Getting married soon - best advice?

[looking4light82]

Hi everyone,

I'm new here and I wanted to get an idea from an LDS perspective on marriage. My fiancee and I will be getting civilly married soon and to be honest, I'm worried about it.

A short background bio on me - I'm a convert to the Church and have been a member since I was 19, and to say the least, it hasn't been an easy road and I haven't always been active in the Church. I'm trying really hard to get a tight hold on the "iron rod" and hang on, but it just seems like I keep losing my grip. Its very hard at times not to give up on the Church and myself. Sometimes I just don't think I'm meant for it. But I know that I want to keep trying. Something tells me to. Sometimes I just don't know how to hang on! I wish I was more resilient sometimes and just be able to bounce back up when I fall flat on my face.

Anyway, this forum thing is kind of new to me and I don't know if anyone will reply but I was wondering if anyone out there could for now, tell me what they feel is the best marriage advice that has helped them in their own lives and healthy marriages.

Also, I don't totally understand the concept of marriage in the Church. Ideally my fiancee and I want to be married in the temple but we can't at this time. We hope to within a year or two. Civil marriage is a scary concept and I hope that this doesn't sound like a foolish q but is it true that the adversary has more power over us because we didn't get sealed in the temple first.

I'm so confused about much in the Church but I want to learn more, grow my testimony and build on the rock as it states in Helaman 5:12.

Can someone help me learn?

[John11111]

None of us can keep a grip on that rod all the time we are not perfect.

If there was a bottle where we placed all of our good works and deeds and obedience to try to meet the lords atonement how much of it would we have to fill to be able to get to heaven?

The answer? none Jesus has already filled the bottle to the brim thru the atonement. We just have to repent of our sins and try to live our lives as best we can and do our best to do what is right.

We will all stumble along the way its what we do after that makes the difference.

As for marriage? Get married civily and worry about temple marriage down the road when your ready.

It is a great commitment, ask your bishop about the temple prep class take it as many times as you need till you start to understand it all enough to be comfortable.

A book id recomend you both read together and wish I had read before I got married or earlier on in the marriage is "His Needs, Her Needs." Its a great book that teaches a lot about how to keep eachother happy. Also id recommend visiting marriagebuilders.com its a wonderful resource on how to keep a happy marriage.

Best of luck and try to relax enjoy life, enjoy your upcoming marriage keep faith in the lord he will help guide you and comfort you.

[Eleven]

Is there a specific aspect of the church that you are having a hard time grasping? AKA "having a hard time holding on the iron rod"

Also, what aspects of married life are you wishing to learn more about? Another great book i would suggest is one at deseret book called 100 questions to ask before you get married. It has great questions to ask each other to prepare you for things to come, and where responsibilities fall.

specific questions receive specific answers. As far as marriage life though, best two words you could ever learn are these:

Yes ma'am.

[Guest]

My advice on marriage...

Choose carefully who you marry. Both of you must know each other very well that you will be very comfortable in saying, This is the person I will be with for the rest of my life regardless of what happens between us. Divorce is not an option. This is a one-time shot.

[Bini]

I agree with, Anatess. That is the mindset one should have when entering into marriage.

I wanted to comment on your statement about being more at Satan's mercy because you will be civilly married and not temple married - I don't believe this is true. The success of a marriage directly relates to how*a husband and wife honour their vows, and treat each other with respect, and not whether they wear garments. I am civilly married to my husband. I, personally, feel our marriage is stronger than many of our friends (even a couple that are temple married). Like I said, I don't believe wearing garments shield you from trials and tribulations, perhaps if anything, Satan gets an extra dose of "good on me" if he can sway temple endowed couples.

[Vort]

Also, I don't totally understand the concept of marriage in the Church. Ideally my fiancee and I want to be married in the temple but we can't at this time. We hope to within a year or two. Civil marriage is a scary concept and I hope that this doesn't sound like a foolish q but is it true that the adversary has more power over us because we didn't get sealed in the temple first.

No, it is not true. (And no, it is not a foolish questions.)

[NadiaStar]

If the adversary had more power, every non-LDS but wonderful couple in the world would be tempted more than normal. The biggie of the temple is the SEALING not the legal marriage. My husband and I had a civil wedding as we were a little less than worthy (I was sort of pregnant with someone's else baby at the time as well--husband was aware) and two years later managed to make it to the temple. During those two years, we worked on our relation to the gospel and repentance and no, I don't think we were subject to any further temptation than what our other actions had brought upon us.

