Self Esteem Workshops or Retreats?

[Tamiele]

Hi

I don't post often but I am glad for a place to post my concerns and hear from a knowledgable base of folks.

A small bit of history on me. I am a convert of 11 years. 11 years ago I had my first child, moved to a new city/province and got married.

My husband is a lifetime member who was inactive when I met him. Glad he took a chance on me and glad he introduced me to the church. We have 2 kids together. One has some special needs. I have been inspired to homeschool them and so far both kids are really doing wonderfully.

I am having trouble integrating myself into the church culture. I am always feeling like I can't contribute anything given that I haven't been brought up in the church and don'thave this life time of scripture study so I feel inadequate. It stops me from doing ALOT in the church. I accept callings that let me do background help, not anything that puts me infront of people.

My question is - I am doing what I can with reading materials to help me grow through these debilitating beliefs, I also wondered if there was a program/retreat/workshop that I could attend that is put on by someone in the church that I would attend to work this out. I am in Alberta but I could travel, within reason. Any suggestions??

[classylady]

Tamiele, I don't know of any programs. That is to say, there may be something out there, but I'm just not aware of it.

As for feeling inadequate, don't feel that you're the only one. I've been raised in the Church, wasn't active as a teen, but managed to turn my life around and went on a mission, went to college and got a degree, but I still feel inadequate and have a hard time contributing in Sunday School or RS meetings. For me, it's more a personality thing. I'm a follower, not a leader. I know of many converts who are great leaders in the church. My memory isn't that great, so I don't remember a lot of what I've read, but many (either converts or life members) seem to be able to pull out scriptures or church history from their head and are able to spontaneously contribute to the lesson. That's not my personality.

I do admit, that my mission helped me tremendously. I had to speak in front of people and teach. So, I'm actually very comfortable in teaching adults or giving a talk in Sacrament Meeting. But, that isn't spontaneous, and that isn't really being in a leadership position, such as a Relief Society, Young Women's, or Primary President. I'll accept any calling given me, but leadership is not my comfort zone.

To gain more self-confidence, I would continue reading the scriptures and study other gospel materials. Do something just for you that would enhance your self-esteem. We can overcome our weaknesses. And for me, sometimes, it's just "doing" that has helped--such as my missionary labors.

[dahlia]

And for me, sometimes, it's just "doing" that has helped--such as my missionary labors.

Absolutely. I am practically brand new, having been baptized in January. I have a calling, have testified twice on fast Sunday, given a lesson in RS, and said a couple of closing prayers. I still feel like quite the newbie and wonder what I can offer all of these born Mormons.

I think the only thing you can do to raise your self esteem is to do things within the church - do a calling, give a lesson, etc. Do what you can within your comfort level.

I know I couldn't give a talk on exaltation, but I can talk about basic ethical principles, I can talk about church history, I can contribute in RS and Sunday School and I know from the born Mormons that having a convert's perspective can be useful for them and permits them to see the world through new eyes. Don't discount that gift.

Good luck. I think it's worth the effort to put yourself out there.

[pam]

I'm so with Classylady. I've always felt inadequate as far as my knowledge of the gospel. I've been a member all my life. But I've never been one that can pull scriptures out at the drop of my hat. I have to research.

But if you give me time, I'm pretty good at finding answers or at least resources or quotes to back up something.

Everyone in the church has their own unique talents and abilities. It's not always about being able to answer all the questions in gospel doctrine class or giving the perfect talk.

[RadDad]

you sound like you have a pure desire to do what is right. good for you!!! that is the first step all done. the one thing that i caught is that you have not accepted callings that put you in the forefront. it is just my opinion, but i believe that the Lord has seen your desires and given you the answer to your desires through a calling that would lift you. stop turning them down. let the Lord run the church. He will call you where He wants you and give you the inspiration to be strong and fulfilled. I too am a convert and have had more leadership positions that i ever thought possible. the Lord has guided me through each of them.He will you too.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

Tamiele, If I were in your ward, I would try to get to know you. For me, sometimes it is refreshing to get to know people who weren't born in the church. I wasn't either. My ancestors were pioneers, but my mother became inactive in her teens so I was not raised in the church. I joined the church at 12 though, so I did have the benefit of Seminary and Sunday meetings in my youth.

I was raised with abuse and alcohol, and most of the time I find it hard to relate to LDS people with their seemingly perfect parents and childhoods. Once I almost walked out of a Relief Society lesson because the lesson was about work and a conversation was started about "what did your parents teach you about work?" I thought, "you don't want to know..." and then the discussion started about all these loving stories of nurturing parents. I really felt out of place and like I did not belong. Not to mention that the whole topic of "childhood" is exquisitely painful to me right now.

