Table Manners

[Traveler]

In Filipino, eating everything that is in your plate is not only common courtesy, it is also not wasteful. This is something that can apply to American life. Basically, if you put it in your plate, you should eat it all. Throwing food in the garbage is just not something you should do. If you don't want to have a weight problem, don't put the food in your plate. And if you're in charge of cooking, don't cook too much. My kids will eat what I cook whether they like it or not. And they are expected to eat everything they put in their plate. If they don't like the food, they will only put a teeny bit in their plates. They will be hungry because I don't just let them have the run of the pantry. But there are times they'd rather go hungry than eat the stuff I make. Oh well.

In the Philippines, it is customary to offer food and drinks to guests. If it's a planned visit, usually the food and drink is already prepared and it's usually to the taste of the visitor. If it's an unplanned visit, the hosts will offer food and drink (even if they don't have any) and it is customary for the surprise visitors to politely decline (even if they are hungry) while thanking the hosts profusely to give the host a chance to "save face" if they have nothing to offer. If the hosts have food and drink to offer, they will "insist" on offering food/drinks after the first refusal and the visitors may accept or decline. Why all this song-and-dance? Everything is done to show respect. Respect is very important that food and drinks become like props in its expression.

Also in the Philippines, when offered already prepared food and you don't like it, take a teeny bit (a spoonful is plenty), thank the hostess profusely and eat it. If you're allergic or have dietary restrictions, thank the hostess profusely, and then apologize profusely for not being able to partake of the offer.

My nephew had Balut for the very first time yesterday. He loved it. There's a process to eating it and if you have a good coach, it really is very delicious.

The more I read your posts - the more I love you, your family and your Philippine culture. The rule I attempted to enforce with my children is that the pantry was not available to those that did not eat their meals at meal time. What ever proportion was their meal if they got anything outside of meals it was not to exceed the meal proportion. If they would not eat any of a specific meal then they were required to fast until the next meal. At the next meal they would be served again that which they would not eat from the previous meal. If they did not want to eat still then they would be required to fast until the next meal where they would now be given the regular meal with the rest of the family.

However, once they had voluntarily fasted two meals they would forever after that be required to fast with the older siblings and adults on fast Sunday. I would point out here that by the age of 8 all my children had so volunteered for fasting on Fast Sunday. What is interesting now is that none of my kids (all grown now) find fasting two meals as that much of a sacrifice for the needy.

The Traveler

[Anddenex]

Sorry but I believe you missed the irony of my thought. Not just that there was something healthy that you need before you as well as something unhealthy but that you would choose the unhealthy food and in so choosing - offer a prayer asking G-d to bless the unhealthy food. Asking G-d to make the unhealthy food, by his grace and power suitable for your nourishment for health and strength. It is such a prayer to G-d that I find gulling.

The Traveler

No, I believe I understood the intent of the post. I was enjoying a moment of a light heart with your post. I like the thought.

Although, the post creates a paradox similar to people who are inhaling toxic fumes while serving someone, the whole time praying and thinking to themselves that God will bless them and spare them from the poison of the fumes entering their lungs because they are serving him.

Edited June 24, 2013 by Anddenex

[Gwen]

In Filipino, eating everything that is in your plate is not only common courtesy, it is also not wasteful. This is something that can apply to American life. Basically, if you put it in your plate, you should eat it all. Throwing food in the garbage is just not something you should do. If you don't want to have a weight problem, don't put the food in your plate. And if you're in charge of cooking, don't cook too much. My kids will eat what I cook whether they like it or not. And they are expected to eat everything they put in their plate. If they don't like the food, they will only put a teeny bit in their plates. They will be hungry because I don't just let them have the run of the pantry. But there are times they'd rather go hungry than eat the stuff I make. Oh well.

In the Philippines, it is customary to offer food and drinks to guests. If it's a planned visit, usually the food and drink is already prepared and it's usually to the taste of the visitor. If it's an unplanned visit, the hosts will offer food and drink (even if they don't have any) and it is customary for the surprise visitors to politely decline (even if they are hungry) while thanking the hosts profusely to give the host a chance to "save face" if they have nothing to offer. If the hosts have food and drink to offer, they will "insist" on offering food/drinks after the first refusal and the visitors may accept or decline. Why all this song-and-dance? Everything is done to show respect. Respect is very important that food and drinks become like props in its expression.

Also in the Philippines, when offered already prepared food and you don't like it, take a teeny bit (a spoonful is plenty), thank the hostess profusely and eat it. If you're allergic or have dietary restrictions, thank the hostess profusely, and then apologize profusely for not being able to partake of the offer.

My nephew had Balut for the very first time yesterday. He loved it. There's a process to eating it and if you have a good coach, it really is very delicious.

I don't necessarily disagree with you. The key being what YOU put on your plate. In the south it is customary for the woman of the house to fix everyone's plate and serve them. I've seen women put HUGE helpings on ppl's plate not knowing what the person likes... and then they are expected to eat it? I see that as rude. If you fill my plate and I throw things away then it's your problem not mine. If I fill your plate then I'm not going to be upset if you throw some away. If you fill your plate then you should use discretion. lol

In my house the kids eat what I cook (but I always make sure there is at least one thing everyone can/will eat). If they fix their plate I remind them constantly that they can always have more. Usually I will fix their fist plate and keep the portions appropriate. If they don't eat the meal or eat anything healthy then there are no junk food or snacks. We do have an open policy on pb&j (if we have bread lol). If they don't want anything on the table they can make that on their own.

[Bini]

The more I think about this, things really boil down to cultural upbringing, and there's no absolute right or wrong when considering various hosting/guest dynamics. But I think most of us can agree that when a kind gesture is offered, you are always gracious and thankful for that offer, regardless if you choose to accept it or decline it.

[Guest]

I don't necessarily disagree with you. The key being what YOU put on your plate. In the south it is customary for the woman of the house to fix everyone's plate and serve them. I've seen women put HUGE helpings on ppl's plate not knowing what the person likes... and then they are expected to eat it? I see that as rude. If you fill my plate and I throw things away then it's your problem not mine. If I fill your plate then I'm not going to be upset if you throw some away. If you fill your plate then you should use discretion. lol

In my house the kids eat what I cook (but I always make sure there is at least one thing everyone can/will eat). If they fix their plate I remind them constantly that they can always have more. Usually I will fix their fist plate and keep the portions appropriate. If they don't eat the meal or eat anything healthy then there are no junk food or snacks. We do have an open policy on pb&j (if we have bread lol). If they don't want anything on the table they can make that on their own.

I know what you mean... in the Philippines, it is rare, even in restaurants, to have "individual orders". Where you order something from the menu and it comes to you in a plate with everything on it just for you. Rather, you order something from the menu, it gets put on the middle of the table and then you spoon off a portion onto your empty plate. Whatever food doesn't get eaten gets packed by the establishment for "take home".

It was such a big change for me to go to a restaurant in the US and a giant plate of food gets put infront of me because my conscience would ***** at me if I stand up without finishing the food. Bini can probably relate to this. My parents usually order one item from the menu and they would split it between them and they still couldn't finish the food. Some restaurants wouldn't let you do that, so what they do is they order one item from the menu to share and one item from the menu to pack for "take home". They even share the drink. My parents will split a 12-oz can of soda between them so they rarely, if ever, require a refill.

Even today - after 20 years of living in the US, I still get a terrible feeling when I see food just getting thrown out. Especially at Golden Corral.... I see plates full of food just left on the table. And it's a buffet!