Mine's an extreme case, but the principal'sthe same.

[Dravin]

No, it is not true. (And no, it is not a foolish questions.)

Sounds like something that's a result of a game of telephone:

Making and keeping covenants in the temple brings spiritual power and strength --> Making covenants in the temple protects us against the adversary --> Those who haven't made covenants in the temple are more vulnerable to the adversary --> If you don't get sealed in the temple first the adversary has more power over you.

[EarlJibbs]

Marriage advice is a tough one to give. The advice you will receive will be as mixed as the people that give it.

I can tell you what has worked for me. Respect on both sides. I can honestly say that in 11 years of marriage my wife and I have not yelled at eachother once. We have had arguments or we havent seen eye to eye about a lot of things, but we have never resorted to actually fighting. Some people like to fight. But hey, I think my wife and I are a match made in Heaven (on Earth). Stay calm, and talk to eachother. That is my 2 cents.

[Bini]

Marriage advice is a tough one to give. The advice you will receive will be as mixed as the people that give it.

I can tell you what has worked for me. Respect on both sides. I can honestly say that in 11 years of marriage my wife and I have not yelled at eachother once. We have had arguments or we havent seen eye to eye about a lot of things, but we have never resorted to actually fighting. Some people like to fight. But hey, I think my wife and I are a match made in Heaven (on Earth). Stay calm, and talk to eachother. That is my 2 cents.

Love this advice. My parents have been married some 30 years and I have NEVER heard them raise their voices to each other.

[SisterSarah]

Hi everyone,

I'm new here and I wanted to get an idea from an LDS perspective on marriage. My fiancee and I will be getting civilly married soon and to be honest, I'm worried about it.

A short background bio on me - I'm a convert to the Church and have been a member since I was 19, and to say the least, it hasn't been an easy road and I haven't always been active in the Church. I'm trying really hard to get a tight hold on the "iron rod" and hang on, but it just seems like I keep losing my grip. Its very hard at times not to give up on the Church and myself. Sometimes I just don't think I'm meant for it. But I know that I want to keep trying. Something tells me to. Sometimes I just don't know how to hang on! I wish I was more resilient sometimes and just be able to bounce back up when I fall flat on my face.

Anyway, this forum thing is kind of new to me and I don't know if anyone will reply but I was wondering if anyone out there could for now, tell me what they feel is the best marriage advice that has helped them in their own lives and healthy marriages.

Also, I don't totally understand the concept of marriage in the Church. Ideally my fiancee and I want to be married in the temple but we can't at this time. We hope to within a year or two. Civil marriage is a scary concept and I hope that this doesn't sound like a foolish q but is it true that the adversary has more power over us because we didn't get sealed in the temple first.

I'm so confused about much in the Church but I want to learn more, grow my testimony and build on the rock as it states in Helaman 5:12.

Can someone help me learn?

First of all congratulations on your engagement!!!

My husband and I are converts and were married civilly. Our daughters will in college by the time we were baptized and we were sealed in the Temple later.

I am not suggesting Temple marriage is not the ideal, but for us it was the best of both worlds. When we were married we had the joy of a wedding party surrounded by many friends and family members. We had Catholic backgrounds and so married in the Catholic church but that being said neither of us spent much time in a church before or after the marriage ceremony. Many years later when we joined the church we were sealed and although we had no family members there (we are the only LDS in our family), it was like a private and very spiritual renewing of our vows with the added benefit of it being beyond this life. At least for us it gave the Temple sealing more meaning.

As long as the two of you are willing to make a life long commitment, you will be off to a great start in your lives together. You will very likely have challenges of many kinds, some conflicting ideas and even possible heated arguments. You will go through some sad time, perhaps even sorrows, and maybe even tragedy, illness and ultimately the physical loss of one another by death. So now that I scared the daylights out of you; just remember this is all part of life with or without each other. The difference between being married is that you don't have to go it alone which makes the tough times a little easier, and it makes all the joy, laughter and blessing that will also be a part of you life even sweeter.

A while back my daughter and son in law were going through a rough patch in their marriage. They had sat in our living room sharing their feelings, some of those feelings through tears and unkind words. But I will never forget at the end of the day my son in law told my daughter that he was better off with her than without her. Somehow I knew they would be just fine.

I got to thinking, that marriage is no different than any other part of life. It has it's up's and downs, but if you honestly believe that no matter what you are better off with each other than not, chances are you will one day be celebrating anniversaries in the presence of your grand children.

Wishing you lots of happiness!

Sarah