Exemplars Of Thought

[pushka]

ROFL...Dr. T. I have tummy ache from laughing so much!!! Thank You!!! :)

[Dr T]

I'm glad you liked them Pusha; I did too.

[Dr T]

We Need the Guts to Say No to Rice - headline, Jerusalem Post, Oct. 16

Ok, now brussel sprouts I can understand but rice?

[LionHeart]

You know, if I were a single man, I might ask that mummy out. That's a good-looking mummy!

-- President Bill Clinton, looking at the recently-discovered Inca mummy "Juanita"

By the way Dr.T., those quiz answers were great. Thanks for that.

L.H.

[Dr T]

My pleasure sir. :)

[LionHeart]

"If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure."

-Dan Quayle

Hmmm....Ya think?

[Dr T]

Excellent L.H.! Thanks

[Dr T]

On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:

Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

On a Septic Tank Truck sign:

"We're #1 in the #2 business."

**************************

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:

Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

**************************

At a Proctologist's door

"To expedite your visit please back in."

**************************

On a Plumber's truck:

"We repair what your husband fixed."

**************************

Pizza Shop Slogan:

"7 days without pizza makes one weak."

**************************

On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:

"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

**************************

At a Towing company:

"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

**************************

On an Electrician's truck:

"Let us remove your shorts."

**************************

In a Nonsmoking Area:

"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

**************************

On a Maternity Room door:

"Push. Push. Push."

**************************

At an Optometrist's Office

"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

**************************

On a Taxidermist's window:

"We really know our stuff."

**************************

In a Podiatrist's office:

"Time wounds all heels."

**************************

[Blessed]

Our Septic trucks here compete with one another with the names of their trucks. We have one called the "Terdinator" and another called the "Super Duper Pooper Scooper". We have more, but can't think of what they are. One had a big terd on top, too. (ew factor)

[Dr T]

Those are funny. Do you name them or do they have signs on them?

[Dr T]

Who matched up this girl to defend against this brobdingnagian player? (thought it would be a good time to use that word) There's a chance that she can...wait-no there isn't.

Edit: That picture was not the one I posted. The picture I posted had a huge woman and short woman playing basketball! I don't know how that ad got in there. Sorry for any offense. I'll look for that picture again.

Dr. T

[LionHeart]

I saw a sign in a pawn shop once that said: "Shoplifters will be merrily beaten to a bloody pulp."

[Dr T]

That is great, LH! I like that.

I'll try and post the basketball picture that I did above. I hope it doesn't change to another picture/ad again

The one above was much bigger and you can really see how much she towers over the shorter player.

[LionHeart]

And speaking of basketball pictures, here is one I found quite amusing:

[Dr T]

I don't know if you can see it on your comp. but I was unable to see the pic you posted on mine. I even tried using the properties link but I couldn't access it. (darn)

Dr. T

[LionHeart]

I don't know why it doesn't show it. But if I click on the box, it brings up the picture.

[Dr T]

Thank you L.H. I like that picture.

Mammoths May Have Had Various Hair Colors - headline, Associated Press

How do they know that? Maybe they recorded that "blonde mammoths" walked into tar pits at a much higher rate than other mammoths.

[Dr T]

Fire breaks out at Salt Lake crematorium - headline, ABC4.com

Isn't that what's supposed to happen?

Quote from the article that made me laugh:

The crematorium is back in business and the funeral director said they'll notify the family to assure them their loved one wasn't harmed.

First of all their "loved one" was, 1) dead already, and 2) burned to ashes, but s/he "wasn't harmed." Would there really be anything else that can be done to "harm the loved one?"

[Dr T]

More exam answers:

4. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

5. Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.

6. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

7. In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature.

8. Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.

9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."

10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.

11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

13. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim's Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.

14. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand.". Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

15. Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.

16. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

17. Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy.

18. Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.

19. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He was very large.

20. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any children.

21. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.

22. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of river to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men.

23. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.

24. The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.

[Dr T]

Shots fired in Turkey pope protest CNN.com Headline 11-2-06

Well, I'd say things are getting out of hand with this discriminatory hatemongering. So what if a Turkey wants to be pope? It is getting close to Thanksgiving anyway-he probably won't last long...

[Dr T]

Deleted-didn't make sense without a comment and could be easily misinterpreted.

[LionHeart]

I read a yahoo news headline today that said:

"Poisoned spy blames Putin for his death."

I just assume that the ghost of said poisoned spy has some circumstantial evidence to believe it was Putin who did it and made it manifest to him in a dream one night. Putin must be feeling very uneasy right now.

L.H.

[Dr T]

Thanks for adding to this L.H. I wondered if anyone had anything to add.

Thanks again,

Dr. T

[Dr T]

Student Studies in D.C. - headline, Acorn (Agoura Hills, Calif.), Nov. 30

They really think that is news worthy? I mean, people study in CA all the time. You don't have to write an article about it.

Dr. T

[Dr T]

Data Can Now Be Stored on Paper - headline, Arab News (Jeddah, Saudi Arabia), Nov. 18

Who knew?