Questions...

[charlie_brown]

Hello all,

I have many questions of which I am attempting to get answers for. I would like to say that I am not of the LDS church but my wife is. I respect the religion and am not here to insult anyone. I am simply here to get an understanding of a marriage works within the church. I thank you all for your patience and for reading my post.

I guess my questions is, how do members from the church look at those family members that are not of LDS. The reason for my question is that I feel my inlaws never have really accepted me. It has always felt as though there was a circle of the family and because I am not fro the church I am an outsider.

I have always had trouble with this and have felt that it is incorrect. If I look to the scriptures, Jesus never turned his back on anyone. He accepted prostitutes,theives, killers the worst of the worst. Not once did they make them feel as though they were outsiders. Yet I have noted that if one is not of the circle and one does not wish to conform they are shuned.

Please shed some light on this matter. And please believe me when I say that I am not here to question anyones belief, but I am here for answers.

Thank you again...

Dan...

[Brother Dorsey]

Hello all,

I have many questions of which I am attempting to get answers for. I would like to say that I am not of the LDS church but my wife is. I respect the religion and am not here to insult anyone. I am simply here to get an understanding of a marriage works within the church. I thank you all for your patience and for reading my post.

I guess my questions is, how do members from the church look at those family members that are not of LDS. The reason for my question is that I feel my inlaws never have really accepted me. It has always felt as though there was a circle of the family and because I am not fro the church I am an outsider.

I have always had trouble with this and have felt that it is incorrect. If I look to the scriptures, Jesus never turned his back on anyone. He accepted prostitutes,theives, killers the worst of the worst. Not once did they make them feel as though they were outsiders. Yet I have noted that if one is not of the circle and one does not wish to conform they are shuned.

Please shed some light on this matter. And please believe me when I say that I am not here to question anyones belief, but I am here for answers.

Thank you again...

Dan...

Well Dan....I think I can answer your question pretty simply....Jesus was perfect.....everyone else is not. Although every LDS parent wishes their son or daughter take an LDS spouse....some don't and it can be rather disappointing. However, as you stated the Saints are to try and always be Christlike.....something that is sometimes difficult to do for anybody......forgive your in-laws and try to understand. As far as other members and how we feel? Speaking for myself I would welcome any non-member spouse of a member with open arms because if the member married them they must have a good side right? I married a non member and six years later we were sealed in the Temple. And no, I have never seen a non member shunned....ever. I could be that your in-laws think like a lot of in-laws do,........you are just not good enough for their daughter, LDS or not. I'm sure none of this helped but...what they hay.....I just love you non-members...peace out brother!

[BenRaines]

Dan,

Interesting that you post this at this time. Just this week I was thinking about my relationship with my soon to be son in law who is not LDS. Two of my daughters have married LDS returned missionaries and both were physically abused by their LDS returned missionary husbands.

I was thinking of this young man who has been very good to my daughter and her little girl, my granddaughter. When they are visiting this Christmas I plan on taking him aside and letting him know how happy I am that he is a part of our family. He respects my daughter, loves our granddaughter and is a good provider for his family.

The LDS culture is a very unique family. We see ourselves as a family. We have our own language and standards and for the most part are very conservative. For some that is odd and they feel or we make them feel like outsiders.

My purpose is to let this young man know that I love him like a son because he loves my daughter and treats here and her little girl so well. I am a nice teddy bear of a person but have been told that I am intimidating.

Hopefully some day you will be able to have a relationship with your father and mother in law but that is not the churches doing they are people. What would you do or say if they were Catholic and treated you the same way? People are people.

I believe that because LDS people hold themselves to a highter standard the rest of the world does too and that is ok with me but we are none of us perfect as Brother Dorsey has said.

Thank you for coming here and perhaps I will post here later how my conversation goes with my future son in law.

Ben Raines

[Jason]

I'd like to hear how that goes Ben. And hear more about your feelings and thoughts on his pending marriage to your daughter.

[StrawberryFields]

People are people. Ben I am happy to read your post above. Life has a way of teaching us many lessons.

Charlie Brown,

I am a parent of 3 children.

My oldest son is 23 and married in the temple to a beautiful girl. They are very happy and doing great even though he didn't go on a mission.

My next son is 20 and is still going through rehab from a terrible accident that almost took his life at 17. Because of this accident he most likely will go on a mission. Through all of his difficulties I would love to see him married in the temple. I am not sure what will happen; only time will tell.

