I'm choosing to listen this time...

[singlemamad]

OK, here it goes!

Firstly, I need to introduce myself. My name is Denise, and this is my third go around investigating the LDS church. First time, I have AMAZING missionaries, who really were just so full of love and acceptance! I think however, at that time, the message they were trying to give me was just not ready to be heard, and we drifted. Fast forward two years later and I reached out, I felt like I was ready to listen when EVERY time I thought of going on my spiritual journey, I was lead to them. Well....met with them twice.....and I'm stubborn....and didn't listen. I think I had a clash with the missionaries (I am not saying they did anything wrong, very sweet boys, I just don't think our personalities meshed well)

So.....here we are now. This time its different, I don't know how to explain. I am being led here, but this time its more like a OK Denise we are done playing this game, Its time now.......Heavenly Father is now telling me its time.....and its incredible how at ease I feel with this. He has came to me nightly, urging me to speak with him.....and I am! The most amazing thing happened today actually when I was thinking to myself how can I be accepted into the LDS church? They won't accept me, I am a single mother to three children, I smoke, I like the coffee......they won't accept me....and no joke...the most calming voice told me.....I ACCEPT YOU! I LOVE YOU! YOU MAY HAVE TURNED YOUR BACK ON ME BUT I HAVE NEVER ONCE TURNED MY BACK ON YOU! NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO MY HAND AND MY LOVE WILL ALWAYS BE HERE!

it was incredible......I can't explain it....I then realized.....who cares? Who cares if someone judges me...he doesn't.....I'm doing this...because he loves me.

So, I am meeting with online missionaries tomorrow....and I am hoping I listen....I am choosing to listen to him this time....my ears are open.

I am nervous this time, but in a different way. I'm not nervous about people not liking my decision, because Heavenly Father does, I'm not nervous about quitting smoking, because Heavenly Father will hold my hand and help me the whole time......I'm nervous about feeling this love, I'm nervous about how he has so much love for me.....I want to shown him how much I'm ready to love him!

The advice I really need is.....what would be the right steps to take to him this time? Has anyone spoke to online missionaries....how does it go?

Thank you! And I'm sorry for my rambling, I just found his presence today SO inspiring!

[estradling75]

Generally speaking the missionaries will teach lesson and invite you to Pray and read Scriptures (Book of Mormon)

Those also happen to be the things you should be doing so it all works out

[singlemamad]

Haha yes,....have been doing a lot of praying lately! I have been trying to read the Book of Mormon, but I am more of an ummmmm audio type of listener lol....so I like how there are tons of youtube videos as well as the links the missionaries have gave me (Mormon Channel).....met with them today online, went very well....meeting again on Friday :)

[skippy740]

Audio recordings are available for your mobile device:

Formats and Downloads | LDS.org

[singlemamad]

Thank you for that! that would be more of what I need haha!

[bytebear]

There's a reason missionaries are only in one area for a few months. They deliver the message, but are not there to be your connection to the gospel or even your congregation. They will go eventually and you will have to stand on your own (with the help of your ward and local leaders). But they are to do two things: 1) present the gospel and teach you how to recognize God's promptings of truth in their message and 2) prepare you to covenant with God through baptism. That means lessons on what living the gospel means, and what you need to do to prepare yourself to take the next steps. Good luck on your journey and I hope it never ends.

[singlemamad]

The first missionaries to visit my home I will never forget. Not saying that I was not understanding of why they had to leave, but I was appreciative of what two young boys opened my eyes up to! They were so kind, and so understanding of my situation.....and I was amazed that most of the stereotypical views we have as non-lds were ohhhh about 99% wrong. They opened me up to something with a simple knock on my door. I might not have listened then, maybe it wasn't the right time.....I try to believe all things happen for a reason.

I know they aren't there to make friends....they are there to introduce you to everything (people might think I'm silly by making two 19 and 20 ur old boys my besties overnight anyways haha!) But.....lemme tell you, once they intro you to something u realize you think you just might be missing.....you never forget them!

I also like how they are online now. That really helps in so so so many ways. Very good thing they did that! So far these two (only met once) have been very sweet, one is even a convert so he I hope is understanding of things and the way I view them :)

This journey I think will be hard because I am going to have to do some intense self reflection, but I feel at peace and I feel OK with that :) its going to be hard, but in the end I feel it is all worth it :)