Supporting the grieving in the office

[Backroads]

A few weeks' back I mentioned a woman I work with lost a child quite suddenly. She's back at work and doing about as well as can be expected. I'm trying to keep up on giving her my listening ear when she needs it and checking in with her and giving her smiles and all that, but I'm wondering if I should do more.

My specific question is if I should offer to pick up the slack on her work projects [that I am capable of doing] or if that's just setting a standard that will eventually backfire on me.

[skippy740]

The workplace is the workplace... with all the standards that should be met for any particular job. You don't want to inadvertantly turn yourself into an enabler should she CHOOSE to slack on the job.

A listening ear is one thing, but a slackening of the reigns is something else.

The only thing I can think of to give more slack on, might be a leave of absence or sick pay.

But once on the job, she should be on the job.

I know this sounds like I really don't care, but you need to be equally fair and demanding of all your employees that work for you and report to you. Otherwise, you may have a problem with your other employees.

I would recommend that she take advantage of any Employee Assistance Programs that your employer may offer.

[pam]

I say no to picking up slack for her. While I can have empathy for her situation, it is still the workplace and she is getting paid to be there. If she needs more time, then she should talk to the employer to get more time off.

[classylady]

When I went back to work after my daughter died in a car accident, I didn't expect anyone to pick up the slack for me. I was grateful to my employers, for they gave me as much time off as I needed. I could have taken more time, but I felt it was time to go back to work. Staying busy helped me. I appreciated the sympathy I received from co-workers, but I didn't expect them to do anything extra for me.

I would just keep an eye on her. If she seems to be having a particularly hard day, then you could perhaps say something like "Are you having a bad day today?". That lets your co-worker know you're thinking of her. Sometimes, a hug is nice too.

[Backroads]

A lot of the slack work is what's left over from her time off. It struck me as good office teamwork to help get all that caught up, but that still left me with the concern that she's still not able to properly focus on current work. Yet I know I will get bitter if I help out and she starts counting on me for it. Thanks for the advice.

[Sharky]

Some years ago the wife & I lost a child. Sure he was "just" a foster child though he was and had been our child for 7+ years when he died.

The greatest thing that anyone in her office did for her after she went back to work was done annominously & some time after his death.

One day, after being back to work for about 6-weeks, a small very simple plain vase with a single rose appeared on her desk. No card, no note, and when she asked no one knew of where it came from - it happened to be on his birthday.

That vase & rose spent the next 30 or so months sitting on her desk. The day she accidently hit the rose with a medical chart and the dried rose-bud crumbbled, that was almost as an emotional of a day as was the day he died.

The fact that someone actually remembered his birthday & marked that day with such a simple gesture remains something my wife still can not describe or express in it's fullness.

Ever since then we have had taken a little different approach when friends or family loose loved ones. Sure we visit them & atttend the funeral & make sure they know of our support at the time ..... though all too often everyones lives return to normal so very quickly, except that is, the mother or father or other loved one who's life will never be the same again.

So now, we take the time to stop in & visit those loved ones, drop off some flowers or a dinner some months after the fact .... just because time has passed & perhaps their mourning is no longer so visible, that doesn't mean that the difficult hours & days are gone.

Edited December 11, 2012 by Sharky