Need help!!

[dont_take_girl]

Sorry I haven't been on for a while but I have had some issues. Main one is that I cant trust my husband on the computer and two my mother-in-law talks about me to other people after myself and husband telling her not to. More about the main one is that when I came to stay with my mom for a while I went to upload some pictures from a memory card that i thought was mine. There were pictures of other women and of himself that he sent them. I just don't know what to do about that. Also he would tell some of these women he was single and didn't have kids. Well he is married and has 2kids....yes 2 kids. I just had another baby in August. My main issue is that and his mom telling people stuff. The main thing she told is that I quit breastfeeding my youngest because of my mom. It was because of some med I was taking and I wasn't making enough. I was on other chat site but because of that I don't feel comfortable there anymore. My feeling is to leave him because how can I stay with someone I don't trust on a computer. And he won't tell his mom to stop talking about me to other people which I don't like. What do I do? Please help

[AGStacker]

This is a tough and sad situation. I haven't been in this situation. I am newly married and often wonder what causes these things to happen in marriage. Although as horrible as it is I can see the temptation men have with pornography. What I do not understand is your husband telling other women he is single and sending inappropriate pictures directly to them. I find that far worse than just looking at porn because he is communicating with someone other than you his wife.

I would bet that these communications have or would lead to much more such as adultery. I don't know you and your husbands background but I would suggest you confront him right away and find out for sure if he loves you! If he does ask him why he does these things. Ask him if he cares about keeping your marriage together and that if he does he will have to stop all of this betrayal.

I don't know what kind of wife and mother you are. If you are neglectful or not. I am not going to assume you are. If you are treating your husband well then he needs to guarantee he will repent of all of these things immediately.

The atonement can fix all of this but you need to find the truth immediately. Then if he still loves you time can heal all of these wounds. I would confront him before he makes a horrible mistake.

Good luck to you.

[dont_take_girl]

The only bother is that he says that he doesn't have a problem. He will tell me that he doesn't do that anymore. But he has in the past so how do I know he won't do it again. I try talking to him about he will try and change the subject. I just don't know what to do right now.

[Vort]

Your husband needs to admit his infidelity and face up to it, rather than try to minimize it. Until he does that, things won't go very far. When he is willing to admit what he did and address it, things can start getting better.

[Forget-Me-Not]

Sorry I haven't been on for a while but I have had some issues. Main one is that I cant trust my husband on the computer and two my mother-in-law talks about me to other people after myself and husband telling her not to. More about the main one is that when I came to stay with my mom for a while I went to upload some pictures from a memory card that i thought was mine. There were pictures of other women and of himself that he sent them. I just don't know what to do about that. Also he would tell some of these women he was single and didn't have kids. Well he is married and has 2kids....yes 2 kids. I just had another baby in August. My main issue is that and his mom telling people stuff. The main thing she told is that I quit breastfeeding my youngest because of my mom. It was because of some med I was taking and I wasn't making enough. I was on other chat site but because of that I don't feel comfortable there anymore. My feeling is to leave him because how can I stay with someone I don't trust on a computer. And he won't tell his mom to stop talking about me to other people which I don't like. What do I do? Please help

I am saddened to read this. Trust is crucial in marriage. Without trust, what is left, really? Having said that, though, many couples have overcome such things, where trust was able to be rebuilt. I do not envy you what you have learned about the pictures etc. It sounds like you now have a very difficult road you must travel through.

As for your husband talking to his mother and other people about you, sometimes one of the hardest things to learn is when not to discuss one person with another, especially when it has to do with things within our personal relationships such as those between a couple or within one's family unit, whether it's discussed with parents, siblings, extended family or friends.

Sometimes what can be very personal and private to one individual, may seem safe or harmless to discuss openly by another. I just recently learned a very important lesson about this myself and it was a painful lesson. It is so very important to be sensitive to the needs of others in maintaining their sense of privacy. I cannot stress this enough.

I'm sorry I have no advice to offer at the moment and saddened you're having to go through it.

