After Tragedies, A Time To Heal

[StrawberryFields]

After tragedies, a time to heal

Many Utahns numb, bewildered by recent spate of deaths and killings

By Dennis Romboy

Deseret Morning News

Like James Taylor in song, Utahns have seen fire and rain.

Keith Johnson, Deseret Morning NewsVickie Walker, center, her niece Cassi Rasmussen, left, and sister-in-law Saundra Gall hug beside the casket of Vickie's husband, Jeffrey, Saturday. In the course of seven days, three tragedies — one in Utah County, two in Salt Lake County — claimed 12 lives, injured six and left countless others emotionally deflated and grasping for answers.

"It just seems like there's a black cloud over our valley for some reason lately," said Justin Bell, a friend to the Williams family.

Bodies and spirits are aching. People are asking Jesus to look down upon them and see them through another day. Sweet dreams are in pieces on the ground.

Deseret Morning News graphic Pamela Atkinson, a special adviser to Gov. Jon Huntsman Jr. and a longtime advocate for needy people, said she senses the community is feeling fragile.

"I think it's making people feel a little unsafe in terms of you never know what's going to happen. Each day is a little more treacherous," she said.

Greg Roper had that feeling Friday while eating lunch at the ZCMI Center food court. He told his father he felt a "twinge of insecurity" in light of what happened at Trolley Square.

Roper is still grieving the loss of his wife April Roper, 24, who died when their Saratoga Springs home exploded Feb. 6. Questar employee Larry Radford, 48, also died.

It was the first of three incidents involving multiple fatalities that shook Utahns in a week.

Stuart Johnson, Deseret Morning NewsCrews work at the scene of a natural gas explosion that killed April Roper and Larry Radford on Feb. 6. On Feb. 9, Michelle Williams, 41, who was six months pregnant; son Ben, 11, and daughter Anna, 9, died when an allegedly drunken teenager smashed his Jeep Cherokee into their Volkswagen Jetta. Chris Williams, 42, and another son Sam, 6, were injured.

Then, this past Monday, Sulejman Talovic fatally gunned down Teresa Ellis, 29; Brad Frantz, 24; Kirsten Hinckley, 15; Vanessa Quinn, 29, and Jeffrey Walker, 52, in a shooting rampage at Trolley Square. He seriously wounded four others — Stacy Hanson, Shawn Munns, Carolyn Tuft and AJ Walker. Police shot and killed the 18-year-old Talovic.

"I think the good thing about it is the vast majority of people don't dwell on those events and they tend to separate them in their minds," said Kent McDonald, director of the Sandy Counseling Center. "Because of that, we survive the trauma. If that weren't true, we probably wouldn't" survive.

For some, though, the three horrific incidents are interwoven emotionally because they occurred in such a short period.

"I think, quite frankly, in my own mind I link those three events together," said President James Wood of the LDS Highland Park Stake, in which the Williams family lives. "To me, it's just sad that so much tragedy has to happen all together, not that if it happens apart, it's any less tragic."

John Malouf, a Valley Mental Health psychologist, said some people don't see these as single events.

"We have a tendency to say, 'What's going on here? Why is all this happening now?'"

Capricious events

Just five years ago this month, Utahns reveled in the glory of the 2002 Winter Olympic Games. People literally danced in the streets. By contrast, this weekend funeral motorcades filled the streets.

The past few weeks offer a stark contrast.

"Certainly there is a bit of a more somber mood in the neighborhoods," Wood said. "They were so numb already from the Williams affair that it's almost more than they can deal with," he said, referring to the additional trauma of the Trolley Square shooting.

Through it all, people are grasping for meaning and the safety and security for which Utah cities and towns are known.

"When capricious things happen like that, it's really frightening. We want a predictable world. When it's unpredictable, it's very unsettling for us," Malouf said.

One of the reasons this sequence of events is so disquieting, he said, is because the people who died were doing everyday things: shopping, eating out, driving, walking into a house.

The unfortunate death of an ice climber in a fall at Bridal Veil Falls about two weeks ago didn't resonate with most people in quite the same way.

"In my mind, me and my kids are never going to go ice climbing," said Bill Hulterstrom, executive director of the United Way of Utah County. "Me and my kids have driven home from an event before. Me and my kids have been to Trolley Square."

Hundreds of residents called the Valley Mental Health crisis line in the wake of last Monday's shootings.

Most wanted to remain anonymous and weren't interested in long-term counseling. They just wanted to talk to someone. Some needed help dealing with the loss of a loved one. Others were seeking advice about consoling victims and their families. Moms called saying they're scared to take their children anywhere.

Counselors expected expressions of fear, anger and blame. But the number of callers feeling guilty caught them off guard.

Mike Terry, Deseret Morning News "I was surprised that people who had nothing to do with it would feel guilt," Malouf said.

