Considering reaching out to missionaries, need advice

[Sdla44]

A few months ago I heard about the LDS church and have really wanted to talk to the missionaries since. If nothing else I really want to learn more about the church and decide if it feels right for me. I've read a little bit of the Book of Mormon a while ago and ever since can't really get it out of my head! I have never felt this way about anything else and it really feels like the right thing to do. The problem is, I'm a 14 yr old girl and live with my dad. He is pretty non religious and doesn't go to any type of church. I've talked to him about me meeting with the missionaries before and while he isn't super opposed me doing it, he treats it like I am trying to join a cult or something. I've tried to talk to him about all that I know about the church, not with much luck. I am hopeful that I will eventually get him to consider letting me meet with the missionaries, since I think he sees how important this is to me. Like I said I really feel that investigating the church is the right choice. But I have a few questions-

1. If I did feel the church was right for me and decided to join, would it be a problem that my dad wasn't a member? I know LDS families typically do family home evenings. Would I get in trouble for not doing that? Is there anything else that could be a problem with my dad not being a member?

2. I've had a pretty rough time growing up and don't have a lot of support. Both of my parents have substance abuse issues, and my mom is not in my life. I was never raised religious or taught there was any kind of God but in the last few years I have really been feeling like I need something in my life to pull me through this until i am an adult. When I started reading the Bible I really felt like what I have been searching for is God- and when I read some of the Book of Mormon it really felt to come together for me that what I am missing is God. I really don't want to fall into some of the bad decisions my parents have made and as I get closer to God I have been feeling a lot stronger and happier. I guess my question with this is- if I joined, would there maybe be more opportunity for supportive adults in my life? I'm not really sure what the dynamic is like in a church and I feel like it would be so cool to have some adults in my life who lead more of a positive example. I'm not sure if the social part of joining the church could help with that but as I'm going into high school I would really like to have that in my life. Are there any adults in the church that I could talk to or maybe get advice about some of the struggles going on in my life? Or at least any opportunity for more positive examples?

I would really appreciate any kind of input or thoughts that you guys might have! Thanks so much for reading:)

[estradling75]

You are a minor.  In those cases the Church can/will not interfere with the rights of the parents (or legal guardians)

 

The church will take you as far as your Dad(and mom if she has a say) will allow (and that you are willing to go)

 

The church will not "punish" you for things your Dad(and mom if she has a say) will not allow.  They will simply go that far and no farther. (Although that might feel like a punishment if you really want it)

[sxfritz]

Hi,

 

Your original question is if it matters if your father is not a member. Absolutely not. You can be baptized with his permission. Members in your congregation will provide you the support you are looking for that you may feel should be coming from your family. You will have many leaders who care about you and watch over you. Some will be leaders of organizations like the Young Womens group, or Relief Society, but you will have a bishop you can talk to at any time. 

 

You should, of course, honor your father's wishes he he doesn't want you to join, but that doesn't mean you cannot be active with the Church. There are many people who "investigate" the Church for years before being baptized. I seriously doubt your father will criticize you for finding supportive friends who make you happy. Once he sees what a change it makes in your life, he'll be supportive.

 

My father is a very devote Roman Catholic. When I joined the Church, he wasn't happy but he was supportive because he saw that I needed a direction in my life. He was even the one to ask the missionaries to visit me (hoping I wouldn't actually join). He continues to support me today.

 

Seeing your post makes my day! I had to reach out when I was young and wish I did earlier that I did. Best wishes!

[Guest]

I have a 13 year old kid who goes to a Brazilian jiu-jitsu school. He met this kid who became a good friend of his. Almost 2 years ago, his friend was only 13 at the time and my kid just turned 12, his friend had a sleepover at our house on a Saturday. His friend ended up going to church with us the next day. His family are not religious at all. He like church so much that he asked his mom to drive him to church again the next week. His didn't care much for the church but she didn't think it was a problem either. She basically just thought of it as another activity for her son just like jiu jitsu. He went to church every week and even started going to the weekly youth activities and stake dances and all that stuff. He even started helping out with deacon duties like collecting fast offerings, preparing the chapel for services, and even attended seminary when he started high school, etc. He did this for over a year! He asked his mom if she'll allow him to be baptized but she refused. She thinks he needs to be at least 18 years old to make that decision. So he just continued to go to church without actually being a member. Last month something happened that caused his mom to change her mind about the baptism. He got baptized and got ordained as a priest.

There are many influences - both adults and youth - that you will find in the church even if you just show up for stuff without getting baptized. There are the kids in the Youth Programs and their parents. Then there are the teachers and the youth leaders. There's the bishop, the missionaries, etc.

If you just want to talk to a missionary for now, you can go to Mormon.org and click on the chat button. Two missionaries will chat with you online.

[Jane_Doe]

Hi Sadla, welcome to the forum :).

 

A couple of resources for the Mormon church you can check out right now:

 

The Book of Mormon online: https://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm?lang=eng.  If you want, they have links for free downloads for your smart phone / Kindle / audio book / whatever format you want.

Official Mormon missionaries you can chat online with 24/7: http://www.mormon.org/chat

Official Mormon website, explains basic beliefs, addresses FAQ's etc http://www.mormon.org

 

In regards to your dad, one should honor your parents.  Among other things, this means talk to him about your life and how you feel about things .  And if Christ is something you do become passionate about, you shouldn't hide that passion from the people in your life- but share the joy you feel.

