This All Happen So Quickly

[Winnie G]

Having to put in to words how my hart hurts cannot come close to how I truly feel.

In the last, few months I have watched my daughter throw her life away over someone she meet over the internet chat room.

Her husband, her standing in the church, and now her children.

We drove across county mid May to bring her and our granddaughters back to Manitoba after her first trip out west. Only to see her leave two weeks later leaving her girls behind with us.

She said she had a job interview in Alberta with in hours of cashing in a check from welfare. That was over a week ago. There was no job interview.

After she left we called our son out west and told him to reach our son in-law and for him to come for the girls.

This betrayal of our daughter did not come easy for us.

After their return, we were shocked at the lack of care she was giving the girls.

Letting the baby scream until noon in a wet dipper, roll over only to scream at her to shut up, day after day.

Our three-year-old granddaughter had learned to fend for her self and the baby had urine burn not a dipper rash as she called it.

We were forced to sneak in to her room to get the girls out most mornings.

Our daughter would be up all night on line with this man and would sleep all day.

When we demanded that this stop for the girls sake we were, told to stay out of it.

We have met this man and to stay, he looks like a biker would be kind.

He is 31 (our daughter is 21+) he has long black hair to his waist, beer gut and is unemployed.

It is as if he has some kind of hold over our daughter.

When we voiced our concerns to our daughter, he started to write hateful hate mail to us over the internet. At one point, we removed the internet from our home and he filled our email box. We discover once we reconnected it with letters that started with “Listen lady!” that were fallowed by the F word every other word and other threats.

I have never seen someone throw his or her life away in a matter of months.

Children services called me three days ago and told me to tell our daughter to contact them ASAP. Our son in-law had contacted them and opened a file in his province and in turn, they contacted children services here. I was phoned and told they would fallow though in Alberta.

I warned our daughter she could loose her daughters if she did not file for custody and set her life state. However, it was ignored.

So after driving 12 hours my son and son in-law arrived last night to pick up my beautiful most precious granddaughters. Their father had not seen the youngest walk so we watching as his daughter walk to him was a site to make you cry. She toddled across the living room with her arms out stretched and she said Da Da when he scooped her up and the older one in his other arm. She said “Look daddy you have both girls” she said it just matter-of-factly. They smothered their father with kisses and clung to him.

We know we did the right thing but it was hard to do. I have not stopped crying since I put my self to sleep with Graval last night around 4 am. Knowing our daughter was to far away to stop it. A mother should never have to betray her own child.

In the four days it took our son-in-law to arrange this trip he found a daycare was put on dayshift and was given time off. I kept in touch with him and our son who told us how things were going at their end. He bought furniture and turned his apartment in to a home. When specking with my son I said “it sounds like **** is nesting”? He told me “aw mom he is doing every thing from cleaning the carpets to setting up a room for the girls its wonderful what till you see it” It takes a lot to impress my son so I know he was telling the truth. His boss told him that a sister company also owned by them, was a furniture change and he was given deep discounts 2/3 on what he needed and what he could not find there he hit all the yard sales.

We had no questions about his love for the girls. He was the other half our daughter what she lack that’s what made them a good team. What he was lacking in employment he proved us wrong in how fast he found work after he flew out to Alberta when they first broke up. He did it the next morning. He is receiving excellent income and he loves his job.

Our daughter told us we would never see her again and told us she would get the girls back and we would not see them ether.

Saying I told you so would not help so we took the stand that dragging the girls back and forth across the Canada had to stop and that in taking that stand it was up to her this was now between her and her husband. She made a choice and lost her girls.

Our son-in-law is a sweet sprit and we know once our daughter snaps out of this he will share the girls with our daughter but not as long as this man is in her life. He was very clear on that point. We have to back him on that. Every instinct we have every prompting the spirit gave us warned us that this man had to stay away from our granddaughters.

Even after all this he still loves her that is a credit to him.

We planed on a house-hunting trip in a couple weeks so we will be there for our granddaughters first birthday. I am sure I will feel better once I see them settled in with their dad.

In the mean time, I will cry a lot and pray for my daughter.

Yes if you were wondering, our bishop has called the stake president about church court.

I still shake my head and wonder how could this all happen so quickly?

[Josh M]

I am very sorry to hear this. I have had some experience with this from a child’s point of view. My parents got divorced when I was around 12 years old (I’m 17 now). I can see the poor choices my father had made and how quickly it turns into separation and divorce.

Wickedness does not promote rational thought.

