated the taste of alcohol.

BTW thanks everyone for your help

Edited April 7, 2011 by phoenix_girl

[rex8499]

I enjoyed drinking before I joined the church. Since then, I've made do with non-alcoholic and virgin drinks. Pina Coladas and margaritas and still pretty tasty virgin, give em a try. But there are some drinks you'll just have to live without. Long Island Iced Tea for example, there's just no way to make that virgin style. My favorite non-alcoholic beer is Becks. Better than ODouls in my opinion. Still not the best though.

[Suzie]

I never looked at it as an addiction since is a recent problem, it has been on and off for a year. The first time i seriously drank was in a party in college, it was so bad i didnt wake up till the next day, I ended up inthe hospital for 4 days got a pretty bad gastritis, I still suffer the consequences, since that time i promise not to drink and i kept the promise for almost 6 months, after that i started again, but what bothers me is that about two months ago I feel the urge to drink a lot every weekend and i dont know how to overcome it.

I started reading the 12 step program even thoug i dont think im addicted or like alcoholic, I must say that my patriarchal blessing warns me about the WoW, it actually says something very specific , that the WOW plays a mayor role on my life. at the time I received it i didnt understand why, i hated the taste of alcohol.

BTW thanks everyone for your help

I hint addiction (even though you don't think so) because you have the "urge" and you stop drinking for a specific amount of time but then return the habit (typical of addictions) and you don't know how to overcome it. Accepting you have a problem is a huge step. I wish you all the best!

[phoenix_girl]

I enjoyed drinking before I joined the church. Since then, I've made do with non-alcoholic and virgin drinks. Pina Coladas and margaritas and still pretty tasty virgin, give em a try. But there are some drinks you'll just have to live without. Long Island Iced Tea for example, there's just no way to make that virgin style. My favorite non-alcoholic beer is Becks. Better than ODouls in my opinion. Still not the best though.

That sounds like a good idea, trying those virgin drinks :)

I dont know what it takes but I am going to stop this bad habit

[rex8499]

In addition to the non-alcoholic drinks, I've also gotten in the habit of having other delicious things to drink around.

A pitcher of fruit juice in the fridge to sip on. Try adding club soda to make it seem more like a mixed drink if you're really craving one.

The expensive 12oz bottles of orange soda, creme soda, or root beer. If you want to drink something from a bottle like a beer, these are a good substitute. And they taste better than beer ever did anyway.

Cans of my favorite pop. But I limit my intake of soda to one or two per week. Too much sugar -> weight gain. lol.

A big thing of strawberry milk mix, and chocolate milk mix.

A large collection of a variety of herbal teas.

Spiced cider mix.

There's never a shortage of good things to drink when I'm in the mood to sip on something.