Dating(advicemostly From Girls)

[qazzqwert]

ill be 16 in july how would i ask a girl to go out on a date? and how to introduce what we will do? can i get all the advice i can get

[Guest Monica]

Ask her to a movie or to a ward dance.

[pushka]

My only 2 dates to the cinema with guys from the LDS church were a disaster..

The first one, back in '78, we went to see the Star Wars movie, which I hated, and I was so shy I couldn't speak afterwards about the movie or anything else!!

The 2nd one, the guy held my hand all night, with my arm crooked at the elbow, and it went 'dead', pins and needles...I was too polite to ask him to let go!!

LOL.

[shanstress70]

I'm a bit anti-movie when it comes to the first several dates. You can't talk or get to know each other in a movie. You just sit there silently and in the dark for 2 hours focusing on something other than the person you are trying to get to know.

I like things like ice skating, going to a ceramic making place, dinner, outdoor celebrations (like the 4th coming up), sporting events, etc.

[pushka]

I agree wholeheartedly with you there Shanstress.

[CaptainTux]

I have to go with Shantress on that. You lose 90 minutes of conversing. Yeah, you get to talk about the movie afterward, but on first dates all answers about the movie will be neutral.

I know you wanted advice from the women and I am not one of those.

When I was in HS (back when dinosaurs roamed the earth and we still though mullets were a good idea) I had only been turned down for a date twice.

It boils down to this.

-Make sure you know the girl first. Not just by name, but you are in the same social circles.

-Be confident

-Make eyes contact.

-Ask her if she would like to go to (a dinner, a dance, a zoo, a local place with lots to do-In Chicago we have Navy Pier and many museums-if she likes art-pick an art institute-science, history-etc-in other words, things HS guys do not have the creative wherewithal to think of).

-Smile when you talk.

Once she says yes. Put some thoughtfulness to the date. Make dinner someplace a little nicer than the local pizza place. Ma and Pa Italian places are good. I recommend nice individually owned places. They are smaller, more intimate, less noisy. When talking, make her the main topic of conversation. Ask her her thoughts on things and about her...do not ramble on about yourself.

After dinner, do not let the date end there. Go for a walk somewhere nice like a public park and just talk about life the universe and everything. During the evening..be yourself. Be honest. Be courteous.

At the door, be a gentleman and tell her you had a wonderful time and hope for a similar response.

Sometime within the next 72 hours you call her and reiterate you had a good time and say you would like to do it again.

[qazzqwert]

thanks for all the advice if any body has anymore ill be happy to listen...lol

[Fiannan]

First, bring her some really nice flowers, stop by the local cemetary -- you would not believe the beautiful arrangments people just leave lying around. Free -- and don't forget to remove any notes.

Just kidding.

My advice is to take her to a playground. That's right, a playground. Then talk with her about memories of your parents taking you swinging and such -- and ask her about her experiences. This gets you under the radar and establishes a link with you and her generally fond memories of her father taking her out -- and after all, what a woman is looking for in a relationship is the personification of her father.

Talk with her as she is an individual. Do make eye contact -- of course at some point this will make her nervous and she will vere away but then she will reestablish eye contact with you -- usually making a sign of submission such as bearing the neck (common in almost all mammal species). Studies have found that during this few moments the male has to keep focused and not let her "escape" psychologically. The hormonal actions taking place here mimick fear but those are the same physiological reactions that take place when becomming romantically interested.

Have fun but also show a level of maturity. Let her speak and show interest in her.

You might notice that mose females tend to gravitate to guys who are older than the, This is due (in large part) to males in the teen years developing slower than females who are genetically adapted to start families much earlier than males. You can overcome that hurdle by being more mature than the typical 16 year old.

And don't forget -- keep your standards high (if dating an LDS girl that will show respect to her).

[Lindy]

I applaud the men for their foresight ..... very good

and I agree with Shan too, movies are great if you don't want to talk to someone, but for a first date... I don't think so :)

I think that manners are very important myself... I don't think that most females are really picky ...... but to have the doors opened for them... ladies first and all... it's really nice....OH and that level of maturity sounds really good too. OH OH use your napkin instead of your sleeve... lol

Intellegence, sense of humor, fun, the sensitive side regarding family is really good... I like that! I'm sure that every girl would love to hear a guy say nice things about his mom and dad...and gasp.... a sister or two.

My best advice... be yourself, keep it simple, keep it clean, keep it fun.

PS..."usually making a sign of submission such as bearing the neck: OH my heck I laughed so hard....it's 110 degrees outside.... I am sure that she is going to have a bare neck to start off with

[Fiannan]

Lindy, there are many aspects of body language that indicate if someone is interested in somebody. The neck thing I mentioned refers not to having an exposed neck but tilting the head to the side -- dogs have a similar behavior allowing the lead dog (Alpha male or female) acess to being able to gently bite but the act of submission insures the lead dog (s) will not actually use pressure that would cause immediate death. No, I am not into evolutionary psychology but we all have the same creator and it is not all that surprising that more intelligent mammals might possess similar mating (and other) behaviors.