It doesn’t make any sense to us as to why someone would leave their children but when people make wicked choices, they get confused, lost, and they no longer are close to their heavenly father. It all starts with the little things; violent shows and movies, shows that express a little sexual content. Then it all adds up, and adds up, then poor choices on the internet. They want to feel happy, but in turn they are only finding a temporary pleasure that will soon feel like hell. Then again it might not to them. They might have gotten in so deep that they lost their light of Christ.

It can be very hard sometimes, but you must find ways to love them every though their choices go against everything you have taught them.

[Winnie G]

Josh such wisdom for 17, you are what my mother would call a very old sole.

Thank you Winnie G

[Josh M]

Why thankyou.

I’ve had a lot of experiences with this major trial in my life. I can finally see many wonderful blessing that I’ve gained from such a big trial.

The thing I treasure most from this situation in my life is the fact that I will better be able to see paths that will lead to separation and divorce and avoid them.

I hope things turn out for the best for you're family.

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." -Ether 12:27

[begood2]

Josh M.,

Great post!

Winnie,

I'm so sorry that your family is having to go through this. I will pray that your daughter can turn her life around before it is too late.

[Laureltree]

Winnie,

I'm so very sorry to hear this, my heart goes out to you.

hugs and prayers my friend

Love

laureltree

[Fiannan]

We can only pray that your son-in-law gets full custody. Please save all threatening mails as well as they can be used (if Canada has laws similar to the USA) to issue a restraining order and keep the biker dude from being able to be around your grandaughters.

Truth is, what will probably happen is biker dude will have his thrills for a while and dump your daughter. She'll come back as there probably is little else she can do. But at this point the safety of your grandaughters is most important as they cannot make crucial life choices on their own while your daughter can. Pray for her, do what you can, but be there for your son-in-law and your grandaughters.

[Winnie G]

I want to thank you all so much.

Your posts have helped me greatly, you may see it as not a big deal but your warm remarks have helped. Each time I have stopped to check my mail I also have checked here.

So each remark has encouraged me to keep going to have faith.

My son-in-law and my granddaughters should arrive back in Alberta today.

My daughter has called many times some she cried some she crusted me out.

I think this man has learned that as a family we can circle our family wagons fast and set are in our resolution to protect those in needs. You would think my daughter would see that none is backing her choice and there for think “maybe this was not the right choice after all”.

However, my daughter is like me stubborn and quick to dig her heals in.

What she has not learned is humility in fallowing the gospel.

I wish I could stop beating myself up over this.

I keep thinking what should I have done? Searching for answers that have yet to come. But I know they will, just not in my time frame I guess.

I awoke this morning with a bad case of hart sickness is the easy way to describe it.

So being the first of the month I have fasted and by RS I had a painful stomach I found myself questioning the idea to fast but I made it home. I grabbed Graval and took a nap.

The pain was gone when I woke up. I feel a since of comfort now and I know my heavily father loves me.

[shanstress70]

I hated reading this, Winnie, as I don't understand how it's possible for anyone to mistreat their own children. You definitely did the right thing by calling the childrens' father... sounds like he will take good care of them. Please keep us updated.

I'm going through something similar with my dear neice who's 10. Her parents (my brother) split up a couple years ago and both seemingly went insane with the party lifestyle. Both are shacked up with someone. First I wanted my brother to get custody of her bc her mother was the first to lose her mind, but now my brother is just as bad, living with an alcoholic skank (sorry to be so blunt). She has a son who is 13 and both of them are left at home alone while my brother and his 'lady' go out drinking. I wish she could come live with us, but no one will even talk about that - they get offensive when I mention it. I've thought about turning them into Social Services, but then I wonder if foster care would be any better.

Fortunately, your grandchildren have one sane parent! Hopefully your daughter will come around and see the severity of her bad choices.

[Winnie G]

I have been in contact with social services and at one point, my granddaughters were left in our care for three days wile they spent time with our daughter trying to get her apartment clean enough so it was no longer a danger to the girls. She never followed though on their request for meds and concealing for depression. The worker felt as I did that this was saver delayed postpartum depression.

When my son-in-law contacted children’s aid in Alberta, they fallowed though with children’s aid here and that is when my son-in-law was given the green light to come get the girls.

My daughter does not see all that is in front of her and that two agency’s see the need for the girls to be placed with their father.

Family is always first long before foster care. One because their known to the children and two it does not cost them anything.

They keep in touch with any family children are placed with and are very encouraging to the family giving them any needs out side the home that might be required.

I use to be a foster mother long before my daughter was born.

