Will rising illegitimacy be our downfall

[Traveler]

I have no desire to heep guilt or judgment on any individual. We all have our stories and experiences. A big part of faith is redemption, after all.

Nevertheless, this story does not bode well for the U.S.: WORLDmag.com | Another tipping point: Births outside marriage | Marvin Olasky

A while back there was a proposition on the ballot in California about marriage. The LDS Church got involved - despite the popular criticism - in an effort to save the traditional institution of marriage. Our Prophet warned of all the things we are currently seeing - for example that children in increasing numbers would be raised in single parent families. There was a lot of laughing at the LDS for such ridiculous claims.

Many of you may be thinking Prop 8 that occurred in our current X generation - that is a mistake. I am talking about the late 60’s when no-fault divorce was introduced and the Prophet David O. McKay warned about how the family would be affected first - then the rest of society. Many forget - it use to be against the law for adults to create a human life and not be married. It was also against the law to break the marriage covenant.

We will all pay the price for this “New Freedom” - it would appear that the Prophet was very correct that the era of “free love” would be far more expensive than anyone ever imagined. I remember well - many felt that if they kept and held on to their standards they would not be affected - That perhaps was the greatest and most dangerous of all the lies. And so we are again told - what other people want, desire and do concerning marriage should not concern us? Changing attitudes about marriage is at best a victimless crime - for those that just want something different to be equal?

The Traveler

[JudoMinja]

Excellent point RM. And that is why I say if we consider the breakdown of the ordained family as the benchmark for the downfall of society then USA have been heading that way for a while.

Children born and adopted to a married couple cease to be illegitimate. And then you have those who are born legitimate and then one or both parent dies. In a society with strong families, these orphans are usurped into the extended family to fill the void left by the parents.

I want to build on this point started by RMGuy and Anatess.

What is ringing out to me as the real problem here is that family as a whole is falling apart within America. The number of illegitimate births is only a part of that, something we can measure that isn't really at the core of the issue but is a result of it.

When an illegitimate child is an anomoly within a family, there is still a great support system. Take my own situation for an example. I made some bad decisions, got into a bad relationship, and ended up having to become a single parent in order to protect the safety of myself and my child. Though this is a struggle, it has been made lighter because I have a supportive and strong family.

I was raised in a stable two-parent home. My father was raised in a stable two-parent home. And my mother was also raised in a two-parent home, although her situation was not so stable with problems with abuse present and her parents divorcing after all the children were grown. This is as far back as we can trace the stability of our family on both sides, but it was enough that I was able to have a strong support system to help me get back on my feet.

Without the help of my family in my time of need, due to the dire circumstances I brought on myself, I would have wound up stuck in a rut and raising a child in poverty. As it is, I have only very slowly been able to recover the social and economic stability I had before I'd screwed up. My circumstances are still not what they could have been, and never will be. I wouldn't trade the experience for anything though, because I've learned and grown and been pushed to better shape and mold my character through adversity.

If situations like mine remained rare and abnormal, it wouldn't really be a problem because the family as a whole would still be stable, strong and capable of helping. However...

My brother is going through some harder circumstances than my own. He is from my mother's previous marriage and was raised solely by her until she married my father. He struggled to connect with his "step-dad" and wound up getting himself mixed into more chasitity trouble than he could handle. My family has been helping him, trying to get him back on his feet and support his now four children, but the effort has been a major strain, since my brother is doing little for himself to better his circumstances. There have been many discussions with my parents where they've wondered if it would just be better to let him fall on his face, as he might finally then "grow up", but they fear doing it because they don't want to see the grand-kids suffer.

Now. Multiply these "anomolous" situations so that they are no longer rare but the norm. If 50% of children are born illegitimately, it doesn't matter exactly what the scenarios are for each one- it is clear that the family as a whole is falling apart in America. Where is the support? Where is the strength? How are the children born into these situations going to be raised? Will they have any extended family to turn to for support, or will they be all alone?

That, I think, is the real problem. LDSJewess provided another great example of this. She was raised with little to no support from anyone. She has made the effort to better her circumstances, and an enormous part of that betterment was building a strong family. She may not be able to trace anything back through her ancestors, but she started a strong chain that will be their to support her own children's children. But what happens when 50% of the population is born into and raised in circumstances similar to those she experienced?

I think jayanna hit the nail on the head with her quote from "The Family":

We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

[Traveler]

I want to build on this point started by RMGuy and Anatess.

