Giving someone a break.

[Bini]

I'm on FB chatting with a friend that's in a crummy situation. She and her husband have been married for about 8 years and have an almost 2-year old son. Her husband has a long history of not working and this has put them in a financial crisis. They get by but barely. One day she had confided in me that they have 10 cents to their name, and she cried and cried and cried. They are inactive members but have received some help from a local bishop who setup her husband with a job at DI. That was over a year or so ago and his time there has since expired. He currently claims that there is no work of any kind out there, and spends all his efforts sitting at home on the sofa playing video games. Meanwhile, she is a stay-at-home mother to their son and him. I have suggested that she go look for work and leave her son at home with her husband but she says she's applied to various entry-level jobs over the years and hasn't received any opportunities. She said about ten minutes ago via chat that even the grocery store is uninterested in hiring her and seems to select high school kids. My friend is a non-high school graduate and has failed her GED twice. She has no support outside, as both of their families are emotionally distant but live long distance anyway. You know that feeling when you wish you could give someone a break? Wish there was a magical way I could do that for her. She's a hopeless soul right now. Any thoughts on some encouraging advice?

[pam]

Pm me Bini. We are hiring all the time. I guess I should have asked. Does she live in the Salt Lake Valley?

[Bini]

Pm me Bini. We are hiring all the time. I guess I should have asked. Does she live in the Salt Lake Valley?

I just sent you a PM.

No, they live in southern Utah.

[ClickyClack]

I know a family very near what you describe.

Between just not wanting to work and being addicted to video games... until the man decides to buck up and be a man, there's not much that CAN be done except for the poor wife to try and play BOTH roles in their marriage.

[Bini]

My honest feelings is that she and her son would be better off without him but she's already told me that divorce is not an option. So, I try to make alternative suggestions. Today, she called me on her cell and said that her husband got mad at her when she asked him to turn off the Xbox, and threw the controller against the wall in a rage. She said it scared her son, so she took him and they left on foot, hoping he'd cool off meanwhile. It's just a crummy situation. The poor kid doesn't only live with a selfish dad but lives in his dad's second hand smoke! Yes, he smokes INSIDE their condo.

[MorningStar]

I had a friend who went through something similar. She said at first that she wouldn't divorce him, but then he grabbed her arm while holding their baby and snapped, "You love him more than me!" She said, "Yeah, you're right." She got a job at Wendy's and had to walk there at 5am while he sat at home and played video games, watched porn (thinking he was hiding it well), and then he ran up over $100 calling a 1-900 number. I was with her when she got the phone bill and she freaked out. After that, she shut off the phone and came over to use my phone when she needed it. I watched her son during the day because she didn't trust her husband to take care of him.

Anyway, grabbing her arm that was holding her baby was the last straw. Before that he would get a job, quit on the first day, or call in sick before he even started. He couldn't deal with authority and kept saying he wanted to be his own boss. I told him, "The customer will be your boss!" Later he gave up his parental rights because he didn't want to be responsible for their son in any way. She has allowed contact though and years later he admitted that he was a huge loser. Too bad it took him too long to figure that out.

[Guest]

Okay, you know me. I'm anti-divorce. But I'm not pro-doormat either. Sometimes, separation is necessary to protect a child. This is one of those times. She doesn't have to divorce. She can get legal separation without going through divorce.

What I don't understand is how they have 10 cents to their name yet they can afford cigarettes and an Xbox. I would sell that Xbox first chance I get. And the TV too for that matter. That child is priority number 1. Even her needs get to go in the backseat.

[Bini]

Okay, you know me. I'm anti-divorce. But I'm not pro-doormat either. Sometimes, separation is necessary to protect a child. This is one of those times. She doesn't have to divorce. She can get legal separation without going through divorce.

What I don't understand is how they have 10 cents to their name yet they can afford cigarettes and an Xbox. I would sell that Xbox first chance I get. And the TV too for that matter. That child is priority number 1. Even her needs get to go in the backseat.

She won't separate from him either because she has nowhere to go and no money. The stuff they do have, car and cellphones, are his setups. She is 100% dependent on him, even though he is a poor provider. The cash they get is from odd jobs that he pulls once in awhile, which you can imagine isn't much, and the majority of that goes to smokes and beer (and a game if there's something he wants). A lot of the clothes that her son wears were donated to her from a couple of my friends on Facebook (that mailed them to her). As much as she needs help, she just can't seem to take certain steps to help herself or her son. Her marriage to her husband has been rocky for years.

[BenRaines]

Everyone talks about how pornography is such an addiction and the harm it does but I see little about video game addiction and how it not only hurts couples but also damages social skills of the male population.

All things in moderation.

Ben Raines

[Jennarator]

There are plenty of women's shelters. Look one up and let her know. I knjow she won't leave him, but you never know, she might, at some point, if she knows she can go somewhere safe. Most of these places don't even tell people where they are, you just have to get in contact with them via phone or police and then they pick you up at a store or park or something and take you there. This way no scary husbands or boyfriends can find them. These places help the women move one, get established and help them with self esteme. I am not saying she will just up and leave, but if something happens to push her over her limit, she might. I just hope and pray nobody gets hurt while she waits.

[Bini]

There are plenty of women's shelters. Look one up and let her know. I knjow she won't leave him, but you never know, she might, at some point, if she knows she can go somewhere safe. Most of these places don't even tell people where they are, you just have to get in contact with them via phone or police and then they pick you up at a store or park or something and take you there. This way no scary husbands or boyfriends can find them. These places help the women move one, get established and help them with self esteme. I am not saying she will just up and leave, but if something happens to push her over her limit, she might. I just hope and pray nobody gets hurt while she waits.

There is one located nearby St. George police station and it is a secured venue. It's got a security guard etc to monitor the entrance.