Need Help

[Lost1]

I need some guidance and help. I'm addicted to pornography and don't seem to want to stop. If I act out I feel like crap and shameful. I have been to my bishop multiple times and I get sick of myself going to the bishop and telling him I'm doing it and tired of telling my wife about it and upsetting her. Lately all I want to do is take a bottle of pills and sometimes pray that something will happen to me so that I'll die because my wife deserves better. I have fallen into a trap and I don't think I'll ever be able to pull out. I always say this time I'll stop and not look at it but I should no better that that isn't the truth. My wife mother recently passed and I wasn't her biggest fan and now I know she's looking down on me and knows that I am true failure for her daughter. I wish I never existed

[Palerider]

If you want to quit seek professional help. My opinion

[MarginOfError]

You have bigger problems than pornography. You need to find professional help for your depression and suicidal thoughts. Doing so will likely help the pornography problem as well, but I am honestly less worried about your pornography use than the suicidal thoughts.

Please look up the number to the suicide hotline and find help.

[Just_A_Guy]

Amen to all of the above. I would just add that 1) it's not at all unusual to work with a therapist in overcoming a porn addiction, and 2) if there's an LDS addiction recovery group in your area--you should start going posthaste.

[notquiteperfect]

First, I'm sorry you're in the grips of this. Please don't do anything drastic! I haven't had this issue myself but I would tackle this from every angle I could. It wouldn't hurt to look into "Emotion Code" (started by a member) or EFT. (check youtube for free resources) Those techniques may seem different but there aren't side effects so what's the harm? You may also benefit from reading "Remembering Wholeness" by Carol Tuttle (also a member). If anything else comes to mind, I'll post again. You can do this! Just take one day/hour at a time!

[ACommonMan]

You said that you "don't seem to want to stop" and then complained that you've unsuccessfully tried to stop many times. I take from those words that the correct statement is that you "don't seem to be able to stop".

The first step in the 12 step program is to admit that you, of yourself, are powerless to overcome your addictions. (http://addictionrecovery.lds.org/bc/content/arp/content/manuals/ARPGuide_English_36764.pdf?lang=eng)

The important thing to learn in Step 1 is that you have to stop seeing this as a problem you can overcome by willpower alone. It's not about playing the role of Peter Priesthood or praying it away. It's about understanding that God still loves you and wants to offer you His Atonement. That atonement not only redeems you on Judgement Day, but it also provides strength to overcome the day to day temptations.

Lastly, don't get discouraged that such a powerful tool of Satan's caught you in its snare. If the studies are to be believed, 60% of LDS men and 20% of LDS women struggle with pornography. Get into a program. Surrender your will, and particularly your pride, to The Lord and let Him work His miracle.