[MJN42]

As an LDS teenager if you want to make a good impression on the mother and father, go out with a group.

They will more than likely feel much more at ease knowing your in a group. Because guys are just beasts in any fathers eyes, they know this cause they were one at one time or another.

Plus it should help with the awkward and deadly silent moments.

My

[Lindy]

Lindy, there are many aspects of body language that indicate if someone is interested in somebody. The neck thing I mentioned refers not to having an exposed neck but tilting the head to the side -- dogs have a similar behavior allowing the lead dog (Alpha male or female) acess to being able to gently bite but the act of submission insures the lead dog (s) will not actually use pressure that would cause immediate death. No, I am not into evolutionary psychology but we all have the same creator and it is not all that surprising that more intelligent mammals might possess similar mating (and other) behaviors.

I am so sorry if my laughter offended you Fiannan, I just see humor in a lot of things. And just to stay with the content of this thread.... if a girl "bares her neck" tilting it to the side, ready for you to take a bite....ON THE FIRST DATE...... perhaps she's not the kind of gal you want to take home and introduce to mom. Mating behaviors should be left at home until more serious developments ensue

[StrawberryFields]

<div class='quotemain'>

Lindy, there are many aspects of body language that indicate if someone is interested in somebody. The neck thing I mentioned refers not to having an exposed neck but tilting the head to the side -- dogs have a similar behavior allowing the lead dog (Alpha male or female) acess to being able to gently bite but the act of submission insures the lead dog (s) will not actually use pressure that would cause immediate death. No, I am not into evolutionary psychology but we all have the same creator and it is not all that surprising that more intelligent mammals might possess similar mating (and other) behaviors.

I am so sorry if my laughter offended you Fiannan, I just see humor in a lot of things. And just to stay with the content of this thread.... if a girl "bares her neck" tilting it to the side, ready for you to take a bite....ON THE FIRST DATE...... perhaps she's not the kind of gal you want to take home and introduce to mom. Mating behaviors should be left at home until more serious developments ensue

I too laughed OUT LOUD with this one. Ross did mention that he was about to turn 16!

I had not yet responded to this thread yet because it asked for girls to respond and I have not been called a girl for years.

Anyway, Some good advise from so who didn't make me LOL here. Captain Tux has a very lucky wife if he still uses that kind of thing with her. Things that seem to impress my husband are things that are often overlooked these days. We have three children 22-17. My daughter is the youngest and a bit of an air head at times. One Saturday she had not been feeling good so she had just hung out in her PJ's all day. About 6:00 her dad asked her to go to Del Taco with him to grab some dinner thru the drive up and she did. Shortly after they had left a knock came from the door there was a young man with a sparkling clean truck in our driveway and he smelled really good. He asked if my daughter was home. I said no, was she expecting you? He said yes we had a date. I asked him to come in and I called her on her cell and told her that ____ was there for their date. I could hear the panic in her voice as she said that she had forgotten and that he had made the date earlier in the week. I told her that I would be now passing the phone to ___. I heard her tell him that she was sorry and would he consider taking her out another time. He smiled at me and left. About an hour later there was a knock at the door and flowers had been left. The flowers were from ____ with a note that said he was sorry she had missed their date. He has since taken her out several times and he has impressed her by being on time, opening the door for her, and smelling good to mention a few.

Make sure the date is fun for both of you and do a variety of things.

Bowling

Swimming

Miniature golf

Picnic

Outdoor Play

Theme Parks

Making Dinner

Icecream

Hiking etc.

[Ray]

Okay, here’s some more advice from a man, 45 year old now, and you can take this for what it is worth to you.

When I was 16, I felt very awkward and shy around girls, especially girls I thought were attractive, and if I could have only seen girls as I see them right now I’d have known there was nothing to be nervous about… even if it turned out that I had found a girl who didn’t like to be around me as I searched for a girl to like being around me while knowing I could make some girl happy.

And that, to me, is the whole thing about “dating”. You’re out there trying to find someone who would like to be around you and who you would like to be around… enough to feel very comfortable when you are with each other and doing what you both like to do.

So my advice to you now is to try not to impress a girl by trying to be someone you think she might like you to be, but to be the best person you know how to be while knowing you can make some girl happy… a girl you would like to have in your life while knowing being with you makes her happy.

And btw, it also helps to remember that girls are people too, even the ones we think are totally awesome and who would someday be a good wife to someone, so try to treat her like a person and not like a girl… although there are a few things that girls, in particular, like to do and have a good man do for them… like opening the car door, and other doors, for them, and other things you’d expect girls to like. :)

[Ray]

-Make sure you know the girl first. Not just by name, but you are in the same social circles.