My daughter called collect at lunchtime I was at the post office.

She must be out of money now.

I said to my husband today how wonderful it will be to start a day were I don’t wake up or do to sleep worried.

[StrawberryFields]

I can't imagine what you and your family is going through with this. You will be in my prayers.

[BenRaines]

Winnie,

Some times bad things happen to good people. My wife likes to beat herself up when our adult children make wrong decisions. "Where did we go wrong? What could we have done?" Each person has their own agency. More as adults than children they act on that agency. "Should we have held FHE every week? Should we have not missed one prayer in the morning or night? Is that what caused it?" I think that you can do all those things and children still have agency. Our jobs as parents is to tell them how we see it. Be there when it falls apart and love them always. I tell my children that I will always love them but am not always happy with the things that they do.

Ben Raines

[Ray]

Some people just have to learn the hard way, Winnie. Be thankful it wasn’t any worse… for either your daughter or your good little granddaughters, who still have our Father watching them.

And be thankful this happened while your daughter is young, while hoping she will learn to do better.

And for how this could happen, they were all her own choices, and she may need to learn to choose better. Some people feel an urge to try something new, not knowing those things are bad to begin with, and also not knowing the good that they have… until they can see they are losing or lost them, and then try to get those things back.

I was once a wild kid with a lot of ideas when I was still young and naive. And only the love of our Lord and our Father could have saved such a wretch like me… and They are not still done with me yet.

So just keep hanging in there, while doing your best for yourself and for others who are near in your everyday life. You never really know when your love will touch others in all the ways God can help us help them.

I’ll pray that your daughter will see in all of her traveling how good a home with her family can be.

[Winnie G]

This is the email I wrote to my daughter this morning after she wrote me and the one I also wrote to this Chris guy.

My Dear ***.

Please read this whole letter don’t throw it away.

As I sit here, I wonder if you have looked at your life and the choices you have made that have gotten you to this point. You do not seem to see the bigger picture here ***.

I tried to reach you before you left here but you would not have it. You became confrontational (An exchange of views) and abusive towards anyone who did not see it your way. Think about it *** why would in your words “my family has turned on me”. Since you would not care for the needs of those around you, you left us no choice but to pray and care for the girls.

*** you took up leaving ***** for hours in a wet diapers after she awoke. That was not a rash *** it was an urine burn. During the time you were gone her bum was changed often and it was almost healed when **** showed up. Did you not connect her so-called rash to hours of sitting in those diapers? Rolling over in your bed and screaming “Shut the F*&% up” to a baby and rolling back over, is not normal mothering. You told me to but out and I did. The next day ***** screamed until noon, your Dad picked me up for lunch because I could not take it any more. Do not get me started on your feeding of the girls. *****s “gross decay” did not come from a few bottles of apple juice. ***** did not even have a toothbrush, ***. Children services said it was poor nutrition as well as *****’s weight gain or lack of it. You had no time to just sit with her and feed her. You had to get back to the damn computer. You replaced solid food with bottles after bottles.

As soon as you left I put the girls back on a routine and the first night they were bathed and teeth brushed and to bed by 7:30. They went right to sleep no crying no screaming. Each night and they were asleep when their heads hit the pillows. No letting ***** scream until she passed out or kept them up until midnight. Both girls were fussy for a reason ***. You saw me as an intruder in your life and I tried to tell you but you were so angry all the time.

You became obsessed (consumed) with a man you met over the internet and it slowly destroyed your life. It was as if you were being controlled. You never gave a thought to how this would affect your life your marriage and those around you. You became a person none of us knows any more. Staying up all night on the computer and sleeping the day away ignoring your children needs. It was as if you are possessed. I have always been proud of you. You were one of the best mothers I have ever seen in my life. I thought you were better then Me in your mothering skills and I was at awe sometimes as to the love you once had for your girls. Where did that go ***?

Then you shoved us all away. You would not let anyone help you and every move you made you checked with Chris first. Text messaging or the computer.