What is ringing out to me as the real problem here is that family as a whole is falling apart within America. The number of illegitimate births is only a part of that, something we can measure that isn't really at the core of the issue but is a result of it.

When an illegitimate child is an anomoly within a family, there is still a great support system. Take my own situation for an example. I made some bad decisions, got into a bad relationship, and ended up having to become a single parent in order to protect the safety of myself and my child. Though this is a struggle, it has been made lighter because I have a supportive and strong family.

I was raised in a stable two-parent home. My father was raised in a stable two-parent home. And my mother was also raised in a two-parent home, although her situation was not so stable with problems with abuse present and her parents divorcing after all the children were grown. This is as far back as we can trace the stability of our family on both sides, but it was enough that I was able to have a strong support system to help me get back on my feet.

Without the help of my family in my time of need, due to the dire circumstances I brought on myself, I would have wound up stuck in a rut and raising a child in poverty. As it is, I have only very slowly been able to recover the social and economic stability I had before I'd screwed up. My circumstances are still not what they could have been, and never will be. I wouldn't trade the experience for anything though, because I've learned and grown and been pushed to better shape and mold my character through adversity.

If situations like mine remained rare and abnormal, it wouldn't really be a problem because the family as a whole would still be stable, strong and capable of helping. However...

My brother is going through some harder circumstances than my own. He is from my mother's previous marriage and was raised solely by her until she married my father. He struggled to connect with his "step-dad" and wound up getting himself mixed into more chasitity trouble than he could handle. My family has been helping him, trying to get him back on his feet and support his now four children, but the effort has been a major strain, since my brother is doing little for himself to better his circumstances. There have been many discussions with my parents where they've wondered if it would just be better to let him fall on his face, as he might finally then "grow up", but they fear doing it because they don't want to see the grand-kids suffer.

Now. Multiply these "anomolous" situations so that they are no longer rare but the norm. If 50% of children are born illegitimately, it doesn't matter exactly what the scenarios are for each one- it is clear that the family as a whole is falling apart in America. Where is the support? Where is the strength? How are the children born into these situations going to be raised? Will they have any extended family to turn to for support, or will they be all alone?

That, I think, is the real problem. LDSJewess provided another great example of this. She was raised with little to no support from anyone. She has made the effort to better her circumstances, and an enormous part of that betterment was building a strong family. She may not be able to trace anything back through her ancestors, but she started a strong chain that will be their to support her own children's children. But what happens when 50% of the population is born into and raised in circumstances similar to those she experienced?

I think jayanna hit the nail on the head with her quote from "The Family":

It has been a while - perhaps 20 years or more - I read an article that in many areas or the USA there were more abortions than births and of the births that did occur there were more children borne out of wedlock than into two parent families.

There is a book out (Freakeconomics - spelling) about strange economic relationships to events. Abortions actually reduce crime rates in the next generation. Abortions also result in lower population growth with certain ethnic groups and change the dynamics of culture. For example, areas with higher abortions have seen changes (lowering) in education standards. In 25 years we have seen the US public education go from the best in the world to the worse of industrialized nations. Where we use to produce the most scientist and engineers - we now produce the least.

My point - many good people holding to traditional standards have had the attitude that they can salvage their standards despite other changes - many LDS think that by isolating their families - home schooling, family home evening and staying active - they can exclude themselves from declining social values. This seem to not be the case at all - it appears that various economic structures are being shifted which is resulting in your children and grandchildren loosing opportunities that were common in my generation. In a discussion with my accountant I learned that many well to do ($300,000 or more annual income) good LDS families are losing their “nice” homes and retirement because their several children attending college got student loans - cosigned by the parents - that now cannot make or keep up with the payments because of the current economy. The parents now have to pay back the loans that have more than doubled from the original amount. One case my accountant told me the parents were required to pay over $1,000,000 for their 5 children.

The sad part is that we were warned by our prophet 50 years ago - and we are being warned again - we allow the family to continue to fail - there will be no safe haven. We will not be able to participate with the changing society and changing morals and think we will not also pay a price.

The Traveler

[norah63]

It already has to a great extent IMO. This thread is as current today, as the first day it was posted. There are two covenants, one for our salvation the other for our marriage.

So as marriage goes, so goes the nation.

May we re-awaken to our own faults and redeem the time we each have been given.

There is a need for the cry of repentance to ring out from every door of every denomination.

That is good news.