Converting as an older single adult...

[jslmsca]

Hi,

 

I'm wondering if being 39 years old and single, never married, will be an obstacle to becoming an LDS member.  I must admit that it is a bit overwhelming noticing all the couples and families at the services I've attended.  An LDS friend of mine said that my concern is one he has heard from others.

 

I can't remember if it was here or on other LDS sites, but I read posts from a 25 year old feeling anxiety and pressure for being single!  If that is legitimate, you can understand my apprehension.

 

Even if it isn't an obstacle to conversion, will there be subsequent pressure to marry quickly?

 

Thanks in advance.

[FunkyTown]

There will be no pressure to marry quickly for a 39 year old.

 

You can rest assured that isn't something to be worried about.

 

If you really wanted to get married quickly, that might be a problem. People in the church tend to get married young, so some people find it a bit alienating. However, there are plenty of single adult activities. 39 is a better age to join than, say, 28 or 29.

[Guest]

The only obstacle to becoming an LDS member is the absence of a testimony.

 

That said, being a minority is always going to come with some degree of discomfort.  Being the only black person/couple/family.  Being the only convert in a sea of born-into's.  Being the only pants-wearing female.  Being the only tattoo'd person.  Being the only English speaking person in a sea of Portuguese...

 

Everyone just doing their best to follow Christ while struggling through being different.  How it will affect you - whether it becomes an obstacle or not - is completely up to you.  You can't change people - you can only change how you react to them.

Edited October 8, 2014 by anatess

[PolarVortex]

I've shared a bit of my story in previous posts, but here are a few more details that may interest you.

 

I have never married, and I converted to the Church in my late 30's.  The experience up to my baptism was quite wonderful, but all the planets lined up after that (in an unfavorable way) and I was hit with a mountain of challenges that caused me to drift away from the Church.  Every challenge was connected to my being around the wrong people at the wrong time, or not having the right attitude myself.  Now, many years later, I am finding my way back into the Church and I really want to kick myself for not trying harder right after my baptism.

 

It is true that single people are treated as the exception and not the norm in many wards.  Talks and Sunday School lessons will often center on being a good spouse or parent and may assume that every adult within earshot is married, with maybe a wink or a footnote that single people are also loved and will be blessed.

 

Here are the mistakes I made:

 

1. I had too thin a skin around being single.  Every time I heard someone assume everyone in the church was married, I got angry or felt diminished.  But I knew disabled people in the ward who didn't get angry when talks and lessons assumed everyone was able-bodied.  And I knew a few unhappily married couples who must have cringed when the talk or lesson focused on the eternal blessings of marriage.  My blunder was assuming that 100% of every talk and lesson should apply to me and if it didn't then something was wrong with me.

 

2. I failed to tell the Bishop what wasn't working.  Right after my baptism he paired me with a new "buddy" who was a damaging influence on me, and I got a home teacher who was... well, strange.  I stopped attending because I simply didn't have the energy to be around these people.  (God bless them wherever they are today, of course.)

 

3. I viewed the ward as an alien tribe and not my family.  Again, in retrospect, there were dozens if not hundreds of members who didn't care about my marital status and would have welcomed me into the ward family.  I didn't consciously seek these people out, and I let myself focus on the few people who viewed my singleness with suspicion or alarm.  (Sort of like the old 1960's meme that divorce is contagious.)

 

4. I entered the Church assuming I would find a spouse.  When that didn't happen right away, I got depressed and allowed it to push me away from the ward.  And this was back when the so-called "midsingles" didn't exist... single people today have more options, I think, than I did.

 

To answer your question: no, your marital status is not an obstacle, but your attitude could be a mountain-sized obstacle.  You are setting yourself up for a catastrophe if you walk into the ward with an attitude of "I'll just sit here and only wonderful things will happen to me."  You will probably succeed gloriously if your attitude is "I am a child of God focused on the Gospel of Jesus Christ." 

 

Best wishes!

[Jane_Doe]

Hi,

 

I'm wondering if being 39 years old and single, never married, will be an obstacle to becoming an LDS member.  I must admit that it is a bit overwhelming noticing all the couples and families at the services I've attended.  An LDS friend of mine said that my concern is one he has heard from others.

 

I can't remember if it was here or on other LDS sites, but I read posts from a 25 year old feeling anxiety and pressure for being single!  If that is legitimate, you can understand my apprehension.

 

Even if it isn't an obstacle to conversion, will there be subsequent pressure to marry quickly?

 

Thanks in advance.

 

Believe or not, something like 40% of Mormons are single (I think that's the stat anyways...).  They just make less noise than screaming toddlers :).  

[LDSVALLEY]

We each join the church because we believe the Gospel to be true and want to walk in the path of Heavenly Father.

 

That is the ONLY thing that counts. In our Ward I have spoken out many times about the people who walk away from the gospel because they were offended which most of the time fit one of these categories:

 

I started to give a list from my experience why people leave the church but I don't have that much time and it boils down to something simple anyway.

 

We determine how things are by our own experiences and how we view things. If we think we are being singled out because we think we are different then that is all that we will see.

 

If we set our goal as returning to the Lord as all that matters and we approach each situation from that viewpoint than we will never see the differences that we might believe are there.

 

What I hate the most is when you ask someone why they are not coming to church and you get:

 

I don't come because this [person or leader or group] did this [ ignored me, offended me, chastised me, gossiped about me, hurt my feelings, taught false doctrine] so I don't go.

 

Lets look at that from the spiritual perspective.

 

I deny my place in heaven because I think someone did something to me that I didn't like so to get even with them I deny myself the gospel by not attending church.

 

Does that make sense to anyone???

 

I put this in because if you are concerned about it now it will be on your mind if you decide to join and from your perspective that is what you will see. Focus on the Lord and he will take care of the rest.

 

We are still humans after we are baptized, we have good and bad members as well as Leaders but none of that changes the truth of the Gospel or our need for it. 

[james.po]

The church doesn't set any obstacles for you to join. The culture on the hand... Many members set up obstacles in the form of assumptions and judgements about you. They will not hate you, but they will have many preconceived and misconceptions about you and your status. You basically will have to options to get past this type of obstacle: do your own thing and care about what others think, or just fall into one of their cliques. I already tried the latter with no success so now I'm doing the former. It sounds great to not care what others think, but for me it has lead to inactivity.

Edited November 9, 2014 by Eowyn
swearing