Allowing someone to dictate who and what you do is a form of abuse. Alienating your whole family is a stepping-stone to physical abuse. I worked with battered women *** you know that. Did you think my instincts as a mother and as an emergency intake worker died some were along the way? I asked Chris to end this relationship because I could see where it was going. I know you would lose your girls. You need to get counseling ***. There is no way **** is going to let you see the girls with Chris in your life. Moreover, it is not because he is hurt or jealous, he along with the rest of us are scared for the girl’s safety. As far as the statement that **** burned the girls next door with a lighter. Think about that ***, **** is so passive and far from capable if doing such a thing. If he did any father, especially an army father would have hunted **** down. Your father would. ***** sat with me a few days ago in the backyard and told me how nice it was not to have to hear ***** screaming for hours each morning. She told me how much she wished she was closer to you so she could tell you how much Chris reminded her of an on line predator. I did not bring up this conversation

***. I did not bring up what is now family dirty laundry because I am so ashamed of the choices you have made.

*** I tried to warn you that you could lose the girls that you needed to stay here and get any legal matters including custody of the girls taken care of, but no you took off for Edmonton after cashing a welfare check you were not entitled to because your residence had changed. Telling us you had a job interview at a day care was a lie Joy. We are not stupid. I called and checked out the regulations in Alberta and you do not have even have first aid and a level one of the early childhood education degree and any daycare that would hire someone without proper training would be in failure of following regulations.

I had to cancel your appointment with the employment and education coordinator this morning. Your chance to attend school and get your drivers license so you could be more employable seems to have take a back seat to you being consumed, controlled by this relationship you have chosen over your future and your daughters.

In closing *** I would like to tell you. You are welcome here under the condition you get counseling and see a doctor for depression. You say you would do what ever it takes to get your girls back, then do it ***. If every one around you can see Chris as a bad influence, you might want to look again, as to where this choice had led you.

We Love you

Mom and Dad

This is the letter I forward along to this man as well as the one to my daughter.

He gets angry if he is not kept informed.

His name is Chris:

Chris

I though I might as well send you a copy of my letter back to ***’s last e-mail.

I have been in contact with social services before as ***’s behavior changed drastically, and my granddaughters were left in our care for three days wile ****** from children’s service spent time with *** trying to get her to clean her apartment so it was clean enough and was no longer a danger to the girls. She never followed though on their request for meds and concealing for depression. The worker felt as I did that this was saver delayed postpartum depression. You have not been in the loop long enough to know every thing.

When my son-in-law contacted children’s aid in Alberta, they fallowed though with children’s aid here and that is when my son-in-law was given the green light to come get the girls.

My daughter does not see all that is in front of her and that two agency’s saw the need for the girls to be placed with their father. I was told to stay out of it and let them do their job so I did and now I’m the one *** blames. Family is always first long before foster care. One because their known to the children and two it does not cost them anything. They keep in touch with any family member children are placed with and are very encouraging to the family giving them any needs out side the home that might be required. ****** was kind and supportive to ***. She is the one who choose not to fallow though. I use to be a foster mother long before *** was even born.

*** called collect at lunchtime I was at the post office. She must be out of money now.

Do you see any responsibility in her predicament? This situation is especially an unpleasant, troublesome and you don’t see that if you had backed off she might have become well enough to make wiser choices. Alternatively, is that what you like someone to control in her thinking.

I asked you to end this relationship not because I don’t trust you as fare as I could throw you, but because my daughter was depressed and needed concealing for depression not a new boyfriend. You intrusion on our daughter and family has shown how little you know about families. We can circle our wagons quickly to protect our own. *** has chosen you over her own children and her own wellbeing and her future. Why would she do that Chris? I asked you if you cared enough for my daughter to encourage her to take a few months to get her life together but in response we received vulgar and treating emails.

Yes my sons blow off steam at you but they love their little sister and will not stand by and watch her take her own children in to a risky situation. They know that blowing off steam was not a wise idea but they do what ever it takes to protect their nieces.

You do not know our family we have been though ruff times before, you will be no different. You have proven you are in this for your own selfish resins.

You could care less what damage you leave in your wake but to us we will always love *** and she will always have a home to come home too. My daughter is never homeless in less you make it so.

I said to my husband today how wonderful it will be to have a day were I don’t wake up or do to sleep worried. Winnie

[StrawberryFields]

Winnie,

You did a good job in your email to your daughter. I especially like the last part where you said to her to look at where her choice to go with him had led her. Shortly after Nick's brain injury he had a hard time with his emotions because of where the tire had hit him in his brain. He would easy become offended when anyone would laugh around him. His sense of humor had changed dramatically because of this injury. We told him that for the first little while that when people would laugh around him that he would have to think about something before making a judgement about becoming offended or not. We told him to see who was laughing, did he trust them to have his best interest at heart? If indeed he did trust them not to cause him hurt then he should just laugh along with them. This helped him a lot in deciding what reaction to have. You are your daughters family who have always stood behind her and provided support. I am with you, I believe that she does need to get counseling. Sometimes events in our lives lead us down the wrong path where we are not able to see the clear picture. If she will go back to what she knows to be true...back to the basis... she will have a chance to get her life back on track.