I would say that before you ask her to go out with you to any place where she will be alone with you, you should not be a total stranger to her... which means she needs to know you at least well enough to know who you are if you call her and talk to her on the phone.

Be confident.

Yes, you should have confidence in yourself. But it's okay to be nervous while talking and being with her. That's normal for almost any first date. And I think the only exception is when you have already been friends and done things together without calling it a date.

Make eyes contact.

When you personally talk with her, yes. But if you choose to call her on the phone to ask her to go out with you, you may not be able to make eye contact... unless you have one of those fancy smancy video phones, and I still don't use one of those yet.

Ask her if she would like to go to (a dinner, a dance, a zoo, a local place with lots to do-In Chicago we have Navy Pier and many museums-if she likes art-pick an art institute-science, history-etc-in other words, things HS guys do not have the creative wherewithal to think of).

Heh, or after asking and talking about what she likes to do, start asking her to do those things with you. :)

Smile when you talk.

If you like her, that should come very easily... but be considerate when showing ALL of your feelings.

Once she says yes. Put some thoughtfulness to the date. Make dinner someplace a little nicer than the local pizza place. Ma and Pa Italian places are good. I recommend nice individually owned places. They are smaller, more intimate, less noisy. When talking, make her the main topic of conversation. Ask her her thoughts on things and about her...do not ramble on about yourself.

Several good points here... be thoughtful, be considerate, be creative, be kind.... or in other words, try to forget about yourself when you are with her.

After dinner, do not let the date end there. Go for a walk somewhere nice like a public park and just talk about life the universe and everything. During the evening..be yourself. Be honest. Be courteous.

A continuation of some very good thoughts here... be yourself but forget yourself when you are with her.

At the door, be a gentleman and tell her you had a wonderful time and hope for a similar response. Sometime within the next 72 hours, you can call her and reiterate you had a good time and say you would like to do it again.

Heh, I see a good pattern in what the Captain is saying here... show interest in her and not yourself. And if you both are not able to stay apart for 72 hours... continue to be considerate when showing ALL of your feelings.

And yes, it is fun. My wife and I still go on dates. And we are also the very best of good friends. :)

[Dror]

I'm a bit anti-movie when it comes to the first several dates. You can't talk or get to know each other in a movie. You just sit there silently and in the dark for 2 hours focusing on something other than the person you are trying to get to know.

I like things like ice skating, going to a ceramic making place, dinner, outdoor celebrations (like the 4th coming up), sporting events, etc.

For the same reason, I'm a bit anti-dance. With the music being turned up so loud, I couldn't hear myself think, let alone carry on a conversation with another person!

Ross, just ask her. I know it seems difficult at first, a bit scary, but you'll find that with time you'll become more confident. The worst that could happen is she'd say 'no.' If she's not interested, she's not interested, and you can always find someone else. Also, she may not be rejecting you. She may not be available that night, may not like the activity you suggested, or whatever. She might say 'yes' if you ask her out another time, so don't give up unless she makes it clear she really is not interested in going out with you.

Also, although a girl might appreciate a decisive sort of guy when you ask her out the first time, be sure in the future to ask her what kinds of things she likes to do--work together on it. That way you'll end up doing things both of you like.

Good luck!

Dror

[EricM]

Here's some advice from a 17 year old guy: I've only been on two dates (well, one date and the prom, along with the day activities and stuff), so I can give you advice on your first... Okay, first off do NOT make it a blind date. I was too much of a coward to ask anyone, so I had my friend set one up for me. Just do yourself a favor and ask a girl you at least know you like. You'll find out if she likes you later. With a blind date you don't even know if you'll like the girl, so it's pretty much setting you up for disastor.

Second, if you're planning in a group, don't be afraid to add what you would like to do, even if someone else seems to have things under control. Also, make sure the places you're going to aren't very far from your home. My friend planned to go to the E-Center to watch a hockey game, which was like a 45-minute (give or take a few minutes) each way. So not only did I have to drive a car to a place I'd never driven to before, but I had to pick up a girl I'd never met before and try to make conversation while trying not to get lost. And to top it off, sports bore me to death. And to top THAT off, whenever we'd get a conversation going somebody would score a point and a horn would go off, making it impossible to hear eachother, thus destroying the conversation. And then after the terrible date, I had to take the 45-minute drive back to where we live, in the dark, navigating to people's houses in reverse.... and here's more advice. Even if the date went terribly, walk her to the doorstep. I turned around halfway to her porch and got into the car, haha.

Honestly, the whole thing was a mess. Still, I wouldn't change a thing. It makes a great story, and has been a guiding force on what not to do on a date ever since. My advice is just relax and laugh off any dumb mistakes you may make... it's your first, and it's not going to be perfect.