Nervous for my marriage

[beefche]

I don't know, I kind of laughed when he talked about the cape! I wish I were that confident! Well women aren't the only ones who get nervous. I'm a man and I'm nervous as --heck.

Actually, I'm getting married and have never done anything. I'm nervous as all get out. She's a tiny thing, I'm a big thing. I'm worried about hurting her. Actually, I'm worried because I don't really know what I'm doing. We talked about it a little, she told me she was a virgin and I'd have to show her everything and I blurted out, "what makes you think I know? I've never been with a woman."

Hah. Oh my ego.

My honest advice is talk about it now. Talk about expectations for that night, talk about expectations for the marriage and talk, talk, talk.

And she should talk to another woman who will be honest with her and not embarrassed to give her advice. Mom, sister, friend, whoever--just someone who can talk about the reality of sex. I think too many girls/women do not understand the reality of sex for their first time. It's wonderful, but there are some things that women should know before they have sex, IMO.

Since I'm a woman, I don't have a ton of advice for you other than telling you that being naked in front of a man can be very, very difficult for a woman. Please be careful in your reaction and speech towards her. Also, as far as the physical act of sex, just be sure to listen to her. It's ok to talk during sex, "is this ok? are you ok? does this feel good?"

[Backroads]

. Actually, I'm worried because I don't really know what I'm doing. We talked about it a little, she told me she was a virgin and I'd have to show her everything and I blurted out, "what makes you think I know? I've never been with a woman."

Hah!

I actually remember feeling relieved because my husband was a divorcee who did know what was going on. I thought "That'll make everything much easier." And it really did.

But I also think I would have felt relieved with a guy who was also a virgin. Nothing to compare to.

Just assure her you can learn together.

[NeuroTypical]

Just another shout out for the book: Amazon.com: And They Were Not Ashamed: Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment (9781587830341): Laura M. Brotherson: Books

No really - anyone nervous, worried, inexperienced, uneducated, terrified, or traumatized about the issue should go get a copy and read through it. It's the mormon's 'how to do it' book, complete with everything but pictures. It's spiritual, factual, and comforting. It's been reviewed and approved by the brethren.

When they make me emperor of the mormons, every fourth sunday will teach from that book in Priesthood and Relief Society meetings.

[NadiaStar]

I "got around" as a kid and had my first daughter out-of-wedlock at 17, so I don't know if I have the same perspective as you, but I can understand the nervous thing.

I don't want to tell you to assume it will all go swimmingly or that it will be horrible, because I don't know what it will be for you.

Read the mentioned books, ask questions, let your man know you're nervous, and just take it one step at a time.

[SoCal_Counselor]

Just another shout out for the book: Amazon.com: And They Were Not Ashamed: Strengthening Marriage through Sexual Fulfillment (9781587830341): Laura M. Brotherson: Books

I agree.

"And They Were Not Ashamed" is an excellent book. Might I also suggest a book that was specifically written for LDS engaged couples Becoming One: Intimacy in Marriage.

This is an excellent book written by a couple of doctors, and a professor of marriage and family therapy at BYU.

[Dravin]

Since I'm a woman, I don't have a ton of advice for you other than telling you that being naked in front of a man can be very, very difficult for a woman. Please be careful in your reaction and speech towards her. Also, as far as the physical act of sex, just be sure to listen to her. It's ok to talk during sex, "is this ok? are you ok? does this feel good?"

My advice would be there isn't a rush so take things slow. Particularly considering his stated concern of hurting her. By going slow it allows ample time for feedback and widens the window between, "That's not comfortable" and "Pain!"