Yearning To Expand My Little Family

[kentuckyjess]

I have a beautiful 2 year old daughter and I want so much to have another baby. But my husband wants to wait a few years. My head knows that we need to wait until we are more finacial stable before we bring another baby here (we just got married and we are both in school and have no insurance yet). But my heart hurts wishing for a little addition. Anyone have any advice/comforting words?

[Dr T]

Hello,

Nice to meet you, Jessieh. My wife and I got pregnant wile in school too. We were getting paid pennies and had slave labor (internship) still ahead of us. We now have 4 children and we have always been given what we need. I understand the reservation though. If we always wait until "the time is right." I'm sure we would all still be waiting... It is important though to be as responsible as possible. I know I didn't offer any good advice just my 2 cents.

Dr. T

[Maureen]

Hi jessieh,

How old are you? If you're in your early to mid twenties, I would wait. Enjoy the time you have with your daughter. Get "your financial house" in order so that you feel more secure welcoming a new baby. I'm of the opinion that children 3 to 4 years apart is a great age difference. That way you only have one baby at a time, and the older one is more helpful and not likely jealous of the new addition. Do your best with your finances and health insurance and see where you're at in one year - make it a goal. Good luck!

M.

[Dr T]

Good advice Maureen. My wife and I "chose" two years apart between our children. Ultimately, it's God's plan if and when they come. In MHO.

[shanstress70]

Ultimately, it's God's plan if and when they come. In MHO.

Is it still God's plan if you're using birth control? Yes, I know it can still happen, but it's VERY unlikely.

[Heather]

Well here is my two cents on it. I knew a guy who was attending BYU and was married with two children. He was going to school full time and working full time, and the stress of it all and taking care of the family caused him to have a nervous break-down, where he was laid up in bed for weeks. Someone very close to me ended up dropping out of BYU (or rather was suspended and never went back, because his grades were so bad) because he was trying to do full time school and work with 2 kids at home. This guy was top of his class in high school. Now he works manual labor and is separated from his wife with 4 kids.

To me it's not really worth the added pressure on the marriage. Getting your education is really important. When I married my husband, he already had his BA and got a job with a good company. We own our own home, and still ended up waiting 5 years to have our first child. He now has his masters and we're expecting our second. It's very important to me that we are able to have the size of family we want, but make sure that we bring them up in a home were we can provide for their needs and we're not stressed about so many other things. My husband was in school for his MBA and working full time at a job that required closer to 60 hours a week rather than 40, while I had a baby at home. I couldn’t image us trying to do that with two children.

If it was me, I would want to work really hard now and get my husband through school, so that I could stay home and be with the children we have. I don’t like the idea of day care, or having babies and then never getting to spend all the time with them, because you have to do school and work as well.

[Dr T]

Hi Shan,

Two of our children were birth control babies. Pill and other. I guess God wanted them here. :) Many Satan wanted them here. In any case, I'm thankful they are here!

Dr. T

[kentuckyjess]

Thank you all so much for your opinions! It is so nice to hear some seeing my point of view and also some with my husbands. I am 23 so I know I have plenty of time. I think I am going to wait a year and see where we are. It might be nice to have a new baby when my daughter is going to Pre-k. We will see! Thanks again

[Maureen]

...and we're expecting our second.

How wonderful, Congratulations Heather! When are you due?

M.

[Heather]

Feb. 12

[Laureltree]

CONGRATS HEATHER....WTG !

I think waiting is sometimes better to, it allows you time to truly get to know your mate as well.....just my 2 cents

[Brother Dorsey]

my heart hurts wishing for a little addition. Anyone have any advice/comforting words?

Jessieh....I assume you were married in the Temple.....then I'm sure you remember the words "Go forth and multiply". The Lord loves you and your family and if he sees fit to bless you with another child then this is his will....My wife and I have 6 childern ages 22, 20, 17, 16, 15 and 5 AND we are expecting our 7th in 7 months...yes it was a struggle financially and emotionally to have these children...but it was well worth it....if we could do it all over again we'd have a dozen kids....the Lord always opened the windows of Heaven and poured out blessings upon us...we are not rich in any sense of the word.....at times I had to work two jobs to support my family....but, the Lord always took care of us and we wanted for nothing...and he will for you and your family too....but it is you and your husbands decision.....just remember the Lord will provide if you have faith and keep your covenants!

[Dr T]

:) Congratulations on you new one Brother D.

[Brother Dorsey]

:) Congratulations on you new one Brother D.

Thanks Dr. T.....I have friends at work who've never had nor wanted children....inside I kind of feel sorry for them....what a joy children are!

[Dr T]

Definitely four of the greatest things that have ever happened in my life!

