Double Standards Part 2

[knightsilver]

The wife refuse to, do her part, to take care of her self physically or help our relationship work, I feel, and I cant keep pulling 110% . She is physically disabled. There is more she can do, thats she is physically able to do, but wont. Im pretty much do 99% of her Care giving. When, I should only be doing 10%

She has been emotionally and physically distant from me, for many years. And yes, I do use "I" and "I feel" when asking her for my needs being met. And her reasoning for not being emotionally and physically towards me is, "Becuae, I fuss" bout her not being, emotionally and physically. After a few years, and now Im starting to hold my cool. But didnt start out loosing my cool.

But now, Im fighting depression, and have been working with a therapist. She says, Im holding my own just fine, and that I just need to make a decision on staying with the wife, and accept that Im not going to get my needs met from wife or get a divorce.

Im now to the point of not wanting to handle the emotional side of taking care of her physical(thats not the sexual stuff) needs, ontop of her having an attitude problem. My bishop isnt much help, just tells me to deal with it, that she needs me.

I have needs too, that havent been met for more tha a few years, I just cant give and give and give like I have been, something needs to give and it isnt going to be me. Ive workied hard all this life emotionally, physically, kept a job, been true to the gospel to fail or giveup now. Ive gotten to the point, "This is about me, control myself, and starting to put me first" but like a good boy, I do what Im told.

We've already been seperated twice, and I cant mess up again and I wont, but its to the point I want to loose control, and finding someone that will listen and give me what I havent had for a long time. Its needs to be 110/110%, not 150%/10%.

The only thing thats kept me from messing up, is my own Eternal Glory, and that my current wife isnt even worth me screwing that up........

[skippy740]

My bishop isnt much help, just tells me to deal with it, that she needs me.

Bishops are not marriage counselors, but should be recommending counseling when and where necessary. Looks like this is one of those times. If not for both of you, then just go yourself.

Marriage is a two-way commitment... and you are both 100% responsible for 50% of the relationship. Based on your post alone, she is not holding up to her end of the relationship.

Her needs are not the reason a marriage exists and should be maintained. It is MUTUAL needs that are met by each other in a complimentary way. If it's all exclusively one sided (and various times, it could be one-sided for a period, that's normal), then something is wrong.

It could also be an abusive situation and you might not even know it. Abuse can take many forms, and physical isn't the only one. You may want to take a look at this thread and see if it may relate to your situation?

http://www.lds.net/forums/book-club/50563-emotionally-abusive-relationship-beverly-engel.html

We've already been seperated twice, and I cant mess up again and I wont, but its to the point I want to loose control, and finding someone that will listen and give me what I havent had for a long time. Its needs to be 110/110%, not 150%/10%.

Wrong equation. It's 100% effort from both spouses into a 50%/50% shared responsibility marriage covenant.

I don't know what you mean by loose control. But if you are thinking of violating your covenants with someone else, that would not be good. You should make a decision about your marriage first and, if you choose divorce, you should wait until the divorce if finalized before seeking out someone new.

The only thing thats kept me from messing up, is my own Eternal Glory, and that my current wife isnt even worth me screwing that up........

You don't understand the scriptures and the promises made in the temple.

You are given the PROMISE of a sealing with your spouse, as long as you both honor your covenants between yourselves and with the Lord. Just because you were married in the temple is NOT a guarantee of exaltation. It is just a promise, if you both are faithful to each other and the Lord.

If she is purposefully manipulating you into a bondage situation (which is the true meaning of bondage - servitude for another with no rewards for your service), then this is not a marriage worthy of Exaltation or of Celestial Glory.

What do you think the Lord say about your marriage?

[knightsilver]

I just cant do 150/10% anymore. Im tired and cant even sleep good, and havent slept more than 3-4 hours in close to three years now.....And Im just to "Deal with it" Id just about do anything to get 8-9 hours of good sleep, and be happy with just being held and respected....

Edited March 24, 2013 by knightsilver

[mnn727]

Based solely on what you have posted on this thread and not knowing anything else about either of you or your relationship, I'd say its probably time to see a divorce lawyer.

[ADoyle90815]

Women can be abusive to their husbands or boyfriends, it's not just a male thing. It might be good to get marital counseling, or just go by yourself if she refuses, as you can see a counselor through the LDS church. If for some reason the bishop won't refer you, go to his superior. It's like anything else, sometimes you have to go up the chain of command.

[talisyn]

I would love to hear your wife's side of this story