Best approach to this?

[Iggy]

I'm not shy either. But with how children are these days, I'm pretty sure those kids would just laugh and run away..

You are projecting your fear of being rejected by the children.

I agree totally with RipplecutBuddah -

I had an adult neighbor who brought her two dogs onto my front lawn to potty twice a day. Across the street from her home was a vacant yard- two other neighbors took their dogs there to potty, and then once a week one of them would shovel up the poo and toss it over the hill (nothing but brush, weeds & dirt over the hill)

I went to her and asked her to stop. Every morning as I went out to my car, there were fresh piles of poo from her over sized lab and tiny lap dog. I scooped it with a shovel and deposited it on her postage stamp lawn. Didn't stop her. I scooped it up and placed it on her bottom step. Didn't faze her. I shoveled it and placed it directly in front of the front door. Still it did not stop her from bringing the dogs over.

So, I got up an hour earlier to catch her in the act. The deed was already there. The next morning I went out even earlier. Finally I got up early enough to catch her. The next morning I was waiting with the garden hose. Just as large dog squatted I got him in the tush with the water. His owner just screamed at me- The next morning I was out there with the garden hose AND a camera. I took pics, then hosed her down.

THAT still did not stop her, so when the City offices opened I went in and filed a complaint. Before I could get home, the Sheriffs office (the town didn't have it's own police-the county sheriff policed the area) were at her door. They handed her literature stating the city, county and state regulations regarding her animals. Leash law, scooping law, etc. AND explained the consequences of violating those ordinances and laws.

They also went to every house on the street and handed out the same literature with the same spiel, myself included! When I told them I only had cats, they asked me how I was disposing of their waste- scoop into bag and into garbage.

THAT still did not stop her. I took pics of her walking her dogs to my lawn and of them pooping. After a week, I took the pics and filed a complaint. They came out, counted the piles and wrote her up.

Animal control came out and removed the dogs, and her invalid mother was also removed from the house. When the sheriff went to the door to cite her, they smelled and saw dog poo all over the living room floor. Her invalid mother was on an outdoor chaise lounge, in filthy nightclothes. Actually laying in her own waste!

Bini, in my opinion, it is not your responsibility to educate the neighbor children. If I had had a gated yard, and the neighbor lady was going through the gate I would have pressed charges after informing her to not use my yard, rather than going through weeks of confrontation, picture taking and hosing the dogs and her down.

The legal ramifications alone should be enough for you to put a lock on the gate and go talk to the local enforcement in person. Call your insurance agent/carrier and ask a what if: What if neighbor kids come uninvited into your gated back yard and fall off equipment you have stored in there. What is the worst case scenario- how do you protect yourself?

If these children w/their dogs were to walk through your unlocked door into your home- what would you have done? Your gated yard is an extension of your home.

[ruthiechan]

I don't disagree that these children need love. All kids need love, regardless, if they're awful little monsters. And I'm not saying that these kids are. It's apparent that they're simply neglected and because of this, they find their own entertainment and get into trouble. However, I disagree that it falls to me and my husband to become surrogate parents and to teach them what's "proper behaviour" because they're not our children. Being a good example is one thing but taking on a role such as what you're referring to is another. I think inviting children into your home that you are not close to, nor are you close to their family, is potentially risky. Especially when the children are not accompanied by a parent. I think this can open doors to false allegations of all sorts of things and that's something that my husband and I certainly don't want to happen.

How sad that you feel this way. Children who are neglected need firm but kind adults so very much it's startling.

You can always ask the mother's permission to let them in, and even if you don't invite them inside your home you can still be firm but kind and be a good example of what it is to be a good person.

[Guest]

Iggy, what a sad story.

[ruthiechan]

Bini, in my opinion, it is not your responsibility to educate the neighbor children.

Of course it is. It is EVERYONE'S responsibility to be examples of what it is to be a good Christian through our behavior and in how we treat others. I doubt Christ would be using fear tactics and other aggressive ways to deal with Bini's problem. He was kind to the adulterous who was being stoned. He made it clear to her that he did not condone her inappropriate behavior, but he was also kind.

[Bini]

How sad that you feel this way. Children who are neglected need firm but kind adults so very much it's startling.

You can always ask the mother's permission to let them in, and even if you don't invite them inside your home you can still be firm but kind and be a good example of what it is to be a good person.

What was sad? That my husband and I wish to protect our own family from potential risk? If you read through my post, you'd see that I have been very civil (perhaps overly so) with these neighbours and I've always been kind towards these wandering kids. I've never raised my voice at them or shown any kind of aggression, period. I am almost 8 months pregnant, I'm exhausted, my husband works a busy schedule. I do not have the time nor energy to babysit or discipline someone elses children. We can be kind, and we are. But I also have three dogs inside my house and having to entertain three kids on top of that is just too much.

I will consult and see what legal ramifications my husband and I would be dealing with if there were to be an accident on our property from trespassing. The lock is looking like a good option.

Iggy, holy crap! What a story. Glad it was finally resolved.

[Just_A_Guy]

How sad that you feel this way. Children who are neglected need firm but kind adults so very much it's startling.

Sadder still that our current society justifies such feelings, and very often punishes people who have done nothing more than to try to fill the need of which you speak.

[Iggy]

Of course it is.

No it isn't. They are NOT under her stewardship. They are under the stewardship of their parents. All human life is under Christ's stewardship. You are solely responsible for your self and your own children - Period.

It is EVERYONE'S responsibility to be examples of what it is to be a good Christian through our behavior and in how we treat others. I doubt Christ would be using fear tactics and other aggressive ways to deal with Bini's problem. He was kind to the adulterous (adulteress) who was being stoned. He made it clear to her that he did not condone her inappropriate behavior, but he was also kind.

