Mixed Emotions

[TheCraCraMormon]

This might be long, so bravo if you take the time read it. Hopefully it wont be too bad.

Im currently having mixed emotions about the church. I was baptized, my dad was lds but he is no longer an active member. I have always been a very faithful person, following th commandments and the word of wisdom, praying before bed and reading my scriptures.

But recently, when I think about church, I feel this overwhelming feeling of guilt. Becuse I know Ive done something wrong (that I cant share). I cannot bring myself to talk to the bishop, and I know i never will.

I have been told that this feeling is a good thing, but I am having some mixed emotions from it. I feel like I am not good enough for God. That I am not the perfect Molly Mormon everyone wants me to be. This sin I have commited has beeen told to be okay to by everyone outside the church. I really just want to start over. This feeling is giving me depression, and I feel like I am just pulling further and further away from the church.

And dont try to tell me I CAN go to my bishop, because I am telling you now that it is not going to happen. 

Some doubt also comes from just that. I thought God could personally forgive us, so why make us suffer and talk to the bishop?

I know Satan has come over me. He is winning, and Im trying so hard to push through but I just cant anymore.

I feel like I will never fit in with the church and never belong since this sin. 

So maybe I dont belong. Maybe I should just leave. Because I feel like now,  celestial glory is not possible for me.

[Guest]

That is like someone with strep throat saying, "survival is not possible for me because I cannot bring myself to go talk to a doctor to get antibiotics.  I am giving up!"

Of course celestial glory is possible for you.  Of course it is worth going to the bishop to gain.  Of course you can do it.  Of course the situation is probably nowhere near as bad as you think.  And of course after you go to your bishop, you will think it was easily worth it.

You ARE a good person, you ARE worthy of being a Mormon, you ARE worthy of salvation.  Any feelings telling you otherwise are from the Devil and are lies.

Please go to the bishop and get whatever is ailing you fixed.  Things really are not as bad as they seem.

[Guest]

19 minutes ago, TheCraCraMormon said:

That I am not the perfect Molly Mormon everyone wants me to be.

This sin I have commited has beeen told to be okay to by everyone outside the church.

why make us suffer and talk to the bishop?

I know Satan has come over me.

Take a deep breath and relax.

No one is the perfect Molly Mormon. Anyone telling you differently is selling something. Please understand that it is a goal to aspire to that few actually accomplish.  But it is the effort that qualifies us day by day.

You keep falling short? Welcome to humanity. The only thing that separates us is that we feel the need to keep trying and keep repenting.

Now, if you truly meant that everyone outside the church is okay with the sin you speak of,then it can't be as bad as you think.

The main reason to see the bishop isn't to obtain forgiveness from him, but help you through the process so you can obtain forgiveness from the Lord.

When you've decided to continue in sin,you are correct.  Satan has got a hold of you. But you win each and every time you say "no". Keep that in mind when you think you're losing that fight.

[Jane_Doe]

59 minutes ago, TheCraCraMormon said:

Im currently having mixed emotions about the church. I was baptized, my dad was lds but he is no longer an active member. I have always been a very faithful person, following th commandments and the word of wisdom, praying before bed and reading my scriptures.

Awesome!

59 minutes ago, TheCraCraMormon said:

I have been told that this feeling is a good thing, but I am having some mixed emotions from it. I feel like I am not good enough for God. That I am not the perfect Molly Mormon everyone wants me to be.

Hint: no one is!  The only person who has walked this Earth without sin is Jesus Christ.  No one else is perfect or without sin.  You shouldn't think any person in your ward is without sin, or that they think you're without sin.  You shouldn't think that you're perfect either, or that you don't need the atonement.   The only perfect person on this Earth literally died to have it so you personally could be freed from the chains you're currently wrapping around yourself.  Let Him and His servants help you.

59 minutes ago, TheCraCraMormon said:

I really just want to start over. This feeling is giving me depression

Like you're in the gall of bitterness?  (To borrow words from Alma the Younger).  Yep, Satan's working really hard on your right now.  Depression isn't from God.  You know that.

59 minutes ago, TheCraCraMormon said:

I thought God could personally forgive us, so why make us suffer and talk to the bishop?

God make you suffer?

No no.  

God isn't making you suffer, nor does He want that in any way.  YOU are making YOU suffer.  God wants nothing more for you to go to His local servant (the bishop) to facilitate your healing.  The longer YOU refuse His healing, the longer YOU suffer and GOD cries along with you for your pain.  The bishop is there to alleviate pain, he does not cause it.  

59 minutes ago, TheCraCraMormon said:

I feel like I will never fit in with the church and never belong since this sin. 

So maybe I dont belong. Maybe I should just leave. Because I feel like now,  celestial glory is not possible for me.

The Church is full of people who have raped, murdered, laired, adulterated, stolen, blasphemed, dealt drugs, used drugs, and so many more horrible things.  Do you think your sin is worse than any one of those?

Each one of them have gone to be washed clean in the blood of the Lamb, and it's as is that sin no longer existed.  The stain is just gone.  They will spend eternity in Celestial Glory with God.  

Is your stain any worse than any of those?   

The only thing keeping you from Celestial Glory is you refusing to repent and have the Lord's servants help you when you are so spiritually sick.