[FairChild]

I figure if you are married, you share everything, including problems. If you have a problem it, he shares that problem along with you so actually, he does have a problem.

[dont_take_girl]

Thanks for the advice. I know he has to admit to a the problem before he can get better. I know that I need a better life for my sons and myself. So I guess until that can happen I will stay up here with my mom. I just wish he would admit to the problem. Is it okay that I wish he would stand up to his mom and tell her to stay out of my life and privacy. I want what is private to stay private and not other people knowing

[Forget-Me-Not]

Thanks for the advice. I know he has to admit to a the problem before he can get better. I know that I need a better life for my sons and myself. So I guess until that can happen I will stay up here with my mom. I just wish he would admit to the problem. Is it okay that I wish he would stand up to his mom and tell her to stay out of my life and privacy. I want what is private to stay private and not other people knowing

It is so important that he (we all) realize how important it is to respect the private. The lesson I recently learned was not even by way of talking to one person about another. At least not in the actual sense.

I had written a poem and posted it on my facebook wall where my friends were able see it. The content was very personal between myself and another person, but because it was a poem and no one who would read it would know who, or even specifically what the poem was actually about, I didn't give thought to posting it.

Shortly after I did, however, the other person within the poem messaged me very upset about my posting such a poem for others to see, and when I inquired of his reasons, he said, "Is nothing sacred!?" That hit me extremely hard to realize I had breeched something very personal and even sacred to him.

Weeping, I quickly removed it and begged his forgiveness. It was a lesson I shall never forget, and it has caused me to try to be that much more careful and sensitive when it comes to the privacy of others and what they need kept very personal.

A painful but very good lesson.

[Martain]

A married man sending pictures of himself to single women and posing as a single man.

Some if not most of the pictures would not be exchanged unless there had previously been flirting.

I can see some of the questions this must have evoked in your own mind. I can also see how much this would have hurt you.

You indicate your husband has said that he has changed and that he isn't doing that anymore. Either he speaks truth or he does not. If it's true, can you not ask the Spirit to confirm it?

When you share with him how much this has damaged your trust, bring up the point that he says he has changed and isn't doing it anymore and your desire to believe him. Indicate however that because he's already done this once, the adversary knows that it is one of his weaknesses and will tempt and attack him via this opening in future.

Then express that you want to help protect him against future temptations and that you would like to install a filter to prevent accidental or intentional viewing of dating sites and pornographic material. I recommend K9 Webfilter (love it!). Set it up and never let him have the password.

If he doesn't see the wisdom in this setup and resists it's implementation instead, I personally would seriously question the validity of his change of heart. For if his heart was changed, he'd desire to avoid it any way he can and do anything to prevent himself from repeating his sins.

[JudoMinja]

Even if your husband is telling the truth and he is not doing this anymore, it is not as over and done as he seems to think it is. So many people think that if they just stop doing something wrong, then it doesn't matter anymore. But repentance does not just mean stopping doing what is wrong.

"By this ye may know if a man repenteth of his sins—behold, he will confess them and forsake them." D&C 58:43

He needs to confess what he's done wrong to the proper line of authority- his bishop. If he is not willing to confess, he is not being truly repentant. He also needs to seek to make restitution for the hurts he has caused. This is not just something he can brush off like it is no big deal. He did it. It damaged your relationship, broke your trust. If he was physical with any of these women then there are health issues to be concerned about. He needs to step up and bear the responsibility and accountability for his actions. If he cannot do that, he is not being repentant- and there is no reason you should trust him or believe this is all behind him.

As far as his mother is concerned- you could try talking to her about it. She may not realize that the things she is saying/sharing is upsetting you. If you've already tried this though, and it hasn't worked, I don't really know what to tell you. Sometimes, we just have to live with things that people say about us that are untrue and remember that those who know us well will know it is untrue- that our own actions will tell others more about us than what people say about us. Rumors and gossip are wrong and hurtful, and I've seen many people become victims of it- have even been a victim of it myself before- but there is only so much you can do about it. The rest, you just have to find it in yourself to let go and not let it bother you.