Sister And Boyfriend Sleeping Together Under Mum' Roof

[shanstress70]

Aside from what we all think about whether it's right or wrong though, don't you all think that it's the choice of the owner of the house? If the person in question is OK with it (as obviously she is), then what right does the poster have to say anything about it?

I can think something's wrong all day, but what people do in their own home (even if it's my mother) is none of my business. I can choose to go there, or not.

[Dr T]

"Crockpot vs. microwave" I love that LT. Thank you :)

[Aphrodite]

Gosh, I hate to be so blunt, but perhaps you should distance yourself from the situation. Your family obviously doesn't have the same standards that you do and it's causing you stress. Just focus on your life and don't worry about what they do. They are all adults and have the right to make their own decisions, no matter how bad. Who are you to tell them how to live? You can't change anyone.

though frustraiting, i've been fairly well at accepting that a person can run their house the way they want

Its hard to distance yourself when you go round there to visit and have all these things staring you in the face. It is hard as they are your family and you just want whats best for them. I suppose Im being told to let them get on with it. I know thats the right thing to do its just upsetting I suppose to see your family and family home sort of defiled in my opinion.

As an aside, although some ppl might find me hypocritical-I actually dont think theres anything wrong with spending the night at a boyfriends house if you are all members and sleep on the sofa or wherever. Sometimes you have no choice like I said earlier. If some of my boyfriends didnt stay over we wouldnt have had as relationship. But my parents, well, Dad really had common sense and knew we did too so that was fine.

When I was single, me and my friends used to meet round one of our friends houses as his parents were away a lot. Once it was just me and two of my friends who were lads after everyone else had gone home. As he had a huge bed and the chances of anything happening between any of us were as remote as me flying to the moon, we all slept in the same bed together. I have done that several times when single and as a YSA but only in situations where there are no parents (i.e student house or whatever), because I wouldnt want to make them uncomfortable, its their house and all that. Plus It was never a boyfriend, just friends and I know myself. I would never ever dream of asking for me and a boyfriend as i would a)respect my parenst but B) feel like fiannan-you wouldnt be able to relax atall!!!

[the_jason]

My wife and I have gone as far as not allowing sleepovers of any gender. Our kids aren't allowed to have their friends sleep over and will not be allowed to sleep at their friends house either. Nowadays it's just too risky, no matter how well you think you know the family. It's best to avoid the situation altogether then to just hope it won't happen to your kid.

[BenRaines]

Different generations. This is the concern of the brethren in SLC. As standards in the world drop to where it is ok to have children out of wedlock, for women to be baby mommas and men to prove their virility by how many women they have been with. Then it becomes ok to have young men and women sleep in the same bed as long as nothing is going on.

When I was a young man I was on many dates where nothing was going on and then things began to develop and something could have gone on.

I see this as saying "I just want to stand over this little fire. It is only a little fire. It won't get big." Then along comes someone with different feelings and all of a sudden the flames jump up and you get burned.

Some years ago there was a self help group growning in the US where couples were invited to attend and to "find themselves" it was to be a great session on realizing your potential. What happened is they would go on late in to the night when peoples resistance was weakest. Husbands and wives were seperated in to different groups and then would end up talking about what they found difficult. Before you know it there were a number of breakups of families because somene felt "They weren't achieving their full potential".

Sorry back to my main point. The concern is as the world standard drops instead of maintaining our high standards we are just maintaining the distance that has always existed, out standards lower also. Instead of a horizontal line ours curves down as the worlds does just maintaining distance.

Ben Raines

[shanstress70]

Its hard to distance yourself when you go round there to visit and have all these things staring you in the face. It is hard as they are your family and you just want whats best for them. I suppose Im being told to let them get on with it. I know thats the right thing to do its just upsetting I suppose to see your family and family home sort of defiled in my opinion.

But you have to distance yourself, unless you want to be stressed out about it. There's nothing you can do. Do you think you can tell your mother what to do and she will actually listen, even though you don't even live in your mother's house?

You can stop letting it worry you and worry about your own life, or you can keep bugging them about it and let all of them resent you. If you don't like it, then don't go around it.

Meet your mother for dinner once a week, or go shopping with her, or go to some other neutral place. That way you can keep up a relationship with her, but not feel uncomfortable about what she allows to go on inside her house.

