Exemplars Of Thought

[LionHeart]

I also learned a new word: "anticlockwise"

I've always called that counter-clockwise :)

Or how about "disconhookted" I actually heard someone use that one due to a tongue fumble.

[Dr T]

L.H.,

That is funny.

[Dr T]

I know that many of you have been pondering this over the years-but now the verdict is in:

Crocs Can Pose a Danger on Escalators - headline, ABCNews.com, Oct. 5

[LionHeart]

I know that many of you have been pondering this over the years-but now the verdict is in:

Crocs Can Pose a Danger on Escalators - headline, ABCNews.com, Oct. 5

I wonder if they would be equally as dangerous on a sidewalk. Perhaps this merits experimentation.

[Dr T]

Good one L.H.! Thanks for that.

[Dr T]

From the department of "I'm sure glad that wasn't me"

Lightning exits woman's bottom - headline, www.news.com.au

For more on this see here http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,20548077-13762,00.html

Dr. T

[Princess3dward]

Ewww........

Note to self. Never brush teeth in a lightning storm.

[pushka]

Wow! That is one lucky woman, thanks to her shoes!!!

[Dr T]

That's one way to look at it I guess.

[Guest MrsS]

note to oneself - never drink directly from the tap!!! OUCH

[LionHeart]

Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again.

Sen. Barbara Boxer, ( Calif.)

I wonder what brought her to this conclusion.

[Princess3dward]

LOL!

[Dr T]

LOL. L.H. that was great!

Thanks

[Dr T]

Time capsule to be beamed from Mexican pyramid - headline, Reuters

Wait, what year is this again? Maybe this is a headline from the future. Darn, I should have looked at the date on that paper.

Dr. T

[Dr T]

I read this today. It's about things that make that person mad:

When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Darn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

[Dr T]

Here are the others:

People who are willing to get off their duff to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

When people say "it's always the last place you look." Of course it is. Why the heck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people really do this?

When people say while watching a film "Did you see that?” No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the floor.

People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

(this one's not too convincing but it's still funny)

When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came would I still be standing here?

Dr. T

[Dr T]

"There is no housing shortage in Lincoln today - just a rumour that is put about by people who have nowhere to live." - Mayor of Lincoln

[LionHeart]

When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came would I still be standing here?

Dr. T

I like a Bill Engvall story that is similar to this:

A truck driver failed to observe the height warning sign of an overpass. His trailer was too tall to fit underneath it so he got it wedged. So the highway patrol pulls up, and apparently thinks its funny. He walks up to the truck driver and asks: "Did you get your truck stuck?" To which the truck driver responded: "Nope, I was delivering that overpass right there and I ran out of gas."

L.H.

[Dr T]

That is a good one, L.H. Thanks.

[Dr T]

"I'm wearing a hard hat-I'll be just fine"

http://www.safetycenter.navy.mil/photo/images/photo192.jpg

Dr. T

[LionHeart]

"We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally."

-Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister

What a grand accomplishment. Kudos to them.

[Dr T]

L.H.,

I like that one. :)

Thanks

[Princess3dward]

"We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally."

-Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister

What a grand accomplishment. Kudos to them.

[Dr T]

Actual exam answers: Found here: http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=htt...6lr%3D%26sa%3DN

Q; Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.

A: Premature death.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?

A: Keep it in the cow.

(can't argue with that)

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?

A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

TECHNOLOGY

Q: What is a turbine?

A: Something an Arab wears on his head.

(to keep him cool in the desert ?)

RELIGION

Q: What is a Hindu?

A: It lays eggs.

[Dr T]

These were too good/sad not to post:

Other funny ones from here: http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=htt...6lr%3D%26sa%3DN

Funny GCSE Exam Answers

1. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, "Am I my brother's son?"

2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

3. Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

4. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

5. Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.

6. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

7. In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature.

8. Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.

9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."

10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.

11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

13. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim's Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.

14. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand.". Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

15. Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.

16. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career.

17. Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy.

18. Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.

19. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He was very large.

20. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't have any children.

21. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.

22. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of river to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men.

23. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.

24. The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.