(((((Hugs))))) SF

[CaptainTux]

I am truly in shock, anger, and awe by what I have read. This whole affair is sad, but the silver lining in the cloud is that the kids have a wonderful father and a wonderful grand mother. No matter what happens to your daughter, the children will know love. They are innocent victims in this whole affair (no pun intended) and their dad has stepped up to the plate.

Life is uncertain. I pray for a happy ending for your daughter. I will also pray for one for your grandchildren, but no matter what, I m confident they are on their way to their happy ending. There are so many children that fall through the cracks because they do not have a support structure like these children do. Be grateful and thankful they are not another unknown statistic rotting away in filth. They are safe and cared for and loved and given what ever child needs. A child needs love and discipline and role models as much as they need air and water and food. They have everything they need.

Your strength and resolve amaze me.

[Winnie G]

My son in-law called to day he was granted full custody of our granddaughters.

My daughter was a no show at court today.

I could not have foreseen this coming, you think oh it is the baby blues but this took over her life and now she is like a different person.

A young woman throwing her marriage her children and the respect of her family away.

Yes, she did called her husband last night and told him she did not have the money to attend court today.

I have no idea as to were she is who she is staying with.

Her last call she told me she reached church family services and they found her a place to stay, then I heard someone come in to the room she said she had to go and hung up.

That was almost a week now.

I have to come to a point were I can give it over to our father in heaven and find peace in that, but that is easy to say then do.

[shanstress70]

My son in-law called to day he was granted full custody of our granddaughters.

My daughter was a no show at court today.

I could not have foreseen this coming, you think oh it is the baby blues but this took over her life and now she is like a different person.

A young woman throwing her marriage her children and the respect of her family away.

Yes, she did called her husband last night and told him she did not have the money to attend court today.

I have no idea as to were she is who she is staying with.

Her last call she told me she reached church family services and they found her a place to stay, then I heard someone come in to the room she said she had to go and hung up.

That was almost a week now.

I have to come to a point were I can give it over to our father in heaven and find peace in that, but that is easy to say then do.

Oh Winnie, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I can't imagine what it's like for you to see your daughter going through this. You are correct to give it to God. I'm glad your granddaughters are being well cared for. Your SIL sounds like a good man. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

[begood2]

Winnie,

Life can sure be full of trials. I will keep you and your family in my prayers to ask for strength and comfort.

[Winnie G]

It just gets better and better.

My son-in-law called to night. He does every night so my older (3) granddaughter can say good night and we say our prayers together. Not bad for a SIL who is not a member Huh?

He asked about taking the girls to church on Sunday as well.

He has taken the discussions three times and set dates as well but my daughters word of wisdom problem made it hard for him to comment. I’m not surprised he has always shown interested.

He promised to take lots of photos of our granddaughter birthday (15th)who is about to turn one.

He was excited to tell us that the daycare he placed the girls in is more nursery school then daycare. He said the girls did not want to leave on their first visits.

He has heard from my daughter she was a hurtful nasty towards him, She told him she was pregnant. I told him she had not been gone long enough for that and she was just being mean spirited.

This all came after him telling her that the courts awarded him full custody of the girls.

She cried and screamed at him then lashed back.

I reminded him she was not mentally well and he understood. I told him we understood how this is hurting him and that we loved him.

He does not have much of a family and ever since he became part of our family he has been more son then son in-law.

I have run out of things to say to my daughter after all this. If it could be true. She has become someone I do not know. I am not equipped to deal with all of this. I have to talk to her at some point now I am not sure what to say. I cannot say the same thing repeatedly. I told my SIL that I have left the ball in her court and she can call me. I do not know were she is and I do not wish to call (cell) and have some man answer the phone, my temperament will not conducive to how I want to talk to my daughter.

I do not know what else I can say to her that I have not already said.

I guess I am at that point were you say Now What?

[CaptainTux]

You are truly a woman of strength and character. I hope your daughter one day puts the pieces of her shattered life together. It is rare that a post touches me, but your situation does. I wish II had the right words or some magic formula to make this all right.

[Winnie G]

This fallowed a phone call today.

It never seems to end but that is divorce.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Dear (Daughter).

Dad and I will be in Calgary on Saturday, can we meet up with you so we can find a way for you to see the girls without you being so upset having to see ****.

None of this is going to be easy ***, divorce is a nasty business and children have no place in the middle. Where do you think (Ex husband) and I dislike for each other came from?

