Problems with YW behaviour

[Wordnerd]

I teach the combined Mia Maids and Laurels class and I am looking for suggestions on how to deal with their behaviour. Between the two classes there are only 7 girls, and we desperately need all, or at least most of them to participate so that we can have good discussions in class, we have two Laurels who frequently skip class, they roam the hallways and hide in other parts of the building, or outside. We do go looking for them, sometimes we can find them and bring them back, somedays, like today, they actually ran away when spotted. We didn't give chase. The rest of the girls, when they come to church (a few of them seem to be veering towards inactivity) tend to be disruptive and giggly and frankly very disrespectful of the time I put in preparing a lesson for them.

They also frequently (all of them but two girls) don't attend Mutual. We have had the Mutual activities planned and chosen by the class presidencies, however the class presidency members don't attend, and often don't do things they have volunteered to do, leaving the adult leaders scrambling to get it together at last minute, so that we can at least offer an activity for the girls who do come. The excuse is always too much homework, I don't buy it, they all seem to keep up on the latest TV shows and go to parties and shopping with friends, so I think time management is the issue, yes, we have done a class on time management within the past year. We do remind them frequently to do things they have volunteered to do, and they always say they are working on it, or will do it, until they just don't show up, or we get a Saturday evening text saying "I didn't get the invites done for Sunday, and I'm going to the dance tonight so I don't have time" she had two weeks!

We have spoken to the girls as a group about skipping (it used to be more of them doing it) and coming to activities so that the activities can actually run, and fulfilling things they volunteer to do. We have had the Bishophric speak to them and we have also communicated with the parents of the class skipping girls. This week I prepared a special lesson (with the Bishop's approval) about service, fulfilling our callings and sustaining leadership. Since our two skippers were missing, and three other girls didn't come, we had two girls. I didn't give the lesson, we sat in with the Beehives.

We have been trying to encourage the girls to live up to their responsibilities, without coming down to hard on them, so that we don't discourage them from coming to church. Several are in very snarky, moody teenage phases, and several others have families that are struggling a great deal, or inactive, so we want church and Muual to be a rewarding, safe place to be. So where do we go next? I'm inclined to think we should ask the Bishop to talk directly to the parents of the skippers (parents are active so not too delicate a situation). If I were the YW president I think I would ask the Bishop for support to cancel several activities (especially the fun ones) when the presidencies are not fulfilling their obligations, so that they learn that there are consequences that affect others when leaders don't do their jobs. We have already done a training session with the class presidencies (those few who showed up) on their responsibilities and delegation and leadership skills. It is reaching the point where we don't have enough participation to run a program, anyone have any suggestions, as leaders we are becoming very frustrated and burned out with this situation.

[beefche]

In my opinion, their parents need to get involved--heavily. The skippers? I wouldn't even go looking for them. Once class started and they weren't there, one of the YW presidency should go to the parents of the girls and let them know their child is not in class and they have no idea where they are.

And at this point, I think I would focus on the girls who do participate/are active. Your beehives need to be focused on NOW so that they won't follow those girls' example.

I know we are taught to go after the 1 but sometimes the 99 need more attention so they don't become the 1. Let the parents deal with their daughters, you focus on the ones you can influence.

[Guest]

beefche said what I was going to. Consistently make it the parents' problem (which it is) and I bet things change in a hurry.

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

I think trying to change their behavior in class or at activities is just like turning off the fire alarm without actually looking for the fire.

A woman I know almost died that way. She didn't see fire or smoke. So she tried to turn off the alarm. Turns out the fire was in the attic and if a neighbor had not come over and warned them that their was massive smoke arising from the ceiling, they could have died. The firemen told her that is a common cause of death because the ceiling collapses on people before they are even aware there was a problem.

With the young women skipping class and causing other problems, those are signs that at the very least they are struggling with testimony. Letting the parents know there is an issue may or may not help. They could be good parents that are struggling with their daughters, or they could be part of the problem, we don't know.

My suggestion is to try and get to know the girls individually. Try to develop a relationship with them...they may or may not respond to that, but if there is going to be any real hope of helping them it will be one on one getting to know them individually. Finding out what is the problem...are they bored, is it peer pressure, are they struggling with the testimony, feeling unworthy, rebelling....maybe going to class is painful for them for some reason (I don't go to Relief Society because it is painful for me...but I'm the librarian, so people don't realize I'm skipping class. My Bishop knows. :))

That's my 5 cents (inflation) :)

[MarginOfError]

A couple more things:

1. If the girls are are the leaders aren't showing up, why are they the leaders. have them released and call the girls that show up.

2. Clearly, you have a few girls who are not interested in mutual activities. Stop trying. Work with them and their parents to find some other activity that they _are_ interested in. It could be a community sports league, a venture crew, or whatever. Get them doing something that they can be passionate about and encourage them to incorporate their personal progress into that activity.

[dahlia]

We do remind them frequently to do things they have volunteered to do, and they always say they are working on it, or will do it, until they just don't show up, or we get a Saturday evening text saying "I didn't get the invites done for Sunday, and I'm going to the dance tonight so I don't have time" she had two weeks!

Just a note to parents - if your kids behave like this now, they will do the same thing in college. I can't tell you how familiar this behavior sounds for undergrads. It's like school is getting in the way of their 'real' life of partying, even working. And the lame excuses! Then the little darlings wonder why they fail or get a 'D' and then have the nerve to write comments on 'rate my professor' about what an evil .itch the professor is.

Doesn't their word mean anything? How can they be trusted to keep their covenants if they can't even make invitations like they said they would?

Everyday I'm glad I only teach grad students.

[kapikui]

We actually just discussed this type of problem in Cub Roundtable just this last week. The solution discussed was to reward the good behaving cubs in front of the bad behaving cubs. You will need to know just how to reward them. Full sized candy bars might do the trick. The girls are clearly going for attention and the thing to do is not give it to them and the behavior will alter. When you can get them in class, make a point of rewarding the "good" girls and the "bad" girls will see it. When the "bad" girls behave properly, they must be rewarded too. I have found that sometimes there will be a kid who doesn't care about receiving awards, or seems to not care. Those you need to find something to reward them for when they continually earn none. Reward them for breathing right if you must. Build a relationship of trust through this action and you could be surprised.

People are motivated by food or similar, praise from superiors such as parents and teachers, and praise from peers like friends and coworkers. These girls are at the age when self image and peer pressure means a LOT. Cancelling an activity and not telling them the full reason why could be part of what is going on too. If all the girls know who's fault it is that the activity sucked or was cancelled, magic might start to happen. Let the punishment come from their peers rather than superiors since attention from leadership is not changing things.

Something else to consider is that some parents have learned to use deprival of church activities as a punishment. My mother did so to me. I missed many weekly activities but I was there on Sundays in class. Food for thought there. It could explain some of what is happening.

I seriously suggest a lot of prayer and contemplation over the situation. Perhaps some visits to each girl's home could enlighten the YW presidency and other leadership into what is going on with each girl and how to reach her. Good luck with that.