pushka Posted March 30, 2007 Report Share Posted March 30, 2007 Church Bulletins: These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The Fasting & Prayer Conference will include meals. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: "Break Forth Into Joy." --------------------------------------------------------------------- Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. --------------------------------------------------------------------- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. ------- -------------------------------------------------------------- At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. --------------------------------------------------------------------- The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. ------------------------------------------------- -------------------- Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. --------------------------------------------------------------------- The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. --------------------------------------------------------------------- Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. -------------------------------------------- -------------------------- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. --------------------------------------------------------------------- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours" ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StrawberryFields Posted March 30, 2007 Report Share Posted March 30, 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maureen Posted March 30, 2007 Report Share Posted March 30, 2007 Those are all wonderful and some I do believe I've seen before, but I must say this is my favorite: The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours" M. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theManager Posted March 31, 2007 Report Share Posted March 31, 2007 This is great, where did this come from? They all seem believable, I love it.Check out my website ldsvilla.com Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr T Posted March 31, 2007 Report Share Posted March 31, 2007 Those are great! Somone e-mailed them to me too. It's interesting how things pop up in different parts of the world. The internet is amazing. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pushka Posted April 2, 2007 Author Report Share Posted April 2, 2007 This is great, where did this come from? They all seem believable, I love it.Check out my website ldsvilla.comI had them emailed to me, same as Dr. T.Maureen, the one you quoted is a personal favourite of mine too! LOL.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OIC Posted April 12, 2007 Report Share Posted April 12, 2007 Church Bulletins: These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: <snip>OH My!! You know I've seen these published for years now but this is the first time I've seen it since I was called to do our ward's bulletins. I'm going to have to pay much closer attention to what I'm sending to the printers now ha ha. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
begood2 Posted April 13, 2007 Report Share Posted April 13, 2007 Pushka, Thanks for sharing them! As I was reading them ...I kept sayng oh my! or oh no! and laughing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pushka Posted April 13, 2007 Author Report Share Posted April 13, 2007 Begood2, they had exactly the same effect on me...superb! LOL. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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