Years of promises made and broken that effected and hurt you children.

Blaming us for your youth is not only un-fair, but most of your un-happiness was due to your own choices not ours. Just as what is happening now. I do not think **** is doing all of this out of anger. He just thinks for now the girls are better off with him. He wants them in a stable home; you do not have that right now and wont for a while. Things like becoming involved with ***** and with him in your life and now becoming pregnant shows that you are still making bad choices and dragging the girls around from place to place is so unfair of you to ask of the girls.

**** told me he would have never thought you a bad mother until lately by being so involved with **** something as simple as changing ***** bum often took you away from your computer time causing her bum to never heal from a urine burn not a rash.

By the way I asked (our older son)*** and he says her bum is healed.

You do not even know if things will work out with **** yet. Only time will tell that tale and asking Dad and I for our blessing on you and ***** is so against everything we raised you kids to believe. This is not just a life style choice *** we disagree with it because it is a grave sin, you will be held responsible for. Do you think it is fair of you to involve someone else around in the girl’s lives that may not stay around and be hurt if it does not work out? I did not even bring Dad home for you children to meet until I was sure he was committed to a family not just me and the church as well. I was not going to make that mistake again. You cannot bring someone into the lives of the girls that they may or may not become attached too only for it to end. You may not see this as important *** but from my experience with my children, it is so un-fair. You were too young to remember *****. **** (oldest brother) became attached to him and before anyone married into our family he dumped me and **** was crushed. He made promises to **** and that was the last time I involved you children.

We are not doing any of this because we hate you or to be mean. We love you so much and you have to understand were this is coming from. You are asking your family who has lived one set of standards to accept what choices you have made, ***** included. (The other man)

I can’t believe you made the mistake of becoming pregnant by a man who has not been in your life that long. That is so un-fair to the life you have inside you. These are also things you are going to be accountable for ***. These are grave sins, you know that. Why would you be so reckless with your salvation?

As far as what did or did not happen between you and **** is between you and ****. Whether or not you chose to take ownership of your marriage, it is between **** and you. Not the girls, not Dad and I, but you and ****. Telling me painful things to gain your favor on your side will not happen ***. Dad and I both agree that we must stay out of it and think of the girls only. You two are and were grown adults in that marriage you cannot deny that. There for it is yours to own, not ours **** or *****. (The other man)

He has no place in this. I am sorry to say things *** but you asked me if we were disappointed in your decision to end your marriage. I told you I was none to pass judgment since I had failed at a marriage. I do not count ***due to the reason for the break up. So I was not going to pass a judgment on you, then Dad and I realized ***** was more then just a friend you meet on the internet as you told us. Yes, you were unhappy for a long time you said but instead of dealing with it. Getting counseling and at least trying for the sake of the girls to make your marriage work so they can be raised by a mother and father with in a marriage. That is how being a family works. Choosing out side of Heavenly Father plane is not the path to a happy marriage. You and **** owed that to the girls but you chose to engage in a life on the internet and an adulteries affair that led to the ending of your marriage. *** who ever gave you the idea that marriage was happily ever after. Its work compromises disagreements the joining of two lives and all that baggage that comes with it. Dad and I had disagreements a lot in our first five years. You were little so you do not remember.

We have what we have now because we worked at it and at times it was just hanging on to our faith that the Lord would see us though and it grow and became strong.

But there is no looking back for you now, that has passed, you and **** now have to be adults about the children. If moving is part of that then you must consider it. You can’t ask **** to give up his job with benefits and again move the girls. I guess it is up to you how you and **** work this out.

Dad and I love you both very much but you have to understand how all of this affects us too. Right now Dad’s heath and up-coming surgery and finding and building a home for Dad’s retirement is right now up front for us to worry about.

You and **** must reach agreement over visiting the girls.

You have to remember *** you need to build that trust with **** again before he is going to just pass the girls off to you. Your repeatedly telling the whole family “that your going to get the girls and none will see you and the girls again” is not a foundation of trust. Right now tempers are high and feeling hurt. This will not end any time soon ***. You just have to except that. That is divorce.

We leave here in Friday if you want us to meet you with the girls talk to ****. You have too *** he is not going to disappear he is the girls father. He is not a **** (my Ex) who will walk away from his children; just as my father did, my mother and father had to talk to each other. Be civil to each other, I will talk to **** tonight and I will write him as well. Oh, shoot he does not have e-mail yet. I will talk to him.

Let us know if you change your mind and want to see the girls.

We love you

Mom and Dad