[JcDean78]

Letting somebody stay over from out of town is no big deal as long as you are able to maintain seperate sleeping areas.

You got to remember, if somebody is going to do something they should not be doing... its not going to be the one night they stay with you.

One of my friends has a boy friend and both live here to go to school. They each have their own appartment and see each other often. Both are good standing members of the Church.

When she goes home, people freak out if she brings her boyfriend with her to get to know the family. They make him and her jump through a million hoops that really diminishes the time they could have to spend with the family and instead are forced to play all these games.

In the end, both go to visit her family a lot less now because they do not want the hassle.

However I do agree with, "my house, my rules" and one must respect that or stay else where. They have chosen the "stay elsewhere" by not going home as much.

Now on the other extreme, I have a good friend who is a non member. Her and her boyfriend are having relations and she is open about it and thinks it is fine. Her parents however do not feel it is fine. Anyway, when she would come home she would want to bring her boyfriend with her and have them sleep in the same room. Her parents objected stating "Our house, our rules". All her parents asked for was to have the sleep in seperate rooms and to not have relations at their house.

My friends boyfriend was offended and viewed it as an attempt to tell him how to live his life. He ended up turning my friend against her parents over this which lasted a few years.

Both are very different situations, but as I said... there is nothing wrong with a person staying over of the opposite sex as long as each person has their own sleeping space and the rules are clear and understood.

[JcDean78]

Different generations. This is the concern of the brethren in SLC. As standards in the world drop to where it is ok to have children out of wedlock, for women to be baby mommas and men to prove their virility by how many women they have been with. Then it becomes ok to have young men and women sleep in the same bed as long as nothing is going on.

I agree that standards have dropped but sleeping in the same building for somebody visiting out of town vs sleeping in the same bed are huge differences.

I do think standards have slipped due to a number of reasons and that we must fight to uphold good standards and morals.

Dress standard is a big one these days, my wife faces it any time when she buys clothing and everything is so revealing and not up to standards. Or when we want to watch TV and they slip in dirty subjects or language that we do not care to hear. It is a daily assault on us for sure.

[BenRaines]

Oh man JC don't get me started on a totally different subject. Modesty not for our young women but for our married sisters in the church. Gets out soapbox. Clearing throat sound.

Ok I won't but maybe in another forum.

Ben Raines

[CrimsonKairos]

Funny you should mention that, Ben.

Before my dad's accident, he was the Stake Exec. Sec. so our Stake President visits us from time to time to see how my dad's doing. We had the President over for Easter, and during the conversation over dinner dress standards came up.

He said that just recently the Young Women's President in one of the stake's wards came to Church with a low-cut top that was way inappropriate and it was all he could do to stop from telling her to go home and change.

Ah, gotta' love the daughters of Zion (he said sarcastically).

[JcDean78]

The bad part is, either you got to shop in the grandma section or try to figure out a way to make the clothing work. My wife is layering the clothes to make them work. So if the top is revealing which is 90% of the time the problem, then she will get a shirt to go under that. Pain in the but and more expensive, but really there are no main stream clothing stores that sell modest clothing at all.

[BenRaines]

JcDean,

That is exactly what my wife has to do. She has to layer clothes with a sweater or a shirt over a tank top type things. She is one very good looking granny but she does not wear clothes that are revealing or two sizes too small.

There is a time and a place for revealing clothes.

I would post a picture of my granny wife but then you all would know that I do have a perfect life. :)

Ben Raines

[the_jason]

Does your wife know you call her granny?

[shanstress70]

JcDean,

That is exactly what my wife has to do. She has to layer clothes with a sweater or a shirt over a tank top type things. She is one very good looking granny but she does not wear clothes that are revealing or two sizes too small.

There is a time and a place for revealing clothes.

I would post a picture of my granny wife but then you all would know that I do have a perfect life. :)

Ben Raines

How sweet is that? Your wife is a very lucky lady!

[BenRaines]

TJ, would never call her granny to her face and she doesn't go online so I am safe. :)

Ben Raines

[the_jason]

Smart man.

[CrimsonKairos]

Hahahahahahah, ah Ben, classic.

[Dr T]

Ben,

I love to hear that you appreciate your wife. :)