Comparing children trespassing with pooping dogs to Christ's forgiving an adulterer is ridiculous. He also told her to Sin No More. Also she was an adult who was responsible for her own actions.

I repeat - Bini's stewardship consists of herself, her unborn child, her husband and her home. NOT the pooping dogs in the neighborhood, and the trespassing kids.

Never in any of her posts has she stated that she has been mean or cruel to these children or their animals.

Edited August 5, 2011 by Iggy

[ruthiechan]

I never said Bini was cruel, but some of the things suggested to do to these children IS cruel. There IS a way to deal with this situation without it turning into a power struggle.

Yes, Christ was FIRM in not supporting the adulterous in her wrong doings, hence the Sin No More. But he was also good to her. THAT is what Bini can do, be kind AND firm, perhaps it's the firm she is lacking, I do not know. But you can be firm without resorting to fear tactics and the police.

And yes, it IS everyone's responsibility to be a good example of Christlike behavior, especially if you profess to be a follower of Christ. Period. Remember the old adage, "It takes a village to raise a child"? Well, it does, that's why we have Young Men's and Young Women's, Boy Scouts and Activity Days, because parents can't do it alone! Children need the good examples of other adults around them.

I can not stand the whole vendetta thing against children in need when they are doing something annoying. You don't have to become a carpet for them to walk all over which is rather the point of being both kind AND firm.

Maybe their mother has talked to her children about it, but doesn't know how to make what she says stick. Maybe Bini and the mom can come up with a game plan together. I dunno. It's just an idea. This is a freaking missionary opportunity and if it's not played right the whole opportunity will be wasted.

Maybe I should have just said the bog standard answer of, make it a matter of prayer. Egad.

[Soulsearcher]

I never said Bini was cruel, but some of the things suggested to do to these children IS cruel. There IS a way to deal with this situation without it turning into a power struggle.

Yes, Christ was FIRM in not supporting the adulterous in her wrong doings, hence the Sin No More. But he was also good to her. THAT is what Bini can do, be kind AND firm, perhaps it's the firm she is lacking, I do not know. But you can be firm without resorting to fear tactics and the police.

And yes, it IS everyone's responsibility to be a good example of Christlike behavior, especially if you profess to be a follower of Christ. Period. Remember the old adage, "It takes a village to raise a child"? Well, it does, that's why we have Young Men's and Young Women's, Boy Scouts and Activity Days, because parents can't do it alone! Children need the good examples of other adults around them.

I can not stand the whole vendetta thing against children in need when they are doing something annoying. You don't have to become a carpet for them to walk all over which is rather the point of being both kind AND firm.

Maybe their mother has talked to her children about it, but doesn't know how to make what she says stick. Maybe Bini and the mom can come up with a game plan together. I dunno. It's just an idea. This is a freaking missionary opportunity and if it's not played right the whole opportunity will be wasted.

Maybe I should have just said the bog standard answer of, make it a matter of prayer. Egad.

While i understand what you are saying and even commend it a bit, i also look to the phrase " spare the rod spoil the child"

Sometimes kids need a good scare. Some times this is the only thing that gets reality through their heads. Is it really wrong to teach kids law and order? That as they grow their current actions could lead to a future of worse consequences? I'm not a fan of going to the police over something silly as this, however that being said if by chance you happen to know a local officer and request they have a little one on one with the kids off the record I'm not seeing a down side.

We can hope the mother cares and she's willing to do what it takes to be a good mother and neighbor and see a wonderful missionary opportunity, or we can look at the current facts and see that the mother from what i read really didn't seem to care. The kids have politely been approached about what they shouldn't be doing(if not in the most direct manner). So Bini can keep turning the other cheek and hope she might somehow get through, or take a slightly more elevated reaction. I personally like turning the hose on people who tend to be not where they belong. No one gets hurt and all of a sudden the kids get to explain to mom why they are wet when Bini is watering her lawn and fails to see the kids who really shouldn't have been there and she had no reasonable reason to notice them :)

[Guest Sachi001]

We have some neighbors that live across the street from us one house over. They have a few young children under the age of ten that frequently roam around unsupervised. If that's how they choose to parent, so be it. The real issue is this. On more than one occasion, these children have come onto our property and trespassed into our backyard with their little dog. We have a few concerns with this: (a) our backyard gate is closed and it's a bit unnerving to have people open it and let themselves in (b) there is heavy equipment back there that could potentially injure children and © their dog poops all over our yard! We could lock our gate but this would be too much of a hassle, as we frequently allow our own dogs run-time in the backyard, and having a lock to open and close each time we run them out there is inconvenient. Apart from this, we shouldn't have to lock it, these kids shouldn't be back there and especially without permission or supervision! We have talked to the mother about this and she doesn't seem too bothered about the problem. It's happened again since that small talk too.. What's a better approach to this?

No you should not have to lock your gate. It's called respecting one's privacy to which apparently the children are not taught. However dur to liability of heavy equipment you should have a lock.

You should place a no trespassing sign up due to heavy equipment.

Explain to the mother and father at the same time one last time, and express the danger of being around such mentioned. Warn them the next step is to contact local authorities should it occur again.

Should the children venture into the yard after that. Call the police. I'm pretty sure a uniformed officer will impress upon that family the need to stay out. You need to ensure this and file a court order if necessary to keep them out.

If you did not do enough to keep the children out. Especially since you have dogs and heavy equipment in which they could get hurt. You need to ensure this. As you can be held liable for injury. I know from experience as this is a requirement in Hawaii for heavy equipment. Putting a no tresspassing sign will reduce the chance of you being liable should the children get injured on heavy equipment. Be wise as children are not aware of dangers and some states like Hawaii can hold you responsible to making prevention a must.