It's not unusual to find people angry, on edge or tense on the heels of terrible events.

Bell surmised the season contributes to the uneasy feelings. "It's just been a rough time of year," he said. January and February bring out the post-holiday blues, Christmas bills and dreary weather.

"When I come home from work, I just wish the leaves were on the trees and the grass was green and my yard was cleaned up and the sun was out," he said.

The Rev. Dean Jackson of Provo's Rock Canyon Assembly of God says that stress levels do go up in these times. But he sees people revisiting their relationship with God and asking questions of faith.

"Those are good things," he said. "I think sometimes we shy away from why do things like this happen."

Making a difference

Even before the string of horrific events this month, there were two other drunken driving crashes that killed multiple people in Utah.

Cheryl Ceran, 47; her 15-year-old son Ian and 7-year-old daughter Julianna died on Christmas Eve when police say a drunken driver ran a red light in Murray, slamming into their car.

Atkinson said people are shaken from those deaths. "I think it's been hard because some are counting it as four tragedies," she said.

Another wreck two days after Thanksgiving also killed three people. It occurred off the Wasatch Front and so went largely unnoticed by most people. A pickup going the wrong way on I-80 near Knolls, Tooele County, hit a car carrying four people. Vakataha Mila, 43, West Valley City, and Valentine Kioa, 50, and Sosaio Fehoko, 69, both of Salt Lake City, died.

Then there were the slayings of young girls Destiny Norton in Salt Lake City and Shelby Andrews in Syracuse, last July and August, respectively.

Recalling and connecting all those events can be overwhelming, Jackson said.

"We live in an imperfect world. There are bound to be conflicts, difficulties and tragedies that impact people's lives," he said.

Lehi resident Jennifer Whiting whose father-in-law Radford died in the Saratoga Springs house explosion said she thinks human tragedies will occur more and more.

Jeffrey D. Allred, Deseret Morning News "The times seem to be going faster, and more things are happening," she said, blaming the "decay of society" and "how people make choices."

But she said it won't change how she lives her life. She has no concerns about going out with her four children under age 10.

"If it's going to happen, it's going to happen," Whiting said. "You just live your life the best you can every minute of the day and hope it's enough."

Atkinson agrees. "I think quite honestly we're coming to the conclusion that we really can't stop these tragedies from happening, but we can try to make the world a better place," she said.

People can reach out and make a difference in the lives of others to honor the memory of those who died.

"If we do something, we can say, 'This is for you Williams family. This is for you, Hinckley family.'"

http://www.deseretnews.com/dn/view/0,1249,660196687,00.html

[StrawberryFields]

Today in Sacrament Meeting there was a great talk about the tragedy concerning the Williams family above.

Apparently Bishop Williams when a teenager accidentally hit a child who ran out from behind a car and he killed him. I wanted to share his story of forgiveness with you but I do not take that paper and can not access the article.

Forgiveness is the only option

Before the dust settled from the wreck that took the lives of his pregnant wife and two of his children Feb. 9, Chris Williams knew that the first thing he had to do was forgive the driver who had crashed his vehicle into the Williams family's sedan.

http://www.desnews.com/cn/art/1,1600,,00.html

I remember hearing this story when it happened and a teen drunk driver killed his wife and two children. Bishop Williams come to his ward the Sunday following this accident and told his ward members to forgive this teenage driver. Now hearing the news that this Bishop also rec'd such forgiveness in his youth brings this story full circle. What a great example of love.

[StrawberryFields]

Father's forgiveness a returned gesture

Chris Williams also was in a tragic wreck as a teen; asks the public for a special favor by V-Day

To those who wonder how Chris Williams was so quick to forgive the teenager who crashed into his car Friday, killing his wife and two children, consider this:

When Williams was 16, he accidentally struck and killed a 4-year-old boy in the Avenues.

On July 18, 1981, when he was going to his job as an orderly at LDS Hospital, two young boys ran from between parked cars and onto 8th Avenue, according to Tribune files.

Williams' car struck both boys, who were brothers.

James B. Forster, 4, of Salt Lake City, died three days later at Primary Children's Medical Center. His 3-year-old brother survived. Police said Williams was traveling about 20 mph.

"He had absolutely no chance to react," said Williams' father, Paul Williams, in an interview on Monday.

As a result of that accident, said Paul Winterton, a longtime friend, Williams "knows exactly what this young man [in Friday's accident] is going through."

Following the 1981 accident, "People showered [Williams] with forgiveness and kindness," said Winterton.

On Monday, Williams held a news conference to talk about Friday's crash, which claimed the lives of wife Michelle Williams, 41, who was pregnant, son Ben, 11, and daughter Anna, 9. Another son, 6-year-old Sam, remained at Primary Children's Medical Center in what Williams said was stable condition.

