Premarital counsel: Couples should go to same church

[prisonchaplain]

A crucial part of my suggestion is that this is PREMARITAL counsel. I would suggest that young people considering marriage should be able to agree upon what type of religious practice the family will embrace--if any. From a broad Christian perspective, the Apostle Paul orders us not to be "unequally yoked." It's pretty clear he has in mind the marriage of Christians to non-Christians.

Does love trump all, or is it a better love to say to one's intended, "I cannot accept your religious practice, and believe you will not be fulfilled at the highest levels if you marry me?"

[Backroads]

I agree with you. I do believe that healthy marriages can exist despite members having different religious beliefs, but even in those cases I believe an equality in religious fervor and respect for each other's beliefs to be key.

[Dravin]

I would, in general, agree with this council. I would even extend it to within Christianity when the religious differences are large enough.

[Guest]

A crucial part of my suggestion is that this is PREMARITAL counsel. I would suggest that young people considering marriage should be able to agree upon what type of religious practice the family will embrace--if any. From a broad Christian perspective, the Apostle Paul orders us not to be "unequally yoked." It's pretty clear he has in mind the marriage of Christians to non-Christians.

Does love trump all, or is it a better love to say to one's intended, "I cannot accept your religious practice, and believe you will not be fulfilled at the highest levels if you marry me?"

When my husband and I got married, I was Catholic, he was LDS. So, obviously, I don't subscribe to that counsel.

RESPECT. Love is too vague a word to apply. RESPECT trumps all these differences - religion, race, culture, wealth, etc. etc. etc. All differences that my white American LDS poor husband had with brown Asian Catholic rich me.

What we had is the common desire to follow the same God to the best of our abilities in the way we know how with complete faith that God trumps ALL.

[Blackmarch]

A crucial part of my suggestion is that this is PREMARITAL counsel. I would suggest that young people considering marriage should be able to agree upon what type of religious practice the family will embrace--if any. From a broad Christian perspective, the Apostle Paul orders us not to be "unequally yoked." It's pretty clear he has in mind the marriage of Christians to non-Christians.

Does love trump all, or is it a better love to say to one's intended, "I cannot accept your religious practice, and believe you will not be fulfilled at the highest levels if you marry me?"

Not having the same or similar beliefs can certainly add friction. Paul was wise.

But I would use that as a rule of thumb, when it gets down to the nitty gritty I'd imagine it would depend on the situation, as people can change both ways for better or for worse.

If you see it with eternal marriage in mind, then yes this question becomes that much more greater in importance. In LDS circles this should be a much more important question, as we believe that part of God's plan is to be united in marriage for eternity as families and kindred- and this can only be done by the authority found in the LDS church, and which would require the member of such a bonding to be of those beliefs and covenants.

In which case one might think that "is this partnership worth losing at the end for, or will the other one be willing to change and be willing to make it an eternal relationship at some point?"

[Dravin]

If you see it with eternal marriage in mind, then yes this question becomes that much more greater in importance.

I would personally suggest that the matter of if one's children will believe in Christ and be saved is of no less importance from the perspective of those seeing that as the issue. If one believes their children deciding to be atheists like their mother instead of Baptist like their father is a matter of salvation or damnation it's a pretty serious issue. It's probably less of an issue if we're talking a Baptist-Evangelical union, but even without going to atheist I bet you can find Christians who would see that as the issue for an LDS-Mainstream Christian union.

Edited April 24, 2012 by Dravin

[prisonchaplain]

When my husband and I got married, I was Catholic, he was LDS. So, obviously, I don't subscribe to that counsel.

RESPECT. Love is too vague a word to apply. RESPECT trumps all these differences - religion, race, culture, wealth, etc. etc. etc. All differences that my white American LDS poor husband had with brown Asian Catholic rich me.

What we had is the common desire to follow the same God to the best of our abilities in the way we know how with complete faith that God trumps ALL.

I don't want to pry too much, but could you share if there was any tension from your family, your church, or even within yourself, given that you did not have a Catholic marriage (I'm assuming this, since your fiance was LDS, and you are now)?

