How do you deal with feelings of jealousy

[Star_]

...

Edited March 25, 2013 by Star_

[MsMagnolia]

If it is jealousy about my spouse I remember that I trusted him enough to make a covenant to be with him for eternity. If it is toward someone else I read Ezra Taft Benson's talk on pride. Jealousy is just part of the enmity he talks about in his talk.

Beware of Pride - general-conference

Prayer helps alot.

Just my thoughts,

Mags

[Guest]

Count my blessings.

[bluedreams]

I prefer the word envy....I know they're synonyms, but for some reason that's the word I see when I'm wanting something that another has.

I don't know what your jealousy entails....mine currently entails marriage/engagements/children. Any of those will do. It's kinda new for me, i've never wanted them as badly as I do now. And I feel like I'm surrounded by it some days. I don't think I've completely overcome it. I still want kids badly. I would still prefer a steady relationships/permanent roommate . But I just remember that this is my path and I'm happy with it. I've had my challenges and blessings that I'm grateful for and that makes my life mine. They've made me a better person and there's no other way I could have gone about it. I've followed the Spirit and this feels right even when it's hard. I'm reminded that my path is mine and I cannot compare. What's right for another is good for them. Plus it comes with their own sets of challenges that I don't want right now. And their lives aren't inseparable from their challenges.

They have blessings that I don't have this moment. They have challenges that I don't have in this moment. Theirs are theirs to help them to grow and become the person God wants them to be and fulfill their plan. Mine are mine to fulfill my own call on this earth. So when I envy I remember that in all reality I do not want another person's life. I want my own in its fullest. And if I can feel the spirit and am following the Lord then it is a fulfilling path indeed.

With luv,

Bd

[Star_]

Hm, well this thread really took off, lol. Thanks for the few replies though. I need to try to stop comparing and be grateful for what I have or had.

[dahlia]

Remember, you usually only see part of what's going on in that person's life. I try to think that there may be all kinds of bad news floating beneath the surface, which helps me not to be jealous. I've also lived long enough to have been jealous of people who, over time, just imploded. I was glad not to have their life, though at one time I thought I did.

[Guest]

I don't subscribe to the "they look happy but I bet there's some ugly stuff in their lives so I shouldn't be jealous". I don't think that's a healthy outlook in life - to imagine bad things about other people to make yourself feel better.

The healthier way to deal with envy is to learn to love (well, there's a reason that's a major commandment). Loving your neighbor is to be happy for their successes in life regardless of your predicament. Loving your neighbor is being a cheerleader for their journey to success. And if you desire success, then you make a plan to work towards that success. If you make it there, good. If you don't make it there, then it might be time to revise the plan or revise your measure for success. In any case, you are actively cheering on other people's success while at the same time working towards a goal. This leaves you no room for envy.

[Bini]

Anatess, you should write a book :)

I really do agree with both Dahlia and Anatess but I'll word it a bit differently. Basically, whenever I feel envious of another, I remind myself that everyone has problems and no one is perfect, so I should cut myself a break and stop comparing my life to theirs.

[Anddenex]

How do you (or someone you know) better deal, cope with, overcome jealousy?

The two main anti-thesis to jealousy/envy are gratitude and charity. Although at times difficult, very rewarding when I finally overcome my jealousy/envy with gratitude and charity.

[Guest DeborahC]

I guess I'm weird, but I am not a jealous person.

In fact, I probably would have been a great candidate for plural marriage...

Most people are jealous because they are insecure with their own position.

In that case, I think I'd do work more to secure that position?

[M_T_E]

A little bit of jealously shows that you care, but I always think of jealousy more like a weed in a garden of roses.

You let it fester and grow, it will consume you and eventually kill everything in the beautiful garden. If you quickly pull it at the roots though things will be fine.

[dahlia]

I don't subscribe to the "they look happy but I bet there's some ugly stuff in their lives so I shouldn't be jealous".

I don't think I'm thinking that there must be bad stuff under the surface. I'm just saying that there's all kinds of things we don't see and I may be better off with my problems than theirs. I don't think that's wishing bad things to happen to people.

[Guest]

I don't think I'm thinking that there must be bad stuff under the surface. I'm just saying that there's all kinds of things we don't see and I may be better off with my problems than theirs. I don't think that's wishing bad things to happen to people.

Okay, it's not wishing bad things to people. True. But, it's saying that if there weren't any bad stuff under the surface then you would be jealous. You really didn't deal with the jealousy properly.

Rejoice in your neighbor's successes! Don't feel better because they have bigger problems. Be saddended by their problems. That is love. That is charity. That is compassion. That is what you need instead of jealousy.

[BadWolf]

Depends on what kind of jealousy is in play!

Jealousy out of fear? (Afraid of losing what you have)

Jealousy out of desire? (Wanting what someone else has)

Jealousy out of resentment? (Needs not being met)

Jealousy out of insecurity? (Feels as if you don't deserve what you have)

Jealousy out of anger? (Believing someone else doesn't deserve it)

Jealousy out of ignorance? (Not knowing what a thing entails)

Jealousy out of grief? (Having lost)

Jealousy out of despair? (Irrevocable loss)

Each of these has different strategies for coping. Some simple, some not so simple.

[Star_]

Depends on what kind of jealousy is in play!

Jealousy out of fear? (Afraid of losing what you have)

Jealousy out of desire? (Wanting what someone else has)

Jealousy out of resentment? (Needs not being met)

Jealousy out of insecurity? (Feels as if you don't deserve what you have)

Jealousy out of anger? (Believing someone else doesn't deserve it)

Jealousy out of ignorance? (Not knowing what a thing entails)

Jealousy out of grief? (Having lost)

Jealousy out of despair? (Irrevocable loss)

Each of these has different strategies for coping. Some simple, some not so simple.

Very true