I clashed with my girlfriend's adult daughter, not sure what to do now.

[applepansy]

I agree with just about everyone's advice and I don't see harsh remarks.

I would like to say that since she's 23 and not 13 their should be no tolerance for her behavior towards her mother or towards you. A adult NEVER gets physical with someone just because they are angry. Good Grief! I applaud you for calmly bringing her bad behavior to her attention. After that, its up to her mother to back you up.

I would accept her apology but since your girlfriend doesn't care if you go to the dinner then its really up to you. You can accept the apology and not accept the dinner. The two don't have to go hand in hand. Just be clear about your expectation for future interaction.

[Windseeker]

I agree with applepansy, if you have delt with this for a while then you have showed allot of patience and restraint. You have showed her that care for her mom and perhaps that is why she has softened some.

Just remember what D&C says ..to reprove with sharpness but afterward show love less you be esteemed for an enemy (totally paraphrasing here). Can't show love if your boycotting. You have a chance for a win,win here, I'd go for it and attend.

Best of Luck.

[Vort]

https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS0Gf0tjYFZ35KEzF-r0tpnZVRpDx36JOcxNfCY4oZ8t7JbQKIw

[Guest]

Thank you all for your answers. I know i may seem like an immature adult full of pride, who cant accept an apology. But you dont know the whole story.

Our responses were simply on what you told us in your OP. Of course there's more to the story. But we can't respond to stuff we don't know about.

And i wont bother you with it either. Im a little surprised you all condemn me so hard,

We did? Wait, did you just expect us to pat you in the back and say, "There, there now... everything is gonna be okay..." If that's what you wanted, you should have just told us so we won't waste our time on giving you advice. Telling you to be mature about things is not condemning you!

But your reaction to this thread is very, very telling on your level of sensitivity which can be tied to your level of maturity...

But hey, what do I know. I'm just some random dudette on the internet.

wouldnt you have eventually stood up and defended your partner if her kids were being very disrespectful and ungrateful towards their mother/father? You know - honor thy mother and father... that thing?

Uhm... didn't all of us just say that? I mean - I even had a mock-up conversation thing going on there about the high-ground way of defending your girlfriend.

have you never ever told any kids they shouldnt do this and that, even if they were not your own? If you see unknown kids stealing apples from your neighbour?

Sure. If they were kids. Not 23! Usually, you see a 23-year-old stealing apples you call the cops.

The kid did not turn 23 and just all of a sudden decided to disrespect the mother and be physically abusive. Your GF had a hand in her upbringing and has been doing this dance with her for 23 years. Your role then is to teach your GF on how to stand up to the daughter instead of you teach the daughter how to behave.

Anatess - the situation you described with adult 1 and 2 was pretty much how it all started, except for the ketchup part, i told her she should be more respectful to her mothr who has always been there for her. And when she exploded even worse

and tried to attack me physically and her mother had to hold her from doing so - then i left. Would you really go to a dinner with someone who had tried to attack you and screamed at you when all you did was defending someone who were being innocently accused and yelled at?

For me? Nope. You won't be able to put me within 500 feet of her. I just might rip her hair off her head.

But for the love of my life? Yep. I will crawl through beds of fiery coal while doused in kerosene if it's the only way to give my husband peace. And yes, I mean that literally.

Anyway - the girls mother, my gf, is totally ok with me not going to the dinner. It can be just a mother-father and daughter-thing, not moms new boyfriend as a fifth wheel...

My gf is taking all this surprisingly well, is sweet to me in spite of this, and supports me and thinks it was good i stood up to her daughter, she says she is also dissapointed and shocked and she promises she will have a serious talk with the girl. Her behaviour is unacceptable, and everyone always has to tread carefully around her not to make her irritated and angry, afraid to upset her, bother her, disturb her, etc. But the girl her self can just barge in, speak loudly and laugh in phone even if other are sleeping, etc.

Here's more advice for you. You can't change other ADULTS. You can only change how you react to them... which could possibly influence how they act towards you. So, as has been said before - you have two paths here - make a bad situation worse, or make things better. It's up to you. Because, for sure, you can't make them do anything.

[Guest]

A adult NEVER gets physical with someone just because they are angry. Good Grief!

Sure, a normal "civilized" adult. There are some of us, me included, who is not as normal.

And there's the family dynamics that likes to resolve differences through fisticuffs. They're common enough.

And there's the Sopranos or the Chicagoans who resolve differences by just blowing heads off.... yikes.

[Guest]

Yeah as long as you're not blowing someone's head off, it's all good. Normal.

[RipplecutBuddha]

Let's hear what Christ has said about this;

D&C 64:8-11

8 My disciples, in days of old, sought occasion against one another and forgave not one another in their hearts; and for this evil they were afflicted and sorely chastened.

9 Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin.

10 I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.

11 And ye ought to say in your hearts—let God judge between me and thee, and reward thee according to thy deeds.

Now, realize what is going on at the spiritual level. Forget the social aspects of what is going on for now.

a 23 year old adult has offended you and attempted an assault upon you. You stood your ground and kept your calm. You addressed the problem directly without insulting words.

The 23 year old adult saw the error of their ways and apologized. Even if this is but temporary, it is enough.

Even the apostles that saw Christ's face and heard his voice struggled with this matter of forgivness. At the same time, Christ is unequivocal in the matter. We are required to forgive all men.

Nobody can enter the presence of Heavenly Father or Jesus Christ with hatred and resentment in their hearts. Not only will it crush your spiritual sensetivity, it will be a major obstacle between you and your GF.

It's time to strive for humility and try to sincerely forgive the woman. None of us here, let alone Christ himself, wants to see you stand condemned before the Lord. It's time to work on letting it go, brother.

[Ulder]

...

Edited June 4, 2013 by Ulder

[applepansy]

Ok, i just wanted to give you all an update. I didnt go to the dinner, and my gf was totally fine with that, she supported me and has repeatedly said it was good i stood up against her daughter.

They had a nice dinner just mother, father and daughters, all were in good mood.

My gf:s daughter tried to joke about what happened and make it sound as just a minor silly thing but her sister told her to not joke about it but to take it seriously.

Even though many of you thought i should go i still feel i did the right thing and that it was good i showed in action and not only words how i felt, it appears the message has gone through to her, hopefully this will be a lesson she will learn from. Im sure we will patch things up eventually.

Sometimes its appropriate to back up our words with actions. If you've been dealing with this bad behavior before then I totally agree with not going. I'm also glad her sister called her out on make a joke of the incident. Its not a laughing matter.

It sounds like the family has enabled her behavior for a long time. Hopefully she can use this as a starting point to truly become an adult.

[Ulder]

...

Edited June 4, 2013 by Ulder

[Guest Danar2amir]

Anyways the other day i couldnt stand it anymore and defended her mother when she unjustly yelled at her for messing up her stuff and other things.