"This is truly a bitter cup my family was asked to partake in," Williams said outside a Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints stake center in his Highland Park neighborhood. "I know that it will all be all right one day."

The driver of the car that hit the Williams' vehicle, a 17-year-old Skyline High School student, is in a juvenile detention facility. Police say he may have been driving under the influence of alcohol.

The accident happened at about 9:45 p.m. Friday beneath Interstate 80 on 2000 East. A southbound Jeep Cherokee struck the Williams family's northbound sedan.

The ordeal began after the Williams family picked up Sam, he said. The family was taking the boy to get something to eat.

Williams declined to answer questions about the moments before the crash or the collision itself, saying he had not yet spoken to police.

Williams, who suffered a broken rib, said he was wearing a seat belt, but he does not know who else in his car was wearing a seat belt.

"I have yet to see a police report even as to what happened," Williams said.

As firefighters were extricating Williams from the car and placing him on a backboard, he said he knew his wife and two children "were gone."

"And I had a decision to make because I knew it was going to be a lot of healing that I needed in my life," Williams said. "I did not want that healing to be hampered by another step in the process, and that was getting over anger.

"And so perhaps it was the easy way out. I decided to forgive then and there.

"And interestingly enough, that's when I heard the voice of my youngest son, 6-year-old Sam, cry out from the back."

The teenage driver was at a Baskin-Robbins near Sugar House Park less than an hour before the wreck and did not appear drunk, two Skyline students said Monday.

"He seemed normal," said senior Jayme Jensen. He said the teenager pulled into the store parking lot in his Jeep Cherokee, asked about his friends' whereabouts and left.

Senior Lauren Winterton also saw the teenager at Baskin-Robbins. While they spoke only briefly, Winterton said, the teenager seemed to be acting normal.

A number of the teenager's close friends, many of whom, like him, play football, attended a "shake night" at a local man's house, as they do most Friday nights, to meet new people and drink milkshakes, Winterton said.

The students said the teenage driver did not attend the shake night with his friends, but they were unsure where he went.

Jensen said she hoped people could learn from the incident.

"I know lots of people who drink and drive, and they should consider themselves lucky," Jensen said.

Senior Derek Crane said no announcements had been made at school about the accident. In one class he shares with the teenager, students avoided talking much about the wreck, trying their best to ignore the empty seat in the class.

"Everybody's just shocked about what happened and not really believing it got this serious, and sad about what is going to happen to him next," Crane said.

The teenager's football coach, Roger DuPaix, said high school administrators asked teachers not to comment to media.

He said he had not yet met with the team.

"We're all kind of shocked by it," DuPaix said. "It's just a shame."

Williams said he was drawing strength from the example Michelle Williams set during their 18 1/2 -year marriage. Williams called her a forgiving person.

"I look at this as kind of an exam to see if I was listening," Williams said.

Williams described Ben and Anna as "sweet, wonderful souls; very outgoing, very gregarious."

The father asked the public to "extend a single act of kindness, a token of mercy or an expression of forgiveness" by Valentine's Day. He then wants the public to write down those acts and send them to him in an e-mail so he can share them with his two surviving sons.

"I can think of no greater valentine that you can present to someone or that my sons and I can present to my sweetheart than that," Williams said.

His e-mail address is [email protected].

[email protected]

"This is truly a bitter cup my family was asked to partake in. . . . I know that it will all be all right one day."

CHRIS WILLIAMS

Says he forgives the teenager who crashed into his car Friday, killing his wife and two of his children.

http://www.sltrib.com/ci_5216397

[Marsha]

All I can think of is oh my goodness. If I were in a similar situation would I be so forgiving?

Marsha

[Fiannan]

Yes, we need to forgive...but we also need to punish those who drink and drive very harshly. How many drunk drivers kill people on the roads of Saudi Arabia? Something to consider.

As for the murderer on at Trolley Square he got the punishment he deserved.

[Jia]

I know this thread was months ago, but I'd like to throw my two cents in. Brad Frantz, one of the Trolley Square victims was my cousin. I was of course furious when I found out about what happened, but then I also heard that local Utahns have been giving the family of the killer money to help them out. I was so touched by that. It makes me happy to know that because one person did a horrible thing, it's not being taken out on others. The killer will be judged in his own time, and I'm so grateful for the support that everyone has been giving my family, and the families of the killer and the other victims.

[rosie321]

Forgiveness is something all should do but enabling sin to continue and grow is something we should not.

For us here on earth wisdom and help is needed to know which is which. The best source for it is spirit led.

[Guest artist]

that's sad and all. move to los angeles, vegas, philly, or camden,

utah aint nothin man. murder every night man, for real.its sad but it's commonplace unfortunatley.