 

I would also totally recommend you getting in touch with real-life Mormons in too.  If you want, missionaries can meet with you at your house (or anywhere else), and you can get rides to attend services (missionaries are good at setting this up).  As a young lady yourself, they'll likely have you taught by a pair of female missionaries (they're like 19-20).   Note: your dad does need to give permission for things-- it's part of honoring your parents, and legality because you're minor.  He doesn't have to participate himself (though obviously he's welcome to if he wants).  

 

 
1. If I did feel the church was right for me and decided to join, would it be a problem that my dad wasn't a member? I know LDS families typically do family home evenings. Would I get in trouble for not doing that? Is there anything else that could be a problem with my dad not being a member?
 

 

The is no "Did-you-do-Family-Home-Evening-police".  There is no "Did-you-pray-as-a-family-police".  You don't get in trouble if you don't do them.  And no one is EVER going to get angry at you for your dad not being Mormon.  

 

Rather, these family activities exist as a good things to do to strengthen family togetherness/spirituality.  If you wanted to do something with your dad, I'm sure there are activities you can do to strengthen your bond (and it totally doesn't matter that he's not Mormon). 

 

 

 
2. I've had a pretty rough time growing up and don't have a lot of support....

 

One of the programs the Church overs is Young Women's: it's a program designed specifically for teenage girls 12-18.  There is a whole staff of adult women, who are tasked with setting a good example for you, teaching you how to live up to your potential, and generally being there for you when life hits the fan.  Young Women's meets for an hour every Sunday during church, have fun/spiritual activities on weeknights, and other special activities throughout the year.  My personal favorite growing up was the summer week-long camp out :).  

 

I loved Young Women's growing up.  The leaders mentored me in a lot of things-- from silly things like when one of the boys liked me and I just didn't know what to do  ,  to social matters, to deeper spirituality.  I also looked up to the other teenage girls in the program. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hope that helps .  Keep us in the loop of how things are going!

 

[Guest LiterateParakeet]

1. If I did feel the church was right for me and decided to join, would it be a problem that my dad wasn't a member? I know LDS families typically do family home evenings. Would I get in trouble for not doing that? Is there anything else that could be a problem with my dad not being a member?

 

No, not a problem at all.  As long as your dad gives you permission to be baptized, you'll be fine.  

Family Home Evening is recommended to strengthen families.  No you won't get in trouble for not doing it.  

I can't think of any reason your dad not being a member would be an issue. 

 

2. I've had a pretty rough time growing up and don't have a lot of support. Both of my parents have substance abuse issues, and my mom is not in my life. I was never raised religious or taught there was any kind of God but in the last few years I have really been feeling like I need something in my life to pull me through this until i am an adult. When I started reading the Bible I really felt like what I have been searching for is God- and when I read some of the Book of Mormon it really felt to come together for me that what I am missing is God. I really don't want to fall into some of the bad decisions my parents have made and as I get closer to God I have been feeling a lot stronger and happier. I guess my question with this is- if I joined, would there maybe be more opportunity for supportive adults in my life? I'm not really sure what the dynamic is like in a church and I feel like it would be so cool to have some adults in my life who lead more of a positive example. I'm not sure if the social part of joining the church could help with that but as I'm going into high school I would really like to have that in my life. Are there any adults in the church that I could talk to or maybe get advice about some of the struggles going on in my life? Or at least any opportunity for more positive examples?

 

 

I can relate to what you shared here.  I, too, had a rough time growing up.  Both my parents were alcoholics (they've both passed on now).  God was a great strength to me when I was your age.  

Yes, I believe you would find many supportive adults through the church.  We have a program for young women, we call it simply "Young Women's" so you would meet supportive women there.  Also you would have a Bishop looking out of you, and likely many other friendly and helpful people in the ward as well.

If you decide to join the church, you will be invited to attend Seminary.  It is a religious class for high schoolers.  There you can learn more about the gospel, make friends, and meet another supportive adult.  Some states have "release time" Seminary, and students go to Seminary during one of the regular class periods.  Other states have early morning Seminary...meaning the students go to Seminary before school at about 6:30 am.  Yikes! LOL!  

I joined the church when I was 12.  I actually had two friends that went to church without their families too.  We called ourselves the "orphans" of the ward.  I did find a lot of support and caring.

 

I think sometimes it is hard for members who were raised in the church to understand what it is like for people like us who were raised in homes with substance abuse and other issues.  To be honest, I think that lack of understanding leads to over-simplified answers sometimes, but they mean well.  There are other members like me, that understand where you are coming from.  If you like, send me a private message and I will give you my contact info (email/facebook).  I'm an adult, and mother of 5.  I'd be happy to be your friend.  

[Guest]

Sdla44, yesterday, 3 other kids from my son's Brazilian Jiu-jitsu school, aged 13-14, went to our Church. This is their 2nd Sunday attending. Last Sunday, they attended because my kid and his friend sang in choir. They liked Church so they came back the next Sunday. None of their parents are religious. But two of the 3 kids are brother and sister and their grandparents tried to get them to go with her to the Unitarian Church but for some reason, they didn't like it there so they have not gone to church in a long time. Their grandma dropped them off at our Church on the way to the Unitarian Church. She told me, she'd rather have her grandkids attend our Church than not attend any Church at all. So it all worked out.

All 3 kids also attended the Ward Memorial Day picnic. They've made friends with the other kids in Church so they had fun playing tug-of-war, ultimate Frisbee, etc. etc. with all the kids. For some reason, the Book of Mormon is interesting to these 13-14 year olds... my son tells them about Abinadi getting burned and Shem gasping after his head got cut off and they were like - I wanna read about that! Hmmm....