When the person becomes a stranger

[Guest mormonmusic]

This is not directed at my current personal life, this thread. It was something I woke up with in my head this morning first thing. Don't know if that happens to you, but you wake up thinking about a past situation and the thought is the first thing that hits you in the morning.

Here is the thought -- I woke up remembering what it was like when I was dating. I would go out with the person and feel really good about them as a girlfriend. Then, as I got to know them, there came a point when I didn't think I even knew them anymore. It was like they had become a stranger. Naturally, the relationship deteriorated after that.

Have you ever experienced this in your dating or even friendship relationships? Where you suddenly find the person a stranger where you feel they are not at all the person you thought you knew so well?

[Guest]

That happened to me once in a 3-year relationship. I didn't recognize it at the time, though. I just knew that things didn't feel right. Then when things started deteriorating, he reacted in ways I never would have thought and did things to hurt me really deeply. After it ended and the dust settled, I realized that I had no idea who he was, let alone who he had become, and didn't understand why we had been in a relationship in the first place. I think we just struggled the whole time to change each other, really. It's amazing that it lasted as long as it did.

The positive thing is that I learned how loyal I am to the one who has my heart, and how much commitment means to me. I spent pretty much the last year we were together working so hard at trying to keep us together. Even though things really, really sucked and I didn't like him much anymore, my head and my heart had committed to him and I really thought it would be forever, so I was willing to do whatever I could. In that relationship it was unhealthy because he used it against me and really abused that, but in my marriage it has served me really well.

Another wonderful thing is that when my husband came along, things with him were so easy. and that's one of the things that made me want to be with him even though he wasn't my usual "type". We've always talked so easily and been so open with each other, and we laugh a lot and work together really, really well. More than that we've learned to look past the little quirks that bother us about each other to see the big picture. And most of all, he shares my great feeling of commitment, so even when things aren't great, I know I can count on the fact that he will want just as badly as I do to work through it and make things better again. I think if I had another relationship where we drifted to not knowing each other anymore and then things unraveled. . . well, I don't know how strong I'd be. So I'm really glad DH works as hard as I do at it.

In the end, I'm really blessed that Heavenly Father knew better than I did, even though I prayed and prayed for the other guy to come around and for things to work out with him. It took a lot of hurt and years, but he very clearly threw DH in my path (that's another story), and we've been so, so happy together.

Wow, that got long. Sorry.

[maacuna]

Hi Eowyn,

thank you for your comments.

They helped me and I would like to talk to you on this matter.

Please let me know if this could be possibile.

Thank you so much.

MA:)

[Gwen]

I've experienced that. The more distressing situation for me is when I've looked in the mirror and realized the person looking back at me was a stranger.

[maacuna]

Thank you for your comment and also for the quote that helps a lot.

[hyohko]

[Vort]

If we're sharing touching YouTube vid shorts:

[Blocky]

I had something like that happen with my mother in law. My mother in law never seems to be able to do anything to help herself. She gets in situations all the time and needs saving, always wants advice on the most mundane things etc. As a newlywed I was always trying to help her out, I wanted us to be on good terms. It was stressful and tiring, as it usually is when you're trying to 'fix' someone who always needs someone to fix them. Then one day she lied to me about something. I was so shocked! Here was my helpless, nice but needy mother in law, lying to me about something! In that moment I realized she was just a person and I stopped caring so much about her opinion of me. Life has been a lot less stressful since then.

[Blocky]

Ok, maybe that's nothing like what you're talking about. I married my second boyfriend, so I hope nothing like that happens to me when it comes to dating, I want to stay married:)

[Bini]

Gwen, I can relate.

My husband could say that I'm not the same person he married. When we first met, started dating and got married, I was super feisty. It's become a bit of a joke now because over the last few years, I've mellowed out a ton, and try really hard not to be so aggressive and confrontational with people. I think DH is thankful for the tone-down :] And for me, I'm glad I'm not the same person I was four years ago!