What should I do?

[estradling75]

You got it! Applying critical thinking works way better than pointing out technicality. Your second post was all that was necessary if you wanted that cleared up. I've edited the post to say "probably" and now we're in agreement.

Ad-hominem is the most over-used, annoying, and IMHO trolling logical fallacy used on the internet today.

You acknowledged that you failed to communicate your meaning and intent clearly by editing your posts. Yet instead of saying "opps" or "sorry I screwed up," you instead try to shift blame on to someone else for not being a mind reader. That does not bode well for you continued interactions on a site that requires such communications.

[x1134x]

Saying that my husband might be less attractive because he's not being man enough to state his wants is an insult to both of us.

“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives.”—1 Peter 3:1

Saying something might be the case is not the same as stating it is the case. As the other poster said, I do not know your situation. Please take the advice in the spirit with which it was given: someone trying to be helpful, not condescending. I have no idea whether or not your husband is a leader or a typical beta-male who cares about very little and give up the "whatever you want babe" to everything you ask of him. I'm just bringing it to your attention in case you were unaware. There's zero judgment.

As I am taking the comments from the other poster despite its massively condescending tone it reads with to me. I can be quite amicable, and do not purport ever to be absolutely right about everything, but ad-hominem with no other factual or topic related information irritates me wherever I encounter it on the internet, so I as a good teacher, take the time to help others learn about the concept. Rarely do I get an "oops" or "sorry" either. My actions of accepting the guidance and correcting the statement are "sorry" enough.

Edited September 10, 2012 by x1134x

[Leah]

You got it! Applying critical thinking works way better than pointing out technicality. Your second post was all that was necessary if you wanted that cleared up. I've edited the post to say "probably" and now we're in agreement.

Ad-hominem is the most over-used, annoying, and IMHO trolling logical fallacy used on the internet today.

And then there are those posters who are just plain annoying....

[Leah]

“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives.”—1 Peter 3:1

Saying something might be the case is not the same as stating it is the case. As the other poster said, I do not know your situation. Please take the advice in the spirit with which it was given: someone trying to be helpful, not condescending. I have no idea whether or not your husband is a leader or a typical beta-male who cares about very little and give up the "whatever you want babe" to everything you ask of him. I'm just bringing it to your attention in case you were unaware. There's zero judgment.

As I am taking the comments from the other poster despite its massively condescending tone it reads with to me. I can be quite amicable, and do not purport ever to be absolutely right about everything, but ad-hominem with no other factual or topic related information irritates me wherever I encounter it on the internet, so I as a good teacher, take the time to help others learn about the concept. Rarely do I get an "oops" or "sorry" either. My actions of accepting the guidance and correcting the statement are "sorry" enough.

By "just bringing it to your attention" you ARE making a judgment. You judged Eowyn, her husband and their marriage.

[x1134x]

By "just bringing it to your attention" you ARE making a judgment. You judged Eowyn, her husband and their marriage.

Please take the advice in the spirit with which it was given

Or don't . . . .

I asked my first counselor about this, (my wife) due to the discouragement brought on by the vitriolic responses I've gotten here, and she agrees with me, its all contained in the statement:

"He's all for whatever I want. So helpful. "

She's coming to a forum for guidance because her husband isn't being helpful in guiding his family in this decision.

Yes, this is our humble opinion, and if it isn't welcome here, we can definitely shut up and not try to help.

From the terms of service for this site:

4. No bickering and nit-picking toward others. Realize that sometimes it is very difficult to be able to express how one feels through written words. Please be courteous and ask for a further explanation, rather then trying to attack and find holes in someone else's post.

Edited September 10, 2012 by x1134x

[Misshalfway]

I think a husband who says "I don't know babe, anything you want" is a husband who listens, who isn't concerned about unrighteous (or any other kind) of dominion, and who is....well....cool. He sounds like a man who is secure in his relationship, secure with himself, and secure with the idea that his wife might need some time away with friends once in a while. This one statement screams "health", imo.

While I appreciate that some take certain passages of the Bible literally and apply them in rather rigid and "literal" ways too, I don't see how that application could improve on the gentle ease that already seems present in the relationship. It's ok NOT to have an opinion on everything. God even says he won't command in all things. Why isn't it ok for a husband to take the same stand?

[estradling75]

While I coincided the possibility that it wasn't leadership when I first expressed that was what you truly meant... It is not the only answer. It is also very possible that he is leading her very skillfully... Leading her to figure out exactly what she really wants.