My daughter is 17 and still in High School. Right now my focus is on getting her to really look at the guys she chooses to date. I am thinking of something I heard when I was about her age..."You will marry one of those guys you date". That really got me to thinking at that time in my life. I was dating in the 'wild bunch' and having a pretty good time or so I thought. I did a lot of reflecting at that time and remembered that I had made a commitment early in my youth to be married in the Temple. Early in my senior year I made a shift and broke away from the 'wild bunch' I set my sights on the president of the Seminary. Of course I was hot, LOL and I ended up dating him until he went on his mission. We were married, in the temple, 2 months and 10 days from the day he walked off from the plane. It will be 25 years in a few months.

As members of the church I think a temple married is something like a touch down in football, other wise you are just in the game. If my other two children marry outside of the temple I will be sad for them, but it is not my decision to make. Most of all, I want my children to get exactly what they need out of life. What it is that they need I don’t know. Do I point and try to direct them in the areas they should go, of course they do and I will do that until they are out on their own. After they are on their own, I will (try too) only give my opinion when asked.

[Winnie G]

Dan my son in-law is not LDS and my daughter was raised in the church and yet it was her who though her happiness away with both hands.

I love my son in-law I tell people he is more son then son-in-law.

As a LDS parent of four all I can say is I understand your in-laws.

Your wife’s parents want so much to be a eternal family and see their grandchildren as part of that link.

If they treat you any less then they are not doing their job, by loving you as a son in hopes that their behavior that would be as Christ like as they should be with the hopes that some day you would choose to be part of that eternal family some day.

My son in-law posed this question to us after the dissolvent of their marriage knowing how much it meant to us. He wanted to know how our granddaughters could be sealed to us. We all giggled and said “we have to adopted you”. That would be a little hillbillyish LOL

We told him not to worry that all these concerns would be addressed, that that was what the millennium was for.

You should show them who you are and what a grate husband you are and they will come around.

I take it your not interested in the church?

Have you thought about how this none eternal marriage makes your wife feel deep down? Just a thought?

[shanstress70]

Have you thought about how this none eternal marriage makes your wife feel deep down?

Too bad... she made the choice to marry him knowing he was not LDS. She should have thought of that beforehand.

[roman]

I can kinda relate to your situation. Many years ago I was a drug addict---I had rejected all forms of religion because i saw my parents----dad lds and mom methodist act one way on Sunday and live like the devil the rest of the week. They never cared much for me or my brothers.

when i ran away and had an encounter with Jesus and was completly delivered----[without any 12 step or counciling] saved and filled with the Holy Ghost-----before I ever set foot in a church. I pray to God on what church to join. he lead me to the Assemblies of God.

My dad and his entire lds family totally rejected my salvation ---because I wasn't baptised by a mormon. they never cared that I turned my life over to Jesus and have become a fruitful person in the human race and in the church.

It was only with time and undenable evidences that my lds relatives began to take notice, and that there was something of truth and value to my testimony.

when they were judgmental and rude ---I was kind[well most of the time] So be patient and let God love do its work.

we now all get along pretty well and have many many stiring conversations on each others faiths--always parting on good terms-----Gods love does wonders

[Outshined]

You can make it work. My evangelical family members reacted badly when I became LDS, but mellowed out when they saw the change it made in my life. I had found the truth and was not turning away, so they had to accept or not.

It's more about the individuals than the church to which they belong. You'll find it the same in your case, as the Church does not teach exclusion. Love them unconditionally and let them make their choices.

[Fiannan]

Interesting that you post this at this time. Just this week I was thinking about my relationship with my soon to be son in law who is not LDS. Two of my daughters have married LDS returned missionaries and both were physically abused by their LDS returned missionary husbands.

I have three daughters (and one on the way) and if any of them say they will not marry a man because he isn't a RM they are in big trouble. I personally believe that the vast majority of RMs are wonderful people but I really don't think one should make that a litmus test for marriage.

I don't know if any of my four sons will serve missions (hope they do) but if they do not Ì will hold them in no less esteme. I converted to the Church in the late 70s and saw a lot of young men go inactive because of the frenzie to pressure all young men to go on missions.

[BenRaines]

Finnian,

I agree that it should not be a litmus test. As my daughter, who served a mission, says "Give me a man who honors his priesthood".

I have a good friend who is a Bishop of a singles ward and he currently has almost 70% of his ward on some type of Bishop counseling due to problems. This includes RM and non RM.

Pornography and the availability of it on the Internet is one of the biggest reasons.

Give me a son in law who honors womanhood and respects my daughter, would prefer he be one who is LDS and honors his priesthood but not my choice it is hers.

Ben Raines