[prisonchaplain]

In which case one might think that "is this partnership worth losing at the end for, or will the other one be willing to change and be willing to make it an eternal relationship at some point?"

This makes so much sense to me. Yet, I sense that there is more tolerance for interfaith marriage within LDS circles than there is in mine. Any thoughts as to why?

[prisonchaplain]

It's probably less of an issue if we're talking a Baptist-Evangelical union, but even without going to atheist I bet you can find Christians who would see that as the issue for an LDS-Mainstream Christian union.

As a pastor, I would counsel the Baptist and Evangelical to decide where they will worship TOGETHER prior to marriage. It is much less confusing for children when they see their parents worshipping in unity--when the whole family can say, "This is our church and we are this religion."

[Dravin]

This makes so much sense to me. Yet, I sense that there is more tolerance for interfaith marriage within LDS circles than there is in mine. Any thoughts as to why?

Ignoring interfaith marriages made during inactivity or before conversion (easily explained) I think a lot of it rests on the optimism of, "They'll convert, if not in this life, then the next and then the proxy work will be efficacious."

[Blackmarch]

This makes so much sense to me. Yet, I sense that there is more tolerance for interfaith marriage within LDS circles than there is in mine. Any thoughts as to why?

A few;

1) along the lines that dravin said; trust and hope that there will be a conversion somewhere along the line either in this life or the next (and if its in the next, then that the works done by proxy will be in effect).

2) The fruits of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, longsuffering, temperence, gentleness, goodness, and faith.

3)at another level (but kind of along the same lines as the first point) many of us know because God has spoken to us in some form or another, that we are in his church, and that if someone is earnestly seeking Him, that sooner or later he will reveal his will to them, and that if they continue following his will that he has revealed to them, that sooner or later they will wind up in His church.

We also know things are done on his time, and he shall not miss any who seek him, and so, we trust in Him to take care of things that we cannot do or that we have not power over.

[Guest]

I don't want to pry too much, but could you share if there was any tension from your family, your church, or even within yourself, given that you did not have a Catholic marriage (I'm assuming this, since your fiance was LDS, and you are now)?

It's no secret that my husband and I eloped. My dad did not speak to me for over a year. My brother did not speak to me until I got pregnant with our first child... years later. My aunt told me I will be divorced in 1 year. His parents were sorely disappointed. But, as he was inactive for years and finally went back to church when he decided to marry, they were a lot more tolerant of me.

We did agree that we will have to resolve the issue of the "family religion" prior to having kids. Nobody had to convert, we just have to choose which religion will be practiced at home as an environment for the children to learn from. Before we got married, we agreed that it will be Catholic unless he can convince me otherwise before the children come. The premise was that the mother is the nurturer and would then be the person the children will most learn from in the early years. Well, I got baptized LDS before I got pregnant so...

[prisonchaplain]

We can all agree that God is merciful. Incredibly, wonderfully generous...extravagant in his love. I still see Paul's admonition as more than a rule of thumb. "Thou shalt not" comes across pretty strong. So for all those who overcome, and do well, in spite of beginning a relationship that is not unified in faith, I'd say praise God and give him glory. For those not yet married, my counsel would remain, "Obey the Apostles." If you love him/her tarry until. If you become convinced that conversion ain't happening, the old refrain remains my counsel, "To obey is better than sacrifice."

[Blackmarch]

We can all agree that God is merciful. Incredibly, wonderfully generous...extravagant in his love. I still see Paul's admonition as more than a rule of thumb. "Thou shalt not" comes across pretty strong. So for all those who overcome, and do well, in spite of beginning a relationship that is not unified in faith, I'd say praise God and give him glory. For those not yet married, my counsel would remain, "Obey the Apostles." If you love him/her tarry until. If you become convinced that conversion ain't happening, the old refrain remains my counsel, "To obey is better than sacrifice."

well a very strong rule of thumb. I always leave room for inspiration and revelation that will seem at first glance to be crazy and way out there.

You have good counsel^.^

Just a thought on tolerance- in my experience those who have christ closer to their hearts exhibit greater amounts of patience and less tendency to bicker or to put down, even if there is good and justifiable reasons to put down.