I didn't mean to turn this into a discussion about me...what I am trying to say is that I believe there are people in your ward that are hurting and lonely that can benefit from YOUR unique experiences and talents. Ask the Lord to guide you to them. He will. And being His instrument will be the best self-esteem boost ever!

[applepansy]

My question is - I am doing what I can with reading materials to help me grow through these debilitating beliefs, I also wondered if there was a program/retreat/workshop that I could attend that is put on by someone in the church that I would attend to work this out. I am in Alberta but I could travel, within reason. Any suggestions??

BYU Women’s Conference at BYU might be helpful. The next one is 2012, but you need to make reservations early anyway. I hope its something you can attend.

We are all learning no matter how long we've been members or how long we've been studying. Even some of us who have been trying to study daily have a hard time finding the scripture, quote or whatever at the drop of a hat.

You have much to offer. You have an outside perspective and how the gospel applies to situations most lifelong members don't have. Don't be afraid to share your perspective. Its valuable.

P.S. This book helped me. Maybe it will help you too. "Confronting the Myth of Self-Esteem: Twelve Keys to Finding Peace" by Ester Rasband It explores the difference between self esteem and self worth from a gospel perspective.

Edited June 13, 2011 by applepansy

[applepansy]

Tamiele, If I were in your ward, I would try to get to know you. For me, sometimes it is refreshing to get to know people who weren't born in the church. I wasn't either. My ancestors were pioneers, but my mother became inactive in her teens so I was not raised in the church. I joined the church at 12 though, so I did have the benefit of Seminary and Sunday meetings in my youth.

I was raised with abuse and alcohol, and most of the time I find it hard to relate to LDS people with their seemingly perfect parents and childhoods. Once I almost walked out of a Relief Society lesson because the lesson was about work and a conversation was started about "what did your parents teach you about work?" I thought, "you don't want to know..." and then the discussion started about all these loving stories of nurturing parents. I really felt out of place and like I did not belong. Not to mention that the whole topic of "childhood" is exquisitely painful to me right now.

I didn't mean to turn this into a discussion about me...what I am trying to say is that I believe there are people in your ward that are hurting and lonely that can benefit from YOUR unique experiences and talents. Ask the Lord to guide you to them. He will. And being His instrument will be the best self-esteem boost ever!

Nobody's childhood or parents are perfect. I wish you had spoken up. I know there are other sisters in every ward with the same feelings you have. Its difficult to have a useful meaningful discussion, which helps others, if the hard things are talked about. It can also be healing to talk about the tough things.

[KrazyKay]

You might be interested in Time Out for Women. I know they have them around the United States - I think they are also held in Canada. I've attended Time Out for Women before, it is wonderful and very uplifting :)

[dahlia]

I was raised with abuse and alcohol, and most of the time I find it hard to relate to LDS people with their seemingly perfect parents and childhoods.

I just want to say something about my experience with people in my ward. Before converting, I only knew a little about the church and had the stereotypical idea that Mormons were all happy and goody two shoes.

Since getting to know folks, I have to say I haven't met anyone who didn't have a rough patch, have a close relative on drugs, a child who left the church, parents who could have done better, etc. I thought you guys were perfect! Even my missionaries had misdemeanor arrests!

This isn't to say that a lot of ladies in RS think they should be perfect, but knowing what I do now, I don't put any of them up on pedestals or think any one in the ward is living a perfect life just because they're LDS. It's been a help to come to that realization.

[Guest mormonmusic]

I'd consider having a few sessions with a cognitive-based therapist, perhaps someone in the Church through LDS Social Services. They can do self-esteem counseling and its a common area in which people look for help. There is an area called Cognitiv-Based Therapy that I think has shown high success rates. And it could be good for healthy-minded people like you.

[Tamiele]

It has taken me some time to get back on the board and to read these replies. Firstly, thanks to all for taking the time to give me their insights. I have watched Heavenly Father guide me through cleaning up so much of my life - I can see it plain as day how different areas and weeknesses have been resolved by prayer and effort and the help of the Lord. I sometimes think that this feels like that last BIG issue that needs to be resolved. Old beliefs and negative thinking have taken deep root in me and that is why I need more than simply accepting the challenge and working it out. I have tried that and fell apart. I need to get some counselling/therapy to work on those beliefs and change them. Darn it - I want to rid myself of this and step into the sunshine. To take on whatever life wants to give me. I will follow up on your suggestions, and thank you!!

The retreat idea was something I thought would be helpful to pack up and go somewhere for a few days with group therapy and other kinds of work and give a concentrated effort - without interruption to this problem. Lots of retreats out there but I want to be able to speak freely about my faith and also that many of my fears are at church - I don't want someone saying to me that maybe my faith is the problem. That is not negotiable.

Thanks again for your comments.