Controling Anger

[BenRaines]

At times it appears that some have a very short fuse or a big chip to knock off their shoulders. Why is that?

I understand that posting in forums does not relay voice tones, inflection, humor or sarcasm and also that there are people who do not understand that.

Other than in posting but in real life what should we do to control anger and should it be controlled?

Ben Raines

[Dr T]

"Be angry yet sin not."

[prisonchaplain]

At times it appears that some have a very short fuse or a big chip to knock off their shoulders. Why is that?

Usually, when irritation moves to anger, there has been misinterpretation and over-personalization. For example, in Korea college students often told me, "Christians are selfish." I came to find out a few things:

1. They did not necessarily think that I was selfish.

2. Some of this impression was based upon "prosperity teachings" they had heard about.

3. They saw Christians as seeking to avoid hell, get to heaven, and not be too worried about how the rest of the human race fared.

Misinterpretation: They didn't mean all Christians everywhere, but rather had a few experiences in mind.

Over-personalization: The blanket comments were really based upon a few specific experiences.

I understand that posting in forums does not relay voice tones, inflection, humor or sarcasm and also that there are people who do not understand that.

At its best, posting should allow us to review what we've written. At it's worst, the relative anonymity results in casting aside all social inhibitions (and graces).

Other than in posting but in real life what should we do to control anger and should it be controlled?

Generally, I ask myself why I'm encountering what I am. What is the other person thinking? What have they experienced? Why are they saying/doing what they are?

[john doe]

I think that the immediate reply in anger is uncontrolled. The person who allows themself to lose control on a consistent basis is not a person I wish to be or to be around. A clear, thoughful, measured response to someone who offends is better than saying something you may later regret.

[Ray]

I very rarely get angry. But I do get frustrated. I am so misunderstood.

[Guest ApostleKnight]

Pretend that the person irritating or offending you is (1) Doing it on accident; or, (2) An authority figure you respect; or, (3) Had a death in the family or some other traumatic experience that's compromised their normal sense of decorum and manners.

I heard this example in a talk. You go to your car in the parking lot. A young kid in a corvette is doing doughnuts nearby. You see your car is dented in the rear. You get angry at the punk. As you start walking over to chew him out, Pres. Hinckley taps you on the shoulder and says, "I'm so sorry, I appear to have scratched your car when I was parking." You quickly smile, anger forgotten, and say, "It's okay, I'm sure you didn't mean to." He offers to pay for the damage, etc...

I do not think irritation and anger are the same thing. I get irritated with posts on this board and am becoming more regular about expressing that, but I don't think I'm angry unless someone mocks belief I hold sacred.

I think getting angry is only bad when it leads to angry actions like swearing, name-calling, insulting or physically assaulting someone. Anger doesn't equal hate or loss of control. That's rage, the older brother of anger.

[Lindy]

At times it appears that some have a very short fuse or a big chip to knock off their shoulders. Why is that?

I understand that posting in forums does not relay voice tones, inflection, humor or sarcasm and also that there are people who do not understand that.

Other than in posting but in real life what should we do to control anger and should it be controlled?

Ben Raines

I think that anger is the result of frustration also.... many factors leading into it, but it does need an outlet.

Should it be controlled.... yes

I also think that verbally expressing anger is a needed emotional outlet for those who can't go to a gym and punch a bag or beat a padded wall. HOw many of us would explode if we were angry about something and couldn't voice that anger to someone?

We teach our children to tell us when they are upset about something, so we can try to help them work thru that problem, and teach them how to deal with that feeling.

And as adults... we need to work thru anger just the same. Some peoples view of control is a lot different than others. and some just keep it in until it festers and destroys them from the inside out.

Good outlets....taking yourself away from the source of anger.... talking to others about it, music, reading, , exersize, meditating (prayer), classes on anger management. or maybe just a mental visit to the beach.... sittling on the sand watching the waves come in.... finding that peace you are missing in your life.... Replacing the anger with a little more tranquility.

[Lindy]

I forgot one important aspect of controlling anger:

Forgiveness

funny how you can feel so much happier inside when you can forgive