[Fiannan]

Jessieh....I assume you were married in the Temple.....then I'm sure you remember the words "Go forth and multiply". The Lord loves you and your family and if he sees fit to bless you with another child then this is his will....My wife and I have 6 childern ages 22, 20, 17, 16, 15 and 5 AND we are expecting our 7th in 7 months...yes it was a struggle financially and emotionally to have these children...but it was well worth it....if we could do it all over again we'd have a dozen kids....the Lord always opened the windows of Heaven and poured out blessings upon us...we are not rich in any sense of the word.....at times I had to work two jobs to support my family....but, the Lord always took care of us and we wanted for nothing...and he will for you and your family too....but it is you and your husbands decision.....just remember the Lord will provide if you have faith and keep your covenants!

Mega congradulations to you and your family!!!!

I hope everything goes well for your wife and family.

[Dr T]

<div class='quotemain'>

Ultimately, it's God's plan if and when they come. In MHO.

Is it still God's plan if you're using birth control? Yes, I know it can still happen, but it's VERY unlikely.

Hi Shan,

It's happened to us two time.

Dr. T

[miztrniceguy]

when my wife and i were married 4 yrs ago this month we were 36 and 34. we had ideally thought about a year before the first child would be great....allowing us to get things ready, financially. my wife thought she would have a hard time getting pregnant, based on her woman problems and what her dr's had told her. lo and behold shw was preggo a month later. our daughter is now 3, and our son is 9 months old. we moved into our own house a month before he was born. we don't know when our next daughter will arrive.

[sharyll]

I have a beautiful 2 year old daughter and I want so much to have another baby. But my husband wants to wait a few years. My head knows that we need to wait until we are more finacial stable before we bring another baby here (we just got married and we are both in school and have no insurance yet). But my heart hurts wishing for a little addition. Anyone have any advice/comforting words?

I just wanted you to know I feel your pain. I do not know how old you are. Waiting is tough. My husband wanted that for us and it has caused a lot of grief in our marriage. I am older and waiting made it difficult for me because the older I get the harder it is to have kids. I am now in my early forties and worry I will have an only child. I am heartbroken by that. My husband is fine with it. I do hope you get your desires. The one thing that has helped me is seeking out for support and going to God in prayer. I also started looking into the lds church and that has helped me feel more peaceful as well. Can't explain it but it does.

Sharyl

[Fiannan]

Uh, why not "forget" to take birth control pills or just fish out his used you-know-what from the garbage and make sure you are in the maternity ward 9 months from now?

[shanstress70]

Uh, why not "forget" to take birth control pills or just fish out his used you-know-what from the garbage and make sure you are in the maternity ward 9 months from now?

Maybe because that goes against the very thing that makes a strong marriage... trust!

Plus, that second part is disgusting. I can't believe you'd suggest such a thing!

[Fiannan]

More than one woman has used that technique to get pregnant. If you'd like I can tell you of a case I read about that goes way beyond that.

[shanstress70]

More than one woman has used that technique to get pregnant. If you'd like I can tell you of a case I read about that goes way beyond that.

I'm sure they have... my mind is spinning and I could probably guess what she did.

It's still a betrayal of trust.

[Fiannan]

Maybe, but to deny a woman the chance to bear children in her lifetime is something that may just warrent a "mistake". Remember, easier to ask forgiveness than permission.

[shanstress70]

Maybe, but to deny a woman the chance to bear children in her lifetime is something that may just warrent a "mistake". Remember, easier to ask forgiveness than permission.

She already has a child, so it's not like she would be 'childless' if they decided not to. Plus, her husband isn't saying they can't have more kids. He wants to wait till they can afford them. Did you read this?

"But my husband wants to wait a few years. My head knows that we need to wait until we are more finacial stable before we bring another baby here (we just got married and we are both in school and have no insurance yet). "

He wants to wait until they get out of school. It has to be difficult to have one child while both of them are in school... let alone more. Children should be brought up in homes where they can be taken care of and their necessities met. Not that you need to be wealthy to have kids, but you should be able to take them to the doctor when they get sick. And yes, there's Medicaid and the like, but if you are on govt' assistance, you definitely shouldn't have more kids until you are able to support your family on your own.

Fiannan, knowing only what we know about her situation, do you really think they should have more children now?

<div class='quotemain'>

:) Congratulations on you new one Brother D.

Thanks Dr. T.....I have friends at work who've never had nor wanted children....inside I kind of feel sorry for them....what a joy children are!

Bro Dorsey, first of all I'd like to say Congrats to you and your family on your new addition. That's great that you have 6 (almost 7) kids and enjoy them. Many people, however, would not want that many. Those who you feel sorry for probably also feel sorry for you at the thought of having that many kids. Some people have perfectly fulfilling lives without children. They probably have other things that bring them joy, and maybe it involves kids in some way, like coaching, Big Brothers/Sisters, volunteering for childrens' causes, fostering, teaching, etc. Just trying to be the realist!