While I make no claims on what Eowin's husband's is thinking here is a possible path he took. She asks her question and he parses into "Do you want to spend time with your family including your wife or do you want to spend with your family minus your wife and companion. And realizes it is a no brainier question, and questions like that mean someone you love generally means there is a communication failure. If there is a communication failure then he needs to figure out what she really means and wants so he can lead with that in mind.

Now he knows of the stress that they have been under and he knows that if his wife tells him flat out she needs a break from the kids for a bit then she needs a break and he needs to make it happen. (again I am presuming the relationship is generally loving and strong which I think is safe to do) Is this what she is telling him? Did the idea of her temporary transferring all of his duties to him for the space of three days cause her to soften her 'need' beyond recognition? Or is she just batting around a very temping idea? He doesn't know so he softballs the answer.

Instead of forcing his will in a way may or may not be contrary what she wants (once she figures it out) he guides in a way that makes her come to terms with what she really wants. Instead locking down with a yes or no answer in the space few second he has given both of them time to truly think and consider what is best. And in my book that is the best kind of leadership... Its very Christ-like

[Guest]

It's almost like you two know him. He's very loving and thoughtful and cares for me well, as I do for him. He actually wanted me to go if I wanted to, and if we could make it work. Like I said it won't work, as it turns out, but he would have been happy to give me the break, had I decided to take it. He's missed me, too, which is partly the source of any reluctance he had; but he's not averse to taking over with the kids for a few days. He's as wonderful a father as he is a husband. He laughed at the notion that he wouldn't feel that he could give his true opinion. It's not like that around here.

And it's not that other opinions or help aren't welcome. Sometimes it's not the message that people balk at, it's the delivery. But sometimes it's the message. x1134x, yours was laced with a lot of assumption that didn't paint either DH or I in a good light, so naturally I (and others) would buck back at it. Not a big deal, though. It's just the normal back-and-forth of posting on a forum, where you're not face to face.

[Guest]

“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives.”—1 Peter 3:1

Saying something might be the case is not the same as stating it is the case. As the other poster said, I do not know your situation. Please take the advice in the spirit with which it was given: someone trying to be helpful, not condescending. I have no idea whether or not your husband is a leader or a typical beta-male who cares about very little and give up the "whatever you want babe" to everything you ask of him. I'm just bringing it to your attention in case you were unaware. There's zero judgment.

As I am taking the comments from the other poster despite its massively condescending tone it reads with to me. I can be quite amicable, and do not purport ever to be absolutely right about everything, but ad-hominem with no other factual or topic related information irritates me wherever I encounter it on the internet, so I as a good teacher, take the time to help others learn about the concept. Rarely do I get an "oops" or "sorry" either. My actions of accepting the guidance and correcting the statement are "sorry" enough.

I see you've edited this post last night, and now you really have lost me. I'm going to try not to be a hypocrite here and refrain from picking this post, and therefore YOUR marriage apart, because I don't know you or your marriage. But it really bugs me when people, especially men, cite this verse without acknowledging the rest of the chapter. Here are some other verses that you might consider:

7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

8 Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous:

9 Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.

10 For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile:

11 Let him eschew evil, and do good; let him seek peace, and ensue it.

[Leah]

Or don't . . . .

I asked my first counselor about this, (my wife) due to the discouragement brought on by the vitriolic responses I've gotten here, and she agrees with me, its all contained in the statement:

She's coming to a forum for guidance because her husband isn't being helpful in guiding his family in this decision.

Yes, this is our humble opinion, and if it isn't welcome here, we can definitely shut up and not try to help.

From the terms of service for this site:

4. No bickering and nit-picking toward others. Realize that sometimes it is very difficult to be able to express how one feels through written words. Please be courteous and ask for a further explanation, rather then trying to attack and find holes in someone else's post.

Oh, the irony.

I do not see any indication that Eowyn's husband is shirking his duties or failing his family in the least little bit.

I see no "vitriolic" responses. I see people - including the woman whose husband you are making comments about - disagreeing with you. (and I daresay Eowyn knows her husband and her marriage far better than you or anyone else on this forum). I see you getting your undies in a bunch because people dared to disagree with you.

If you are going to complain and run away every time someone disagrees with you on an internet forum....you may eventually run out of forums on which to post.

[Maureen]

Leah, why are you such an unhappy, angry person?

M.

[Leah]

Leah, why are you such an unhappy, angry person?

M.

I am not either one of those.

Why are you being judgmental?

[Guest]

This thread has served its purpose.