Giving too much value to "man"

[annewandering]

This is what my son, same age apparently as you are, wanted to say to you after reading your posts. He was an Army Iraq Vet in the field. He only read your posts and I tried not to influence him in anyway by giving him any opinions.

Speaking as a veteran, joining the military is in my opinion, the greatest gift a person can give to his fellow countrymen. Though i still have deep problems stemming from my military service, knowing that people back here are safer because of my actions makes the entire experience well worth it. I was not abused growing up, but i do relate to a sense of mental anguish that comes from traumatic experiences. It's obvious that your self depreciation and other peoples insults affecting you comes from the degradation that you suffered at the hands of your father. I will tell you that going into the military is not gonna solve your family issues in any way. In fact it will absolutely aggravate any preexisting issues that you have. Taking this out on your wife and family is not the way to go man. Your family is your strength here. Without mine standing by me in my times of trouble, i would not be here. The stigma that comes from any kind of clinical help whether it be a counselor or a psychologist should not matter. I wholeheartedly admit that i see both. My counselor has been with me through my worst times. Ill tell you that she is one of the most wonderful human beings i have ever met. She has literally saved my life on many occasions. Get help. See a counselor. Id advise you to see a counselor one on one at first, then when you're ready, include your wife. You're both in this whole thing together. Ill bet that she will stand by you whatever the problem if you just give her that chance. Growing up i was awkward socially. It took me going into the army to drive that out of me. Stuff like that just takes time and effort. I will tell you that you only get what you put into it. If you make the effort, you can make it through anything. If you want to join the military, DO NOT TELL THEM ABOUT ANY OF YOUR MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES OR ANY KIND OF PROBLEMS AT ALL!! Ive seen people denied entry because of their complaints about headaches. The military will change you. Throw out all of the movies about glory, honor, all of the gung ho stuff about the battlefield. When you get there, all that stuff melts away. You learn that it isnt about medals or even the flag, its about you and the guy next to you. I have a lot of medals, but i know my greatest achievement was helping my friends come home alive. War really is hell. This sounds cliched. but you do see the best, and the worst in humanity. After all this advice, the number one thing that helps me get through the tough times, and just through the day, is my faith. Don't be afraid to ask God for answers or for help. Without the strength i get from Him, i would not be alive. I will testify to you, that no matter how far youve sunk, or how lonely you think you are, or how lost you feel, you are never alone. I truly believe that the lord is right beside us in everything, all you have to do is reach out. He wants to help, He wants you to be happy, allow yourself to be happy.

Edited November 23, 2011 by annewandering

[sister_in_faith]

Anne, that was awesome... congrats on raising a gread kid, and tell him, THANKS FOR HIS SERVICE!!!

[Suzie]

Sorry for the long rant... moving on: I thought about getting counseling, but I am choosing the military as a career choice for me and my family. In one year I get my Poly Sci degree and I intend to go in as an officer. Having any type of "therapy" or "counseling" will hurt my chances in joining.

Thank you for ALL of your comments.. I guess I need to reconsider getting help; this seems so minor really - only in the heat of it does it get to me... when it does, it lasts for days and my wife loathes it.

Hi there. IMHO, you need counseling right away. It seems to me that you have serious self esteem issues because of the abuse you went through. Going to the military isn't going to take those issues away at all, as a matter of fact I think it may get worst as the demands and challenges in the military are overwhelming.

If I was you, I would try to focus my energy in healing my mind and soul through counseling for the time being. God bless.

[Guest mormonmusic]

Try journal writing. When someone says something that offends you, then write in your journal why you shouldn't be offended. Re-read those reasons whenever you have those bouts of unhappiness about those things.

Remember, almost everything is simply one-person's opinion. Also, some people don't even realize how hurtful they are being. I am close enough to someone to quote back something they said to me a few months ago. They were shocked they even said it. My wife quoted something I said to her landlady years ago and I was shocked. I even remember saying it...people sometimes don't understand the impact of the things they say.

Also, one thing I tell myself is this: "THEY aren't thinking about this now, so why should I?".

[FunkyTown]

I'm sorry you're facing difficulty. People who are afraid of criticism often perceive criticism where there is none, and if genuine criticism makes you feel like dirt, then you definitely need to get therapy to figure out how to overcome that.

I know everyone else has said joining the military is not the thing to do for you, but I want you to consider the following:

You're standing in line. It's your first day. The Drill Sergeant is standing in front of you, yelling in your face.

Is he:

A) Yelling, "Good job, soldier! You ran twenty clicks in forty minutes. I would pat you on the bum, but I wouldn't want to dust up your immaculate uniform. You are literally the perfect soldier. Your countrymen and the world is proud that it has brought up such a fine specimen!"

or;

B) Yelling several insults at you, berating you and pushing you harder because your best isn't quite good enough.

Think about how you feel in each situation. Then think about which is more likely.