[Marsha]

I know this thread was months ago, but I'd like to throw my two cents in. Brad Frantz, one of the Trolley Square victims was my cousin. I was of course furious when I found out about what happened, but then I also heard that local Utahns have been giving the family of the killer money to help them out. I was so touched by that. It makes me happy to know that because one person did a horrible thing, it's not being taken out on others. The killer will be judged in his own time, and I'm so grateful for the support that everyone has been giving my family, and the families of the killer and the other victims.

Jia,

I am sorry to hear of your loss. You are absoultly correct to say that the killer will be judged in his own time. He will sit before a judge and jury here but nothing like when he meets up with Heavenly Father again.

Marsha

that's sad and all. move to los angeles, vegas, philly, or camden,

utah aint nothin man. murder every night man, for real.its sad but it's commonplace unfortunatley.

And tell me that you don't think that the other cities don't have any crime or murders? What shell are you living under? You mentioned some of the worst cities.

[shanstress70]

<div class='quotemain'>

that's sad and all. move to los angeles, vegas, philly, or camden,

utah aint nothin man. murder every night man, for real.its sad but it's commonplace unfortunatley.

And tell me that you don't think that the other cities don't have any crime or murders? What shell are you living under? You mentioned some of the worst cities.

I think this person is saying that it's sad, but nothing unusual in the other big cities where this thing happens all the time... not that she's saying those big cities have no crime.

[StrawberryFields]

<div class='quotemain'>

<div class='quotemain'>

that's sad and all. move to los angeles, vegas, philly, or camden,

utah aint nothin man. murder every night man, for real.its sad but it's commonplace unfortunatley.

And tell me that you don't think that the other cities don't have any crime or murders? What shell are you living under? You mentioned some of the worst cities.

I think this person is saying that it's sad, but nothing unusual in the other big cities where this thing happens all the time... not that she's saying those big cities have no crime.

Shan, are you saying that someone comes into shopping malls heavily armed and begins shooting random people all the time? I wonder why this time it made National news?

[rosie321]

Murders happen everyday in many areas and they're all devasting. Despite the hoopla surrounding them. There are areas you can't walk in during daylight hours and some people can't go out of their house without worrying about getting attacked or killed.

are you saying that someone comes into shopping malls heavily armed and begins shooting random people all the time? I wonder why this time it made National news?

It amazes me which stories make National News and which don't also. It surprised me for example the Peterson trial where he killed his wife and unborn baby. Why did that make the National news? He became one of the nations poster children for murdering husband/ baby killer. Out of all the incidents that happen nationwide how did he get so lucky?

We've had some pretty bad crimes where I live but they're never nationalized. Most people take them for granted and some don't know about them because they only tell a brief blurb that there was a murder over on the East or West side. People have gotton to tune those blurbs as much as possible. The number of homicides are given as little possible All the shootings, stabbings, drunken drivers, etc. which injure people but don't kill them are never reported despite the great devestation to families. Yet all create the same heartache for families as the ones that make local or national news.

Many times its the families who push the issue that get it into the news or someone wanting to make a public statement around here. Those who die in certain areas get more attention. The mall incident probably got peoples attention and seemed like a news grabber. Here you have innocent people spending the day at the mall and some got killed others injured. The innocent people that get shot coming out of church or getting on the bus for school and work, having their home invaded is just one person or family. Its easier to ignore and not quite the headline grabber.

In some ways its probably good that we don't hear about the crimes all the time. It would be too depressing But maybe people would care more about the problems and want to do something about it if they really knew what was going on. Maybe come up with more prevention then waiting until someone feels they have to pull out their gun to get help or to be heard. One could only hope

If we added up the national murder average or wounded wonder how it would compare with the statistics from Iraq

[shanstress70]

<div class='quotemain'>

<div class='quotemain'>

<div class='quotemain'>

that's sad and all. move to los angeles, vegas, philly, or camden,

utah aint nothin man. murder every night man, for real.its sad but it's commonplace unfortunatley.

And tell me that you don't think that the other cities don't have any crime or murders? What shell are you living under? You mentioned some of the worst cities.

I think this person is saying that it's sad, but nothing unusual in the other big cities where this thing happens all the time... not that she's saying those big cities have no crime.

Shan, are you saying that someone comes into shopping malls heavily armed and begins shooting random people all the time? I wonder why this time it made National news?

No, no... I was simply telling Marsha what I think Artist was saying. Marsha thought she/he was saying that none of the big cities have crime, when Artist was actually saying the opposite... I think.

I wasn't sharing my own opinion, but rather trying to clear up a misunderstanding between two other posters.

And now, to share my opinion... no, I don't think this is a usual occurence... at least I hope not! I think this case was definitely deserving of being national news.

[StrawberryFields]

Oh ok, thanks for clearing that up Shan Darling