A situation at work...

[Echo2002]

I'm having some issues with a co-worker. I plan to send the co-worker an e-mail and my Director an e-mail about my lack of communication with a co-worker (as she put it).

Letter to Co-worker:

Tina, last week you came to me and expressed concern that I was not communicating with you. I am a shy person and I do not do respond well to confrontations. I feel like I can express my feelings on this situation better through writing.

I have chosen to keep my distance from you and only communicate with you when I see it necessary to do so. I will admit I can work on being more polite with you, and I will work on that. The reason I have decided to keep my distance is because I don’t like the way you treat me and our co-workers. Maybe this behavior is not your intentions, but I feel like you have been bossy and condescending on more than one occasion to me and to others. This behavior tends to get worse when you are lead tech.

If you are upset about the night I left early without telling you, it was not intentional. I think Lymarie explained to you that we both thought she was lead tech.

I realize we all have different personalities and we all must work to understand those personalities. Hopefully with time we will be able to understand each other better. Right now please respect my decision to keep my distance from you.

Letter to Director: this is to protect myself.

Patti, I wanted to let you know that last week Tina pulled me aside and let me know she thought I was not communicating with her and that my lack of communication was hurting the lab. I don’t know if she told you, but the week before I left early and asked Lymarie’s permission to do so. I had forgotten that Tina was lead tech and Lymarie did not tell me to go to Tina for permission. I did not find out until the next morning that Tina was angry that I had disrespected her authority as lead tech, it was not intentional.

It is true, I have been keeping my distance from Tina and I only communicate with her when necessary. The reason I have chosen to do this is because I have perceived her attitude towards me and others to be condescending and bossy. This attitude gets worse when she is lead tech. Maybe this attitude from her is not intentional but it’s just how I’m seeing things from my perspective.

I realize we all have different personalities in the lab and that we must work toward understanding those personalities and working through those differences. I will work on being more polite to her.

I sent Tina an e-mail letting her know how I feel since she confronted me about it. I just wanted to let you know of the situation; hopefully it is something we can eventually work out.

What do you think? Should I send an e-mail to my co-worker or just send one to my Director? I don't want to feel like I'm a child tattle telling to the teacher. I figured if I explain to Tina the reasons for my lack of communication to her then maybe she will back off. Tina threatened to take the issue to the Director, so that is why I want to let her know what is going on.

[beefche]

I would not send either of those emails. I suggest you get and read the book "Crucial Conversations." This is an excellent resource on how to deal with coworkers (and in our own personal lives) when you need to have this type of conversation.

[skippy740]

Remember that email is permanent and especially with corporante networks, it is archived.

All email can and will be used against you in some way... even if we think that's not possible.

[Mahone]

Remember that email is permanent and especially with corporante networks, it is archived.

All email can and will be used against you in some way... even if we think that's not possible.

This is why I usually insist on e-mail communication when at work, as opposed to over the phone. It's to cover my own back, especially when people say something but later claim that they didn't. I haven't deleted anything for over 6 years, whether work related or personal and it has saved my skin a few times.

I would not recommend sending those e-mails either. You make multiple accusations that you need to be prepared to back up with evidence if you send them. You also appear to contradict yourself slightly by claiming it was unintentional that you didn't tell her you had to leave early, then in the next sentence, you say it's true that you have been keeping your distance?

I also definitely wouldn't send them now they have been posted in a public forum. It only takes one of the two recipients to google some of the text of the e-mail to find this forum (and managers are doing this kind of thing more and more often as they realise their employees often vent their true opinions of their workplace online). As an example: "Tina, last week you came to me and expressed concern that I was not communicating with you" - Google Search

Edited August 12, 2012 by Mahone

[Echo2002]

Yeah, I'm having second thoughts about sending them too.

So do I just keep ignoring the co-worker? There's other co-workers that have problems with her too, it's not just me. Since she has threatened to report me to my Director I figured I needed to do something.

[Mahone]

Yeah, I'm having second thoughts about sending them too.

So do I just keep ignoring the co-worker? There's other co-workers that have problems with her too, it's not just me. Since she has threatened to report me to my Director I figured I needed to do something.

I don't know anything about your situation other than what you've posted here, but I personally would probably just send a quick informational e-mail telling the director about the mistake you made with regards to leaving early and the lead tech not being informed, explain why it happened, and leave it at that. Don't give any other information.

If she complains to the director, the director already knows about your version of what happened in that instance.

Following on from this, make a written note (with time and date) of everything this co-worker says negatively to you, or about you, and also a quick note of your perspective of what happened. Most of the time, threats to talk to the manager are empty, and never actually materialise. On the off chance it does, you have a list of complaints she has made, and your responses to them already written out.

If it gets really bad (to the point of workplace bullying), this written list will also prove useful as you will then need to make a complaint about her and provide evidence.

Edited August 13, 2012 by Mahone

[Echo2002]

That's a good idea, to keep a note of incidences between her and I.

The reason I panicked is because she has already reported another co-worker for not getting along with her.

After talking to a friend of mine I'm just going to drop it and see what she does, if she reports me to the Director then it will be up to Tina to provide examples of when I haven't communicated with her. I think my Director will see that she is the common denominator in both situations.

[annewandering]

If she has already reported one coworker then she becomes less believable with each additional complaint. In fact she is establishing a pattern of poor relationships by her own word. Probably not smart on her part. It begins to look like whining, which is not likely to impress her boss.

[Echo2002]

That's what I was thinking Anne. I know she's been complaining to Patti about us not going through the right channels concerning certain issues that come up in the lab. All Patti has done about it is send out an e-mail reminding us what the responsibilities of a lead tech are. If Patti thought it was that big of a deal I think she would have done more.

I think what is happening is Tina so desperately wants authority, she's fighting tooth and nail to get it the nights that she's lead tech.

[alucarD1975]

all women right?

whatever happened to going over and talking to some one and calling them out? but i guess only guys do this.

I have had similar situations at work and I get up from my desk walk down the hall and talk to the person face to face. It usealy squashs the issue.

[Echo2002]

I sent a short edited version of the e-mail to Patti. After talking to another co-worker that worked with Tina years ago at the same lab, he said her behavior is only going to get worse if we don't say something. Me and another co-worker sent an e-mail.

Yes, we are all females. I agree, there isn't enough testosterone on our shift.

[audreyII]

Oh my gosh....all female workplaces are the worst! Like really, truly! haha

Anyway, unless if the person you're reporting the lead tech to does not have any contact with her working with others, chances are she already has somewhat of a feel of what is going on in general and what the "feel" of the workplace is with her there. Now, don't assume that she knows all, and keeping record of major incidences is a good idea, but if the person you're reporting to does have workplace involvement like I said, this stuff will probably not come as much of a surprise.

Good luck.........